Chapter 1

BEA

My reflection was a liar.

Maybe everyone felt that way on their wedding day, then again, it might just be me. Either way, something felt off, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

The dress was stunning, highlighting all my best features while hiding away my imperfections. I had left my hair mostly down, in a tamed version of my natural curls. The sides were pinned back with gorgeous flowers so none of it could escape into my face and obstruct my view of the ceremony - of my soon-to-be husband.

Even my makeup was perfect.

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

There was no one left in the room to answer the question since I’d sent them out so I could breathe for a minute in peace without someone fussing around me. Every little primp and fluff from my well-meaning mother and sister nearly sent me over the edge. Everything annoyed me and I didn’t think that was how I was supposed to feel on my wedding day.

More worrisome was the giant boulder in the pit of my stomach that felt as though it was crushing my very soul. There was something about the day, the wedding, my soon-to-be husband, or maybe it was just me, that screamed that I shouldn’t be doing this. I’d had this feeling a few times throughout my life and it had never been wrong. My father asked if I had cold feet, my mother argued that I did not, my sister seemed far away and lost in her head as usual, and my brother – no one knew where he was.

As I stared at the vision of the perfect bride that they’d turned me into, my hands shook. Law had felt distant lately, but I thought it was just pre-wedding stuff getting in the way.

“What if it wasn’t?” I whispered to my reflection.

They say you’re only crazy if you answer back when you talk to yourself. Luckily, my reflection simply stared back into my eyes, probably wondering why I wasn’t enjoying the fact that I looked like a damn princess for the day. Then again…

“What if I’m the one making a mistake?” I questioned my reflection. I clasped my hands together to stop the way they shook and chastised myself. “No, I can’t think like that on my wedding day.”

It wasn’t only my wedding day when those thoughts crossed my mind though. I’d been wondering if this was all a mistake for weeks – okay months really. I loved Law, but there was something missing. Someone missing was more like it. My best friend had also grown distant the closer got to the wedding. Maybe that was all it was. This wasn’t wedding day jitters, it was a fear of losing my best friend freakout.

I took a deep breath and tried to shake off the negative thoughts about Ky. There had been moments in my life where I crushed on him and wished he would see me as more than just a friend. There were plenty of times when dreams played out in my fantasies of me walking down the aisle to meet his smiling face, dancing until dawn, and stuffing cake in one another’s faces. Once I was older, there were the occasional naughty honeymoon fantasies too. Despite my crush, we had only ever been best friends. If you looked up unrequited in the dictionary, there was more than likely a picture of me staring at my best friend who never noticed.

I’d given up on having anything beyond friendship with Ky after I started dating Law. The one thing I was never willing to sacrifice was my friendship with him. I’d even had fights with my fiancé because he didn’t want me spending as much time with Ky, even when my best friend had one of his girlfriends along. I had put my foot down, and everything went back to semi-normal, considering Ky only ever tolerated Law. At least, I thought everything had gone back to normal. Law loved me. I loved him. Ky would always be my friend.

“Then why have they both been so distant lately?” I asked myself. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure which man in that scenario upset me more.

A knock at the door startled me out of my thoughts. I opened it to find my fiancé’s best man, Todd Bainbridge standing there. Todd grinned at me and then slipped a note free of the inner pocket of his tux jacket.

“You look stunning, Bea.”

“Thanks, T.” The words were a whisper as the paper landed between my fingers. “What is this?”

His shoulder bounced up and down as the man stared down at my hand where the paper now rested. “Figured it was something to do with your vows, or his. Law didn’t tell me, just said to deliver this to you and to be nice.” He winked at me then. “Guess he didn’t want me hitting on his hot fiancee and stealing you away on his wedding day.”

I rolled my eyes at the man because he might have been my husband’s - soon-to-be husband’s - best man, but he was a dog of the worst sort. Honestly, that was an insult to dogs everywhere. I wouldn’t be surprised to find him trying to hump someone’s leg as I walked down the aisle.

“Was that all?” I asked when he continued to stand there and stare.

“Did I mention that you’re beautiful?” His question threw me because I honestly didn’t think Todd liked me. “I mean, truly gorgeous, Bea. I don’t know why I ever allowed Law to make the first move.”

What in the hell was I supposed to say to that? Thanks? I guess I was ugly all the other days you saw me . Todd was an idiot, and I had no clue what he meant about Law making the first move, since my fiancé’s best man barely spoke to me the day the three of us met.

“Sorry,” he pointed over his shoulder. “I guess I better get back out there so the show can go on.”

I nodded my head and waited for the dimwit to back up, so I could shut the door again. The note in my hand demanded all my attention. Maybe it would be the reassurance I needed. This letter would reassure me that here was nothing to worry about, and walking down the aisle to marry Law was the right thing to do.

Bea,

I’ve written this letter to you exactly twenty-two times. That’s how many it has taken, not to get it right, but to gather the courage to make sure you read it.

We are about to get married.

We are supposed to get married, and I shouldn’t have to keep reminding myself of that.

The thing is, I can’t wait at the end of the aisle for you to show up. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us when I feel the way I do. I love you, don’t ever doubt that. The thing is, I’ve been the one having doubts lately. I never cheated on you, but I don’t think I’m ready to settle down yet.

There is someone else who caught my eye. If we were meant to marry, and I was meant to be with only you for the rest of my life, then how would that be possible? She didn’t just catch my eye, Bea. I guess, that’s what I’m really trying to say here. I am enamored with this woman, and I would regret never taking the chance to follow my feelings. I don’t want to end up being that man - the one who marries out of duty - even if there is love there too - and then cheats on his wife because he can’t get his mind off someone else. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved.

I’m sorry that I didn’t come to this conclusion earlier.

I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you.

I’m sorry, Bea.

I wish I had been a better man for you.

Love,

Law

My dress suddenly felt three sizes too tight as I tried to get air to move in and out of my lungs the way it was supposed to. The whooshing sound in my ears was all I could hear, and yet my body refused to produce a single tear. It was like I was stuck in some sort of emotional limbo where a weird, calm sort of panic took over and held me in stasis.

“Bea!” I managed to turn in time to see my best friend, Ky, rushing toward me. “What’s going on?” I couldn’t find my voice and instead handed the note off to him. “Where did you get this?”

“Todd.”

He nodded and then I watched as his eyes scanned the paper. His lips thinned, pulling tight against his teeth as he read, and I could see as a fine tremor started in his hands. The movement made the edges of the paper sway.

“Right.” He said as he took a deep breath, then seeming to have decided something he turned his eyes down to me then closed them completely. Those long, dark lashes of his fanned out across his cheeks for a minute before he opened them again and pointedly stared into my own.

“I want you to forget his letter,” he said while shaking the paper. “Get your butt down that aisle in five minutes. I promise you that everything will be okay.”

“But-” I started to argue as I snatched the letter from him, to hold it up as proof that there was no need for me to take that walk and humiliate myself in front of all the guests who had gathered.

“No. You listen to me; this is Todd’s idea of a fucking joke. I want you to march your butt down that aisle. I’ll be waiting.”

“Okay,” I agreed, though I had no clue why I would. The note was no joke. I knew that because I knew Law’s handwriting like I knew my own.

“Okay?” It was a question. Ky wanted reassurance that I wasn’t going to go back on my word.

“Promise. I’ll humiliate myself for you, if that’s what you want.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’d never purposely allow you to humiliate yourself and you know it.”

“What about that time-”?

His eyebrows arched up toward his hairline. “That was a one-off,” he informed me, but there was no hiding the chuckle as he relived the memory. When I glared, he cleared his throat nervously and took a step back before bending forward once more and placing a sweet kiss to my cheek. “Five minutes, Bea! Any longer and I’m coming to get you.”

After Ky left the room, I watched the clock. As the minutes ticked by, I began to sweat. Then my legs started to shake. Was I really going to walk down that aisle knowing that my fiancé wouldn’t be there waiting to marry me? Oh, my word! Why did I agree to Ky’s demands? Why couldn’t I just back out?

I trusted him.

That single thought worked to calm me. It was true. I trusted my best friend like no one else on the planet. He was my person. The one I could rely on. He would fix this. Knowing him, he went to beat the shit out of Law and force him to wait for me down the aisle and then he’d have us taken straight to a marriage counselor after our vows were spoken. Law would see that what he was really feeling was pre-wedding jitters, not the fact that he was falling for someone else.

I could already breathe easier. I was sure that was exactly what Ky would do. So, when the minute hand ticked off the fifth one since Ky marched out of the room, I turned the knob and met my father in the hallway. He seemed nervous as he wiped his brow with a hanky before he tucked it back into his pocket.

“Are you ready for this?” He asked, and there was something off about his tone that put me back on edge.

“Of course. Ky said everything was going to be okay, and I believe him.” Granted, I wasn’t sure if Ky took the time to fill my father in about the letter, but there was no time to explain. Instead, my father tucked my arm in his, turned us toward the open doors that led to the man I was about to marry. At least, that was how it was supposed to happen. I wasn’t normally superstitious, but I found myself crossing my fingers as we took our first step into my new future.