25. echoes of evocations

25

echoes of evocations

Lucynda

I have never feared my own shadow before. I've never really gotten well acquainted with it before. All I know is that it follows me around in the height of the sun and sleeps at night. I never let my shadow out to play and I simply let it leave a mark behind me, often remembering that it's there but never really giving it any more attention than that.

But what happens when your shadow hungers for separation? When it strips itself of the humanity it clings to and forces itself into a soul to feed from?

Are you afraid now?

When we lock away our traumas and stuff them in the corners of our minds, I'm convinced they seep into the blackness of our shadows. They follow us around and remind us that wherever we go, all of our deepest and darkest torments are threatening to slip between the threads we've tied to keep them out, bursting at the seams. It's inevitable. And all it takes for them to make their final move and twist into a deadly reality is a single taste of freedom. Or the permission to be let go.

I was dumb enough to give them both.

I don't feel fear in the realization that my dark, distant friend has released all of my harbored trauma. Even I know everyone is allowed a slight moment of indulgence when it comes to justifiable purging. But my fear comes from the idea that I might enjoy myself too much as the sinister ruler who lets out all of her darkness on souls who don't deserve the torment all at the expense of releasing pain caused by others.

I don't want to slip into that place forever. I never wanted to slip into that place at all. But I'm here and I am fighting for my life as my body is trespassed by my shadow and she is reveling in the bloodshed. I feel the weakness in my bones, the ache behind my eyes and the slowness of my heart.

I have been in and out of whatever spell I am tortured with, feeling the total takeover of my lavender curse. The shattered pieces of my heart are disintegrating, my soul is being sucked into the inescapable blackhole, and my life is slowly slipping away…

Lavender Cyn

Lucynda.

Echoes of voices ring in my ears.

Lucynda, wake up.

The annoying cries are trying to stir me in my sleep.

"Lucynda…"

The voices now sound more tangible as I groan, hating that I'm being bothered.

I lift my heavy head and attempt to blink my eyes open.

"She's waking," I hear someone say and the sound of whoever's electrified tone gives me even more of a headache than I seem to have already. That would be my sister, I conclude.

"Lucynda?" Another voice enters as I open my eyes to a cloudy vision of three silhouettes standing before me.

I feel the roughness of the textured concrete create a surprisingly enjoyable sensation against my tired body and I miss the way it feels as I begin to lift myself up.

Rivian is who I see first. He's crouched down with his worried eyes focused on me, waiting for me to speak. The twins stand in waiting behind him and suddenly, my mood is ruined.

"What are you doing here?" I snap, pushing myself up to a sitting position.

I hear Travois scoff as he turns and walks away. A look of annoyance caresses his face as Troian just looks at me like I'm a worthless bag of flesh and bones.

"Rivian has a cure," she snips but she doesn't fool me with her feigned attitude. I can tell she's just as worried as Rivian is.

A cure.

Interesting. Before, the mention of a cure had intrigued me. I didn't necessarily know I had been diseased to begin with, but I would have appreciated the elimination of my affliction. But now, my consciousness is too far gone to have any kind of temptation to receive a cure.

"Good for you," I say. Not caring that my tone is snappy or that my demeanor holds no exhilaration for what they offer.

"Lucynda." Rivian looks down on me, concern gripping his tone

"Rivian," I mock back. Giving him the same boring look he's giving me.

Troian rolls her eyes and turns, crossing her arms. "We can't just keep her down here," she states in a frustrated tone.

"Or maybe we can," Travois offers. Rivian dips his head in obvious disappointment for his siblings' behaviors. Funny how they're my siblings too.

"Good cop, bad cop," I accuse. "Not gonna work." I smile deviously as I pull my chained arms to rest between my back and the wall.

Rivian stands from his position and rubs his jaw with his hand, thinking of something that might intrigue me, surely.

"Well, actually…" he starts. "I can keep her down here. Let her body shrivel up as the blood dries in her veins. And then maybe-"

I grow tired of their antics and kick my feet to sound the chains, disrupting his attempt of a terrific plan to scare me.

"What do you want?" I mumble as I tilt my head.

"We want to save you , little sister." Travois' sarcastic remark does make me giggle. Never one to hold back his incessantly arrogant quips.

"Great, the real Travois is back." Troian gives him a maddening glare while leaning back against a wall.

Rivian decides to turn back to the good cop he tried to play before threatening me with desiccation, holding his hand out to me as if I'm going to accept it.

"Can you stand?" he asks, his green eyes swimming with hope.

I laugh. "Can I fucking stand? Are you talking about my feet?" I bring my hands back out in front of me and place them in my lap as I answer him with ridicule exuding from my tone. "I don't know, these chains make it a little too tight for comfort. But if you're talking about all of you…" I glare at each of the three in front of me. "Then no. I can't stand you."

"I know you're in there," Rivian breathes. Desperation in his voice.

"You sound stupid," I spit back, not caring about his endeavors to reel me back in. This is his fault to begin with, he'll have to deal with it.

"Better to sound stupid than to be stupid," Troian jumps into the conversation with a fed-up expression twisting her features before she pushes Rivian out of the way and grabs me by my shirt. "Get the fuck up!" she demands as she pulls me into her face.

I smile at her, loving the rage I evoke in these pathetic fools.

"Get your insufferable hands off me," I whisper through gritted teeth. enunciating each syllable slowly.

She feigns a smile and lets go of my shirt, making it a point to dust me off while she tilts her head. "Don't bite the hand that feeds ya, sis."

Troian backs away and moves to stand beside Travois who is still watching on with a lack of care as to why he's here.

"You think I need help from any of you?" I question with rage, fisting my hands and slamming down the chains. "The only reason why I would even think about letting you save me is so that I can be free of these loathsome chains and I could tear your brains out."

"Lucynda, you have got to fight through this." Rivian steps up and points a stern finger at me, demanding my focus.

"She's too far-gone brother," Travois answers behind him, watching me intently.

"It's as if you all assume I need some kind of exorcism," I imply. "Isn't this who you wanted me to be?" I look at Rivian who seems lost in what to do. Good, because I don't care about his attempts to save me from the very thing, he made me out to be.

"Blah, blah, blah, bitch," Troy gestures her hand to mimic a talking puppet. "Do you have any other reason for being a complete cunt? Get a new excuse already." Her snarky attitude is refreshing against the sentiments my husband is eager to unleash. But her words are like fuel to my fire. They all are.

"How about a deal." Rivian asks, stepping up and placing his hands in his pockets.

I lean back against the wall with a look of interest feigned on my face. "I don't want your stupid deal."

"I think you'll want to shut up and listen to my brother," Troian spits once more and this time I feel a hatred boil in my veins at her unceasing comebacks.

I decide to entertain his request for a deal and turn to face him, shrugging at him to continue.

"I'll let you go if you promise to leave them alone," he says.

"That's your deal?" I laugh. In what world would he think that I would feel giddy to jump on something so trivial in return for my freedom.

"You have my word," he replies with a serious undertone in his voice.

"Well, I will say it does sound enticing," I lie. "But I kind of want to break both of their necks right now so... " I trail off, grinning in the direction of my siblings who don't seem fazed by my threat.

"Then the deal is off, and you'll be down here until you have nothing left to give." He's seething. He wants me to so badly take this deal that it is actually precipitating anger in him.

It's laughable that he thinks I am capable of being brought back, that I'd even want to be brought back.

But it dawns on me that he only mentioned the two of them, and not him.

This could be fun.

“Fine," I say just as they all start to make exit for the room. "I'll take your stupid deal."

"If you break your word, neither one of us will hesitate to kill you," Travois threatens and I love his attempt to put me in my place.

"Don't threaten me with a good time," I quip as I focus back on my husband who walks up to me without hesitation and releases me from the chains.

That was easy.

I rub the raw skin of my wrists. "God, those chains were really starting to do a number on me." I grin. "Now, where were we? Oh yeah…"

I rush to Rivian, sinking my hands slowly into his chest for effect. The sound of his blood squelches against my skin as he lets me intrude his body.

"You bitch!" I hear Troian shout as she starts to approach me from behind.

"Stay back," I singsong. "Or I'll end him right fucking here." I smile as my husband looks deep into my eyes while I speak to my siblings.

"It's okay," he assures them.

"The deal was that I couldn't touch them ," I twist his heart in my hand. "You never said anything about you ."

"I know what I said." He grins at me, and a fire lights my veins. I like him when he's all vindictive and certain.

"So you wanted me to take you like this. A little dance of our own, up against the wall. You must like me like this." I let my words feather between us in a low whisper, flirting with the danger that ignites in the air.

"I do," he admits. "I like who you are when you're not an innocent daydreamer, hungry for blood and desperate for the darkness that rages in you. It turns me on." Something breaches my soul. I'm not sure how to explain it but it grates against my reprieve as I watch the sinister smile curl on his lips.

"But I could never love someone like you," he starts. Foreboding hugs the tension as my expression fades.

He shifts his chest closer to mine, forcing me to press harder against the cages of his heart while he continues, "I could never fall in love with a monster. Someone who takes and takes and takes. They have nothing to give." Rage builds in my core, surfing the lines of my reserve threatening to break me apart.

His words are laced with a savage intention to trip me up, but I won't let him by that easily.

"I can find plenty to give you," I squeeze his heart and clench my jaw. This is my game to play.

Something flips in his eyes, the blackhole taking over the whites in them as he burns them into my head. He speaks his next words with a layer of undeniable malice.

"Is that what your dad was thinking when he pushed you down and got on top of you?"

"What?" I feel a hypothetical punch to the gut, his words hitting me deeper than I expected.

"Did he plan to give or take?" he continues, and I feel a vehement desire to take his life right now.

How could he say those things?

"Maybe he saw the monster I'm seeing right now. Likable, but not loveable. I should have let him have you that night." I falter, my hand slipping from his chest as I try to comprehend how he could be so cruel.

"Take it back," I beg, trying not to let the threat of tears spill from my eyes.

"No," he taunts, pulling me further under the frenzy that wracks my bones, my mind spinning at the memory of what my father had done.

"Take it…" I try to get the words out but choke, stumbling backward and he creeps in, closing in on my space.

"You want me to tell you that you didn't deserve his hate?" His taunts echo in my head as I cower to the corner, pleasing for him to stop. "You want me to say that he should have never laid his filthy hands on you because you did nothing wrong to be a victim to his own insecurities?" I look up, confusion twisting in my eyes and fear settling over me.

I see the look of regret form on his face and his eyes are now calm to the storm they were before.

I can't breathe. He was just playing with me?

"Little one…" his tone rings sincerity as he watches me put it together. The curse feeling diminished to his taunts and torturous reminders of where I come from.

"How could you?" I ask with pain steeped in my words. It is etched in every fiber of my being, forced to unravel as he used his tactic to subdue the shadow within.

"I am so fucking sorry," he pleads as he moves in, coming to my side while I allow my walls to wither away, crumbling at the realization that I had been overcome by my darkness—the lavender curse—and he used the one thing he knew would sting to bring me back.

"You…" I can't piece together my thoughts. Am I thankful he took the risk or mad that he had the balls to be so vile to me?

He brushes his thumb over my cheek, not breaking eye contact as he stares nearly into my soul. Worry crests in his expression and it provides me with some kind of relief but the pain is still there.

"I had to get you back. I-" He dips his head to my forehead and holds us together. Our hearts beat in tandem and I let him have this moment because I'm too weak to fight it otherwise.

"I need you back," he whispers against my lips. "I need my wife. My queen." He looks back up to me, sincerity apparent in his words and in his eyes.

He moves his hand to place his palm against my cheek, his thumb now swiping against my chin and my bottom lip, back and forth as he continues, "I want to watch your silhouette against the sunrise in the morning as you undress for me. I want you to sink your teeth into me, light my skin on fire with your touch. Fuck , Cyn, you are a slow poison seeping into my lungs and I feel a rush whenever I'm near you. I forget who I am and what I stand for."

I don't have the words to respond as I take in every sentiment he feeds me, accepting his words as truth in place of the ones he filled my head with moments before.

"I know you aren't any version of evil. You have pulled me out of my own dark hell and I can't fucking breathe without you." His timbre shakes with need, an understanding that we are the only ones who can pull each other out of the darkness we fall into.

I lift my head to speak to him, telling him a truth I've always known.

"I was never naive enough to believe that I was worthy of being your hero, Rivian. But there is light in you." I let my words wash over him.

He sighs into my lips, so close to touching that it's painful. Painful to know that we found ourselves once again in the battle of our own hearts, using each other as bait to prove just how much we might mean to one another.

I didn't even think to have awareness of having an audience watch us fall into each other but as I let my eyes glance over, I see that we've been left alone.

"You are the light. I know who you are in your heart, Lucynda. You are worthy of love and so much more. You are worthy of everything you've ever wanted, who you want to be." He finally pulls me in, this moment escaping between us in a tangle of need and passion born out of war and blood.

His lips hold mine, the warmth igniting deep against my soul. I grip to him, clutching whatever I can grab onto as we sink into this moment, letting everything go.

He pulls away gently, opening his eyes to me; letting me see all that he is as he whispers against my mouth.

"I love you." It's the anguish that laces his confession, the passion that forms deep from the meaning of what he just said that causes my heart to stagger.

"You…" I stutter, unsure of what to say as I let his words echo in my heart.

"I love you. I always have," he admits lowering his voice as my body aches with need. "I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to let you believe otherwise."