Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Shy and the Life That Goes On

It takes the police too long to get Lily’s body down. I consider doing it myself—just shifting in front of all these people, cradling her against my chest, and cutting her down with my scythe. Jacobi knows what I’m thinking, because he puts his hand on my shoulder. It’s his way of anchoring me, yet I feel anything but grounded as I stare up at Lily, lifeless, tethered to the end of that rope, her soul missing. Something is very wrong.

Jacobi and I leave Lily when we’re forced inside the school by officers and medics. She hasn’t been dead fifteen minutes, and I’ve already been summoned to the Compound. At some point, I’ll have to answer the summons, but right now, I really just want my mom. As I climb into my Jeep to leave, Natalie calls my name, running toward me. I tense, and it makes me realize that anytime I hear her voice, I expect a fight. My stomach clenches.

Damn, that sucks.

“Hey.” Her voice is softer than usual, clouded with a throat full of tears. She pauses a moment, studying me with red-rimmed, watery eyes. She doesn’t ask if I’m okay, thank Charon. I know it’s because she feels like I feel—disoriented, numb, shocked. I hate that it’s the only thing we’ve been able to agree on for the last four months.

“Come over this evening. We can sit outside by the fire at my house. We don’t have to talk, but I…want us all together tonight.”

We used to go to Natalie’s all the time, hang out by the fire, make s’mores, joke about shadow knights who took their jobs too seriously. That was before Natalie became one of them. Still, there’s a tribe mentality among Valryn: when something happens to one of us, it happens to all. I don’t think any of us are convinced Lily hung herself, and the unknown is already eating at the backs of our minds like a parasite.

I start my car, and Natalie takes a step back. “Yeah,” I say at last. “I’ll be there.”

Her smile is genuine but sad, and it hits me square in the chest. I peel out of the parking lot and race home. After I arrive, it occurs to me that I don’t remember how I got here.

My head swims with images of Lily in life and death: Lily laughing loud, turning heads, her joy contagious. Lily hanging over Emerson Hall, head nearly severed, resting on her shoulder. Lily standing up in the passenger side of my Jeep as we roll down the road, singing at the top of her lungs in an off-key rendition of whatever’s on the radio. Lily’s body twirling to the left and right, like the rope is unwinding. Lily haloed by wings as she fights me in training, the dance she does when she lands a hit. Lily lifeless, arms resting at her sides, palms slightly open, scratched like Anora’s were scratched. Lily sitting beside me in my room, playing video games, her laugh echoing through me as she wins. I can’t even be mad at her—not with that smile. Lily’s blood dripping off her fingertips, staining the concrete at my feet.

My stomach reacts violently, twisting and turning until acid climbs up the back of my throat, and I stumble out of my Jeep to vomit on the gravel. I rest there a moment, hands on my knees, eyes burning. I push the gravel around with my feet to hide the evidence, but the smell is rancid and teases my stomach again. I wipe my mouth with my sleeve and push my hair out of my eyes before heading inside, surprised Mom hasn’t noticed my arrival.

Pausing inside the door, I understand why—she’s on the phone, and her voice is raised.

“He just lost his best friend—”

She pauses and takes a deep, shaky breath.

“I don’t care what Cain wants. He’s my son!”

She’s talking to Dad. I’ve never heard her raise her voice like this, and I’m both surprised and impressed. Of course, he’s only calling because I haven’t arrived at the Compound yet. I wonder absently if he started the conversation asking how I was.

Probably not, judging by how angry Mom sounds.

“You know, Bastian, I don’t think that really means anything to him anymore.”

She’s silent after that and inhales. I decide it’s time to make my entrance. Normally I’d call out to her at the doorway, to let her know I’m home, but I don’t feel like speaking or even attempting to make my mouth work. If I do, I’ll probably become a puddle of mush, and I can’t afford that right now, because as much as I’d like to tell my father off, I want to go to the Compound because I need to know what they think happened to Lily.

Mom meets me halfway and hugs me tight. I take a deep, quavering breath. She smells like lavender and wildflowers. It’s uniquely Mom. Something I can count on for comfort.

I pull away when I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep the burn in my eyes from producing real tears.

I clear my throat. “I gotta go to the Compound.”

She nods, and I know she’s holding back. She doesn’t know I overheard the way she spoke to Dad. Now I wonder if this is what’s been going on behind my back—if she’s been as vocal about his absence as I’ve become, if she thinks she’s just protecting me by pretending it isn’t happening.

I used to think nothing was above the Order, but if it came down to them or my mom, I’d choose her, over and over again, even if it means death.

I press a kiss to her cheek, reassurance that I’ll be okay, and leave. I transition to my raven form and fly as quickly as I can to the Compound, so no one remarks on my delay. On the way, I think about Lily’s body hanging outside exactly as Vera’s used to and the implication of that.

When I arrive, I’m directed to the Council chamber. This isn’t normally where I would meet Cain or my father, and when I enter, I understand why they’re here. There are several holograms crowding the table, members of the Order who couldn’t get to Rayon in the few hours after Lily’s death. Mixed with these ghostly images are flesh-and-blood Valryn: Elite Val, Elite Abrams, Elite Ezekiel, and Elite Cain.

My father looms behind Cain, eyes ice-blue, cold and critical. I’ll credit the added severity of his gaze to the conversation he had with Mom before I left.

“Shadow Knight Savior,” Elite Cain says. “It is good you decided to join us. We were just discussing the death of Knight-in-Training Lily Martin.”

My insides revolt immediately. I’m not ready for this, I realize. Swallowing the sour taste in my mouth, I manage, “How can I be of service?”

The question makes my palms sweat, and I draw my hands behind my back to wipe them on my sleeves. Elite Cain offers that barely there smirk—his sign of approval. Today it makes me want to scratch out my own eyes.

“I have been informed you were witness to the scene?”

My breath catches. The sound is audible. I hurry to speak. “Yes, after the…incident,” I clarify. I have an overwhelming urge to call it murder.

“And what are your observations?”

I shift my footing, unsure of what Elite Cain is asking but also aware that sweat has started to bead on my forehead. They won’t miss it.

“I don’t know what you mean, Elite.”

“Did it appear Knight-in-Training Martin’s suicide was assisted?” he asks without pause.

Assisted? Is he asking if I believe someone pushed her?

“I couldn’t say,” I answer, because I can’t. I have no idea, no evidence.

There is silence.

Then Elite Val asks, “Shadow Knight Savior, do you have a theory as to what happened to Miss Martin?”

I meet his gaze, and his dark eyes seem to soften.

“I do.”

“Would you share it?” He poses the question as a request, though I know I don’t have the option to refuse.

“Lily died in the same manner as Vera Bennet, a resident soul who wandered Nacoma Knight until a week ago when she disappeared.”

“Are you suggesting souls were exchanged here, Shadow Knight?” Elite Ezekiel asks.

Exchanges are exactly what they sound like—a person’s original soul is exchanged for another. They are also illegal and just as bad as resurrections. Both can cause fractures in the soul, which result in unpredictable behavior in the human experiencing the exchange.

They can also only be performed using resurrection coins—coins only the Eurydice can make.

I continue, “There are several consistencies in the manner of death, from the location to the…injuries.”

I wince, thinking about the tear at Lily’s throat, the blood that dripped to the concrete below her feet.

“These injuries you name as evidence are more than likely consistent with the manner of death,” Elite Abrams argues. “It’s hardly evidence souls were exchanged.”

“Isn’t it possible Miss Martin saw the opportunity to end her shame? Was she not recently placed on probation for inappropriate relations with a human boy?” Elite Ezekiel asks.

Man, I really don’t like him.

“Lily would never kill herself, and as for the injuries sustained—”

“Shadow Knight Savior.” It’s my father who interrupts me. I meet his gaze, where quiet anger simmers. “You do not have to continue to describe your friend’s death.”

“Commander Savior, were you invited to speak?” Elite Cain asks.

“With all due respect, Elite, I do not have to be invited to speak with my son.”

A cold tension settles upon the room, making bumps rise on my skin and the sweat on my face dry. Dad’s trying to take up for me, and if Lily’s death wasn’t in danger of being labeled a true suicide, I might take his out, but I can’t let anyone think what happened here is because she was ashamed.

“I’m very familiar with the Vera Bennet case,” I try again. “The injuries sustained are the same. An exchange isn’t far-fetched, given that we believe the Eurydice has incarnated. It should be our first theory.”

There is silence, and then Elite Cain speaks.

“Thank you, Shadow Knight,” he says. “Until further notice, you are excused from patrol at Nacoma Knight Academy and all other duties as assigned.”

“What?” They’re benching me from duty? Anger rises from the pit of my stomach. Roth warned me this would happen.

“This is not punishment, Shadow Knight. Think of it as a courtesy, generously granted by your superiors. It will give you time to grieve.”

“I don’t need time to grieve,” I argue. I don’t buy their this isn’t punishment excuse. “I need time to figure out who did this to Lily.”

“You forget yourself, Shadow Knight. You are only provisionally a tracker. Despite what Successor Roth may think, you are not ready for ranks.”

That’sa blow I didn’t see coming.

“Does Successor Roth know you are revoking my rank?”

“Successor Roth has no jurisdiction here until he becomes luminary, Shadow Knight. Besides, what progress have you made in locating the Eurydice? Perhaps if you had been more prepared when offered your rank, Lily Martin might not be dead.”

The accusation tears through my chest like a scythe—if I’d found the Eurydice sooner, Lily would still be alive.

Problem is, I’m not so sure they’re wrong.

I never considered Roth’s attention might damn me after graduation, but the fact that I’m only nine months away from placement and I’ve failed so publicly at this means my goal of becoming a commander is dead.

I place my fist to my chest and bow my head.

“I accept time to grieve. Thank you, Elite Cain.”

Those are the hardest words I’ve ever spoken. I turn and leave.