CHAPTER SIX

MIRI

My head is thumping, and the thought of climbing out of bed to go to the gym makes me want to throw up. So, I stay cocooned in the covers.

Flashes of events cascade into a slideshow in my mind, and the image of Shaw Harris is front and centre. I have his number. And I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't say no to a date.

The fact stirs butterflies in my stomach but also nerves. Not one romantic thought, or even a flicker, has crossed my mind since we were taken. In fact, the thought of trying to be intimate with anyone makes me feel violently sick.

But something was there that wasn't just worry or fear with Shaw.

Peter looked concerned in the club, but after a few shots and taking me home, he seemed to relax. I've been in my head so much about how I feel about all these situations I hadn't realised just how protective my friends have become over me. Going out isn't something I do regularly and usually only under duress.

Reaching for my phone on the bedside table, I read the message that's been there since last night. It's from Willow, and I didn't want whatever she wanted to say to ruin the night. Because, after being unsure, it turned into a really great night. And it kept my mind from wandering, which I'm thankful for.

Now I need to decide if I'm going to message Shaw after all.

First, Willow's text.

Why don't we talk? Come over. We miss you.

I read and re-read the message.

Don't you mean you miss me?

The dots appear almost immediately.

He misses you too. More than you'd think. Please, come over. We can talk about Paris.

I don't want to talk about Paris, and as I read it, the thumping hangover overwhelms the good mood of thinking back to last night.

No. We talk about Naja. I'm serious Willow.

I can almost hear her conversation with Landon before the dots reappear, but she has to understand this isn't something I'm going to drop. She's my sister. And despite everything, I at least want to make sure she's safe.

I'll do my best to answer your questions. Dinner tonight?

Fine. I'll be there.

I turn my phone over and go back to sleep.

When I wake up, most of the morning's slipped away, and so has the banging in my head.

After a shower and food, I curl up in front of the television, but I'm distracted. Not just about dinner tonight, but about Shaw. His number's burning a hole in my phone. I've picked it up and put it back down a dozen times, all without sending him a message. But it's a big deal. Friends don't come easily, and this is an even bigger step.

"Suck it up, Miri," I chide myself.

Hey Shaw, it's Miri. Would you like to get coffee tomorrow?

I throw the phone to the other end of the sofa after I hit send.

And at the sound of the little ding, I lunge for it.

I can't do coffee. I can do dinner? Tuesday?

I suck in my lip and read the words on the screen. Dinner sounds much more formal, and it will be just the two of us – and whoever else is in the restaurant, I suppose. Something about the idea of dinner feels more intimate than coffee, though.

Ok. Deal. Send me the details and we can meet?

It wouldn't be a proper date if I didn"t pick you up. I need to keep my pure-as-snow reputation intact. I am a gentleman, remember.

Nice try! We can meet at the restaurant; your v card is safely intact.

This guy seems to pull all of the courage from me. I'd never flirt like this face to face, but I want to with Shaw. I'm not sure if that should be setting off warning bells.

You were the one to mention the v word. Have you been to Steel? I've heard good things. We can meet there.

No, but I'll take your word for it. See you there.

I smile, feeling good about something will help with the conversations that might come later tonight.

The taxi journey is quick and efficient through London traffic towards Earlwood. Despite my best efforts, I still feel a little in awe whenever I arrive back here. It's the same with Tallington Hall. It's like I'm a kid again – the scared kid who didn't know what was happening when we first pulled up here.

"Hello!" I call out my arrival as I step into the entrance hall.

"Hey," Willow greets as she comes into view. She comes straight towards me and bundles me into a hug. Despite wishing I could remain pissed off, Willow was my first friend here – she took me in after a brief meeting and a request from a stranger.

Since then, I've always sought her approval and see her as a source of safety. That doesn't balance when I'm feeling annoyed.

"Are you going to stay? Your room's still made up? Drink?" Willow fires the questions off.

"Um, no, I think it would be better for me to go back tonight. I'll have a drink, though. Anything but tequila."

"Tequila? Not the normal for you." We talk and head into the main reception room, and she goes to fix a drink.

"I went out last night, and we had a few drinks. It was fun." I smile, genuinely happy to share. "I even have a date." My smile gets bigger, and the excitement starts to bubble despite being back here.

"A date?"

"Yeah." The look on her face quashes all my enthusiasm, and I feel silly for wanting to share this with her.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dampen things. It's just, oh, hell, I don't know. It's the first time you've mentioned something, and I want to be happy. But I want to make sure you're safe." She smiles warmly and takes my hand before handing me a glass of wine.

"I'll be safe. It's a restaurant with people. No personal information has been shared. I thought you wanted me to have fun and enjoy my life. Now you're worried?"

"It's confusing, I know, but I'm allowed to be concerned for you and look out for you, aren't I?"

The sound of footsteps doesn't break the awkwardness, but we both take note, happy for the distraction. Landon walks in and looks between us. "Miri," he greets.

Willow sets to fixing a drink, and the air fills with tension.

We go through and sit for dinner, still in relative silence.

"Miri, how's your training with Neil going?" Willow starts as we're served some sort of meat and gravy dish.

"Fine. Good."

A few bites of food and the scrape of the heavy cutlery over the fine china only add to the pressure of the room.

"Can we look for Naja?" I blurt it out, unable to contain my question any longer.

Willow's face is a picture, and she immediately turns to Landon. He doesn't miss a beat and continues chewing his meat.

"That's not how this works, Miri. I'm sorry."

"What do you mean? Of course it is. If you've lost something or someone, you look for them."

"Not if it poses a risk or danger to us or you. Logan Cane might be an acquaintance, but I'm all out of favours. And I hold no sway with the Cortez family. I'm not putting us in the middle of anything that's happened between them and Reed."

"But that's not fair."

"I didn't say it was. They both knew the stakes when they left. They still did."

His words are cold and direct and make me want to bolt from the table and hide, but that's the old Miri. I've had to grow up and deal. And, at least in this situation, I can control that. Visualising the strength I have when I'm against Neil helps.

I shake my head and push my plate away.

Willow looks at me. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know how much she means to you, but I wouldn't want to risk you, especially if there are no guarantees…" she tails off. I know what she was going to say. They don't even know if she's still alive.

Anger swells, and guilt clouds my mind. I don't want the thought of that family near us either, but can I just leave my sister? She turned her back and ran, knowing this was her life, and did it anyway, and now I have to decide what to do next.

"Could you find out what you can? Please, Landon. Not knowing is the worst part of all of this." I hate the sound of my own voice when I ask for something. He looks at me, that icy look in his eyes, and nods.

~

Mandy is a lifesaver. My wardrobe has nothing I want to wear on a date because I've never wanted to go on one before. A few outfits for work, some nicer pieces, and jeans and gym gear. The dress she offers is more than date-worthy but far sexier than I'd have chosen. She doesn't leave me with another option, and I take it.

The days seem to drag, with the hours at work taking twice as long to pass as every other day. Training with Neil is a good distraction, and I make sure to go over my delivery. Hard punches, quick reactions. Defend and attack. We work on release moves, too, in case I'm grabbed from behind. Maybe because I'm paranoid, but I'm willing to take that label.

~

Steel London is probably the prettiest restaurant I've been in, certainly on my own. Landon likes to go to places that he thinks fit his position. I wonder what he'd think of this place with the coloured umbrellas on the ceiling and the beautiful cherry blossom tree in the centre.

I take in the lighting and the people both waiting at the bar and already seated, giving Shaw a moment to greet me.

"Wow, you look a picture."

"Thank you." I accept his compliment and force my smile to stay small rather than splash its presence all over my face. "This place looks great."

"I'm glad you like it. They do a killer cocktail menu. Although, let"s avoid the tequila tonight." He winks at me, and my stomach does a flip. It's stupid, but a part of me likes it.

"Agreed."

A waitress shows us to our table, which is more like a private booth, discreetly shielded from other diners. She takes my coat but doesn't offer a menu.

I look at Shaw. "No menu?"

"It's a tasting menu night. We just have what they serve."

"Right." I nod, feeling a little out of my comfort zone. Being on a date, the lack of menu and the dress that seems to be getting shorter every second, sends the creep of anxiety through me. I push it away, determined to win over these attacks.

"I hope that's okay. If I'm honest, I was hoping to impress you, but your face tells a different story."

"No, this is great. It's great. And I'm sorry." I fidget with my hands in my lap. "Maybe a drink would help? You mentioned a cocktail?"

With a practised ease, he smiles again and calls back the waitress. He doesn't seem nervous, and I wonder if he's a charmer to all the girls, especially with that accent of his.

"Could you remind me what cocktail was advertised at the bar?" he asks.

"Of course. However, we'd recommend something a little different to pair with the tasting experience this evening. Would that be okay? And to remind you, there's also an alcoholic drink as part of the menu later this evening."

"Sounds great. Rack ‘em up."

She leaves, and Shaw starts to laugh. "Okay, maybe this doesn't scream first date restaurant."

"I've eaten in far more pretentious places than this, don't worry." I think to some of the places Landon's dragged us to.

"Well, now, that's not what I'd have guessed."

"Really? So, what sort of place would you have thought I'd frequent?"

"Oh, maybe a relaxed sushi bar or just a homely Italian. I'm going to blame the rest of the night on my desire to make a good impression."

"You'd be right with either option, but let"s wait for the food and drink to speak for themselves. It could be the best we've ever had."

"Miri, be careful. Don't get my hopes up this early in the night."

"Oh, behave. You don't have alcohol to blame for your wandering mind yet."

And with that, the waitress returns with two small tumblers with a cloudy liquid inside, a lime rind on the rim and a shovel of crushed ice.

No explanation or introduction.

Just the drinks.

"Cheers." He raises his glass. "To new pleasures." He oozes the confidence of knowing how good-looking he is. We clink our drinks and take a sip, and both proceed to pull faces at the sour and sharp flavour of the drink.

"Wow, that's tart." I put it back down.

"Sweet tooth, girl?"

"Not overly. But in comparison to that, then yes." We both laugh.

~

The evening passes so fast it's scary. The food delivered punctuates the conversation, each dish really is delicious and a step up from the starting cocktail. It's food I'd never have tried, but I love everything they set down.

As we get further into the evening, any final concerns or uneasy feelings about being on a date evaporate. Shaw is constantly a charmer, but he partakes in a range of conversation topics from work, growing up and favourite things.

I was quiet when he spoke about having a big family with multiple siblings. I didn't want to tell him I'm not in contact with my only sister or the circumstances around that. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to share that with someone – to recount the awful things that happened to us. But his parents have also passed, so we share that same loss.

By the time the last dessert course is served, I have butterflies back in my stomach because I don't want the evening to end. The conversation draws to a close, but there's something, an invisible force, that weighs between us. An anticipation, perhaps, or a promise of something to come?

The feelings mix and twist in my gut, a shadow of confusion emerging. Should I be feeling this way? Is this normal? If I were back in Copenhagen, would this be what dating feels like?

Shaw settles the bill and offers me my coat. He takes the opportunity to provide the only real physical contact of the night and slides his hands over my shoulders and down my arms. His touch doesn't repulse or scare me, and it sends a shock of something else through me.

His hand on my back guides me through and out of the restaurant.

"Let me call you a cab." He steps out into the street with his arm raised, and I have a pang of desire hit me in the chest. I don't want the night to be over. It's crazy, but I feel at ease with Shaw. More than even some of my friends. It's like we just click.

"You don't want coffee?" My voice is quiet, but I own the words, and I know what I'm inviting him back for.

He has a soft look on his face and raises his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "Not tonight. Patience. If you get me back tonight, I'll have no guarantee of another date." He plants a tender kiss on the centre of my forehead. "I want another date, Miri. Several. I"m enjoying this."

He opens the car door and sees me inside before stepping away.

My heart is in a flutter all the way home.