CHAPTER FOUR

MIRI

The streets are busy as I join the bustle, finishing another session in the gym.

I've not been able to concentrate on anything since hearing the news. Even as I think back to that conversation, the noise of London drifts into the background, and I'm back in that room, being dragged to that chair with pain lancing through my foot like a knife. My legs go weak. They tremble from the fear that now has free roam around my body. But it's shadowed by something else – something just as hot as that metal iron they used to mark me. Anger.

My legs stay strong, and I keep walking, even though my toes crunch and flex inside my shoes. I need to get inside before another episode creeps over me.

Finally,the lift opens to the apartment floor, and I go inside. Dropping my bag in the entrance hall. I walk through to my bedroom, collapse onto the bed to stare at the ceiling, and force my pulse to steady out. But my mind cuts back to the argument we had outside the restaurant. I keep going over it because I can't leave it alone.

"You're an arsehole,Landon. Would you have told me? Or kept me in the dark?"

"Hey, Miri, look." Willow starts. "That's not fair. We didn't—"

"You're just as bad."

I cut Willow off because I felt so betrayed. Willow did all of this because she thought it was right. Because my sister asked her out of fear for me. A throw-away comment turned into reality, only I'm still living in a nightmare. It might be safer. Maybe. But I'm alone, even though Willow and I have grown to become friends. I'm not her family. She won't ever fill that gap for me.

Naja is my sister. My only family.

And now the anger that's festered, as I've kept it locked up inside me, toward her, has shifted to fear. What's happened to her? Is she okay?

My gut already tells me the answer to that. She's not okay if she's back with those monsters.

I remember how in awe I was of Tallington Hall – the place Jackson took us to when we first escaped. It was grand and extraordinary and unlike anything I'd ever seen. Willow was kind and didn't judge us. It felt safe. And I wanted to stay.

But that comment – that stupid comment from me saying I wanted to stay – set everything else in motion. I watched them drive away, and at first, it was exciting. But that drained really fast, and I soon realised what I'd done. And what Naja happily did.

Tallington wasn't home. It wasn't where Willow and Landon lived. It was a posh house that looked shiny and comforting, and when we moved to Earlwood a few days later, the reality began to set in. It was a smaller version of the same. Closer to London maybe, but still grand and prestigious and nothing like a home should be. I felt so homesick. But there was no way back from the decision I made.

Shaking my head, I get up and go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Knowing that this was where Landon lived made it weird when I first moved in, especially with the bedroom situation, so I chose a smaller room on the main floor. If he had any sense, he'd sell this place. I'd be happy in a small one-bedroom place, but I do appreciate what they've done for me. I just feel conflicted sometimes.

And still pissed off that they didn't tell me right away.

I sit and gaze out of the floor-to-ceiling windows that offer amazing views of London. Something is so peaceful about looking out over everything below; it makes me feel safe in an abstract way. Nobody can get to me up here. I'm locked up in a fortress, and that helps me sleep at night.

I pull my phone from my pocket.

I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner.

Are you okay?

Both messages are from Willow.

I want to find my sister.

I shut the phone off and go back to my room to shower and get ready for bed.

~

My dreams aren't usually pretty, and while I don't want to remember what happened to me, I'm usually grasping to remember what happened in the dream. It floats, just out of reach, like a whisp of cloud on the breeze.

And that's how I feel as I bolt upright in the dark. Except I have this real panicked feeling in my gut, like I've forgotten something, and I just can't place it. Maybe my dreams are worse than when I slip into a memory when I'm awake and I'm protecting myself, but it haunts me and puts me in a bad mood for the day.

With no hope of going back to sleep, I get ready, pack my bag, and wait for the morning to roll around and head to the gym.

Neil won't be there, but it doesn't matter. I can train on my own.

The gym is eerily quiet, with only the low hum of the machines and a fan or two that's already blowing. Channelling some of my emotions has helped, but the confidence in knowing I can handle myself now makes the sweat and hard work worth it. It kills time, too. Something I never thought I'd want to do.

Back home, I had friends and plans, and now, my plans are empty.

I plug into my playlist and hit the runner for a warm-up before moving into the training room. It's not a day to go too hard, but I still wrap my hands and check the cushioning before choosing the bag to take out my energy on.

In my head, I picture Jackson. And those men from the club. My anger rises, and with it, the pace of my hits against the bag. The leather and sand absorb my punches, but in my head, they crunch against bone and flesh. Pain. I want to cause it and direct it right at them – the Cortez family – because I have nowhere else to channel it.

"Woah, there, girl. Take it easy." Tally's voice pulls me from my focus. I take a step back and pull in a deep breath.

"Hey," I murmur.

"You should know better than going at it on your own." I nod and smile but inwardly roll my eyes. "You're not usually here this early. Everything okay?"

Tally introduced herself to me after seeing me here with Neil. She trains all the time, and our paths have crossed so often that we've become friends of sorts.

"Bad day?"

"Kinda. You good?" I murmur.

"I'm great. It's going to be a beautiful day."

I scowl at her in question. "Really?"

Tally beams. "Yep. In fact, you should embrace the day. We should go out. Carpe Diem and all that."

"Okay, let's not get carried away. I've not had any caffeine yet."

"I'll call Ade, and you can bring Mandy and Peter. A spontaneous night out, what do you say?"

Going out is still something I'm growing into, despite the best efforts of this group of individuals who all seem to have adopted me as a friend. Tally and her girlfriend, Adriana, are always so positive about everything. Plus, they're kind and seem honest and genuine.

Mandy started at the front desk at Broderick Media a week after I started. After two weeks, she pulled me to the side, dragged me up to the food court, put a coffee in front of me, and demanded I tell her why I looked so sad every day. I didn't go into the exact details but gave her a PG version overview.

And Peter, well, we became friends after I punched him in the face. He works at Broderick Media building as a part-time security guard, but he also lives with his aunt in the building adjacent to Landon's. He approached me on the way home from work one day, and my instinct and training took over.

I'm still not sorry for punching him, and we've grabbed coffee a few times when he's had a break. It's a bit of a random group of friends.

"Come on, Miri. I'll book us a table, something low-key, just dinner out." Her pigtails swing and bounce as she jumps up and down like an excited child. But when you're lost and lonely, that kind of positivity and inclusion is infectious. She draws a smile from me, and I know there's no saying no.

Tally stayed with me in the gym until it was time to get to work, and by then, I felt lighter. The dread that had woken me had slipped away, and I'm in no hurry to get it back.

Her positivity even went as far as me offering an invite to Ash to join us tonight. He had plans, which I was a little relieved about. Spending time with the handful of people I call friends is a big step and expanding that doesn't come naturally. He is Willow's brother, so if anything, he should be at the top of the friend option list, but we don't click.

~

The night rolls around, and Peter calls and hangs up, leaving me a missed call to signal that he's waiting downstairs.

I grab my bag and head down.

"You weren't at work today?" I start.

"I had an audition." He sounds pleased with himself, so I press for more.

"Oh?" I ask as we start a quick pace down the road toward the tube station.

"Yeah. You know me, always up for a side hustle." He pops his lapels on his jacket, trying to be cool.

"And exactly how many of those do you have?"

"A few."

He"s always been cryptic about what else he does to earn a living, but he doesn't know that Tally had learned he modelled as one of his side jobs. He's good-looking, over six foot, and has a cute smile, but I can't see him as anything romantic.

Sometimes, I worry I'll never be able to look at someone that way again.

~

The meal was fun. Everyone was up for a good time and in good spirits, which helped to raise mine. It's an odd combination of people and personalities, but these people have all taken me under their wing in a sense, and it's a good feeling to have them all here together.

I've not heard anything back from Willow since my message last night, which just made me feel trapped and unable to control what I really wanted.

"Miri, you in?"

"Sorry, what?" I shake my head and put my phone down.

"Dancing. A bar… music. It will be fun." Mandy is already up and out of her seat.

"Oh, I'm not sure, guys." I'm being polite. Dark, loud clubs with music and drinking are the last place I want to be. Although a part of me really fucking hates that I feel like that. I've taken positive steps to get control back in my life – to protect myself. Yet my immediate reaction is still no.

"No. We're not having that." Peter pulls me to standing. "We're all going. It's a cool place, very exclusive, just around the corner. Nobody is being left behind. And, if you don't love it, you don't have to stay long. I'll take you home." He gives me a wink.

"Come on, Miri." Tally joins in the rallying cry.

"Fine. Okay, you win."

Cheers and claps surround me, and despite feeling uncomfortable, I smile.

We leave, and Tally and Adriana strut off, leading the way.

Mandy snakes her arm through mine and pulls me toward her. "You're good. We'll all be there."

A few minutes later, Peter walks right up to the guy at the head of a line of people standing behind a red-roped queue barrier. We all follow and wait, feeling everybody's eyes on us as they judge us for jumping the line. They exchange words, a handshake, and a weird guy hug, and then, we're ushered inside, walking right in.

"Okay, tell me that wasn't cool," he whispers.

"It was pretty cool."

Naja would've liked him.

The thought sneaks into my mind, and it turns my mood sour. I shouldn't be thinking like that. She'll have the chance to meet him, I'm sure of it.

As we walk through the entry, the loud beat of the music begins to vibrate through the floor. Tally and Ade are already dancing with their arms up and look like they're ready for a great night. Mandy and Peter flank me as we walk up a set of stairs, through a set of double doors and onto the main floor. A huge dance floor, lined with private booths and tables, is revealed. Laser and flashing lights offer some lighting, but aside from that, it's pretty dark.

Shadows and silhouettes dominate, with glimpses and flickers of detail. My heart rate picks up, and my stomach twists, making me feel like I want to throw up the pasta I just ate.

Peter goes ahead and grabs us a booth as a couple get up to dance, and I happily take a seat, my back to the wall, so I can keep watch of the people around me.

The one redemption – it's not busy. And I can't understand why there's a queue so long when it's pretty empty up here.

"Let's dance!" Tally screams at me and twirls Ade around before heading into the crowd. I'm happy just to stay put, assess the surroundings and, hopefully, get some control over my anxiety.

Mandy tilts her hand at me in the universal gesture of "drink." I nod, hoping a little alcohol will settle my nerves.

My eyes follow her to the bar, watching for anyone who might approach her. She's a few years older than me, super tall, and beautiful – the perfect partner for Peter, but they seem oblivious towards one another, even if I think they'd make a gorgeous couple. Like Willow and Landon if he were younger.

She gets to the bar with no trouble, and I keep watching as the barman does his thing and hands over the drinks. Then, a guy blocks my view of her. He steps towards her and pushes in next to her at the bar. For a second, I wait for something bad to happen, and I'm relieved when I see her turn around with the drinks in hand.

I smile and thank her, grateful I didn't have to do that.

"Dance?" she asks.

"Not yet." I sip the drink and stay vigilant of the people around us.

"Right, I'm going to do a lap." Peter stands and leaves us to our drinks. It's nice to know I won't be here alone for any part of the night.

It's too loud to really talk, so I keep a watch for Tally and Ade. I know Tally can handle herself, but I keep scanning the crowd around the dance floor anyway.

It's then that I spot a tall, good-looking, well-built guy. He's dressed in a shirt and jeans, but something about him looks a little out of place. He looks over to me, and I dip my eyes away quickly, focusing back on Tally and looking to see if I can spot Peter dancing.

When my eyes travel back toward the man, I see he's still staring, so I turn away back to Mandy.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, but I'm uncomfortable having the man looking at me.

A few minutes later, Peter's back and slides in next to me, putting his arm around the back of the booth. Leaning in, he shouts, "I think it's time for a dance." I look behind him to where the man was, but to my relief, he's gone, and I let out the breath I was holding.

I smile at Peter and let him lead the way towards Tally and Ade dancing.

The steady stream of people around me makes me feel out of my depth, but I focus on the friends around me and know they won't let anything bad happen to me.

I won't let anything bad happen to me.

The music picks up in tempo, and people cheer and start jumping around. It's a distraction, and I let myself enjoy the energy rather than feel intimidated by it. And then I see him again.

Standing closer this time.

I grab Peter and switch places so I can't see him.

"You okay?" Peter asks.

I put on a smile and keep dancing.

But the man doesn't give up.

He moves so he can see me again.

Fuck this.

This is the first time I've been out with friends, and I'm not going to have some guy ruin it for me because he can't keep his eyes to himself.

I move past Peter, but he catches my arm as I do. "Wow, you okay?"

I shake off his grip and march directly to the man, looking at me, now with a grin on his lips.

"What is your problem? Stop looking at me."