CHAPTER TWENTY - THREE

SHAW

Idon't know how I feel about anything anymore. Waking up next to her this morning and knowing I was doing the right thing by my own gut reaction to this work we do, hurt somehow. It's probably the realisation setting in. There was barely a chance at going back after the first hit at Abel, let alone me shooting him, and now, with us travelling cross-country to get the sister as well, I'm truly cutting my throat.

Miri won't have seen it ‘cause I'm damn good at hiding anything remotely bordering on feelings, but it all fucking aches beyond words at the moment. All the anger and humiliation and dismissive comments from them over the years mean shit this morning, because it's the first time I've woken up without something on my phone telling me to be somewhere. Or some group chat about what's happening. That's what family is to me. And maybe it's a fucked-up concept to the rest of the world, but it's what I've known. They've always been there – wrapped around me. Inside me even.

Looks like I'm free of that now.

Thinking back on Miri's attack helps. It reminds me about doing good. Mariana was like that for a while after she was taken. I'd go in and sit with her when she lost it, putting my hand on her shoulder as if that would do some good. Thirteen-year-olds know shit about panic attacks, but I think it worked. I used to feel her mood shift, like her energy and mine were in sync. She'd cry, I'd wait, and eventually, our heart rates were the same again.

"I got you a coffee," Miri says as she opens the door. I look sideways at her climbing into the car and frown. "You didn't sleep much. Thought you could use more caffeine." I nod and take it from her. "What's with the frown?" It deepens on my face. "You said this was good? Going to get Naja? You haven't changed your mind now, have you?" She's clutching her own damn coffee like I'm about to take all the wind from her sails. "I need her, Shaw." I turn the wheel and ease down on the gas, pulling us out of the gas station so we can get on with the plan.

"Nothing's changed. Calm down."

"Oh, okay." She nods, but I can see her fear take hold for a moment.

The drive continues in silence for the most part. I'm just thinking some more, letting all these damn emotions try to find some goddamn balance in what I'm doing verses what I've been taught to do. She talks occasionally, asking me what we're gonna do when we've got Naja, where we're gonna go after. I have zero fucking answers for that, so don't try giving any. I just keep driving. I mean, snatching a woman outta somewhere is easy enough, and beating on, or threatening, or even killing someone if they get in my way is nothing new to me. Just another day in the office, right? Steal a woman, take her somewhere.

"Shaw?"

I sigh, pissed with the interruption in my thoughts. "What, Miri?"

"Where is she?"

"Place called the Grillhouse."

"Is it a brothel?"

"Kinda."

She picks at the lid of her coffee. "So, she'll have been made to have sex."

"Yeah." And more than that.

"And your family sold her to someone?"

"Yeah."

"How much?"

"Don't know. I don't see the books."

Quiet. Until.

"Is it a nice place?" Nice?

I turn to look at her, watching those eyes hope I'm gonna say something to ease her fears down. Why would I do that? I look back up front to keep steady on the road. There were enough lies between us early on for a fucking lifetime. "It used to be owned by a guy called Chance. He made snuff films. He got killed, though, and the place fell into our hands. Abel sold it on to a guy called Reece Carlise. From what I know of him, he's not into the same kinda kink as Chance was. She'll be alive, but you better prepare yourself for a fucking mess, Miri, because these kinda clients are high ballers, and they get what they want from life."

"Okay." She doesn't look okay. "Thanks for the honesty," she says quietly. "Are you okay?"

I look at her again. "What?"

She lets a sigh of her own out and pulls up her knees. "I might not like what your family do and have done, but I know what you're risking by doing this for me. It must hurt a bit maybe? To think of losing them?"

"I'm fine."

"I bet you've said that a lot in your life."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I'm assuming you're doing this because you're not okay with what your family does to women and girls in general. I guess you've had to hide that a lot, like you're hiding your feelings now."

"Something like that."

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Alright. How do you feel? You've got some nasty bruises, and that cut still looks sore."

"Fine."

"Okay. Do you know how you're going to get Naja?"

"I'll deal with that when we get there."

"How long will that be?"

"An hour or so."

"Okay. Will you need your gun? Silly question. Of course, you will."

"Why are you talking so much?"

She snaps her head toward me. "Sorry. Nerves, I guess."

My brow cocks, as I look at her. I've barely seen one inch of nerves on her since we've met. Rage and scepticism, maybe some coy shit, too, but nerves? None. Other than a random panic attack. "Where's that feisty ass bitch that attacked me gone?"

She smiles and rests her head on the seat, shifting her body so she's fully facing me. "She's worried about her sister. Don't try any shit, though. Feisty ass bitch can be back any minute." I smirk, remembering it, and the fucking after it, and look back at the road. "So, what changed your mind?"

"About what?"

"Letting me go?"

I sigh. "I don't know, Miri. Maybe I just started listening to my own guts."

"That's all?"

A smile breaks out on my face for the first time in forever. "You looking for some declaration of love, sweetheart?" She chuckles but stays silent other than that. "You come from where I do, not quite fitting into it, and it takes some years to find answers in your own head, I guess. I can't explain it. Don't even want to in reality. Just is, you know? I guess you tipped the balance somehow. Right timing, maybe."

I pull off the freeway and down towards the outskirts of Nashville, circling my way through the suburbs in the direction we're heading. "You get those panic attacks often?"

She looks away, maybe embarrassed. "Sometimes."

"My family's fault, yeah?"

"Yeah."

I nod and keep driving, pissed with the thought but not about to dissect it any further. Not a lot I can do, is there? Other than what I am doing. "Been a long time since I've been to Nashville. I was nineteen. Dante brought me. Brother's weekend, he said. He talked shit about our business the whole journey here, made me laugh a lot, got part trashed with me at a bar, and then left me in a hotel room most of the night. Still don't know, to this day, what he got up to that night. He knew this place we're heading to, though. I remember the name well. He spoke about some deal with Chance back then."

"You haven't been to this Grillhouse?"

"No."

"How do you know where it is then?"

"He showed it to me on the drive in. Said to remember the location. He must have thought we'd do business with Chance here further down the line."

"But Chance is dead?"

"Yeah, my sister shot him."

"Wow. Your world is truly screwed."

A laugh peels out of me, followed by yet more laughter. "Screwed? You don't know the half of it. I can't remember a normal fucking day in my life. Don't even know what normal is in reality. Maybe my normal is normal, and yours is the one that's screwed." I keep chuckling, unsure why I am. Exhaustion? Sheer fucking insanity? "The hell am I doing?" mutters from me. It isn't a question.

"The right thing?" Miri says.

My laughter dies down, and I nod. "Yeah." Right by who, though?

Slowly, the strip disperses, and I pull around to some old buildings out back of the flashier places. Nothing on the outside shows it's the Grillhouse. These kinda places aren't advertised like some of our strip clubs are. No neon or arrows pointing the way in. No hawkers or security outside either, other than one guy a way off under a canopy. And yeah, the law and city might see them as legitimate businesses on paper, but they both know they're not, and it's just more corrupt shit that makes the world inside those walls disappear. Last I knew, Chance was tipping a good six-figures a year to anyone in authority that needed it to stay quiet. We don't usually do that so much. We threaten.

"Is that it? The place?" Miri asks as I stare at the black door and pull off again.

"Yeah."

"Why are we leaving?"

I drive around the corner of the block and kill the engine, turning to face her. "We're gonna need to do something like we did back at the casino, and you're gonna need to be ready to get the hell outta here with or without me."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm about to deal with some real fucking lowlifes, and I might not get out. You don't see me clean and free and coming out of that door …" I point at the back entrance, "… within the fifteen minutes we laid down last time, you leave. Don't look back. Just drive. Go live your life somewhere under the radar."

She screws her face up, ruining those pretty as fuck eyes of hers. "Can I come with you? Help?"

"No."

"But I helped with Abel and-"

"No. Not this time. I didn't get you free so you could get caught again." Something softens on her face, quietens at least. "All this I'm doing is to make sure, for once in my life, that the thing I've done makes sense to me. You get me? You understand? All this might not have been for you alone, and yeah, maybe it's some kinda penance for me, but if you don't get free, then it's been for nothing. I can't deal with that. I sure as hell won't go in there, knowing I might die, unless I'm certain you're gonna do the right thing by you."

"But-"

"But nothing, Miri. You get your sweet ass free of this shit and go live your life. Have a bunch of kids. Forget all this and move on, yeah? You promise me that right now."

She frowns but nods.

Fine.

I grab my gun and ease out of the car, pushing the weapon into the back of my waistband.

"Shaw?" I duck to look back at her. "Stay alive." Yeah.

Slamming the door on her, I start moving. I don't have time to think too much about it anymore. I said I'd do this for her, and the only way it's getting done is at speed without any goddamn sentiment driving me.

The one guy stationed a way off from the entrance looks at me as I approach and gets closer as I do.

"I'm Shaw Cortez. I need to see Reece. Abel sent me."

He hits the door a couple of times and goes for his earpiece, and I watch the door fold inwards for me. Shadows and low music pull me down into the place, and I follow the stairs until I'm met by some dude wanting to lead me somewhere. I scan the second he leaves me by a bar, searching for Naja in all the faces and filth. She's nowhere that I can see, and beforeReecegets to me or someone comes asking questions, I get up and mill through the fucking and dick-sucking going down around me.

The floor sticks to my boots as I move, and the sweet stench of pussy and perfume hangs heavy on my clothes with each next step. I'd like to think about fucking, but here, now, there's only one thing consuming me, and it's nothing to do with my dick. Faces flash in front of me, none of them the girl I'm looking for. Blonde hair, red. I keep moving, cutting through rooms and around people, and then I get to a door that won't open.

Backing off it, I wait for someone to go through or for it to open. Luckily for me, it opens after a few minutes, and I hook a heel on it before it closes again. I'm through it just as quick and travelling dark corridors at pace this time with my gun pulled and ready for whoever's gonna try stopping me. It reminds me of home after a while. Cages and closed-off rooms line the halls, and each one opened, or peered into, shows me some girl in some state I don't want to process. And then, finally, I find her.

She backs up to the wall the second she sees me, mouth opening like she's gonna scream.

My fingers go to my lips, and I look back along the corridor. "I need you to trust me, Naja. Be quiet." I look around the outside of the cage, searching for keys. There aren't any, which means I'm gonna need to blow this lock to get her out. "Okay. I'm gonna shoot this lock, and then we're gonna run. You understand me?"

Dark, tired eyes look back at me from the ground, and she shifts her emaciated frame across the space. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"You wanna see Miri? She's outside, waiting for you."

"Miri? You've got Miri?"

I back up a step and aim. "Pretty sure she's got me," grumbles from me. "Stay back." The gun fires, the lock explodes, and I yank the cage door and offer my hand down to her. "Get up. We've gotta move." She doesn't grab my hand, but it doesn't stop her moving with me the second I set off back along corridors. Some guy comes around a corner as we're hurrying. I shoot at his head without thought, knowing the quicker we are, the more hope we've got of doing this without a swarm of guys ending us.

Another guy must have heard the shot ‘cause he's in front of me all of a sudden. Another shot, and another to his leg, and I crouch to look around the next hallway. Sure as shit, a ruck of probably trained men are coming out of it.

I look back where we've come from, knowing there's no way out down there. "Fuck."

"What can I do?" Naja says behind me.

"You feeling brave?"

"What?"

"Walk out there and pretend you escaped. I need the distraction."

"What?"

"Just do it. You wanna see your sister? Do as you're damn well told."

She moves, and the second all the guys look at her barely covered ass, I'm up and shooting anything that moves. The barrel empties and all I've got left is my Cortez given front to help me out. It's a blur of anger and pain. Knuckles meet my skull, and hands grapple and barge at me. Blood pours from one, or all of us. I just keep sweeping and hitting, picturing Dante coming at me so I can win at least one fight against him.

All I can really see in my periphery is someone's hands on Naja, and sure as hell, that forces me to fight with everything I've got. I let my family down in the worst goddamn way a few days back. I went rogue and pissed on them. I'm not letting Miri down, too. We're getting out of here alive.