35. binds & betrayal

35

binds my husband killed me.

What if I wasn't ready to die just then? What if I wanted more time to be human? But he did do it while making me come and then afterward he apparently dressed me and gave me headache meds along with a note to make up for it which I guess did make me feel slightly better. I suppose I shouldn't have been too mad because he did promise me I wouldn't feel a thing and ultimately, he kept that promise.

Troy had entered my room shortly after I woke, Natasha in tow. She urged me to take the meds and eat the chocolate to help with the aches. I didn't even know Aspirin would work for vampires, considering they're all dead. I am dead . But according to Troian, transition takes about forty-eight hours to complete. She said I'd feel groggy for a little bit with the pain that comes with certain changes like in my teeth and in my head. Then she said I would start to feel all the emotions and senses strengthen within me, likely causing me to feel overwhelmed which is something I will learn to minimize. She also said that I might start to hear voices as I interact with others as an accidental invasion of their thoughts and I'd also have to learn how to not be so invasive . . . unless I want to be. I might also start to feel my body reject the old me, whatever the hell that means. I wanted to ask her for clarification on that concept, but I didn't get time before the shooting pain in my head started up again and Natasha forced me to take the medicine.

I hated waking up alone. And because my emotions were tenfold, I felt more aggression than was probably necessary, hyper fixating on wanting to rip Rivian's head off. Thank goodness the chocolate actually did help settle that notion. The smooth rich texture melted on my tongue and traveled down my throat.

After a few more hours of rest and allowing Natasha to run me a bath, my body started to feel somewhat relaxed from the over stimulation I’d been experiencing and I was able to do more than just spiral from what felt like delirium.

I learned that I am not allowed to step into the sunlight just yet because my transition won't be fully complete until tomorrow night and doing so would cause my body to burn. I also learned that I need to drink blood to satisfy the transition as well. Both of these things should’ve scared me, but they didn't; I fully anticipated them as I accepted my role into this new life.

After the bath, I got dressed and did my hair, wanting to make myself look prettier than I felt, and then I waited around in the darkened room all day wanting to do anything else other than sit around in the void.

Time as a vampire seems to move a lot slower, dragging everything on. Especially when you’re sitting around and letting the darkness swallow you whole.

"When night falls, you are allowed to be who you want, do what you want, and you don't have to hide in the shadows anymore. It's the best part about being a vampire, we can relish in the cravings we have and roam the edges of the Earth if we see fit. Nothing is off limits." Is what Troian said to me before she left not long ago. And honestly, I resonated with that. Because for so long I felt like I needed to hide myself from the world, feeling so lost and unwanted.

I decided that after a few hours of wondering what comes next, I was going to explore, even if I was advised not to leave.

The fancy, overpriced clothes that I had put on started to feel too suffocating against my sensitive skin so I decided to tear them off and ended up wrapping the silk sheet from Rivian's bed around me before heading out barefoot into the halls.

I was surprised to see that Kacian wasn't out there guarding me. At least not until he found me as I walked down the steps. He asked me where I was headed but I didn't have an answer for him and I could tell he was trying to avoid eye contact with me seeing as I was practically exposed. But I didn't let that deter me, walking around the castle until I found what I was looking for.

As I paraded the halls, thoughts of when I was younger berated me, reminding me that not long ago I was a sad and broken girl with a family who hated me. Those thoughts seemed to marinate for far too long as I tried to fill my head with something else to focus on, creating a deep anger within me at the remembrance of how crudely I was treated. But then it hit me, I'm a fucking queen now. People will hold me to the respect and adoration that I've craved my entire life. Even if I never feel the love I have desiderated for so long, knowing that I now wield some kind of power amongst a society is a feeling that I know I'll grow to enjoy. Rivian was right, power is a beautiful thing.

As I turned the corner, I started to hear little voices ghost through my head. I looked around to see that there were other Nocturnes walking the halls as well, something I haven't been accustomed to since living here.

That’s when I started to reflect on the timeline of events that I've been subject to. I've only been living in Shadow Creek for about a month, maybe a little longer. However, Rivian has been plotting my arrival since the day he killed my dad. That thought makes me feel passion behind the gesture, knowing that I felt gratitude for him before, but with my new over-heightened sense of feeling, it's become more prominent now.

"Kacian," I turned to my guard who walked beside me. "Why are there Nocturnes here tonight? Don't they have some kind of party to be at?" I questioned. I don't hate that I am finally able to see or be seen by the vampires who roam this kingdom, but I hate that I can hear their thoughts creep into my head as I wander about the castle, and I don't love the eyes that keep glancing my direction. Likely because I'm in nothing but a sheet but regardless, I'm still curious as to why the castle is crawling with Nocturnes.

"Rivian called for curfew to be lifted for security reasons. No one is allowed to leave the compound for a few days." Kacian's voice was tight and orderly, his gait was heavy and intimidating, as usual, and his demeanor was steadfast.

"Why?" I decided to prod as we continued toeing down the hallway, craving a conversation from someone.

"There's been a change in protocol and Nocturnes are on lockdown until further notice." His answer didn't give me much to chew on and really, his words should've alarmed me, but I didn't let them fester too much because as we walked past a room, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes.

I stopped and did a double take peering inside a dimly lit room. It was like seeing water for the first time after trudging through the hot, desolate desert for days on end.

The shiny, almost brand-new looking piano sat dead in the center of the room, moonlight shimmering brilliantly across the top of its sleek surface creating a near phantasmic scene, almost as if I were hypnotized and the luxurious instrument was calling my name.

It had been a while since I played, but I knew this would be the only thing to quell the voices and shut my mind off even if just for a moment.

Kacian waited outside while I wandered in and wasted no time settling into position and getting to work on the keys and that's when my husband found me and now, I am on my knees for him.

Who knew that an amplified attitude and intense sexual tension paired with a hot vampire husband would lead me to begging him to defile my mouth up against the instrument I used to enchant him with just moments ago. But as his thoughts seem to read—something I learned we can do as Royals because of the bind we tied—I woke up and chose to play devil's advocate. Really, the feeling suddenly overcame me and while I still had the courage to do so running warm in my veins, I wanted to act on it.

I have a feeling that the side effects of my transformation aren't over and I don't know what to expect for the next twenty-four hours so while I can, I want to play.

Rivian thrusts his cock to the back of my mouth and I try not to let the tears spill from the corners of my eyes as my gag reflex betrays me.

"Oh, my pretty queen. Don't be dramatic, you can take it." The danger in his eyes is arousing and I feel so admired by the man standing above me.

Sure, it infuriated me to rise from the dead, so to speak, and be forced to handle the journey of what came next without him, but all that flew out the window the moment he walked in here and looked at me like I was all that mattered in this world.

My lips grip the base of his length as he slides out and I allow my tongue to press against the underside of him. He reaches his hand out to my cheek and caresses my scar as he groans my name. "Fuck, Cyn. That's how you do it."

I grip his ass harder in my hands and yank him back into me. The way his eyes capture mine is the moment I realize I have him so utterly enthralled; he can't help but grab at the back of my head as he starts to fully fuck my mouth.

Last night was magical and almost dreamy if you ask me. Despite the unrequited love that I soon realized I did not need remedied, it felt like actually making love.

But now, it's messy and dirty and raw and I crave this nearly just as much as I did the sweet surrender of last night. Maybe it's my hormones going haywire with this period of change I'm going through but whatever is happening to cause me to turn carnal, I am thoroughly enjoying it.

I can't hold back the tears anymore and Rivian's grip on my head becomes threatening as he pushes in and out of my stretched mouth.

"You have to, Cyn. You have to take what you want from me." The anguish in his tone is exhilarating because I can tell that he's a tattered seam away from losing control and it means I'm doing something right.

But rather than him taking control of our positions, he’s allowing me to set the pace, only giving him what I deem necessary.

I shift on my knees, the marbled floor uncomfortable underneath me, which causes his cock to slide against my teeth slightly and Rivian moans in pleasure. The sound gets my blood flowing in a euphoric way which brings me back to what Natasha said this morning.

"Blood consumption is something you'll need in order to have a smoother transition, otherwise, your pain could be insufferable."

I know what I'm thinking is absolutely fucking crazy, but there's no controlling the wicked little devil on my shoulder who urges me to act on my instinct and return the favor to my husband of watching him as I break him.

Readying myself against him, I grip his flesh, my nails digging deep enough to break his skin, and I close my mouth over the tip of his cock letting my lips seal around him before pushing him in agonizingly slow. Without warning, when I reach the center, I clamp my teeth into the velvet flesh of his length.

"Fuck!" Rivian falls forward, his hands slamming against the keys behind my head, creating a chaotic clash of mis-keyed sounds to ring through the air alongside his incoherent mumbles of pleasure. “You little brat.”

I immediately taste the metallic liquid spill onto my tongue as I thrust him out and in again, this time in rushed movements. I let the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat, sucking as he goes which causes more blood to spill from the bite wound I gave him. I swallow every last drop as he keeps smashing his hands against the keys of the piano to brace himself against the torment of pleasure I’m putting him through. After about a minute, I feel his release approach quickly.

"Jesus. Your pretty mouth takes me so well, Cyn." His words stroke a fire within me, loving that I do this to my king. "Open your throat for me, Wife," he implores me as he assists with his thrusts, pushing deeper when my name falls from his lips in an ungodly moan. He looks down at the mess he's making of me, demanding eye contact so I give it to him as he comes hard down my throat.

He leans over, digging his fingers into my hair as he holds me in place.

I hear his heavy, lusty pants reverberate around us, giving me so much satisfaction but unfortunately, it doesn't last long.

He slides out of me and I know blood is dripping out of the corner of my mouth. I start to reject his cum from my mouth, wanting to spit it out somewhere, when a resounding single applause reaches my ears.

"Well fucking done, you two."

Embarrassment and shock voltage through me as I look over and see a female with familiar eyes standing at the open door, clapping sarcastically.

I have to swallow, so I take down his cum before reaching for the sheet.

Rivian pulls up his pants before holding out his hand to help me up off the floor and despite the stubbornness in me that craves to leave him hanging and get myself up, I take it and allow him to help me.

"That was a grade A blowjob, Rivian. You must feel like a lucky man," the girl says. Her voice is snarky and entitled. I already hate her.

I look up at Rivian, seeing rage wash over his expression. I bring my eyes back to the blonde-headed girl in front of me, trying to pinpoint where I recognize her from and then it hits me.

The party with Troy. And then again at the wedding.

"Who are you?" I ask, wondering why Rivian is allowing her to speak to us the way she is.

She completely ignores my question though as she turns back to my husband. "Tell me, Rivi . How did her mouth compare to mine?"

The moment the words fall from her mouth, fury ignites in my core causing chaos to spiral in my head.

Is this what Rivian has been doing all those times he's ignored me? Does he fuck her when he's not with me? Who is this bitch and why isn't he looking at me? Why isn't he defending himself? Why isn’t he telling her to leave?

He keeps his eyes trained on hers, I can see irritation on his face but at what point will he act on that?

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you ask me a question, your highness ?" The bitch takes a bow and smirks up at me with sarcasm dripping from her tone. "My name is Birdie and I'm Rivian's ex-fiancé."

Vomit.

I feel vomit rise in my throat.

But her words finally cause Rivian to look at me, likely as he sees me on the verge of fainting, or throwing up, or spiraling out of control.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Rivian's demand, finally, echoes in a thunderous roar against the music room walls.

Laughter sifts back at us as the bitch in front of me laughs.

He never told me he had an ex-fiancé.

"I guess I will head along then, but thanks for the show, Rivian." Birdie winks at him before she turns around with so much entitlement that I nearly fucking scream but I try my best to keep my composure not knowing that I could be capable of murder but in this very moment…

Her heels clack against the sleek floor and I wonder how we didn't hear her come in, but she disappears around the corner and I have to take a few deep breaths to contain my anger.

"Don't listen to her, Cyn," Rivian says as he walks over to a side table in the corner of the room and grabs a cloth off of it.

"That's all you have to say?" I feel it, the inflamed anger boiling in my veins, heating me up as if I were in a sauna.

"There's nothing else to say. Don't let her get into your head." He doesn't look at me as he reaches out to hand me the cloth.

"Everyone is in my head, Rivian. Were you not going to tell me about her?" I refuse his offer, not caring how I look in this moment. I lean against the piano with my arms crossed over my chest to hold up the fabric that's covering me.

"I didn't see a reason to." His lack of empathy irks me, vexation digging into my bones as I watch my husband be a completely different person. Sure, he's been a bit of an ass since I've met him, but he's disassociating himself and avoiding the need to address what just happened and that's not like him. It's also not like him to let someone talk to him, or me, like that so what makes this girl so different?

"What did she mean by how did her mouth compare to mine ?" I mock. The image of him in bed with her mouth around his cock sends frissons of resentment and hysteria to swarm me aggressively. Especially not knowing if it's happened since we officially met.

"Why? Did it make you jealous?" His response doesn't do anything to help the situation.

"Who are you right now?" Disgust lingers in my tone.

"I told you, Cyn. She's nothing. It's nothing. You need to get over it."

"You're right," I turn around to walk away but Rivian rushes to block my exit.

"Don't fucking walk away from me." His demand angers me further, hating how he thinks he has the right to start making demands after the stunt he just pulled.

I reach my hands out at his chest to reject him, attempting to push him back and the strength I didn't know I had causes him to actually fall back a few steps.

"Stay away from me," I yell but I don't have time to stand my ground as he moves us against the wall in the blink of an eye, pinning me in place with hand closed tight around the front of my neck.

"Did you not hear me? I said, it was nothing. She's playing with you because she wanted this reaction." Rivian stares into my eyes and I want to believe him, want to trust him. Even if what he's saying is true, he still let her treat me like that. He let her talk to him like that. There has to be a reason and the only thing that makes sense is that he's hiding something.

"Well, I guess she got what she came here for then. Now, get your hands off of me." I fight against his grip but he only squeezes harder. Part of me likes the pain, and I think he knows it. But the other part of me is raging with anger and I want out of this position.

I fight for the last ounce of air I have left in my lungs, digging down to shout at him as loud as I can. "NOW!"

"Everything okay in here?" Kacian steps in at just the right time, Rivian's hands loosening around my neck.

My hair is likely disheveled, and I still have blood stained across my lips and chin but I don't care.

"Just fine, Kacian." I push my husband away and pick up the parts of the sheet that drag on the ground. "Please take me to my room." Kacian waits for me at the door as Rivian steps aside almost reluctantly, but I don't read into it. I simply move past him to meet my guard at the door.

I follow Kacian back to my room, not a word from either of us as we make our way through the hallway which I am grateful for because I fear that the next person who even looks at me, might get their throat slit.

"No visitors for the rest of the night," I tell him and he nods before taking his place across the hall and watches me as I shut my door, locking it behind me.

I recognize that I miss being in Rivian's room, but being back in my own chambers brings a sense of tranquility that I didn't know I needed, but it's not enough. I still feel suffocated.

I'm so fucking pissed. Pissed that Rivian didn't stand up to that bitch while she was supposedly trying to get a reaction out of me. Pissed that she saw our private affairs. Pissed that she's possibly had her mouth on him like that at any point in time. Pissed I let it all affect me.

I rip through my closet, throwing clothing every which way until I find a pair of black leggings and one of my sweaters, hurrying to get dressed. After I have my clothes on, I walk over to the window and rip open the curtains. It's the pinnacle of night, the moon is nearly full and the crisp October wind rustles through the thick trees.

I blink hard, thinking about wanting to be anywhere but here and as I close my eyes, I feel my body drift away.

Before I know it, poof . I'm gone.