Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

Fox

“You’ve got to be freaking kidding me…”

“Took you long enough to open the damn door.” Opal brushed past me.

My mother at least had the decency to look like she felt bad showing up unannounced. She kissed my cheek before walking in. “Sorry we didn’t call first. But this is necessary, Fox.”

I wasn’t happy, but I stepped back and held out my hand for her to walk in.

She smiled sadly. “Thank you.”

I stole a glance next door before shutting myself inside with two women I was in no condition to talk to. No sign of Josie.

In the kitchen, my mother was already fixing a pot of coffee, and Opal was cleaning up the mess I’d made over the last two days. This wasn’t good. They were already synchronized and had a plan of attack. Meanwhile, I felt unbalanced. The food I’d eaten sometime in the middle of the night was threatening to make an appearance, and my head was already starting to pound, though I wasn’t quite sober yet. I was no match for these two in my current state. But it wasn’t like I could sober up fast, so I went the other direction. I swiped the fifth of whiskey from the counter, twisted off the cheap plastic cap, and swigged back as much as I could get down.

Opal shook her head. “At least buy the good stuff. That crap will kill ya.”

“Next time, bring it with you. Or better yet, don’t come at all.”

With the table clear, Opal motioned to the chairs. “Why don’t we sit down?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not if you want us to leave anytime soon.”

I frowned and pulled the chair out.

Mom stayed at the coffeemaker, waiting for it to finish brewing.

“What happened?” Opal asked.

“Ray said something that pissed me off, so I hit him. Cops came.”

“Not that. We don’t care about Ray. Someone should’ve walloped that snake a long time ago. What happened with Josie that set you on a tear?”

I shrugged. “It should’ve never happened. The woman sends Christmas cards to strangers because she believes in some fantasy that doesn’t exist. I’m no knight in shining armor.”

“Well, that much we know. Because as far as I’m aware, there aren’t any knights named Sir Surliness or Lord Grumpalot. But that’s beside the point. Josie is a smart woman. She knows exactly who you are. Yet for some insane reason, she still cares about your ass. So tell us what went down, and we’ll try and help you fix it.”

I raked a hand through my hair. “There’s nothing to fix.”

The coffeemaker beeped. My mom had been leaning against the counter watching Opal and me, but she turned and opened the cabinet above her head, the one where I kept mugs. She froze with one in her hand, looking out the window to the yard. “Where’s the kayak that’s always in the same spot on the dock?”

When I didn’t cough up an answer fast enough, Mom turned. “Fox, where’s the kayak?”

This wasn’t going to end unless I gave them something. Might as well be what they came for. I closed my eyes, because I knew the reaction my answer would garner. “It sank in the lake. With Josie and me in it.”

The room grew quiet. I imagined the glances being exchanged before the looks of pity were directed at me. Eventually, there was a rattling of dishes and the sound of the chair next to me scraping along the tile floor. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to find there weren’t mugs on the table—there were shot glasses. Mom took the bottle of whiskey in front of me and poured a round. The three of us knocked them back in silence. Two ounces seemed to have a much bigger effect on me than it should’ve. It seemed to reactivate my drunkenness. My head spun, and I slouched over the tiny glass.

Mom reached out and rested her hand on my forearm. “I know it’s scary, but you can’t let things from your past keep you from having a future.”

“I’m not scared. I’m doing Josie a favor. I helped her with some work around the house. She took that as meaning more than it did.”

Opal rolled her eyes. “She wasn’t seeing things that weren’t there. She was seeing what was written all over your face. We all saw it. You’re head over heels for that woman. You have been since the first moment you set eyes on her.”

I scoffed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I saw you smile, Fox. Not the evil one you flash when an owner thinks they can stiff you and get away with it, but really smile, the kind that starts on the inside and spreads to the outside, making your whole face light up.”

“I think you need glasses.”

She shook her head. “I’ve always admired your smarts. But right now you’re being a dumbass.”

I needed to move. This town had too many people in your business, and everyone knew where you lived to drop by and share their opinions. I had no doubt Porter, Rita, Frannie, Bernadette and Bettina—and everyone else in Opal’s speed dial—would be by soon enough. I was definitely disconnecting the doorbell as soon as I got them out the door.

I huffed. “Are we done?”

My mom looked disappointed, but she nodded. A few minutes later, I walked them to the door. Opal walked out first, but Mom lagged behind.

Again she kissed my cheek. “I hope you come around. Because that lady next door is something special. But if you don’t, you at least owe her some closure. Have a conversation and set her free. You aren’t the only one who fell hard.”

Her words hit like a punch to the gut. But she was right, so I nodded. “Alright, Mom.”

***

Thursday morning—at least I thought it was Thursday—I woke at the ass crack of dawn, still buzzing from the night before, my feet hanging off the couch I didn’t fit on. I looked around in the dark, trying to figure out what the hell that pungent smell was. Then I lifted my arm and sniffed my pit. Damn, it’s me.

Forcing my dragging ass up, I stopped in the kitchen for some breakfast of champions—three Motrin and a palm full of tap water cupped in my hand from the sink. I debated whether I should wait until my head stopped pounding to shower, but I was pretty sure that’s what I’d done yesterday and never made it. So I sucked it up and headed upstairs.

Warm water sluiced over my slumping shoulders. What normally felt good was like needles pricking my skin today. Everything ached—my head, my shoulders, my neck. Though the biggest ache came from inside my chest. It fucking hurt, felt like an elephant had parked his fat ass on my ribs for a few days. But I deserved it.

By the time I washed the stink off of me, the sun was up. An annoying ray streaked through the blinds and cut a rude path across my bleary eyes. I squinted and reached for the wooden slats. Before I could flatten the offending pieces, I saw her. It took my damn breath away. Josie walked into the yard, carrying her duck in her arms. She set it down on the grass and took a few steps back. But the thing ran right to her, nuzzling against her legs. Yeah, I know, buddy.

She bent to scratch its head and smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It made me feel like someone had shot a dart and pierced right into my heart. I stayed there watching her on the sly for another ten minutes, feeling like I deserved every ounce of the pain it caused, until she finally scooped up the duck and went back inside.

My mother was right about one thing—Josie deserved better than I’d given her. So it was time I manned up and had a conversation. The sooner she moved on, the better for both of us.

Twenty minutes later, I stood outside her front door. My palms were sweaty, and I debated turning around and having a shot or two before knocking. Before I could shit or get off the pot, the door swung open.

Josie jumped back. “Shit. I didn’t expect anyone to be there.”

“Sorry.”

She wasn’t smiling, but I saw something spark in her eyes. I thought it might be hope. “How are you?”

“Okay. We need to talk.”

Her eyes met mine. She was on guard, but seemed to soften. I hated that she trusted me so easily. “Sure.” Josie stepped aside.

The duck was now perched on its dog bed once again, watching TV. I lifted my chin, gesturing that way. “You found him.”

She smiled. “Her. And she found me. The other morning she just showed up at my front door.”

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and nodded. “That’s good.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. It broke when we started to talk at the same time.

We exchanged hesitant smiles. “You go first,” I said.

“No, you. Please.”

I nodded and cleared my throat. “I’m sorry about the other day. Disappearing and all. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Her face softened. “It’s okay. I spoke to Porter, and he filled in the blanks. I know about the lake…about Evie.”

My jaw tightened.

Josie took my hand. “It must’ve been so hard on you when it happened. I’m sure you’ve been keeping a lot in for a long time. But I want you to know, I’m here if you want to talk about it. I was never a person who discussed my feelings either, but sometimes it really helps.”

Fuck. I should’ve had those shots before I came over. Here I was ready to rip her heart out, and she was trying to console me. I felt like the biggest piece of shit on the planet. But I needed to rip the Band-Aid off, even if it stung.

“Josie, listen…I think you should go back to New York.”

She blinked a few times. “You mean to stay?”

I nodded.

“By myself?”

I nodded again.

Her hand had been resting on my arm, but she pulled it back like she’d just realized she was touching a hot stove. “You’re serious right now?”

“I should’ve never let things go as far as they did. It’s not what I want.” The last few words tasted bitter, even as I said them. Probably because they were made of shit. I fucking wanted her. Yet I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

Her voice rose. “You’re sorry?”

“Look, Josie, you have every right to be upset. I—”

She cut me off. “Of course I have every right to be upset! I came here to heal, to find myself again. I wasn’t ready to start something new. When you pulled back after the weekend we went away, I was sad, but I figured it was for the best. I didn’t want to get even more attached if it wasn’t what you wanted. But then you sucked me back in. I trusted you.”

“I know.” I raked a hand through my hair. “I fucked up. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let things go so far.”

Her eyes flitted around, like she was trying to absorb everything I’d just said and make sense of it. But it didn’t even make sense to me, and the words had come out of my mouth. Eventually her gaze met mine again. “Why?” she chirped.

“Why what?”

“Why isn’t what we have what you want? What about it don’t you like? What’s wrong with us? Or better yet, tell me what you do want.”

“I…I like not being tied down.”

Josie kept shaking her head. “Ridiculous.”

“I’ll finish whatever you need done in the house.”

She frowned. “No thanks.”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I thumbed toward my house. “I should go.”

“Yeah, you do that.”

The vulnerability in her eyes when she’d opened the door was gone now, shuttered over with anger and sadness.

“I hope we can be friends,” I said.

Josie opened the front door in response. I guess I should’ve been grateful she stopped shy of telling me not to let it hit me on the ass on the way out. She didn’t speak again until I was out on the porch.

“We can’t be friends. I don’t like cowards. Goodbye, Fox.”