7. Declan

SEVEN

DECLAN

The day after the party, the band are making the most of Lennon being in town by getting some rehearsal time in at Lars's place.

"This new track is awesome, Skye," Lars says after we finish one of her latest songs. "I can't remember how we made it without you in the band."

"Oh, I think you did alright," Skye replies with a grin before turning to the two young adults who are hanging out with the band. "Hey kiddos, what did you think of that?"

Skye's twins, Caleb and Isabella, have turned up to watch us play, and they look like they enjoyed it too.

"Yeah, it's alright," Caleb says with a shrug, obviously feeling too cool at twenty to be into his own mother's songs.

"I just wish it wasn't about… you know," Isabella adds. The lyrics are a bit raunchier than a daughter might want to hear, but her response makes us all laugh.

"Alright, let's leave it there for now," Lennon says, propping up his guitar and taking a beer out of the fridge. "By the way, Dec? Savion seems like a good guy."

I'd just swiped Lars's beer out from under him. He'd been a second away from sipping from the can when Lennon spoke. I stand frozen in my tracks. The guys will not be shy about sharing their thoughts about me bringing Savion along last night, and even though they'd never have a negative word to say about him unless it was justified, I'm still not ready to examine these new feelings I've been having about Savvy.

It's not that I feel uncomfortable about how my insides react whenever I'm close to him, but why him ?

I'm confident enough in my skin to acknowledge that I know men who most people would consider attractive, sexy even. I'm usually objective and mostly honest, so I can confidently say that by many people's beauty standards, my bandmates are handsome, sexy guys. Over the years, I've seen all of them in different states of undress in dressing rooms.

Jazz has been overly effervescent on stage and has gyrated his body on my ass a time or two or a dozen when the music and weed get the best of him—but that's just Jasper being Jasper and doesn't mean anything sexual, and I don't feel a thing, except for being exasperated because he's always up to some kind of crazy shit to get the fans hyperventilating. He thrives on being himself. But none of them has ever had my heart beating out of my chest, making it hard for me to breathe when they're near like Savion does.

They're good guys, my brothers, my found family, even though we've all screwed up over the years and have different kinds of demons we fight daily. But I've never felt the hunger to be in their presence, to be touching distance from them. There are times when we spend months apart when we're between tours and not working on a new album, but I don't feel an ache in my chest because I yearn to be near them.

But with Savion, it's different.

And I don't know why.

"Yeah. Sav's cool, Dec," Jasper adds, interrupting my musings. I almost forgot they were talking about Savvy, a guy that I barely know, but who I can't seem to have my fill of. "When I was talking to him," my bandmate continues, "he pointed out a few constellations we could see from the garden. It was pretty interesting."

Casting her unwavering eyes on me, Skye says, "Don't mess up your friendship with him, yeah?"

What the— Does Skye think that…? I mentally brush away the thought.

Resting Lars's can of beer on the far end of the table because I'm in the mood to give him shit, I hold my hands up innocently. "When do I ever mess things up?" I ask in protest, and the guys all look at me, their expressions incredulous.

"I mean… how about every girl you've ever hooked up with?" Lars asks, giving me the stink eye before grabbing his beer. "Not that I'm any better, but you've hardly got the best track record."

"What are you getting at, dude?" Swirling my pointer finger around the group, I add, " We are talking about Savvy. You …" I poke my finger in Lars's direction, " you are talking about the women I've dated. And besides, my track record is fucked up because I was picking the wrong ones, wrong for me, but maybe right for someone else. I was messing up before I even started. Savion's different… a guy who's probably going to be a good friend. He is a breath of fresh air. It's good to hang out with someone who isn't in the music business, you know?" Turning to Jasper, I say, "I second what you said; Savion's pretty cool." Then I sweep my gaze over the group. "I even told him about my mom and the sperm donor."

"Oh, wow," Jazz says, handing me a sparkling water. "How did he react? That's a pretty heavy thing to drop on someone."

I nod, popping the cap off the bottle. "Yeah, it is. He took it well. Didn't give me any bullshit about how it was ‘meant to be' or that it made for good music. He just… listened."

"He's a keeper." Skye points her finger at me. "So keep him!"

"As a friend? Yeah, of course."

Skye leans against the counter, arms crossed, smirking like she knows something I don't. "So, how long are you planning on keeping Savion?"

I pause mid-sip, frowning. What the hell is she talking about? I lower the glass. "Huh?"

She shrugs, that smirk turning into a full grin. "You know. You two have been spending a lot of time together. Feels like you've got him on a leash or something."

I blink, staring at her. "He's not a dog, Skye."

She laughs, the sound knowing. "Obviously! I just mean it looks like you've taken him under your wing. It's kinda cute."

I set my bottle down, still confused. "We're just hanging out. He's a good guy."

She tilts her head, eyes gleaming like she's enjoying this way too much. "Right. Hanging out a lot lately, huh?"

I shift, glancing away. "He's been in LA for a few years but he hasn't explored much. It's no big deal."

Her grin widens as she nudges my arm. "Sure. No big deal. You're not... attached or anything."

I roll my eyes, grabbing my phone off the counter. "You're reading way too much into this."

She chuckles, the teasing not letting up. "Am I? Just don't be surprised if people start getting ideas."

People getting ideas? What ideas? There's nothing to get. Savion is just... Savion. A guy who happens to be easy to talk to. Who I've been hanging out with lately. But it's not like that. It can't be. Right?

Oh Fuck. What is Skye getting at here? I can feel the heat creeping up my chest and neck and spreading to my cheeks.

Covering up the embarrassment with a chuckle, I say, "I mean, friendships evolve over time, you know?"

"What happened to him, what caused his scars?"

I shake my head. "I figure he'll tell me when he's ready, like I told him about what the sperm donor did to my mom. He doesn't seem the type who's quick to trust, so I'm happy to go at his pace."

Eventually, the conversation moves away from me and Savvy and back to the music and the band's upcoming tour… but my mind remains with him. I find myself wondering whether it was an accident that caused his scars or if he was attacked somehow—the thought of someone hurting that pure, precious person makes me burn with anger. I check the time and realize he'll be finishing at the museum soon.

"Guys, I'm gonna head out—see if I can catch Savvy after work."

Jasper is the first to jump in, as expected. "Aw, look at that. Dec's ditching us for his new BFF," he teases, grinning as he lounges back in his chair.

"Yeah, man," Lars chimes in. "We used to be your best buds. Now we're just old news." He feigns wiping a tear from his eye, while Jasper adds a mock sniffle for dramatic effect.

I roll my eyes. "Come on, guys. I'm just hanging out with him."

"Uh-huh," Jazz says, shooting me a playful look. "Just make sure to send us an invite to the wedding."

"The wedding?" I sputter, almost choking on my laughter. "You guys are ridiculous. It's not like that."

Skye raises an eyebrow, an amused smile tugging at her lips. "Sure, Dec. We believe you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She shrugs, all casual. "Nothing. Just... don't forget about us when you're out there with your good friend Savion."

The way she says "good friend" makes my chest tighten, but before I can say anything, Lars butts in again.

"Yeah, just don't start writing sappy love songs about him, alright?"

"Oh, please," I scoff, shaking my head. "You guys are reading way too much into this. We're just friends."

"Sure, sure," Skye hums, that knowing look in her eyes again. "Friends who happen to hang out all the time, who can't stop talking about each other… But no big deal, right?"

I stare at her, trying to brush off the unease creeping up on me. "Exactly. It's no big deal."

"Alright, lover boy," Jasper teases, giving me a wink. "Don't keep your friend waiting."

I shake my head, feeling both confused and amused, but I manage a grin. "Later, guys." As I walk out, I can still hear their laughter echoing behind me.

But the truth is, Skye's words linger a bit longer than I'd like.

I arrive outside the museum a few minutes before Savvy's shift ends, leaning against the wall as I wait. The city hums around me, but my mind is somewhere else entirely, drawn to a mental place I haven't dared to explore. It's strange—this feeling, this restless energy inside me. I start thinking of song lyrics, something that hasn't come easily for a while. But now, with Savion on my mind, it's like I can't stop the flood of words.

You've found the part of me I was hiding,

And you made it safe to show.

The lines flow effortlessly, as if they've been waiting for this moment, waiting for him . It's a familiar rush—the same high I get when the right melody hits, when the rhythm syncs with my pulse. Except this time, it's more than music. It's him.

I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I almost miss Savvy walking past me. His toned, slender body catches my eye just in time, pulling me back to the present. There he is, casual but captivating, the way he moves unassuming yet somehow magnetic.

I think back to last night at Jasper's party, the way I laid everything bare to him. I didn't even realize how much I needed that. Needed him . He'd listened, really listened, without judgment or pity. His hand beneath mine had felt like the most natural thing in the world—steady, warm, grounding me when I felt like I might drift away. In that moment, he'd given me more than just comfort. He'd given me something else .

And then it hits me, like a fist to the gut—sudden, breath-stealing.

Am I… attracted to Savion?

I can almost hear my heart stutter in my chest, stumbling over itself before resuming its usual rhythm, but now it's louder, more insistent, pounding out a question I can't ignore.

Is that even possible?

I'm fucking forty-two. By now, I should have had my sexuality sorted out, neatly boxed and labeled. I thought I did. I've lived my life believing I knew who I was, what I wanted. But now… now everything feels off balance. The ground I've stood on for years suddenly feels shaky, like I'm teetering on the edge of something huge, something I didn't see coming.

It's just Savion , I try to tell myself. But it's not just him. It's the way my chest tightens every time he looks at me, the way his smile lingers in my thoughts long after he's gone. The way the music— my music—comes alive again when I think of him.

What does this mean? Have I been blind to it all along? Is this real?

I watch him walking ahead, completely unaware of the storm brewing inside me. Part of me wants to run after him, touch his arm, and ask him if he feels it too. But another part of me—the part that's been locked away for so long—wants to run in the opposite direction, hide from whatever this is before it has a chance to change everything.

Decades ago, I should've known if I was hetero or not. I've been with—well, okay, I'm not gonna start counting—but let's just say I've had more than my fair share of partners, and they were all women. All kinds of women. Different shapes, sizes, ethnicities. It didn't matter if they were conventionally beautiful or not. When I vibed with a woman, I vibed with her, and I've given and received pleasure without question. Never once in my life did I look at a man and think he was beautiful.

But here I am thinking of Savion as beautiful. I've been through lots of ugly things in my life, seen lots of good too. But Savion… Savion is the most beautiful.

"Hey, Savvy."

He turns around, his fingers brushing his lips. "Whoa, I didn't expect to see you here." He saunters over, grinning ear to ear.

That's good. At least I'm a nice surprise.

"Yeah, we were rehearsing nearby, so I thought I'd come by and see if you felt like grabbing a drink?"

Savion nods. "Sure, why not? There's this cool dive bar a few doors down. You won't get any hassle there."

I laugh. "Now you're speaking my language. Let's go."

We walk to the bar, which has a vintage, well-worn vibe. I hold the door open for Savion, and we step inside. "When was this place last decorated?" The velour seating is ripped, the floral wallpaper looks tired, and the ceiling is low enough to make me duck.

"Probably the fifties," he replies with a chuckle. "Kelly worked here for a while as a bartender. We both kinda fell in love with the place. It's different from the typical LA spots, and they actually have decent wine."

"Then let's get you some," I say, heading to the bar. "I'll take a sparkling water."

Savion orders a glass of Californian syrah, and when I reach for my card to pay, he playfully swats my hand away. "No," he says, his forest-green eyes sparkling. "You've paid for everything so far. It's my turn."

I shake my head. "I can afford it, you know. It's really not a problem."

"I can afford it too," he insists. "Let me contribute this time."

"Fair enough." It's refreshing to be with someone who isn't interested in my money. Honestly, though, at this point, I'd spend everything I have just to see him smile.

I grab our glasses of water. We head to a booth in the corner, and I feel a familiar pull—an urge to reach out and touch him.

"So, thanks for last night," I start, once we're seated. "I know it wasn't really your scene, but it meant a lot to me that you stayed and listened."

Savion smiles, and I'm drawn to the way his eyes crinkle at the edges. It makes resisting the urge to kiss him damn near impossible.

But is that what I really want? To kiss him? Or am I just reeling from my mother's anniversary, my head all mixed up?

"No," Savion says softly. I'm so caught up in my thoughts that it takes me a second to realize he's responding. "Thank you . You were willing to leave when I was uncomfortable, and that meant a lot. Not everyone's as understanding as you."

I shift in my seat, unsure how to respond. His words hit me harder than I expect, and something inside me stirs because he's looking at me, and I can see hurt in his eyes. Not for the first time, I notice that despite Savion's outwardly calm nature, there seems to be a fire roaring beneath the surface—a fire that is rooted in the pain he's suffered. I want to ask him so many questions… but mostly who hurt him, and where they are now. But I meant what I said to the guys this morning; I want him to tell me his story when he's ready.

"You don't drink alcohol, do you?" he asks, as if sensing my internal struggle.

I take a breath. "No, I don't." I pause, weighing how much to share. "What I didn't mention last night… my dad was a drunk. An abusive one. I guess that's why I avoid the stuff."

Savion nods, his expression one of understanding rather than pity. He listens—really listens—without judgment, just like last night. It's one of the things I'm starting to admire most about him. And it's probably one more reason I can't stop thinking about him.

Suddenly my attention is drawn to a guy across the room. When our eyes meet, his face lights up. I recognize him immediately—Bryan Wallace, one of Orion Skye's diehard fans and a lieutenant. He's heading toward our table, not making a big deal out of it, but I can tell he's excited.

Crystelle had introduced him to the band backstage at a benefit concert seven or eight years ago. I remember him offering his help for anything we might need, but we'd never had to take him up on it. Still, the guy made an impression.

"Declan," he says, extending his hand with a big grin. "Good to see you, man."

"Hey, Bryan," I say, shaking his hand. I glance at Savion sitting beside me. He's watching with an amused smile. "This is my… friend, Savion." The word friend feels strange in my mouth, since we've only recently met. But I have to admit there's something about him that makes me feel a connection I don't understand.

"Savion," Bryan repeats, shaking his hand enthusiastically. "Good to meet you, man."

"Likewise," Savion replies, smooth and easy.

There's a brief silence, awkward, like neither of us knows what to say next. I'm about to jump in, but Bryan beats me to it, his gaze flicking back to me, still a bit starstruck but doing a decent job holding it together.

"Heard you guys are going on tour next year."

I can't help but smile at his excitement. "Yeah, the Galactic Rhythms Tour."

His eyes widen, like I just confirmed his birthday and Christmas would all be rolled into one. He checks his watch, looking reluctant to leave. "I should get back to my table, but it was great running into you, Declan. And you too, Savion."

"Good seeing you again, Bryan," I say with a nod.

He waves once more before heading off, clearly buzzing from the encounter. As soon as he's out of earshot, Savion lets out a soft chuckle.

"You really know how to handle your fans," he says, eyes glinting with amusement.

I shrug, leaning back in my chair. "Yeah, well, some are easier than others."

Savion watches me for a moment, and I feel the warmth of his gaze. There's something grounding about him, and for a second, I forget about the whole rockstar thing.

I shift the focus, needing a break from the attention. "So, how's everything going at the museum?"

He takes a sip of wine before he responds. "Things are okay. A few more projects have come up. And remember that celebrity auction I mentioned a while ago, the one that's going to happen in a few weeks?"

I nod. "The one that'll give you enough funding for your trip?"

Nodding his head, he says, "That's the one. Well, we're basically going to have to double the amount raised to be able to fund my trip because of these other projects."

I'm missing him already and he hasn't even left. I don't want to think about what it'll be like when he actually leaves for South Africa. Savion's excited about this trip, and I'm happy for him. But like I said, I'll miss him. And I have no doubt I'll be counting down the days ‘til he comes back to me like a child waiting to go to Disneyland.

Savvy shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know if this trip's going to happen."

I wave my hand. "It's fine. How much do you need? I'll bid a million to buy Harry Styles' toenails if it'll help you out."

I say that at the wrong time, just as Savvy has taken a mouthful of wine. When his laughter bursts from his pillowy lips, the wine sprays over the table, leaving him choking. God, he sounds beautiful when he's uninhibited. I wonder how he sounds when he's?—

Don't go there , I silently warn myself. But I'll still admit to myself that the sound of Savion's laughter is even more melodic than any music I've written—hell, it rivals Beethoven's and Mozart's works combined.

Scooting my chair closer to Savion's, I pat him on the back as he tries to recover while I try to ignore the zing that's coursing through my body because of our close proximity and the fact that I can literally touch him again. I know when he threaded his fingers through mine after I told him about my mom, it was a reflexive movement, triggered by his need to comfort me. Touching him now, though in jest because of this particular moment, is also very fucking meaningful to me. And once it's clear he's alright, I start laughing too.

"You okay?"

He nods. "Well, that was dignified," he deadpans. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Not a problem at all," I insist as he wipes a few drops of wine off the table with some napkins he yanked out of his messenger bag. "It's nice to see my comedy efforts being appreciated." He balls up the napkins with his fist and sets them aside.

I mean it, too. Making Savvy laugh is becoming my new mission in life and a pleasure unlike anything I've experienced.

"Anyway…" Savvy says after composing himself. "I appreciate the gesture, but I would never let you do that. I don't want the guy I'm with to swoop in and save the day. That would be?—"

He suddenly stops, his eyes widening in horror. "Wait, no, that's not what I meant. I mean… not the guy I'm with, because we're not… I mean, I'm straight. Totally straight." He stammers, a deep flush spreading across his cheeks. "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay or anything. I just… I'm just saying I'm not?—"

The more he flounders, the more adorable he looks. It's like watching a deer in headlights, and it makes me smile.

"The guy you're hanging out with works fine for me," I say softly, trying to ease his embarrassment. Savion fiddles with his shirt sleeves, a tell I've learned means he's uncomfortable. I wish he knew how much I appreciate his honesty and awkwardness, how it only makes me want to be closer to him.

The moment feels charged, and I'm struck by the realization that while he's awkwardly denying anything more, there's an undeniable connection between us.

"So, what about donating something for the auction?" I ask, trying to shift the conversation back to safer ground.

Savvy nods, visibly relieved. "I guess that would be alright… if you're sure you don't mind. We've got some musicians donating guitars, sunglasses, things like that."

"I'll come up with something. Leave it to me."

We continue drinking and chatting, and the auction is put on the back burner for now.

Eventually, Savvy checks the time. "It's after eight. I'd better head back. There are a couple of research papers I wanted to read through before going to bed."

"I'm pretty sure no one's ever picked a scientific paper over hanging out with a rockstar," I tease, a grin tugging at my lips. "You're something else, Savvy." I chuckle as I stand up. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

As we step into the fading evening, I have to fight the instinct to drape my arm over his shoulders. Instead, I keep my hands in my pockets as we walk to my car. The drive is quick, too quick, and when we reach his place, I insist on walking him to the door.

"Thanks for a fun night," he tells me as we arrive at the front door. "I really needed it after the day I had." Taking his keys out of his pocket, he looks me directly in the eye. "And look, I'm not choosing the papers over you—not at all—it's just…"

"Don't explain," I tell him. "Your dedication is one of the things that fascinates me about you. One of many things."

Savvy looks down at the ground, clearly unused to being complimented. "I'm a thirty-year-old nerd. I'm weird. I'm?—"

"You're special," I finish for him, the words slipping out before I can stop them. "And I've got a feeling not enough people have told you that."

His keys jangle as they hit the concrete floor. I swipe them up and hand them to him, our fingers brushing briefly. The touch is electric, and Savion's quick withdrawal makes the moment even more poignant.

Savvy offers a shy smile. "Well, umm… goodnight, Declan."

"Goodnight, Savion."

He turns to leave, but I can't let him go just yet.

"Hey," I say, my voice tentative. "Would you… like to do this again sometime?" Trying to lighten the mood, I add, "Perhaps without wine?"

Savion's smile returns, and it's like a ray of sunshine. "I'd like that," he replies softly. "Tomorrow?"

My grin widens, matching his. "Tomorrow sounds perfect."

"Umm… goodnight, again?"

"Night, night."

He disappears inside his apartment and I head home, and sleep more soundly than I have in years.