Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

William

I knew I must be making myself look guilty by standing here, not saying a word. And I knew everyone must be waiting for me to intervene as Morrie held his gun on Carlotta. Especially Carlotta. I could see how she kept throwing me desperate, pleading glances out of the corner of her eye. But I just couldn’t speak at first. Because, of course, my mind chose right then to open the final floodgate and show me the full truth of what had happened the night of Candy’s death. No, Candy’s murder. I had to be able to call it what it was, even if it was only ever to myself. Because I knew it. I was guilty. I was guiltier than I knew, guiltier than even Carlotta knew.

I knew then that I’d had a plan all along. When I had seen how Candy was reacting to my breaking up with her, I had been irritated by her childish demands that I leave Carlotta and run off into the sunset with her, but I wasn’t overly worried about it. It had seemed like a ridiculous response to a breakup but nothing more sinister than a young girl who had believed an affair to be more than what it was.

And then I had spotted Candy’s car at the end of our driveway, and I knew she wasn’t going to just get bored of trying to get me to come around and give up and go away. And I knew that her ranting and raving at me weren’t going to be enough for her. Not for much longer, not when it wasn’t getting her what she wanted. Me.

I debated getting a restraining order against her then. I thought I could play it clever and explain to the judge that she was mentally unbalanced and was stalking me, talking nonsense about our supposedly having had an affair. It would have covered me if the story came out, and I was confident I could pull it off. I mean, I was a businessman, a famous architect, and Candy was an ambitious young intern, determined to climb the career ladder at any costs. Or so I would have made it seem.

But then I had gotten to thinking. It was clear that Candy blamed Carlotta for the whole thing, and I mean, she was right. It was Carlotta who’d pushed me into her arms. It was Carlotta who’d found out about us and demanded that I end things with Candy. It really was all her fault. The whole damned mess started and ended with Carlotta. So I decided to use Candy’s rage to my advantage.

When she would rant and rave, I would say just enough to hint to her that if Carlotta were out of the way, we could be together. That Carlotta was the only reason we were apart. At that point, I didn’t really expect anything to come of it. Not like what did. I thought maybe Candy would start tracking down Carlotta and ranting at her. That Carlotta would get sick of it and just fucking leave. But no. It all got out of hand.

I could clearly remember what had been going through my mind that night now. It all started when Candy started screaming at me about not wanting an abortion, about wanting us to be family. That was a fucking joke. Me. A father. I couldn’t even take care of my own life if this was anything to go by.

“I don’t want a fucking abortion. I want us to be a family. You, me, and our baby. How can you just write our baby off like this?” Candy yells. She pauses and smiles knowingly. “Is it because Carlotta is here? You can drop the act, William. Just tell her you love me, and we can start our life together.”

In this moment, I know what I can do to get out of this. To clean up the whole fucking mess and get out of this without losing the house, without losing the money, without looking like the bad guy. I’ll be the victim, the one everyone says is brave, a hero, maybe. Certainly, the wronged party in it all. And all I have to do is let this play out, subtly suggest that Candy is right.

I can see by the crazed look on Candy’s face that she’s lost her goddamned mind. If I find the right words, the right expression, I can get her to kill Carlotta. I know I can. And once she’s done it, I can kill her and end this whole thing in one clean sweep.

My story will be that she burst in here like a nut job, which is completely true. That she killed Carlotta in a fit of jealous rage, which again will be completely true because I’ll make sure of it. Once Candy has killed Carlotta, I’ll go to her, wrap her in my arms, tell her I love her. And then I’ll walk her slowly toward the window as I hold her, so slowly she won’t realize we’re moving until it’s too late, and then I’ll shove the fucking psycho bitch right through it. My story will be that she killed Carlotta before I came to my senses and then she went for me and I killed her in self-defense.

It’s perfect, and I know it will work. When the corpse of your wife, covered in stab wounds from a knife that only has Candy’s prints on it, is found beside you, what other explanation could there be? Especially when you know how to play the grieving widower to a tee.

I just have to work out what to say to push Candy over the edge without Carlotta working out what I’m doing and interfering with the plan.

“For the last time, Candy, he doesn’t love you. He loves me. He wants nothing to do with you or your bastard child,” Carlotta snaps.

Candy’s attention snaps to Carlotta, a manic gleam in her eye.

Holy shit, Carlotta has done it for me. She’s found the exact right words to make Candy turn on her. Maybe she is useful for something, after all.

Candy starts to stalk toward Carlotta, the knife coming up, and for a second, everything goes into slow-motion as I watch, dreading what is going to come next, even though it’s exactly what I was hoping for just seconds ago. Candy keeps walking toward Carlotta. Carlotta backs up, but within a few steps, her back is against the wall and she has nowhere left to go.

I know what’s going to happen. Candy is going to kill Carlotta. She raises the knife right above her head, and Carlotta looks across the bed at me, a pleading look in her eyes. I can almost taste her fear. She knows she’s going to die .

As suddenly as it started, the slow-motion stops. Now everything is moving fast, too fast.

Panic grips me, sending shivers through my body. This isn’t what I want. In my head, it seemed right, but it was just a fantasy, something you think about but never really want to happen. You think it in your head because while it’s in your head, it’s safe. But now it’s a reality, and it’s anything but safe. I can’t let this happen. I just fucking can’t.

Carlotta drove me crazy at times, but she is still my wife, and despite everything, there’s a part me of that still loves her. I have to stop this. I let my instincts take over, and I don’t think, I just react. I jump across the bed, putting myself between Candy and Carlotta. I push Candy hard to one side, saving Carlotta and ruining the plan.

It was kind of ironic that once more, I could stand back and let Carlotta be killed. And that once more, it was a member of the Xavier family who could do the killing. I wasn’t sure about the rest of it. Was it ironic that once more, I was going to do whatever I could to stop it now that I was out of my stupor? Or was this more down to the fact that I owed Carlotta one after almost getting her killed once and then almost letting her take the rap for a murder I committed?

I didn’t know, but what I did know was that if I said the right things to distract Morrie, he was going to turn that gun onto me, and then one of two things was going to happen. Either he was fast enough to kill me, in which case I’d be killed and then Detective Del Rey would have a split second to disarm Morrie before he hurt Carlotta too, or Morrie wasn’t fast enough and Detective Del Rey would be able to shoot him first, and then I would spend a long time in prison. Either way, I thought it was only fair. I was finally going to get what I deserved. One way or the other, I was going to pay for what I had done.

I could see Morrie’s finger tightening on the trigger of his gun, and I knew it was now or never. It was funny because now, faced with inevitable punishment one way or the other, all the fear and anxiety of these last few days left me, and I felt calm. I felt ready to accept the consequences of my actions. It was a shame I had let it get this far, that it had to come to this before I was ready to accept responsibility for my actions.

“Fucking hell,” I said, feeling everyone shift their gazes to look at me, although Detective Del Rey’s glance in my direction was fleeting, going straight back to Morrie. “I can see where Candy got it from now.”

“Got what from?” Morrie demanded .

His attention was focused wholly on me now, but the gun stayed on Carlotta.

“The crazy streak. And the art of completely missing the truth and living in their own little fantasy world,” I said, trying to press Morrie’s buttons.

“What the fuck are you saying? Are you saying my daughter was crazy?” Morrie demanded. He barked out a bitter sounding laugh. “You’re lying. She was only the way she was because you two did this to her. And this is the sanest I’ve ever been in my life.”

He must have been really fucking crazy before then , I thought to myself but didn’t say.

“Why are you threatening Carlotta?” I said instead. “She didn’t kill Candy.”

“Don’t you fucking say her name,” Morrie snapped.

“Fine,” I said with a smile. “Carlotta didn’t kill the crazy bitch. Why would she do that? She didn’t have anything to be jealous about. Your daughter was just a place to park my dick when I was bored. I love my wife, and I had no intention of leaving her for some little skank.”

“Stop it,” Morrie snapped.

He was starting to break. I could see it. His hands were shaking, and I could see tears forming in his eyes. I felt a little bad saying this shit to him, but I was determined to get that gun off Carlotta. If I was going to Hell, and let’s face it, I was definitely going to Hell, it wouldn’t be for this. It would be for everything that led up to this point.

“Or what?” I taunted Morrie. “What are you going to do about it if I don’t stop? Are you going to kill me? I don’t think you're man enough to do that. If you were, you’d have that gun pointed at me, not someone who is innocent in all of this.”

“Maybe I fucking will kill you,” Morrie said.

His face was ghostly white now, his eyes open so far I could see the red fleshy part around his eyeballs.

“So do it, then,” I pushed him. “Grow a pair of balls and actually fucking do it. Carlotta isn’t the bad guy here, Morrie. I am. All she did was cover up what I had done, and you understand that, don’t you? She loved me. Just like you loved your daughter. If Candy had done something wrong, you would have covered for her, right? That’s what you do when you love someone. And if someone gets in the way and takes that person away from you, then you avenge them.”

“I ...” Morrie started, his voice shaking .

He was almost there. I just had to give him one more nudge and he’d be over the edge.

“I killed Candy, Morrie. I killed her and I fucking enjoyed it. I lied when I said I didn’t remember any of it. I remembered it all. I remembered it and I fucking loved how it felt. The power. Seeing the fear in her eyes as she went through the glass. I jacked off thinking about the look in her eyes when she knew she was going to die that night.”

That did it. Morrie made a strangled sound and the gun shifted to me. It was so quick that Detective Del Rey didn’t have time to react. I found myself staring down the barrel of Morrie’s gun, his red-rimmed, crazy eyes staring at me over the top of it.

I felt a strange mixture of relief and fear. I had done it. I had saved Carlotta again. But I had also put myself right in the line of fire, and I had no idea now how to get out of it. I knew what I had done. I had pushed Morrie way past the point where Detective Del Rey would be able to talk him down. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe this was the way this had always been going to end.