CHAPTER ELEVEN

SHAW

I'm not good at this. No matter how much I try to get in the goddamn zone, she's just a scared, lonely girl to me. That doesn't stop what I am and who my family is, though. Doesn't stop the reason I'm here, either.

Phone calls keep coming, or texts, from them. They remind me what I am – what I should be. There's information about New York and Logan going through the group chat – all legitimate shit that makes us seem like some business we're not. The real crap doesn't get written down anywhere, despite Knox's ability to get rid of it all instantly when told to. No, that stays on a face-to-face basis only. The more I read it all, the more I want to be there, not here. Killing and beating is easy. Being a fucking asshole to women isn't. Got a job to do, though.

I keep focused on the room she's in, keep thinking about a dead brother and the thought of him in there being killed. It's easier if I do that, more realistic anyway. It'll be done and over soon enough. Abel's getting organised, getting me and her out of here. I'll be home then. I've just gotta forget she's human, that's all. Ignore her.

"SHAW!" I shake my head and back off some steps into the recess of the corridor. "I need water, the bathroom, food?" She's already been to the bathroom. I dragged her out when she asked last time and got zero thanks for it. Bitch tried running for it when I pushed her into a corner of the cellar and surprised me with her speed. Didn't work, though. All that happened is she made me more pissed, and then it was easier to treat her like a dog again for a while.

"SHAW! SHAW!"

I walk back, annoyed with her constant volume level, and look through the small opening in the door. "I told you to shut the hell up. You don't want me to make you quieten down, do you?"

She stands at the far wall, eyes like slits at me again. "I need the bathroom."

"After the last time? Fuck you. You piss where you stand."

Something about her face changes, softens. I'm not bowing to that crap. She knows exactly what she's doing, and I don't doubt she's trying to find a way under my skin. It's one thing you learn when you spend most of your life fucking anything that moves – women are clever as hell. They know all about manipulating and finding a route to get what they want.

"Please, Shaw. I'm hungry. And thirsty." I backstep a few paces, pick up a bottle of water, and toss it into the room. She looks at it as it rolls towards her and eventually reaches for it a few feet from her. "Thank you." She drinks and looks back up at me. "Any food out there?"

"You gonna keep shouting?"

"No. I'll stop. I just …. I don't like being alone." My own stare narrows at her admitting that. "I was with others last time." She slides down the wall to sit and drinks some more. "I don't suppose you'd know that, though. I was never alone here last time. Why weren't you here then?"

Conversation? I'm not getting into that. Cattle. Nothing to me.

Stepping back again, I grab some chips and candy and toss them through the window.

She reaches for the chips and starts eating. "You're young compared to them."

"Don't take that as a sign of weakness."

"Oh, I don't. Just, it must be harder for you."

I frown. "Why?"

"Because you're not like them. Different generation, maybe."

"Tell that to my sister. She's as much a bitch as my mother ever was." I scowl at my own words, pissed that I've engaged with her even though I know I shouldn't, and move away from the door. I leave her for a while and walk the ruins again, trying to keep Elias front and centre in my mind. It isn't working, and the more she talks, the harder it's getting.

My phone rings after a while, Abel. I ignore it, unsure why I have. He's my route home, and I know it, but he's also her route to another cell and being sold. That doesn't sit right inside me, despite me knowing I'll be one step closer to home because of it.

I sit, hands on my head, and listen as the phone rings again. He won't leave a message. He wants direct speech so he can hear me and my tone. That asshole knows everything about us all because of that. He understands where we're at by talking, listening. And this right here, this crap he's making me do, is aimed at me proving myself. I do it right, and I'm climbing some fucking ladder to the top of New York. I don't, and I'm fucking pointless to him. We both know it.

It rings again, and I throw the goddamn thing, watching it bounce off the crumbling wall. Dust kicks up with it. Doesn't stop ringing, though.

There's a text soon after, and another. Fuck him.

Standing, I leave the phone where it is and walk the corridors. A riot of opinions and thoughts go through my head, all conflicting. Don't think I've ever had to do something like this before on my own. There's always been someone else, someone who gives no fucks to their welfare to force shit. Dante mostly, Knox, too, though. I don't even want to think about the other guys we've employed through the years. They were all scum, still are. And they were at their worst when Elias was still here to goad them. At least that's one thing I can say about my still-living brothers – they don't fuck the product. Not usually, anyway. Me, though? I fuck just about anything I want – product included. Not sure if that makes me worse or not. I don't beat on them, though. Never have.

Eventually, I return to my phone, still confused with my own mental load, and check the messages. Nothing from Abel. Two from Knox. I frown and open the first one.

Answer Abel before he blows.

And the next.

Get your head out of your ass, Shaw. Do your job. It's nearly done. Life's about to get easier for you.

I nod to myself, imagining the conversation they must have had about me. Abel probably got pissy as hell, and Knox tried to calm him down for me. Guess he's planning – trying to give me a space in this new version of Cortez that means I'll be away from the side of this business he knows I'm not down with. That doesn't stop this fucking part I'm still involved in, though.

"SHAW!"

Some kind of fury rises straight through me at her fucking shouting again. I'm walking for her room before I'm thinking square, opening the door and glaring at her. She shifts up from the floor and scrambles backwards.

"I told you to shut the hell up," I snarl. "You need something stuffed in that mouth?" She frowns and looks around the space. "I'm one fucking inch off not giving a damn. Don't make me cross that road." Because I will if I have to. I know that about myself well enough. Doesn't matter if it sits right or not, my loyalty is right where it should be, and no one, least of all one of the reasons my brother is dead, is changing that. I'm just a fucking mess about it, is all. Screwed up.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I was just on my own again and …" She trails off. "I really do need the bathroom. I'll behave this time. Promise. I just …. Don't want to do it in here." I watch her crawling her way along the wall, all fragile and cute. "Out there, yes? I won't run. Please, Shaw."

Oh, she's a clever little fuck. Sweet talking me? Trying, at least.

My spine straightens, mouth sneering. "If you think this act is gonna work with me, you're wrong. What was your number?" She stops instantly, and I watch her face harden again. "Get it out your mouth before I force it."

"Screw you."

"Yeah? Let's do that then." I move in, ready to grab at her because fucking I can do. I can do that without any thought at all.

She races around the room, trying to outrun me. Left, right. I'm smiling at some point in the chase, enjoying it. Takes me away from the moment, makes me forget maybe. My hand grabs for her as she tries rushing past me again, and this time, my strength and scope win. She gasps and reaches for my hand in her hair, twisting her body to try getting out of my hold. Doesn't work. All it does is wind my dick up.

Less than no fucks given, and I'm pushing her down to the ground.

"No!" She spits.

"Might as well. You"re owned, right?" I roll my body weight onto her, bracing her hands above her head by her wrists. She keeps kicking, trying to get away from me pushing her pants off her, until she goes deathly still.

She trains those eyes on mine, not one emotion crosses her face. "You disgust me," she murmurs. "You're an animal. You're worse than he was." I'm nothing like he was.

I frown and calm my hands, too pissed at the confusion raging through me, and eventually let go completely. I'm standing and walking backwards soon after, fucking lost in my own head.

"Just be quiet. Don't speak again."