16. Percival

16

Percival

T he day Stella left, I tried to put her out of my mind and go about my tasks. However, as I made my rounds that morning, the pit in my stomach made it difficult to concentrate on my patients. Somehow, I got through the day and then prepared myself to return to a home where Stella would no longer light up every room she entered.

When I arrived home around five that afternoon, Mother was still out, but Clara was in the nursery playing with her dollhouse. Miss Lisk was in the rocking chair, her eyes closed and snoring softly. The poor old thing needed to retire.

I stood in the doorway watching Clara play with her miniature people in the dollhouse. She looked up, breaking into a smile, and ran to me. I lifted her into my arms for a hug and kiss before setting her back on her feet.

"Do you want to play house with me?" Clara asked.

I glanced at Miss Lisk, who showed no signs of waking. "I'd love to."

I sat on the floor while Clara proceeded to tell me about each of the dolls, holding them up for me to see. "This one's you, Papa. And grandmama. This is a new one Miss Lisk got me from the toy store, and I think it looks just like Miss Stella."

She set Miss Stella inside the sitting room of the dollhouse, then put me next to her. "This is pretend, Papa, so don't be sad."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm pretending that you and Miss Stella are married and I'm your daughter." She held up one of the younger dolls to show me.

"That's you?" I asked.

"She doesn't look anything like me, but I pretend anyway." Clara set the child doll on the floor next to the sofa where miniature me and Stella were sitting side by side.

"What's happening in this scene?" I gestured toward the figurines.

"I'm playing with my doll on the floor, and you and Miss Stella are talking about a picnic we're going on. We're at the beach even though you can't tell."

"Do you miss the beach?"

"Yeah. But I like school too. Did you know Miss Stella left?"

"Um, yes, I did."

"I'm sad."

"Me too," I said. "But she was only here for a short time."

"Why?"

"She has her own life. She's young and beautiful and will probably find a handsome nice man to marry."

"Will she ever come to see me again?" Clara moved the child doll to sit next to Stella.

"I'm not sure." The very thing my daughter wanted was the thing that later, when she was grown, she would see was impossible because the man who had made her mother irreparably damaged was Stella's father.

"I heard her crying in her room this morning, but Miss Lisk wouldn't let me knock on the door."

"Maybe she was sad to have to leave us." I knew that to be the case. I'd witnessed it up close. The way her expression had turned from hopeful to resigned as she'd stared at me with the eyes of a lonely soul. I saw a pair just like them every day in the mirror.

We didn't discuss the matter further because Miss Lisk woke up with a loud snort. "Goodness me, what time is it?"

"Around five," I answered.

"Is it time for tea?" Miss Lisk asked, looking for a moment as if she didn't know where she was. "Clara, shall we prepare for tea downstairs?"

"Clara, go wash your hands and face," I said. "I want to talk to Miss Lisk."

"Yes, Papa." She scrambled to her feet and ran off toward the bathroom.

"You may have the evening off," I said to our elderly nanny. "And tomorrow I'd like to talk about your retirement. I think you would agree it's time for a well-earned break. We'll make sure you're well taken care of. I've put away money for you in a retirement fund."

I wasn't sure what I'd expected, but the look of pure delight was not it. "Very well, sir. I'll go and live with my sister up in Connecticut. She's been wanting me to move in with her since her husband passed, but I couldn't bring myself to give you my notice."

"You earned some years of peace and quiet," I said. "You've given a lot to our family."

She stood, smoothing her skirts. "Dr. Bancroft, I'm sorry for the way things have gone for you. Of all the men I know, you deserve to be happy. God sees your sacrifices, your commitment to doing the right thing even though it's hard."

"Thank you, Miss Lisk. I appreciate your kind words."

We talked for a few more seconds before she left for her room. I sank to the floor in front of Clara's dollhouse and placed the tiny dolls in the palm of my hand side by side. If only it were that easy in real life.

That afternoon, instead of heading straight home after my last house call, I buttoned up my jacket, donned a thick pair of gloves and a scarf, and headed out for a walk. Our weather was cold and clear, with a wintry pale blue sky above. With no particular destination in mind, I ambled along, hoping to shake the terrible sadness that had overtaken me.

As was typical this time of day, the city teemed with people and street vendors. I caught the scent of woodsmoke and manure from horses one moment and roasted chestnuts from a street vendor the next. As I stood there, a woman came out of the shop, bringing the scent of ginger and cinnamon with her. I thought about going inside and buying a few treats for Mother and Clara but decided against it in the end.

Horse-drawn carriages competed with automobiles and trams. Bustling with life, I thought. How could I feel so dead inside when the vibrant city surrounded me?

I walked along Fifth Avenue, which ran along the eastern edge of our glorious park, passing the Metropolitan Museum of Art and residential mansions without really taking them in at all, too preoccupied and disheartened to care. At some point I headed into Central Park toward the Great Lawn.

I sat on a bench, warm from walking, to watch people. I'd sat on this very same bench after I'd been released from the hospital after Mary shot me in the shoulder. That day, like today, I had no idea how to continue.

I was surprised to look and see Mother making her way toward me. I stood to greet her. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was out for fresh air and saw my own son sitting on a bench." She lifted her face for me to peck her cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know."

"I see." She glanced behind us. "This is perhaps fate that's brought us both here. There's an apartment for sale I want you to look at."

"Why would we look at an apartment?"

"I thought you might like it for an investment. It's by the river. Will be worth more as the years pass. And, if I were to, I don't know, have a friend who might need a place to live, for example, we'd have it ready for her."

"Mother, what are you saying?"

"You saved her life, Percy. We saved her life. Which means that we are responsible for her for the rest of ours. It's not right to toss her aside. What happened has nothing to do with her. She needs us. We need her."

"No. I can't do it. I can't be around her. I'm too weak."

"Well, you know my thoughts on the situation. If you aren't interested in buying the apartment, then I will. There's no reason I can't offer it to her in exchange for helping me with my very important work."

"I will not be my father," I said. "I cannot do it."

"Dearest, for someone so intelligent, you really miss the subtlety of things."

I didn't bother to reply, knowing what she meant. My situation was not like my father's had been. I didn't have a wife waiting for me at home. Except for one thing. We were both married.

She tucked her hand into my arm. "Come along. I'll take you to the apartment."

Knowing it was futile to resist, I let her lead me out of the park and down the street.