Chapter 04

Chapter 4

Today was her wedding day.

Iseabal stood staring out her bedroom window, wondering if the weather was a portent for her marriage. The dawn mist had given way to a heavy shower that thundered against the roof, slanting against the windowpanes in watery disapproval.

Those passing between the outbuildings and Fernleigh did so quickly, their hurried footsteps marking the sodden path. Even the walls of her room seemed to weep with the dampness, as if subtly chastising Iseabal for her resolve.

She would not cry.

Any wish not to be married would be futile. This was the way of the world, after all. Daughters were to be wed, as profitably as possible. At least this bridegroom was young and healthy.

She had, at least, a passing acquaintance with those men who'd made a bid for her hand. She'd known the name of the palsied old man who'd tried to grope her, and the character of the toothless magistrate who'd been fascinated with her bottom. She'd been told where they lived, and what each man required for a wife—a fertile breeder, a mother to his children, or a nurse in his old age.

All she knew of the MacRae was that he felt a kinship to Gilmuir strong enough to pay a fortune for it and marry a stranger. A man of honor, perhaps. Or one whose stubbornness was the match of her father's.

Her prayer was simple. Help me.

God spoke to her, not in a booming voice, but in the sudden image of Alisdair MacRae extending his hand to her. The sun seemed to sparkle behind his beautiful eyes, and his smile was an answer of sorts.

A man who'd helped a stranger. One whose eyes had narrowed when her father spoke of her, who had halted Drummond's words with a curt command. A man to respect, perhaps.

Was it enough to respect a husband? Somewhere there must be another, softer emotion, one borne of laughter and friendship.

There were signs of love at Fernleigh, but it existed in the engaging smile of one of the maids as she waved to her sweetheart in the stables. Or when the cook kissed Angus, the carpenter, then shooed him from the kitchen with a pat on his rump.

But there was nothing of happiness in her mother's face and little amusement to be found in her smile. A lesson, perhaps, in that realization. Money, power, and privilege did not bring happiness.

Today, however, her father seemed pleased enough.

"The Drummond's being a right pleasant sort," one of the servant girls had remarked earlier in the corridor outside her room. "He even smiled at me when I brought him his porridge."

"It's best not to trust in his good nature, Mary," her companion cautioned. "His moods change with the wind."

But it seemed as if her father was not about to change his mind. She was going to be married in a matter of hours.

Turning away from the window, Iseabal walked to the rectangular straw basket that would serve as her trunk, holding her clothing along with the necessities of her wardrobe. In the bottom were the most precious of her treasures, her sculpting tools and those pieces she'd retrieved from Robbie this morning.

Her hands, lightly touching the flat top of the trunk, felt cold, her fingertips almost numb. But then her stomach whirred as if a thousand bees had taken up residence inside her.

What would marriage bring?

The sameness of her solitude, no doubt. A feeling of being alone in a vast sea of people. She would be expected to be pleasant and silent, smiling and mute. Not an appreciable difference from her current life, except for the added duty of the marriage bed. If she were lucky, her new husband would be kind. If not, she would simply accept her new existence.

But surely there was more to life than endurance?

She began to pace the length of her chamber, counting out the steps from one wall to the window and back again. From childhood she'd understood that the reason for a union mattered little, be it greed or pride or revenge, only that her father would choose and she would obey.

But it did not mean that she welcomed the future. She knew life at Fernleigh, accepted it as she did the changing of the seasons. Even her father's rages and the unforeseen nature of his cruelty were expected. She had learned the confines of her life as well as she knew the dimensions of her chamber.

Her mother entered the room suddenly, her face wreathed in a bright smile. In her arms she held a petticoat decorated with thin yellow stripes, and a dark blue shortgown, or jacket.

"I've finished," her mother said, spreading the garments carefully over the bed. On the cuffs of the coat and on the hem of the petticoat, Leah had embroidered tiny thistles and stalks of heather. A neckerchief of pale yellow, fastened with the Drummond brooch and her mother's blue beads, would complete her wedding attire.

Iseabal traced a finger over the silk threads, feeling the mist of tears. Perhaps she would cry after all.

"You must have been up all night," she said, talking past the constriction in her throat.

"My daughter is being married," Leah said softly. "I would gladly do as much a thousand times over."

Iseabal nodded, unable to speak.

"You are bound for a new life, Iseabal," her mother said, her smile oddly luminous. "Why do you look so miserable?"

Because I do not want your life. I don't want to be afraid all the time. Words she would never speak, because uttering them would wound the one person she loved.

"I am not miserable," she replied, forcing a smile to her face. "Just thinking that my prayers should have been more fully formed. I wished to be free of Fernleigh and now I find myself about to be wed. I wanted a man younger than my suitors and more handsome, but I never thought he would buy me in order to keep his land."

Her mother placed both palms on either side of Iseabal's face. "Love comes to most of us at one time or another, my dearest daughter. But you must watch for it, lest it slips past you unaware."

Pulling away, Iseabal stared at her mother. "You can say that, Mother, when he uses you so?"

"Your father has provided well for us, Iseabal," she said gently. "We live in luxury compared to so many others."

"Is it worth his cruelty?" Iseabal asked.

Leah gazed at her. "Your father does not think himself brutal, Iseabal, only strong. He does not see his cruelty, only his determination."

"Evil that does not recognize itself?"

"Is any man truly evil?" her mother countered, her eyes kind. "Or does each person hold within themselves a kernel of goodness? A seed that either grows or withers.

"It is enough, perhaps, to feel joy in your children such as you have given me," Leah said, placing her hand gently on Iseabal's cheek. "That brings a contentment all its own."

If her mother was content, why were there dark circles beneath her eyes? Or why was there panic on her face when her husband entered a room, sour-tempered and angry?

"Mother," Iseabal said gently. "You want to see goodness in him, and so you do. But have you never wished for more?"

"I had love once," Leah said unexpectedly, sitting on the bench. "A man I loved with all my heart," she added, staring down at her hands. She examined the backs of them, then turned them over, studying her fingers as if she'd never before seen them. "He was a MacRae," she said. "Fergus MacRae, of Gilmuir."

Shocked, Iseabal sat down beside Leah, stretched out her hand to touch her mother's wrist, a wordless comfort to counteract the sudden sad look on the other woman's face.

Glancing at Iseabal, Leah continued. "He was the most wonderful man I'd ever known. We planned to wed when the rebellion was over, when he came home."

"What happened?" Iseabal asked.

"A story repeated a thousand times. He never returned. I married your father only because it didn't matter. After Fergus died, I lived in a cloud. Nothing had the power to move me from my grief. Except you," she said, reaching up and brushing Iseabal's hair over her shoulder in a tidying gesture. "You have been my greatest joy."

"I thought you cried at night because of him," Iseabal said slowly.

"Your father?" Leah shook her head. "I never knew you heard," she said, standing and turning to the window. She gripped the sill as if to steady herself.

"He was a giant of a man," Leah said, staring through the window as if she could see him now. "Him, with his red beard and his way of walking as if he owned the earth below his feet. Sometimes I used to think that God Himself would look like Fergus, both fierce and kind."

"You love him still?" she asked.

"Love doesn't vanish when death appears, Iseabal. In my mind, I'm still that young girl who met him in the glens between my home and his. In my heart, I'm still his." Leah's words were laden with both love and sorrow.

"Is that why you welcome this marriage?"

Her mother glanced at her, smiling. "My one true regret was that I never bore his child. Sometimes I pretended that you were his, instead of Drummond's. But my prayers have been answered in the best way. You'll marry the nephew of the man I loved. If he is half the man Fergus was, then I'm well pleased."

Standing, Iseabal kissed her mother's pale cheek. People had always commented upon their similar appearance in that both of them had been gifted with black hair and green eyes. But her mother's hair had begun to whiten and her eyes seemed to have become lighter in hue over the years. Almost, Iseabal thought, as if she were becoming a pale version of herself.

Iseabal could refute her mother's words in a hundred ways, but the small smile on Leah's face discouraged any spoken truths, even though they lingered in the air.

Gilmuir bound Iseabal and the MacRae together, not love, however much her mother wished it different.

Alisdair stood beneath the stained-glass window in the hall of Fernleigh, Iseabal silent beside him. She'd not spoken to him once, and her only acknowledgment of his presence had been a halfhearted nod when she'd appeared in the hall. From that moment on, she'd stared at the floor as if the worn stones held the map to heaven.

The rough planks of the table beside him were still littered with tankards, as if Drummond had spent hours celebrating his victory over the MacRaes. Whiskey fumes permeated the room, mixing with the smell of a hundred unwashed Drummonds.

Despite the rainy day, no candles were lit, no lanterns gleamed from the mantel, nor did a warm and welcoming fire burn in the huge hearth. There was no priest in attendance, or pipers playing the MacRae March. On such an important occasion as this, it was customary to wear the kilt, but even that had been forbidden him since the garment was still outlawed in Scotland. Nor was his family here to witness this ceremony.

Instead, his marriage was accompanied by a fetid and chilly gloom, being witnessed by his crew and the assembled Drummond clan, all of whom remained silent, as if realizing that this wedding was no cause for celebration.

The feeling of being pressed into this marriage only increased, like he was stepping into one of his brother's boots and finding it painfully small.

Turning to the assembled clan, Alisdair began speaking the vows given him only an hour earlier, then repeated them to the parents of his bride. Leah was smiling, her expression carefully directed away from her husband, whose bloodshot eyes were gleaming with triumph. Finally, Alisdair turned to face Iseabal. "I take this woman to my side, and bind myself to her," he said.

Her face was too pale, and her green eyes paler still, as if all the color had been leeched out of her by this ceremony.

All his life he had been surrounded by love. Passionate, endearing, humorous at times. He had never wondered about his own marriage, being certain that he would find that one woman to be his helpmate, companion, and lover.

One day he'd expected to marry a girl from the Cape. Noreen, perhaps, with her sunny smiles and her habit of teasing him. Or Sarah, who prided herself on her cooking and invited him for dinner every week, the meal shared with her father and brothers. But his heart leaned toward Hester, only because she was brave and daring and fearless. Women he'd known from his infancy, friends for a lifetime.

Not a woman who looked terrified of him, whose breathing was so rapid he wondered why she did not faint. Alisdair glanced at Drummond, thinking that being his daughter might well have given her a reason to fear all men.

The price for Gilmuir had been steep indeed.

Iseabal could hardly breathe, her heart was beating so fast.

The MacRae had shaved his beard, revealing a square chin and full mouth. But it was not his handsome appearance that caused her to look away, wondering almost frantically if there was a way to stop this marriage after all.

The scowl, forming over eyes the color of a pale blue sky, hinted at a formidable temper. He towered over most of the people assembled in the hall, and standing as he was with his hands clenched behind him, feet apart, he seemed to dominate the space with his presence.

The most imposing man she'd ever met.

He was dressed as she had seen him yesterday. His clothing was clean; even his boots were shined to a high gloss. Despite his fine clothes, however, he looked like a warrior, one of the legendary MacRaes, although she'd never met any of them. The clan had simply disappeared one day and there was no one left to tell where they had gone.

His voice boomed out his vows as if he were issuing a command. He paused, as if expecting her to acknowledge his words in some way. If she were truly as biddable as her father thought, she would have smiled at her new husband or appeared pleased to be marrying such a handsome and well-to-do man. But she did not, choosing silence instead, and focusing her attention on anything but him.

Her mother was thrilled with the match, simply because he was a MacRae. Her father was pleased with the money he'd received and the fact that he had rid himself of a daughter. Even the Drummonds, murmuring behind her, did not seem averse to this union.

Evidently she was the only one with any objections, and they were not to be voiced. She was simply to acquiesce to everyone's plans for her and look overjoyed at the prospect.

The thunder was her only ally, booming overhead, rattling the stained-glass window as if in reproach for her submission.

The vows completed, her father passed a small silver chalice to Iseabal. The Drummond tradition of both husband and wife drinking from the same cup signified the joining of two lives. She took a sip of the whiskey before passing the cup to the MacRae. Her mother held out a sheaf of wheat and a square of woven cloth, symbols to indicate that each would provide for their home. She handed MacRae the cloth, while he took the wheat and presented it to Iseabal. The giving and accepting done, she waited for him to speak, a moment rooted in custom. The groom was supposed to praise his new wife and thank her parents.

Instead, the MacRae stepped forward, giving instructions for her belongings to be brought to the hall. There were to be no words of praise, no ceremony, which was as well, Iseabal thought. She disliked hypocrisy.

Her mother continued to smile at her, the look in her eyes one of joy. Behind her, the Drummond clan stood motionless and nearly silent, as did the men the MacRae had brought with him.

Her father made a gesture and one of his ever-present guards appeared beside him. "Fetch her trunk," he said brusquely.

With such simple words, she was acknowledged wife instead of daughter, and just as easily banished from Fernleigh.

Iseabal walked into her mother's arms, blinking back tears.

"I am so happy for you, Iseabal," her mother said gently. "You must be happy as well."

Iseabal nodded, turning back to her new husband. His gaze was fixed on the window above him, intently studying the glass rendering of a young knight. What did he see when he looked there?

She had not expected a display of emotion from her father, but her departure from Fernleigh was done without a word of farewell. One moment she was standing in the clan hall, the next she was at the door, swept along in a silent tide following the MacRae.

Glancing back at those who stood in the hallway, Iseabal felt a sense of loss she'd not expected. The servant girls she'd known all her life waved their fingers in discreet farewell. Robbie, the stableboy, smiled at her, but her father looked at her as if she were no more than an uninvited guest who'd outstayed her welcome.