11. Josie

ELEVEN

Josie

“What exactly is your deal?”

The words escaped my lips in a rush, and his startling blue eyes widened as he was stunned into silence. My heart pounded in my chest, a frenzied rhythm that echoed the turmoil of everything I’d felt since he’d reappeared.

Caleb’s face paled, his golden curls shimmering under the elegant chandelier’s light. His fingers traced patterns on the white tablecloth.

“Josie,” he began, his voice unsteady. “It’s… it’s not that simple. My existence isn’t like yours.” His gaze dropped to the tabletop, his long fingers nervously rubbing his forehead as he continued. “There are restrictions, rules that bind me.”

“ Restrictions ?” I echoed, my mind spinning as I tried to understand what he was saying.

His hands stilled, and he met my gaze once again. “Yes, restrictions. As an angel, I have duties, obligations , that I can’t simply shrug off.” His voice dropped lower, barely above a whisper as he added, “There are limitations to what I can and can’t do. To what I can and can’t feel, and for whom. ”

But his explanations, his roundabout way of addressing the issue, did nothing to calm me. He may have been trying to explain, but he only ignited my anger further.

“ Limitations ?” I shot back, memories of our past cascading through my mind. “What about at Steel Lake Park?”

“Please,” he pleaded, as if the memory caused him physical pain.

“Remember?” I started, my voice breaking slightly as I forced myself to face the memory. “It was so hot that day,” I continued, a ghost of a smile playing on my lips as the image danced in front of my eyes. “You loosened the buttons on your shirt, and I tucked my tee into my bra to brave the heat. It was the first time I caught you staring at my breasts, and you stuttered an excuse before I took your hand and led it to my waist. You caressed my cheek with the back of your fingers.” I closed my eyes as the sensation came alive again, the sweetness of it, though I’d felt the desire in his fingertips even then. He nodded, his expression softening as he, too, seemed to drift into the past.

“And then the stars started to appear, one by one. It was so clear, so beautiful. That’s when we said that one day we would hike Mount Rainier together.” My voice dropped to a whisper, my eyes still fixed on his. “We had that old flannel blanket from my parents’ place spread out on the sand. Your hand floated along the curve of my neck and down?—”

“Josie…”

But the memory had a hold on me. “You drew circles along my hips, across my stomach, gently pulling the elastic and letting it slap back down on me as you looked into my eyes, and I smiled at you with a challenge to go further.” I sucked in a breath, the anticipation I felt that day creating a wetness between my legs in the present. “And you did. You slipped your whole hand down. This hand.”

I took his hand in mine, inspecting it as if to see if it really did happen. Like those memories branded into my own skin would be right there branded into his, too. I heard him moan, low and quiet, only enough for me to hear, and the sound sent a thrill of heat shimmering through me.

He remembers.

“These fingers reached down, caressed the place that no one else had touched?—”

“You weren’t wearing any underwear.” His eyes burned into me, but I wasn’t going to release him now. I knew his cock was growing hard under the table, didn’t have to see it to know it. I always knew when Caleb was in the throes of desire.

“You slid your finger between my folds, teasing, even as my body demanded more.”

He closed his eyes as I still held his hand between us. “You were soaking wet for me.”

“I was desperate for you,” I corrected him, a little breathless at the way his voice sounded strained as he fell into the memory right along with me. “And you brought me to the brink of explosion before you even spread my lips. You tortured me, and you loved every second of it.”

His eyes snapped open again, holding mine with burning heat as he spoke.

“I gave you such a reward though, didn’t I? I knew you were ready, when I found that throbbing little clit of yours. One press. That was all it took. You screamed louder into my ear with each circle.” He drew those same circles on my palm, and the shudder that tore through me felt like I was reliving every second of that night seven years ago. “I found you open and ready for me, dripping, but I stayed focused on you. You were so sweet under my touch as I pressed harder into that spot, lifting its cover, making you moan until your voice was rough with satisfaction.”

Waves of heat rose up my neck, not because the conversation made me blush, but because I would have done anything for him to climb across the table with its fancy linens, toss the crystal aside, and shove his hand down my skirt the way he’d done then. I was playing with fire, and it was burning me up with need.

But I can’t forget that our love story ends with him taking off on me.

I dropped his hand. “And when you had taken every ounce of my energy as I’d screamed and moaned and begged you to stop and start again… we lay there for an hour, talking about the stars, the great beyond, the heavens above—like it was all a mystery. Only for you, it wasn’t.”

His gaze was steady on mine despite the accusations in my tone, his lips pressed into a tight line as he nodded silently yet again.

“And after that…”

“Please, Josie,” he tried again, but I couldn’t stop now.

“That swim,” I rushed on. “I remember looking over at you, your skin glowing in the moonlight, and I thought I’d never be happier than I was in that moment. I was right.” I paused, my breathing shallow as a combination of anger and sadness cascaded through me. “We sat on the edge of the dock, our feet dangling in the water, your arm around me, holding me like you were going to hold me forever. You pointed to Mount Rainier and said that one day we would be at the top, and the world below would be a distant memory.” My eyes burned as I held his gaze. “You had no limitations then, Caleb. We had nothing but promises. It was just us, and we were perfect.”

He swallowed hard, but I couldn’t let him off the hook.

“Why was it so different then?”

He dropped his face into his hands, and my heart twisted at the sight of him struggling. But there was one more thing he needed to hear.

“You seemed very human when we fell in love.”

Caleb looked up, silent, his eyes reflecting a deep turmoil. His lips parted as if to say something, but no words came out.

“I know it was a long time ago,” I whispered. “But I’ve been carrying all of that with me ever since you left.”

“I’m sorry.” He looked me straight in the eye, and there was no doubt he meant it. Two little words that left one big chink in the armor I’d built around my heart. A crack I felt all the way down to the marrow of who I was.

“Excuse me.” The fancy ma?tre d’ returned. “But can I interest you in some dessert?”

“No,” we both said in unison. I snapped, but he just sounded sad.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Caleb said. “You have to know I would never want that.”

The ma?tre d’ cleared his throat. “I’ll leave you to your conversation then.”

“So, angels just have a bit of a cruel streak, then?” My sarcasm was hardly veiled.

“Of course not. But I had crossed a line I was never supposed to. That was on me, not you, and it set off a chain of events, along with my already faltering performance, that tore me away from here. I’ve been in Seattle ever since I was sent back down to fix what I got wrong. I would have loved to see you sooner, but…” He bit his lip before answering. “But I was sure you had moved on, and I didn’t see you in the city, not once before now. I don’t know what I would have done if we had crossed paths, since I can’t be to you all I wanted to be back then.”

Back then. Meaning he didn’t want to be more to me now? It stung like a bitch, proving that the lies I’d been telling myself about keeping him at arm’s length for the sake of this party were just that—lies. He was so far under my skin, I would never get him out.

But that wasn’t all, was it? There was more there he wasn’t saying.

“Let me get this straight,” I said, but my tone was already softening, the realization of his condition coming clearer now as I moved past my own hurt feelings. “Your life is devoted to love, but you’re never allowed to have it? You’re just always on the outside, watching?”

Caleb, taken aback, fell silent. He stared at me, his ocean-blue eyes clouded with an emotion I couldn’t decipher. It seemed like my words had struck him more deeply than I’d intended.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he exhaled a sigh that seemed to carry the weight of centuries. His voice was soft when he responded, laden with an ache that was probably a lot like my own.

“I never thought about it that way before, Josie,” he admitted, an undercurrent of sorrow threading through his words. His gaze fell to his hands, clasped tightly in his lap. “That I’m always on the periphery. I write the love story—I don’t live it. But you have to know, Josie… you’re human.”

“Newsflash!” I couldn’t stop myself from tossing some sarcasm his way. “Josephine Ray is indeed one-hundred percent human. ”

He tilted his head, smiling at my childish outburst, but reached out, his hand hovering over mine—so gently that the heat emanating off it was the only sign it was there. “It’s never been done before, an angel having a human Chosen.”

His voice trailed off as his hand retreated, the depth of his loneliness resonating in the silence that followed. We sat there, suspended in the hush of the fancy restaurant, enveloped by the soft clinks of cutlery and hushed conversations from the surrounding tables. The pain in Caleb’s voice, raw and unfiltered, hung heavy in the air between us.

Chosen. A shiver came over me as the sensation of pins and needles left me breathless. Something in that word, the power of the single word—Chosen—froze me in place.

But it couldn’t be that simple, not just plain old soul mates like Caleb matched. Not even the ‘meant-to-be’ of the romance novels that filled the shelves of the Bookish Cat. Caleb inhaled deeply before continuing.

“I thought you and I were different, meant to be. I was so certain. I hope you know I would have never crossed those lines if I’d known.”

“Known what?” I pressed, needing to hear it, even though every word was cutting me open, slowly killing me inside.

“Known that I couldn’t be with you. You deserve better than a broken man, half of what he should be. One who can’t even give you what you deserve, a lifetime commitment. I can’t ever be with a human, no matter how it feels. Felt. ” The correction was just another blow, piled on top of the dozens before it. “Josie, they took my wings. I got called back to the Host, and they stripped me of the very thing that made me an angel. I’m fallen now, broken. I’m not worthy to take any Chosen, let alone you.”

His confession left me yearning to reach across the table and soothe the pain in his eyes. Instead, all I could do was squeeze my hands under the table, my nails digging into my palms, while I swallowed down the urge to comfort him. He really thought that? That he was somehow worth less or unlovable because they’d taken his wings?

There were no words that could capture what I wanted him to hear. That I’d felt all those things, too, but the difference was I still felt them now. We held our eyes on each other—me waiting for him, him waiting for me—yet the silence spoke loudly of all we wished we could say, and couldn’t.

Because there was only one choice left for us—leave behind the past seven years of anguish, and accept that we couldn’t be that way together… ever. But now that we both knew, maybe there could still be a place for each other in our lives.

“Coffee?” The ma?tre d’ reappeared. Again .

A part of me really wanted to smack that customer-service grin right off his face, but at the same time, we could finally breathe. There was nothing more to say on that topic, not now.

“Maybe some dessert isn’t such a bad idea after all,” I said, giving a half-smile as a peace offering to Caleb.

“Yes.” He nodded slowly, taking in my expression as if he were reading me somehow. “Dessert is a great idea.”

The ma?tre d’ bowed his departure as if he knew all along, leaving Caleb and me in what had become a very awkward silence. We both started to speak at the same time.

“We don’t have to talk about that.”

“I wish there was something I could say.”

We smiled meekly at each other, a new understanding growing between us. We were who we were at that moment, not who we were seven years ago. The surety was palpable inside me. We could do this. We could be friends .

I folded my napkin and dramatically set it on the table to set a new mood. “Mr. Caleb Cupid, I believe we have some other unfinished business involving my immediate and extended family.”

He caught onto my tone and straightened his collar with a grin. “Yes, ma’am, we definitely do. I believe you were going to tell me more about this stubborn brother of yours.”

“Oh, if you think he’s stubborn, wait until I tell you about what my father said to me the last time we spoke five months ago.”

Caleb narrowed his eyes. “I’m ready, but fair warning, I have a feeling ‘stubborn’ just might run in the family.”

I sighed. “I wish you were wrong.”

And that was how our evening continued, with a few laughs, a lot of sighs, and more stories of family drama than I thought I could tell over three pieces of cake.