17. Emily

17

EMILY

W e’re so close now that the strap of the bag feels like it’s on fire in my hand, my fingers fidgeting with it, worn leather biting into my skin. I can almost feel the insulin inside, as if clutching it could make this all easier.

“Stop fidgeting, or I’m going to take that away from you,” Griffin’s voice rumbles from the seat in front of me.

“You can’t even see me,” I snap back.

“I don’t have to. I can hear it.”

My brows furrow, and I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off.

“And I can see you clear as day in the mirror.”

I let go of the strap with a huff and give the back of his seat a firm smack.

“Thank you,” he drawls, voice laden with humor. “I didn’t realize a free massage was part of the deal.”

“You’re a jerk,” I mutter under my breath.

William’s eyes catch mine in the rearview mirror while he’s driving. “Why are you so nervous?”

There’s a beat of silence before I sigh and glance down, now twisting my fingers together in my lap. “Maybe this was a bad idea. ”

When I look back up in the silence, Griffin’s gaze meets mine in the mirror. For a moment, his expression softens. “What makes you think that?”

“What if…” I hesitate when a lump rises in my throat. “What if they kill you?”

“Oh, princess, haven’t you figured it out yet? We’re not that easy to kill.”

Max chuckles from beside me, his manic grin almost boyish. “Take Griffin, for example. He’s been half a dead man walking since he got hurt, but he’s still kicking like a newborn calf.”

Griffin rolls his eyes. “Thanks, Max. Very poetic.”

“Anytime, G.”

I throw my hand out in front of me, my eyes fixed on the landscape outside. “Stop.”

We all lurch forward, our seatbelts pulling tight across our chests, when William slams on the break. He looks around with wild concern. “What is it?”

I take a deep breath. My fingers curl around the door handle. “We’re close enough. We should pull over and hide the car.”

The guys all glance at each other, their faces lined with a mixture of uncertainty and tension. William speaks first. “Emily, I don’t see anything. Are you sure?”

I give a quick nod. “Trust me. If you could see anything, then we’d already be too close.”

“Emily—”

“That’s the point, Griffin.” I cut him off, my voice sharper than intended. “The road leads directly to the gate, and they’ll have guards stationed there. Strangers are unwelcome. Honestly, I don’t even know what kind of reception they’ll give me.” I release the seatbelt and take a steadying breath. “If I walk in alone, it’ll be easier to handle. I just need a chance to speak with Richard first.”

Griffin’s voice hardens. “Richard is the leader, I take it? ”

I grimace. “Yeah. A real douchebag, but I’ll do what I can to smooth things over.”

William’s eye cloud with concern. “Yeah, I’m not a fan of not being able to at least have the town within sight. I thought we’d at least get to see you off through the gates, not let you wander off on some dirt road to who-knows-where. Are you certain this is it?”

“Yes, William, I’m sure.”

“I don’t like it. You shouldn’t go in there alone,” Griffin says.

Frustration builds up in me, and I snap. “Well, that really doesn’t matter. You didn’t even want to be here with me right now. You were plenty content to make me do this on my own, anyway, so you’re in no position to make demands regarding it. I don’t owe you anything.”

“That’s not what I meant.” His voice is quiet, but I catch a hint of hurt.

“Well, that’s how I took it.” My annoyance grows, and I’m ready to put distance between us and their worry that makes it too hard for me to think straight. I wouldn’t even be stepping foot back in this place if it weren’t for Zoey. I open the door.

Before I can step out, Max’s hand settles on my arm. I turn to face him, expecting some easy quip, but his eyes are shadowed, conflicted. “You’ll come back to us? Even if it’s to tell us we’re not welcome and should go away.”

A breath catches in my chest, and I force myself to look him in the eyes. “Yes, Max. I promise you. I’ll come back.” My voice softens and I hope he sees the sincerity. I may still be angry, but I don’t want to add to his pain. We’re in a weird place right now that I don’t know we can get past, but I don’t want to be the bad guy. That spot is reserved for the three of them if they choose to take it.

“Good. Because if you don’t, then we’ll come after you.” Griffin gets out and rounds the car to stand in front of me and my open door.

“And hurt yourself even more? Please don’t.”

Griffin grins. “The sap’s working better than expected. I’m not planning to bleed out anytime soon.”

“That’s not funny, Griffin.”

“No,” he agrees, but then he reaches for me, his hands pulling me to my feet and holding me close. I brace myself for a hug and to try not to hurt him, but his lips find mine instead, the kiss intense and grounding, dissolving my frustration, and flooding me with warmth. My body relaxes to his touch, and then he pulls away, his eyes searching mine. They still hold the pain from our last conversation. “Come back to us, princess. You don’t have to leave with us but come back and let us know you’re alright in there.”

That’s the thing; I’m not going to be alright. If I stay beyond those walls, then I’ll be as miserable as I was before I found joy with them. If I come back and leave with them, then I can’t trust that they won’t send me away again the next time they find out something about me they don’t like. The only one I can count on is myself. I haven’t told Zoey this, but she’ll be better off without me. She’s only a half-outcast because she defends me. The colony will take care of her needs if I’m gone.

The moment lingers between us before I’m spun around, and then William’s there, his hand warm against the back of my neck, another cradling my jaw, lifting my face to his until his lips are flush against mine. His kiss feels almost like goodbye, gentle yet lingers. When he pulls back, he says, “He wasn’t kidding about coming after you. We couldn’t even make it through one night.” There’s a grin in his voice, but eyes are serious, scouring my face as though he’s memorizing every inch.

Max pushes him aside and steps in front of me next, a ghost of a smirk playing on his lips. I expect a joke, but he’s uncharacteristically quiet. He brushes his thumb along my throat, the corner of his mouth lifting as he leans in to plant a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. Somehow, it feels more intimate than a full-on kiss. He whispers, “Go, if you have to, but don’t leave without telling me.”

Griffin glances down at Buddy. “Watch out for her.”

Buddy emits a low whine as though he understands.

With my heart pounding and aching, I turn toward the road, swallowing the lump in my throat that pairs well with the knot in my stomach. I walk forward with a steady stride. When the road turns to dirt, I glance over my shoulder to see all three of them watching after me. They’re the last things I see before I disappear over the small hill and continue heading to the small village nestled at the bottom with a tall wooden wall stretching around it.

When I approach the gate, the guards on duty stiffen, raising their guns with the vigilance I’ve seen a hundred times before. The movement feels mechanical, as expected, but there’s a slight ache in my chest anyway, knowing they would have shot my guys if they were with me. Then, when my hands go up and I take a few cautious steps forward, one guard lowers his weapon, recognition dawning through the shield of his mask.

“Holy shit, you’re back,” he says, his voice tinged with surprise. The masks obscure their faces, part of the colony’s rigid rules, so I can’t see who I’m speaking to. Long sleeves and pants cover the rest of their body, in case they wind up in close contact with a rotter. Shadowed eyes are all I can see staring back at me in disbelief.

“Yeah.” My voice comes out rougher than I meant, but the annoyance still shines through. “Let me in, will ya? I have something for Zoey. ”

“You found it.” A second guard signals to the others, and with a few metallic clangs and shifting gears, the gates creak open and I drop my hands and walk through.

Another guard murmurs under his breath when I pass. “I thought she was dead…”

I don’t bother looking at the one who said that, because I don’t care. It’s no secret how everyone else here feels about me. So, I keep walking. Their opinions don’t matter. Not them, not the whispers—only my best friend.

Once I’m through the gate, I sprint toward Zoey’s house. My legs burn with each step, but I’m oblivious to it. When the house comes into view, I pump my legs harder.

I know where to find the hidden key, buried under the clipped flowerpot by the front door. In a swift movement, I’m through the door, my heart pounding as I scan the space, searching for her.

Fear gnaws at me when I don’t see her right away. She might still be sleeping. She could be out doing some work, or teaching kids to read. The guards would have told me if I was too late…right?

“Zoey?” I call out and run from room to room. Panic builds inside of me. I fear the worst until I step into the kitchen.

She’s facing away from me, her shoulders tense, focused on the clutter of empty vials littered across the counter. I freeze for a second, watching when she swipes at her eyes, sniffles, and reaches for the kettle.

“Zoey.”

The single word pulls her out of her haze and the kettle clatters to the countertop when she turns, hand to her heart, her eyes wide and disbelieving. “Emily?”

I’m across the room within seconds, wrapping her in a fierce hug. Her fingers dig in when she clings to me, and we embrace each other in a hug that I never want to end.

“Fuck you,” she whispers .

“Fuck you,” I return with a laugh.

I hug her tight. I can’t believe I finally made it back.

When I finally force myself to loosen my grip, I shrug the strap of my bag over my head and hold it out to her with an enormous grin. “Here. It’s all the insulin I could find.”

Her fingers brush over the worn fabric of the bag, tracing the stitched patterns with a familiar touch, mesmerized. “This…this bag?—”

“Yeah,” I say with a small smile before moving to right the kettle on the stove. “I ran into Nathan and stole it all back, plus a little more. Long story.”

Her face registers disbelief when she sets the bag on the kitchen table and opens it up to reveal all the vials I’d grabbed for her. I beam down, pride flowing through me. It hasn’t been easy, but I would do it all over again tenfold because this moment is more than worth it.

Without a word, she abandons the vials and throws her arms around me again, her tears soaking into my shoulder. I hold on to her, my grip tight. Her shuddering breaths speak more than words ever could.

“Em, I can’t believe this. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” Her voice cracks.

I scoff. “After everything we’ve been through, Zo, you really think I would let you down?”

She lets out a strangled sound. “I know you’re too stubborn to kill, but I worried about you, Em. It’s not the same around here without you.”

“I figured the others here would be nice to you with me gone,” I admit.

She presses her palms against the sides of my face, forcing me to look at her. “I don’t give a shit about them. They’ll turn on anyone to save themselves. You’re my best friend, my favorite person. I’d rather be outside these walls with you. The rotters out there are more preferable to deal with than the suffocating morons in here. ”

“They didn’t hurt you or anything, did they?” Adrenaline is already coursing through my veins, ready to seek vengeance if so.

She lets out a laugh. “No, they didn’t. They are nicer to me than they are to you, but I don’t care. I can’t play nice with anyone who happily excludes you.”

I throw my arms around her and hold her tight. “I love you, Zo.”

“You’ll always be my best girl. I still can’t believe you’re back.” Zoey leans her forehead against mine. “You did it. You really did it.” Her hand shakes, adn my heart plummets into my stomach.

Pulling back, I gesture to the bag and nod toward the vials. “Do you need one now?”

She glances at the empty bottles on the counter, then nods. I suspect she used up her last one while I was gone, and I don’t want to think about what might have happened if I didn’t make it back when I did. “Your timing is perfect. I was getting scared. It’s time.”

“Then use one. You have plenty now. I’ll make sure you get more before you run out again.” I step back, watching her retrieve a fresh vial from the bag. Relief floors her face when she injects herself, a peace settling over her that soothes the new cracks in my heart. It makes me want to run back out there and find every single last one in the world.

When she finishes, she looks at me and a tired smile spreads across her lips. “I’ll make us some tea. You’re not leaving until I hear everything.”

The idea of food is too much after the energy bars and vending machine snacks I inhaled on the road. “Tea sounds perfect. As for food, I think I’m set.” I pull a second bag from my shoulder and drop it on the table, smirking at her raised brow. “Thought you might appreciate some treats.”

She peers inside and her face lights up when she pulls out a can of diet soda. “I haven’t had one of these in months.”

“They’re not cold, but the fridge should do the trick. It might take a bit, though.”

She laughs, the sound as light as I remember, and places the soda in the fridge, giving me an amused glance over her shoulder. “What else did you find out there?”

“Buddy!” I whistle, and Buddy bounds through the doorway, his paws slipping on the hardwood when he charges in. His one eye is bright with excitement. His strong tail thuds against the wall, and his large size takes up a sizeable amount of space with the three of us now in the kitchen.

Zoey gasps, both startled but also delighted. She drops to her knees and lets Buddy sniff her. His tail wag tries to pound a dent into the wall when she scratches behind his ears. “You’re such a handsome boy. And you’re so big.”

The kettle whistles, and I move to pour us two mugs of tea. “His name’s Buddy. I rescued him from some dregs who had no business caring for animals. Poor guy had been through enough. I don’t know if they’re responsible for his missing eye, but he’s been my most loyal sidekick ever since.”

“Hey, Buddy.” He lays down on the floor and rolls over, stretching out. She laughs and scratches his belly.

“He’s a good boy.” I pour the tea, watching Zoey and Buddy bond. His eyes close and his tongue lolls out in bliss.

“The goodest boy,” Zoey says with a laugh.

Settling at the table with my tea, I launch into the full story. Everything from the dregs to the cities we passed through, every wild, hair-raising encounter. Her eyes widen with every word, and she inches closer until she’s sitting next to me at the table with her teacup warming her hands and Buddy lying across her feet.

When I get to the part about the three guys and tell her everything, leaving nothing out, including why I ran and then when they came after me, her hands slam down on the table, causing Buddy to flinch. “No way. All three of them?”

Her face is incredulous, her gaze locked onto mine while she hangs on my every word.

“Yep.” A slow grin tugs at my lips, and I slump back against my chair. “But I’m still mad at them. I think they’re still mad at me, too.”

Her brows knit in confusion. “But they chased you through rotter infested lands and killed dregs. One of them ripped a rotter’s spine out from the front of its throat because it got too close to you. Another one made sure the bathroom was safe before you used it. Sounds to me like they’ve forgiven you.”

I take a long sip of my tea. “Max, I didn’t know…something about his brother. What they went through. From his point of view, I abandoned him like his brother did. I wasn’t thinking about that.”

“But the angry one sent you away,” she points out.

Setting my mug on the tabletop, I lean forward and plunge my face into my arms. “That’s what confuses me. I think it confuses them, too. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

A silence stretches between us for a minute before she speaks again. “They’re here though?”

“Yes,” I nod before sitting up. “Well, outside the walls, over the hill, and up the road. I figured they’d be shot on sight. That’s not something I want to risk, no matter how I feel about them.”

Zoey’s eyes cloud for a moment, then she nods in understanding. “Yeah, I can see that. Richard’s been a little…extra cautious lately.”

“Yeah, he was always wound tight even more since the Nathan betrayal.” I lean back in my chair again, crossing my arms. “I’ll still talk to him. Those guys aren’t anything like Nathan. Not even in the slightest. ”

Her lips tighten, her fingers curling around the mug. “What if Richard says no?”

A heavy silence hangs between us. I shrug, looking away. “I was going to leave with them, but…I’m still deciding.” My mind drifts back to Griffin, Max, and William, with the intense looks in their eyes before I left.

Zoey doesn’t seem surprised by this. “Because you’re still mad?”

I nod.

“Girl.”

“At the very least, I need to get some medical supplies out to Griffin. Or see if I can sneak the doctor out to him. The one who’s not a dick.”

“Help him, for sure, but at least ask around. Maybe even talk to some of the townspeople first, before going to Richard. There are some things I found out while you were gone?—”

A knock at the door startles us both and ends the conversation. Zoey rises to answer it, emitting a low whine of disapproval from Buddy, but she ignores him. She throws me a cautionary glance, and my heart sinks.

The murmur of voices and footsteps drift through the quiet space, growing closer. I take a steadying breath as a figure appears in the doorway.

“Emily,” Richard says, his tone carefully neutral as he takes me in with a steady gaze.

“Richard.” My voice feels small against the tension filling the room.

A faint smirk tugs at one corner of his mouth, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll admit, it’s something to see you back here. And I hear you brought some supplies?”

“Zoey’s insulin. I got it back.”

His brows shoot up. “Back? As in…”

“As in, the same vials that were stolen.” I square my shoulders. “I ran into some people who were only willing to hand over two of the vials. But I found some…friends who helped me get more. We got all of them back.”

“Friends?” His voice lingers on the word.

“Yes, friends.” I hold his gaze and brace myself for the inevitable scrutiny. “That’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

His eyes shift, but he says nothing, sliding off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose as though the minimal conversation itself was a headache. “Ah, I see.”

“No, actually, you don’t.” My hands clench by my sides. “This isn’t what you’re thinking, Richard. It’s not some new security risk. These are people who risked themselves to help me bring this medicine back for Zoey. They helped get me here, and they’ve been through unimaginable things. They’re more useful than half the people here who don’t do shit.”

My words tumble out before I can think about whether I should say them. Shit, I’m screwing this up. I need to stop myself before I tell them they’re right outside these walls, waiting.

“Um, can I have a quick word with Zoey first? We were in the middle of something. Then I’ll come find you.”

He doesn’t reply right away. The seconds stretch on, thick with tension, until he slides his glasses back on. “Certainly. I’ll be in the office. There are some affairs I should attend to, so let’s discuss this more later. I’m easy to hear more.” With a brisk nod, he steps back, leaving as fast as he came. He doesn’t hide his irritation, not that I would expect him to. That isn’t a good sign.

“Listen, Zo, I need a huge favor.”