Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Carlotta

A lthough I had intended to go straight down to the precinct and tell Detective Del Rey everything, I found myself automatically heading toward home, my feet taking me there almost of their own accord. Several times, I almost turned around and twice, I hailed a cab and then changed my mind. It seemed like now that I was being confronted by the reality of telling the police everything, I just wasn’t ready to do it.

The priest’s words of comfort still echoed through my mind, reminding me that by telling the truth, I was not only absolving myself of my own sins, but I was also helping William onto the right path to absolve his sins and that had to be a good thing, both morally and spiritually .

The trouble was, once outside the calming atmosphere of the church, the panic inside me was back, and it was harder to ignore the gnawing dread in my stomach than I had thought it would be. The church was a sanctuary, where doing the right thing felt like the only path, because it blocked out everything else, allowing me to ignore all the niggling doubts in my mind. Outside those walls, all of those little niggling doubts were back, and nothing seemed so simple anymore.

Before I knew it, I was back on our block. My feet had brought me here subconsciously, even when I told myself I was just walking for a while, clearing my head and regaining that calm feeling I had experienced inside the church.

As I reached the house, I told myself I would take today to really think things over and then I would sleep on it. And then tomorrow, I would go to the precinct and talk to Detective Del Rey if I still thought it was the right thing to do. I felt a little bit better the moment the decision was made, but I suspected that my feeling of dread would return two-fold in the morning when I was once again faced with having to tell the detective everything, because no matter how long I gave myself to think it over, the priest had been right. The truth was the only way if I wanted to absolve myself of my moral sins, and I really did want that.

I pushed the thoughts away as I stepped into the house. I went through to the kitchen and put the kettle on. I turned around as I heard William come into the room behind me. He looked a little bit more sober than he had before I left, but he smiled strangely when he saw me, like he was a little bit smug about something. I ignored the look, not wanting to get into yet another argument with him.

“Where have you been?” William asked.

“Nowhere,” I replied too quickly. I wasn’t ready to tell him I had been to see a priest. He would know exactly where that one was going. “I just went for a walk to clear my head a bit.”

“Yeah, I can understand that,” William said.

He nodded sympathetically, and for a moment, I allowed myself to think that maybe, just maybe, he had taken some time to think about his recent actions and was ready to apologize to me. I couldn’t have been more wrong, and I really should have known an apology wasn’t William’s style. I kept giving him chances to redeem himself, to show me that I should keep his secret because he cared about me, about our marriage, and he kept on throwing them all back in my face .

“It must be hard knowing that you’ve gotten so repulsive that even your own husband can’t get it up for you,” he added.

That hurt. Even though I knew that William’s issues weren’t really anything to do with me—he couldn’t get it up because he was a drunk with some serious anger issues, it seemed—it still felt like he had shoved a knife into my heart and twisted it. I forced myself to hold the hurt in and not let William see that he had touched a nerve with me. If he thought he had hurt me, he wouldn’t be upset or apologetic. He would gloat and would use the insult whenever he wanted to hurt me again.

Only if you let him get the chance. You could end this whole thing right now. Just call the detective , I thought to myself, but I pushed the thought away. Tomorrow , I reminded myself. After I had some time to think things through and calm down from this latest onslaught from William.

Instead of taking the bait, I just rolled my eyes. The kettle clicked off and I was glad to be able to turn my back on William to make myself a cup of tea. I didn’t offer him one. Maybe it was petty, but I really didn’t want to do anything for him right now. I went to the fridge to get the milk out without so much as glancing in William’s direction. I finally did look at him when a knock sounded at the front door.

“Are you expecting someone?” I asked.

“No,” William said, but for a second, I thought I saw something on his face. A flash of guilt, perhaps. Or maybe spiteful joy. I couldn’t be sure I had seen anything really, and I told myself I was being paranoid.

“I’ll go and get rid of them, whoever it is,” William added, and he turned and left the kitchen, pulling the door half-closed behind him.

I added a splash of milk to my tea and put it back away in the fridge, straining to hear anything from the front door as I went. I could hear muffled voices coming from the front door, but that was it. I couldn’t make out any words. I couldn’t even tell if the visitor was male or female.

It’s probably someone selling something , I thought as I picked my cup up and began to sip from it. It must be something like that, because if it was someone we knew, William would have let them in by now.

A wry smile played out across my face. William had used his words to hurt me once again, thinking he could make me feel worthless and keep me in line. Instead, his words had the opposite effect on me. They were the final step in convincing me that the truth needed to come out about Candy. I mean, why should I continue to put myself at risk to protect William? It was different when I thought he loved me, but he’d made it abundantly clear that he didn’t. Not anymore. He had made the most difficult decision I had ever had to make a little bit easier with his constant taunts.

My resolve to tell the truth slipped ever so slightly when William came back into the kitchen with Officer Dumont trailing behind him. I took a long drink of my tea and then looked at the officer.

“Officer Dumont, what can we do for you?” I asked cautiously.

“Detective Del Rey would like you to accompany me to the precinct, Mrs. Alden. He has some questions for you,” Officer Dumont said.

I kept my expression neutral, but my heart sank. I could see the glee in William’s eyes as he looked at me. He made no effort to conceal it, and this time, I knew I wasn’t being paranoid. He was fucking enjoying this. That bastard had sold me out. I didn’t know what he’d told the police, but I knew he had told them something. Something that would implicate me in a murder he had committed. How hadn’t I seen this coming? He had always put himself first, and I had been stupid enough to think that for once, he would work with me instead of against me. As if he would risk himself getting what he deserved when he could blame me instead. Particularly when it was something this serious.

“Now isn’t really a good time, Officer,” I said, testing the water with the officer, wanting to see how much he thought he knew. The truth was that I really had nothing better to do, but I wanted to know what would happen if I said no to the precinct. “Perhaps the detective could drop by later on this evening.”

“Actually, that won’t be possible, Mrs. Alden. I am going to need you to accompany me right now,” the officer said.

“Am I under arrest?” I asked.

“Not if you come willingly. But if you refuse to come with me, then I’m afraid you’ll leave me with no choice other than to arrest you,” Officer Dumont replied.

“Then let’s go,” I said.

Testing the water was one thing. Leaving the house in handcuffs was something else entirely. Something I didn’t need to do. I hadn’t done anything wrong, and while William was smug now, that wouldn’t last for too much longer. All he had done by making further trouble for me was ease my guilt at the thought of telling the police the truth about what he had done. It was almost like he wanted to push my back against the wall and make me tell them what I knew. He really was arrogant to a level I hadn’t even anticipated. He really thought he could pin this on me and that I’d just take it lying down. Well, he was in for a big surprise.

I ignored William and followed Officer Dumont out of the house and to the waiting car. I got in and the officer drove away from the house. I looked back for a moment and saw William standing on the doorstep, grinning to himself. Bastard .

We drove to the precinct in silence, and when we got there, Officer Dumont opened my car door for me and led me through the precinct and back to the interview room all of this nightmare started in. He nodded at me to sit down and then left the room, leaving me to stew. It was working, but not for the reasons I thought he was imagining. I hadn’t killed anyone. I was just terrified of what lies William might have told them.

I didn’t know how much time passed before Officer Dumont returned, but I knew it was a long time. It had to be have been at least an hour, probably much longer. He moved toward the desk and sat down, not offering me anything to drink or giving me any platitudes. It was straight down to business now.

“So, Mrs. Alden, here we are again,” he said.

“Yes,” I replied.

“It appears that last time you were here, you led us in quite a dance,” he said.

I raised an eyebrow, but I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to know where he was going with this, find out exactly how much he thought he knew. I knew enough about these interrogations to know that silence was more often than not my friend. The police left gaps, long, awkward gaps, hoping a suspect would start babbling to fill the silence. I could see how that would work, but most people didn’t live with William. They weren’t used to being in a room with another person and not talking. Especially if they were being goaded. I was. I lived it every single fucking day.

“Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand why you lied,” Officer Dumont continued with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, murder is a pretty serious crime, and you thought you would get away with it, didn’t you? You really thought your husband would keep your secrets and this would just go away. He talked, Mrs. Alden. And this right here is your chance to confess. Tell us the truth yourself, and you will be viewed a little more favorably.”

I snorted down my nose, faking indignation.

“You want me to confess to something I didn’t do? I thought it was your job as a police officer to find out the truth. It seems you don’t much care about that, though. You just want someone to blame,” I said, forcing my voice to come out low and calm.

Inside, I was a wreck, but I thought I was doing a good job of hiding that fact.

“Well, damn. It looks like I owe my colleague fifty bucks,” Officer Dumont said, shaking his head. That threw me, and although I tried not to show it, I’m sure my surprise was evident on my face. Officer Dumont went on. “See, I said you would see sense and tell the truth now, do the right thing. But my colleague said you wouldn’t. She said your type never admit to their mistakes. In fact, she said that somewhere deep down, you probably view yourself as the victim in all of this.”

“Wow. Where did she get her psychology degree? Off the back of a cereal box?” I said sarcastically.

“Harvard, actually, but that’s not the point,” Officer Dumont said. “That’s not the point at all and you know it. The point is you can still turn this around. You can show her that she doesn’t know you at all. You can just tell the truth and have this whole thing over with.”

That sounded nice, but I knew at this point that anything I said would be ignored or disregarded. Officer Dumont had decided I was guilty and there was no point in trying to reason with him. I just had to hope that Detective Del Rey was a bit more analytical and open to hearing the actual truth rather than letting my husband get into his head.

“Where’s Detective Del Rey?” I asked. “You said he wanted to talk to me.”

“He does want to talk to you, but he got caught up in some other business and asked me to have this talk with you,” Officer Dumont said.

A likely story. Detective Del Rey was good. He was having Officer Dumont work me over for a bit first, and then he would come in and offer a sympathetic ear, expecting me to spill my guts. Well, I would, only it wouldn’t be with the confession he was expecting. It would be with the actual truth.

“Well, I’m afraid that just doesn’t work for me. I’ll talk, but only to Detective Del Rey,” I said.

“You might have quite a wait for him,” Officer Dumont said .

“Fine,” I said. “My day is already ruined. What’s another couple of hours?”

Officer Dumont nodded and stood up. He walked away and turned back when he reached the door.

“Are you sure you want to wait for the detective and not just talk to me?” he said.

“Certain,” I said.

He nodded once and left the room. I could feel my insides churning. I was more scared now than I had been since this whole thing started. What if the detective didn’t believe me? What if William was believed simply because he had spoken first? I had to get that thought out of my head. I had to trust that the detective was good enough at his job to sniff out the truth when it was handed to him on a plate.

It hadn’t hit me exactly how much my refusal to speak to anyone except Detective Del Rey had backfired on me until an officer I didn’t recognize had come to the interview room hours after Officer Dumont left. She had told me to follow her and taken me to a holding cell. I had argued with her about going into the cell, and she reminded me that I had choices, and this is the one I had chosen. I could speak to one of the officers if I didn’t want to wait until the morning when the detective was free.

By then, I felt like I couldn’t back down, so I found myself locked in a holding cell with three other women. It was clear to me almost instantly that I didn’t fit in with the cell’s other inhabitants. One of them was drunk and one of them was clearly as high as a kite on drugs. The third woman seemed sober, but she had a mean look about her and communicated in nothing but grunts and curse words.

I soon gave up trying to make the best of the situation and lay down on my bunk and faced the wall. I was scared, more scared than I had ever been in my life, and while I knew exactly what the police were doing here, it was still working. This was clearly intended to show me what prison would be like and remind me that I would never handle it. After an hour of listening to the sober girl swearing and threatening the drunk girl and the drunk girl and the druggie arguing between themselves, I was ready to talk to anyone who was available.

I got off my bunk, keeping my head down, not making eye contact with any of the other women. I shouted to the police officer who sat at a desk down the hallway from the cell. He rolled his eyes and walked toward me.

“I’m ready to talk,” I said. “Please tell Officer Dumont I will speak to him.”

The police officer laughed.

“It’s after one o’clock in the morning. You really think any of the officers are going to come down here at this time of the night just to talk to you?” he said.

“Fine,” I said. “Then just let me out of here and I’ll come back in the morning.”

“No can do, I’m afraid. You’re not technically under arrest as you came here willingly, but you are now in official police custody, and to get out of here, your husband would need to bail you out. I spoke to him when you were brought in here, and that’s clearly not going to happen,” he said. “Only Detective Del Rey has the authority to allow for your release without the bail money, and if you think I’m calling him in the middle of the night for that, then you are sorely mistaken.”

I walked away from the bars and back to my bunk, defeated for the moment. I could feel anger stirring inside myself again, though. Fucking William. He had caused this, and now he wasn’t even going to get me out of here? Not even when he now knew he was the one who had killed Candy? Of course, he wasn’t. Why would he? He had never owned up to anything in his life. He always found someone else to take the rap for him. I just never thought it would be me.

I could picture that smug look back on his face when I closed my eyes, and it made me want to retch, but I kept my eyes closed all the same, afraid that if I opened them, one of my cell mates would see I wasn’t asleep and would try to talk to me. Or worse, pick a fight with me.

That night was definitely the longest night of my life, and by the time Officer Dumont appeared at the bars the next day, I would have talked to Jack the fucking Ripper if it meant I could get out of this hell hole.

At some point during the night, the drunk had thrown up everywhere and refused to even attempt to clean it up. The sober girl had punched her hard in the face and she had fallen back onto her bunk. No one had touched the puddle of vomit, and the smell had slowly permeated everything in the cell.

I got up a couple of hours after the fight, desperate for a pee and thinking everyone else was asleep. I wasn’t overly happy about using the toilet in front of three strangers, not even three sleeping strangers, but I did what I had to do and got up off the toilet and flushed it. That’s when I had realized the scary sober girl was watching me. Her eyes were definitely open. I could see them shining with the low light from the hallway.

“Maybe you should clean that up,” she said, nodding to the pool of vomit.

I knew this could go a couple of ways here. I could agree and save myself a beating, but then I would have to clean up the vile mess and I would be seen as someone who could be bullied into anything. Or I could say no and probably take a fist to my face. Or I could act like I wasn’t scared of her and just hope she backed down.

“Or maybe you should fuck off,” I said as I headed for my bunk.

“Excuse me?” she said, sitting up.

I turned to her, and something in my expression must have looked as crazy as I felt, because she held her hands up and gave a shaky laugh.

“I was just joking,” she said.

I didn’t reply. I just wanted to turn away from her so that she couldn’t see my relieved expression. Needless to say, I don’t think I slept at all that night.

“Carlotta Alden,” Officer Dumont said from the cell door. “Detective Del Rey is ready to talk to you now.”

The officer from the desk came along and unlocked the cell, and I walked out, glad of the slightly better smelling air in the hallway. I had survived my first night in jail, and it had solidified the knowledge of my needing to save myself now. I wouldn’t spend another night in jail. I was going to tell the detective everything.

Officer Dumont led me back to the interview room, and I realized with horror that I was starting to think of the room as my interview room. You know you’re caught up way too deeply in something bad when you’ve been in a police interview room enough times to be starting to think of it as your own room.

I stepped into the interview room and saw Detective Del Rey sitting at the desk already. Officer Dumont pulled the door closed, leaving just me and the detective.

“So you’re finally ready to talk to me, huh?” Detective Del Rey said.

“I could say the same to you,” I replied as I stood nervously in the doorway of the room.

“But you’re not going to be stupid enough to antagonize me like that, are you? Take a seat, Carlotta,” Detective Del Rey said.

I moved to the seat and sat down. It was time to tell the detective everything.

“Officer Dumont said William told you some stuff. Detective, none of it is true. I didn’t hurt Candy. The only thing I am guilty of is lying to you earlier to protect my husband. He’s trying to make me take the fall for this when it’s all his fault. Don’t you see that?”

Detective Del Rey sat back in his chair; his eyebrows raised. He looked at me with such hostility that I felt it inside myself. I had to make him believe me, but judging by his expression, it was going to be even harder than I had imagined it would be.

“Right now, Carlotta, I see a woman desperate to save her own skin,” the detective said. “But I’m willing to hear you out.”

That was something, at least. He was going to give me a chance to explain everything. I just had to find the right words and make him believe me. My story had to be more convincing than William’s, and in theory, it should be, because mine had the advantage of actually being true.

“Candy and William where having an affair, as you know,” I began. “Candy turned up at our house that night. I assume she got in through the broken window in the basement, but in all honesty, that part is just my best guess. I woke up and she was standing in the bedroom doorway. She had a knife, and she was talking crazy, saying she was pregnant and that she and William were going to raise the baby together and all that kind of stuff. She had a dangerous look about her, like maybe she was high or something, or maybe she had just snapped, I don’t know. William tried to talk to her, to calm her down. But she wouldn’t listen to reason. And then she came at me with the knife.”

I paused for a second. This was it. It was time to tell Detective Del Rey how William had pushed Candy out the window to stop her from getting me with the knife. I opened my mouth to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come. William had his faults—a million of them, to be precise—but he had still risked his life in that moment to save mine. I had no doubt in my mind that Candy would have killed me given the chance. And William had stopped her. How could I throw him under the bus when he had done that for me?

“William dove over the bed and pushed her away from me,” I went on. “And then Candy got really upset. She threw herself out the window.”

It sounded lame, even to my mind, but what else could I do? Detective Del Rey shook his head, looking at me with barely disguised disgust.

“You know, I almost believed you, Carlotta. Until the very last part of your story, of course,” he said.

I felt myself blush, but I didn’t say anything else. Detective Del Rey watched me for a moment.

“Here’s the deal, Carlotta. William has told us that you lured Candy to the house with the intention of killing her. He is saying that you went for her with a knife, driving her out the window,” he said.

“But none of that is true,” I shrieked.

“I know. You were right about the window, Carlotta. We know Candy broke into your house. And we found the knife, and your fingerprints aren’t on it,” he continued.

I felt relief in the pit of my stomach, but it didn’t last long as Detective Del Rey went on.

“The problem I’m having here is that your story isn’t true, either. For what it’s worth, I believe your version of events is true up to the point where you claim that Candy threw herself out the window. Her injuries aren’t consistent with that. We know Candy was pushed out that window. What we still don’t know is which of you pushed her. So here’s the deal. You’re free to leave. Go home and think seriously about the ending to your little story and come back when you’re ready to tell me the truth about who really pushed Candy.”

“But ...” I started.

“No buts, Carlotta. Either you killed Candy, or you didn’t. If you did, then you deserve to rot in prison. But if you didn’t, then you don’t. Whatever happened that night, you’ve lied to us, Carlotta. You claimed you didn’t remember any of this, yet now, you conveniently do.”

“I went to see a priest, Detective. I was wrestling with my conscience, you see. I know lying is a sin, but so is breaking your wedding vows, and telling you all of this surely counts as breaking those vows. The priest made me see that I had to be honest. I was planning on coming here and telling you everything. I just didn’t expect William to get in first with a lie.”

“Whatever.” Detective Del Rey shrugged. “If you tell us the whole truth and it leads to Candy’s murderer going to prison, I’m willing to overlook your lies. I get why you wanted to cover for your husband. But I will need the full story. And I will need all of it to be true. Do you understand me?”

I nodded my head slowly. I did understand him. And he was giving me a way out. I could tell him the full truth and not go to prison for lying. I could end this whole thing right here and right now. But I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I could say the words he needed to hear, not when William had only killed Candy to save my life.

The detective stood up.

“Think about what I’ve said, Carlotta. And when you’re ready to tell me the full truth, come back to me. In the meantime, you’re free to leave.”

He made for the door. He pulled it open and then turned back as I got to my feet.

“Oh, and one more thing. We’re getting pretty close to finding out the truth for ourselves. And if that happens, then make no mistake that I will have the courts throw the book at you for perverting the course of justice. Just something for you to consider.”

He disappeared from sight. My mind was spinning. I felt sick and dizzy, and my mouth was so dry it hurt to swallow. Not that there was anything to swallow, anyway. I knew I had to do it. I had to tell him everything. Regardless of the fact that William had saved my life, I couldn’t do a life sentence for him, and it was starting to look like it was going to come down to a choice between those two options. I guess I always knew it would end up coming to this. Him or me. My life ruined or his.

Maybe if I just told the truth, it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe they’d be a little bit more lenient with William when they found out that he was protecting me from Candy. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do as I stepped out of the precinct and into the street. I didn’t have my cellphone or any money on me, so I began walking toward home.

As I walked, I started to formulate a plan. My next move depended solely on William and how he treated me when I returned home. If he was apologetic for leaving me to rot in jail, then I would seriously rethink confessing everything. But if he continued to taunt me and undermine me, if he was smug about my night in jail, then I was going to write down exactly what had happened that night. The full truth. And I was going to give the account to Detective Del Rey.