11. ~Colton~

11

~Colton~

I blocked the doorway to the bedroom we'd assigned to Bree. "Leave her, brother."

Lev's gaze was unsteady as he looked at me, clearly wanting to just shove me out of the way and go after Bree, but resisting because he didn't want to do anything aggressive to me, and likely because he was hesitating on his course of action itself too.

Mason was at my side in the very next moment, reminding him, "You rushed out right after she blew out of the living room and she told you she needed some space."

"Well aware, brothers, but it's been two hours now. She didn't even come down when we texted her for lunch. Sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies—her favorites."

"She obviously just needs some more time," Mason assured him. "Probably at least a couple more hours, maybe the day, Lev."

Despite his calm words, it was clear to me that he was stressed as hell and worried just like Lev, just like we all were.

He even had a box of Cheerios with him and he shoved his hand inside and came away with a handful that he then stuffed into his mouth.

When he caught me looking, he tossed me some and I caught them in my mouth easily. Years of practice where I'd sit with him when he was stressed and binge eating them and I'd have him toss me some wherein I'd catch them in my mouth to entertain him. It always managed to get him to at least crack a smile.

As it did now.

Lev went around me, dodging me in that skillful way of his.

But instead of doing what I'd thought and reaching into his pocket where he always kept a pick set, he just pressed his ear to the door.

And then he stepped back, telling us, "Sounds like she's taking a shower."

"So, let's just leave her to it, yeah?" I said.

However reluctantly, he still gave a nod. "Yeah. All right."

I gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Look, brother, it's been a lot for her. Finding out the likes of Lynch is alive and kicking, even trying to reclaim power, is major for her, as I'm sure it was for you when you first found out. And we get that you want to share that shock and fallout with her, and we're sure you will. But you had time to process it on your own first, you've gotta give her the same."

"It's been a lot for all of us coming up here too, so that's compounding things," Mason added, helping me out. "Being displaced, knowing what's coming, it requires some adjustment. For you too, Lev."

"Yeah, right on," I agreed. "So, let's all take a beat. The rest of the day. Mason, head to the bookshelf in the living room. There's that Dreiser book you were only halfway through last time, Sister Charlotte."

"Sister Carrie."

"Right. And, Lev, head out to the shed. You can finish up that spice spinning thingy you were making for the pantry before we had to leave here earlier than expected last time."

"And you?" Mason asked.

"I've got my old acoustic up here. I'll play a little, write some songs."

"Sounds good."

With that, we went our separate ways, taking the space and processing time and, honestly, the day to just chill and decompress.

And, aside from some intense fucking, the best way I knew how to do that was through my music.

I'd been blocked for a couple of hours as I'd tried to clear my head of all the bullshit that was going on, but then I'd managed to sink into my music, finding comfort in that and accessing that inspirational headspace from all the bad and all the worry.

Actually because of that.

My inspiration had been our foursome and as soon as I'd tapped into that theme, the words had flowed and the melody had followed easily with an edgy, hard feel, my vocals fueling it with raw emotion.

"Dangerous, feral, ruthless/ Far from toothless/ Dark horses to the rotten core/ We collided with a ball of sunshine/ Pink bubble-gum, cotton candy/ Vicious things tangling in the night—"

I pulled up short when I registered movement over by the big-ass shed where Lev was working within on his woodworking stuff.

I'd been sitting out here in the grass working away within sight of where Lev was at so that I could make sure he didn't succumb and try to head to Bree when she clearly needed a break from it all.

The three of us might have agreed to give her space, but Lev had a hard time sitting back and doing nothing at the best of times, let alone when it came to her.

Although he hadn't actually admitted it out loud, perhaps not even to himself, it was clear as the brightest day to me and Mason that he was in love with her.

Intense emotion like that wasn't exactly his thing—not positive ones, anyway. He was like Mason in that way. So it was hard for him.

I'd made a promise to myself to help him without giving too much direct interference.

I didn't want the two of them fucking things up with her, especially when Mason had already come close during a time when I hadn't been watching out for it.

She brought Lev a lot of happiness, something he'd needed for a long time.

Mason was feeling it too.

And as for me, I was already there and smitten with her. It wasn't a long jump from that to those three special words for me.

I liked what we were building as a foursome and I'd do whatever I could to ensure it didn't get fucked up.

I laid my guitar down carefully as I zoned in on the movement—harder to do now that it was dark outside in that area. I was fine with the lights from the porch a few feet from where I was at offering enough illumination for me to do my thing and make notes in my songwriting journal.

There!

It was Mason making his way toward the shed.

Huh.

I headed over there carefully when I saw him disappear inside.

I was just a couple of feet out when some small talk Mason had started up about the project Lev was working on reached me.

"It's nothing special, but it'll do. It's functional."

"Nothing special, Levi? Those intricate carvings and that detailing would beg to differ."

"It's just a revolving spice rack."

"Doesn't matter what it is, it's how it's made by you."

"You're buttering me up. Why?"

"Of course, that's usually your thing. Feels strange being on the receiving end, doesn't it?"

"Touché."

"I'm not exactly buttering you up, but I am trying to start this conversation we need to have off in a good, peaceful, calm way."

"Conversation?"

"Bree thinks we need to talk about what happened five years ago."

"She thinks we do?"

"All right, I do as well."

"So do I."

"Yeah?"

"It's been long overdue."

"I agree."

"I'm sorry, Mason."

"You're… say again?"

"That night when I went after those fuckers, I had tunnel vision. As soon as I realized Colt had followed me down thinking I was headed for a night out, I should've made a retreat. But… one of them was on the verge of beating me down after Colt's arrival distracted me and I couldn't… it unleashed my bloodlust. Then you arrived and I saw it as the opportunity to finish the job and take them all with a powerhouse like you joining the fight, even with the element of surprise ruined and my original strategy fucked."

"Hold up, you actually had a strategy?"

"I did. I know you've always thought I just barreled in there like an angel of vengeance. But, no, I had a meticulous plan laid out. I'd known those guys were there for days and I'd taken the time to prepare, and to even create backups for my backups."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

"Because I didn't think it mattered, it failed anyway. And, honestly, you weren't willing to listen, you'd made your judgments."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I get it. Like I just said, I should've retreated. But I just… I couldn't. I knew if I'd walked away with it unfinished after they'd managed to do damage to me, I'd regret it. More than just regret, I knew I wouldn't be able to live with it. With it happening again."

"Hold up. With what happening again?"

"The shame of being overpowered. Of being a victim. Of being helpless."

"You were far from helpless that night, Levi."

"And yet it would've felt that way if I hadn't followed through all the way. But… you taking that hit, getting shot… that's what's haunted me all these years. Traumatizing Colt too. I still see it, Mason. I just… I couldn't pull back once I'd tapped into my bloodlust like that, because of where it's rooted. In shame. Shame for not being able to stop any of what happened to Brianna and me in that hellhole for two weeks straight. The things they did… especially to her… I can't unsee it. I can't let it go. Sometimes I can't breathe with it, with that image of that useless boy owned by madmen. The demons haunt me each and every day."

I squeezed my eyes shut against Lev's agonized words.

"Lev—"

"You think I'm reckless and going after injustice and dangerous fuckers all these years, it sure seems that way, yeah. It was me trying to purge all of that shit from my system when I couldn't get to the culprits, the demons, themselves. But I also planned and prepared down to every little detail. And you may have noticed that I never failed, I was always victorious. As good a combatant as I am, that still wouldn't be possible through going in hot without any strategy. I'm meticulous with it, Mason. Like you. Just the act of actually going after people like that seems reckless on the surface."

"Why did you always have me believe that you were wholly reckless through and through, unhinged with it even?"

"For one, you'd made up your mind about me after the incident. But mostly because I never ever wanted you or Colt involved in anything like that again. I couldn't stand the idea of you being hurt like you were five years ago."

"Levi, I get that. I get all of it, believe it or not. But all this approach has done is driven a wedge between you and me and weakened our brotherhood. Knowing this now, it shows me that my worry all this time, trying to rein you in, it wasn't necessary. We could've worked alongside each other—safely, brother. The incident was clearly an anomaly given your other successes in the same vein. Not sheer luck or from wild brute force as I'd thought. Because of your strategies and planning. That changes everything for me, for us."

"Keeping things off your radar or misdirecting you seemed like the easiest option to allow me to do what I needed to do, while keeping you guys out of it."

"No more. From now on, we do things as one. No more of going it alone, Levi. No more battling against one another."

"I'd like that. It's been a long time—until Brianna came along—since I haven't felt alone."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

"Brothers?"

"Brothers."

I smiled to myself and peered around to see them now embracing in an emotionally raw hug.

Holy shit.

Finally.