CHAPTER TWENTY - ONE

SHAW

Ican't speak. I'm just pushing this car to its max down the old, dirt road and slinging it around corners in the hope that I can outrun what I've doneand am doing.

Gravel and dust kick out behind me as I finally turn the headlights on so I can see.

"Shaw?" I power down on the gas again, ignoring her. "Shaw, you're bleeding." Yeah, I feel it. Blood's leaking out of my head from the fight. I lift my hand and swipe at my forehead, spinning the wheel with my other hand to get us moving towards the freeway and out of here. "It's going to need more than that. A doctor maybe or-"

"Shut the hell up. It's all your damn fault, anyway."She just had to run. Go. That's all I had to give her, and now we're here – both of us running – and I've just gone against everything I've been bred to believe in. "Couldn't just fucking run, could you? No. Had to get all mouthy with me and cause more goddamn problems."

"I wouldn't be in the middle of this if it wasn't for you!"

My head swings to look at her. "Fuck you, Miri."

She instantly turns to look out the passenger side window. "Yeah. Fuck you, too."

Silence descends as I keep driving and try thinking my way through this shit. There aren't any easy options, and underlying all that is the real fear biting at me about the state Abel's in. I look at my phone, knowing I need to call someone and let them know they need to get there and help him. I'm not far enough away yet, though. Miri definitely isn't. After what I've just done, we both need to be a long ass way from home with no chance of anyone finding us anytime soon.

I pull over five minutes later at an abandoned farm building, hiding the car around back and strip the tracking out of it. A few minutes walking around in the dead of night, constantly flipping my glare at her still in the passenger seat and growling at my own fucking stupidity, I eventually send a text to Mariana to go help. I have to. It doesn't matter how good beating him felt or how powerful I felt for once in my life; he's my brother.

Swallowing some shame down, I stare into the night. He just kept goading me – not giving me one goddamn inch of respect. I had to do this – had to. What other way was there? Backing down again? Rolling over like a fucking dog? Agreeing that what we're doing with these girls, with Miri, is okay? It isn't. Never has been.

Fuck them.

Sim pulled from the phone and crushed into the dirt, and I slide back into the car.

"What was all that about?" Miri asks.

I don't answer. I pull out onto the road and get the speed to max again. Old, empty suburbs and broken-up buildings go past the window, and I stay in my own head. I don't even know what I'm doing other than running. Guess we need a motel or something, some place to lie low while I think this through some more. I push my hand into my pants, searching for cash. Around fifty bucks falls out of my shaking hand and lands between us. That's getting us nowhere fast, and I can't use any card I've got because Knox will track the shit out of that.

My hand slams the steering wheel.

"FUCK!"

Miri shrinks away from me, pulling her legs up into the seat to try to hide herself in the door. I sneer at the move and keep focused on the road, using my head rather than whatever insanity put this night in motion. I'd like to blame it all on my dick, because, damn, she's a good fuck, but it's not that – not entirely, anyway. It's years of repression and goddamn tyranny above me.

Shaw's not good enough, Shaw couldn't manage shit, Shaw's pointless.

Yeah, I heard them all, and most times, they didn't even bother hiding that kinda conversation from me. Did it right in front of my face like I wasn't even there. Well, look who's come out of the shadows now? They should've been more careful with me, more cautious.

"Thank you," Miri says quietly. I swing my glare at her again. She's shaking a little, still looking out the window. "Just, thank you, Shaw."

A disgusted, half-hearted laugh falls out of me in response.

She shouldn't be thanking me. I just signed her death warrant for her.

Possibly my own, too.

A few more miles travelled and sense starts kicking in. I need money, and at the moment, I'm down for getting it any way I can. I scan the area we're in and take a left, driving us straight towards one of the places that pay us monthly for the privilege of being able to work our territory.

The old, quiet casino comes into view a few more miles along, and I pull over.

"Stay here and stay low," I mutter, killing the engine.

She looks right at me and grabs my arm. "What? Why? What's going on?"

I peel the fingers from my arm and pull my gun from the glove box. "We need cash. I'm getting some."

"Shaw, wait. Are you going in there to fight? What if you don't come out again? What do I do then? What if your brother wakes up and follows us?"

I sigh and look around the parking lot, knowing that's always a possibility in my life. "Can you drive?"

"Um, yeah."

"Are you gonna wait for me?" She hesitates too fucking long for my liking, so I snatch the keys from the ignition and start getting out. "Doesn't matter." Why would she?

"Shaw!"

"What?"

"You can't leave me out here with no way of escape."

"Yeah, well, I don't trust you to wait here. What if I get out and you're gone?"

"Gone where? I wouldn't know where to go." I stare at her, thinking. Taking her in with me isn't going to work. "I'll wait. I will. Give me the keys. If you're not out in fifteen minutes, I'll know, and then I'll go somewhere." She looks around the area. "Anywhere, right? I'll wait, though. Kinda need you right now." I don't have time for debate.

Neither of us do.

"Fine." I sling the key at her. "Fifteen minutes. Don't move the car unless I'm not out."

I walk straight for the back rooms, cutting through the stench of cigarettes and old guys playing games they can't afford to lose. I don't need fifteen minutes. Not in this mood.

The owner – some dude who took over from his dead brother – looks up at me the second I open the door to his office and close it.

"Payment's due," I mutter.

He frowns. "No, it isn't. Not for two weeks."

I lift my gun, refusing any fucking conversation on the situation, and send a round off somewhere near his head. He shifts back from his desk, tumbling the chair over in the process. "Now." He scuttles around for balance, then lands a hand near his desk drawer. I send another round off, watching the bullet splinter into the wood by his fingers. The money isn't in his desk. His gun probably is, though. Or some fucking alarm to call reinforcements. "Safe. I'm not in the mood for games tonight. I'm in a hurry, too."

After too fucking long, he does the only thing he can do; he uncovers and opens the safe at the back of the room to start loading up the twenty grand he regularly pays Knox into a bag. I take it and start backing out of the room, gun still aimed. He'll know this isn't right, and it wouldn't surprise me if he puts a call into Knox pretty fucking quick after I've left. Let's hope trusting Miri was the right call because if she's not there, I'm screwed.

Quickly tracking back through the bar and tables, I turn out into the night and head for where the car was. It isn't there. "Fucking bitch." An engine revs from the other end of the parking lot. It's mine. I watch it crawl over quietly, lights on, and look into the interior as the window slides down. "I told you not to move it."

"There was a guy. Big. Creepy." And I'm not? The corners of my mouth lift. She smiles lightly. "I told you I wouldn't leave."

I open the door and climb into the passenger side. "You sure you can drive this?"

"Is it where it was?"

"No."

"Question answered then. You've got the money?"

I hold the bag up. "Question answered. Let's go. Drive."

"Where?"

"I don't know, Miri. Just drive until I do."

~

We end up at some motel on the outskirts of Memphis. She drove for a few hours, and then we swapped, and she slept, and I just kept driving through the rest of the night into the next day. The sun rose on me like some fire filling the sky, burning it alive. I felt that in the pit of my stomach because that's what I've done – set my world on fire. And what for? Her? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe those eyes of hers got to me. Or it could have been the years before her. Don't know. I'm lost about now.

I filled up at a gas station a couple of times, got some food, drank coffee like it was gonna deal with some sins, and then we kept moving again. I wasn't aiming for shit. I was running. Still am. But damn, I need some sleep now.

The guy shows us to the only room he's got. Single bed and probably rat-infested.

Don't care.

I sling the bag of money on the side and head for the shower. No point hiding it. We're both neck deep in this, even if she doesn't know how far I just went for her. She wants to steal it and run now; what does it matter? I'm far enough away, untraceable as far as I know, and, in this dog-tired state, uncaring.

By the time I'm out of the shower, drying my hair off with a towel, and pulling my jeans back on, she's sliding past me and shutting the door behind her. I snort and collapse on the bed. She's shy, now? Cute. A long ass sigh drains out of me, and I close my eyes. Stupid ass thing is, the second I do, all I can see is Abel with blood all over him. I flick them open again and stare at the ceiling, pissed with the imagery. It's like fire eating me up inside, scraping and grating at my bones to tell me I did something wrong. Didn't, not by Miri, anyway. She's free now. Away. She can get back to her own life, and maybe I can live with myself a little better because of that. Live with myself? That'll be right. I'll be on my own, that's for damn sure.

"Shaw?" I keep staring at the ceiling as she walks into the room. "What happens now?"

"Guess you stay here the night, and then you go."

"Go where?"

"Wherever the fuck you want, Miri. I've done my part."

"But what about Naja?" I slant my gaze at her as she sits in the chair in a towel.

"What about her?"

"I can't just leave without her. I don't even know how to leave anyway. I've got no passport, no money." She looks at the bag on the side. "Can you sort that for me? I don't know how to, and I need one." I look back at the ceiling.

"I've done all I'm doing. That's enough."

"Enough? My sister is still out there somewhere, and you think this is enough?"

"You're goddamn right it's enough. I just blew my world to shit for you." I try closing my eyes again. Abel's still there. "Fuck!" I sit up and look around the small room, searching for booze. There isn't any. "Jesus fucking Christ!" I stand and pace the confines, hoping some will appear. It doesn't. I swipe at the bag, getting some cash out so I can go get some if I can't sleep.

"What are you doing?" she asks. I grab my keys and open the door to leave. "Shaw? Where are you going?"

"Going to get some booze."

"You're going to get drunk?"

"Yeah."

"And leaving me here?"

"Yeah. You wanna run, go for it. You're not my problem anymore. I'm done." She grabs my arm and tries hauling me back in. "Get the hell off of me."

"No. What if we need to run again? We need to figure this all out."

"Fuck that. There's nothing to figure out. Why the fuck would we do that?"

"Because …." She drops my arm and backs up a step. "Because you're all I've got at the moment, and I don't know what I'm doing. And I need my sister, Shaw. I need her. She wouldn't leave me, and I'm not leaving her, and you know where she is."

"I don't know shit." Her finger comes up, pointing at me.

"You're lying. You do know. You all know what you do with women." I swallow, pissed at the fact that I know exactly where she is. "And you know all this is wrong – ALL OF IT!"

"Yeah, and you're here now because of that fact, so stop throwing crap at me."

"You could help more, but you're too busy, what, wanting to go get drunk? Fucking useless." I slam the door, as pissed with her attitude as I am with this whole damn confusing situation.

"Did you just call me useless? Do you know what I've just done for you? My whole fucking world is gone, and you're calling me useless? Did you see me beating on my own goddamn brother so you could get out of there? I'm dead because of that, Miri. My whole goddamn family will disown me for this, if one or two of them don't try killing me for it."

"No. They'll take you back, and you'll carry on-"

"You don't get it, do you? There is no going back. None. I don't live in your world where people talk through their problems and find solutions. I just pissed on them from the highest fucking level. I am done. Zero fucking options."