Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Carlotta

I turned my back on William for a moment, going to the liquor cabinet. I needed a drink badly, but it wasn’t just that. I needed a moment to think, a moment where I didn’t have to look at William’s face and see the betrayal there.

I poured out a large measure of scotch and started to put the lid back on the bottle, but then I thought better of it and added another large slug of scotch to the glass. I replaced the lid and moved to the window for a moment, nursing my glass.

I looked out over the Hollywood Hills, and for a moment, I felt lost looking at the familiar scenery. I asked myself, not for the first time, how I’d ended up here. How I ended up married to a man who cared only for himself. I mean, sure, he claimed to love me, but his actions told a very different story. How could it be possible that he loved me when he was constantly cheating on me with dolly bird interns? Airheaded little sluts who thought they could get ahead by sleeping with their boss. Gold digging little whores who slept with my husband to get the gifts he no doubt lavished on them.

William’s cheating on me was nothing new. The first affair happened after he redesigned the docks. Or at least the first affair that I found out about happened after he redesigned the docks. I believed it was the first one, though, because subtlety was never William’s strong suit, and I couldn’t imagine a world where he managed to keep something like that under wraps from me.

The docks project was a big one, even for him, an accomplished architect. The buildings he designed were breathtaking. They were striking, functional, and all sharp angles, almost brutal to look at. But they were soulless, like him. He asked me to breathe life into them, and I painted a mural that ended up getting more attention than the buildings themselves. I'd thought we were a team, that my success was his success, but he didn’t see it that way. He saw it as an insult to his work, and his ego couldn’t take the hit. Instead of questioning why the mural was the life and soul of the design, or even taking the credit for choosing to add it, he decided that somehow, I had intentionally upstaged him and that I was to blame for his not getting the recognition he deserved.

I suppose it made sense, in a way. By blaming me, he didn’t have to question his abilities, his designs. He could continue to think he was perfect and never made a single mistake and that I was some sort of weight around his neck, pulling him down, holding him back. Yes, it was much easier for him to assume I had sabotaged him than for him to try to see the truth of the situation.

I found out a week or so later that he was sleeping with one of his interns. He was hardly subtle about it. It was like he wanted me to find out. I thought he was doing it to hurt me, that in his mind, this was fair payback for his bruised ego. I should have spoken up then. I should have packed his bags for him and shown him the door.

But I didn’t. I was afraid to lose him. I was afraid to try to make it in the world on my own, and so I played the role of the dutiful wife, pretending that I hadn’t noticed the smell of perfume on his shirt when he returned from another night working late. That I didn’t notice the constant phone calls and text messages, the weekends away, the way he was careful not to leave his cellphone unattended.

It all came to a head about two weeks ago when there was a knock at the door. I opened it and there was a girl standing there. A girl no older than nineteen, with red hair and blue eyes. There was a look in her eyes that I recognized. She looked lost, like she was drowning and desperately searching for an anchor. And I knew instantly who she was. William’s newest toy. She made up some story about needing a file from William’s office, but I knew William. If they had needed that file, he wouldn’t have forgotten to take it with him. He always packed his files for work the night before and then double-checked them the next morning. It wouldn’t have been forgotten.

She was sizing me up, looking me up and down, and I saw that lost look in her eyes fade away, replaced with a smug, amused look as she took in my paint-splattered overalls and my brown hair thrown back in a messy bun.

I wanted to shake her, to tell her William would never leave me for her. I was the wife he took to corporate events knowing I'd say all the right things, act the role perfectly. And when I was out of the overalls and in a ball gown, I looked the part. Not like this dolly bird who looked rough around the edges. She would never belong in William’s world. I did.

He didn’t want some loose cannon of a kid on his arm who would flirt with his bosses and show him up. I wanted to tell her the affair they were having wasn’t even about her. It was about me. That William was only using her to punish me. I didn’t say any of that. I bit my tongue, gave her the file, and watched her leave, her hips swaying as she walked. Even her hips looked smug.

I wanted to go back to my little world of denial, but I found that I couldn’t. It was one thing turning a blind eye to what happened at the office or in some seedy motel on the outskirts of town, but having that little skank turn up at my doorstep, judge me, and find me lacking... that pushed me over the edge into a rarely shown anger, and when William came home that evening, I confronted him.

We argued, but I could see that William was seeing me differently that night. Gone was his meek little wife, and in her place was a woman who was no longer willing to tolerate his disrespect. He agreed to end the affair, and the very next day, he did just that. I know he did because I got a scathing phone call from the girl, Candy, telling me what a bitch I was and how I had ruined her life.

I was angry with her for intruding on my life once more, but mostly, I was angry with William. Because I realized something on that phone call. Candy didn’t know she was just another in a string of affairs. She had fallen for William’s charm, just like I had all those years ago, only when he told her she was special, it had been a lie. She had really believed William would leave me and that they would live happily ever after. She wanted more than just the money and the lifestyle because if she’d played her cards right, she could have had all of that as mistress. She wanted him all to herself. She was still young and na?ve enough to believe that if he was hers, he would never cheat on her. I had been that girl, the young, na?ve one who thought he would never cheat, but I never could have convinced myself of that if our relationship had started out as an affair.

I heard William moving behind me, and I turned away from the window to see what he was doing. The air was thick, charged, another argument brewing, and for a moment, I thought he was coming toward me. I don’t know whether I thought he was going to slap me or kiss me, but I thought he was going to do something to me. Instead, he went to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a drink. I looked down at my own glass, a little surprised to see it was empty, and I held it out.

William filled it for me, and for a second, our eyes met. I looked into his piercing blue eyes, searching for the truth about his feelings for me, but I saw only anger there. He sighed loudly as he moved back to his chair and slumped down in it.

“Why do you have to be like this, Carlotta?” he said.

“Like what?” I demanded.

How dare he try to get on his high horse because I had finally had enough of his ways? What the fuck did he expect me to be like after what he had done?

“Like this,” he said, waving his hand in my direction. His hand wavered slightly, and I knew I wasn’t the only one who was already well on my way to being drunk. “One minute you’re yelling, the next minute you’re silent. You told me to end the affair, and I did. What more do you want from me?”

I wanted the life he had promised me on our wedding day. The life where he loved and honored me. The life where he was meant to forsake all others. I wanted the fairy tale ending.

“I want you to stop your little skank whore from turning up here,” I said, shocking myself slightly at the venom in my voice. “She was here again today. Parked at the end of the driveway, watching the house.”

“I’ll talk to her, all right?” he snapped.

“No, it’s not all right,” I said. “It’s way past all right. She’s unhinged, William.”

“You’re right about that. She’s stalking me, trying to get me to take her back. I’ll get a restraining order against her, and hopefully, that’ll keep her away.”

“Hmm,” I grunted.

I downed my drink and went back to the cabinet to refill it. I handed William the bottle and he refilled his glass too.

“You don’t believe me?” William said.

“No, I do,” I said. “I just think it’s too little, too late. You’ll replace her with the next one, and I’ll go back to being the one they all pity at parties. The one they laugh at behind her back. The one they’re all secretly afraid they’ll become.”

“It’s not like that, Carlotta,” William said with a sigh .

“Isn’t it? Because I’ve been on the other side of that scenario. Do you remember when we first got married and Justin from your office was having an affair? Whenever there was an office event, the other wives and I used to say how sorry for his wife we felt, how Justin was a bastard for doing that to her. And we meant it, but there was always a touch of smugness in our words because it was happening to her and not to us. And we used to wonder aloud whether she knew or not. Whether she turned a blind eye or whether she was genuinely clueless. And we all agreed that either way, she was an idiot. And now I’m the idiot. Thanks to you and your fragile little ego.”

“You think that’s what this is about?” William slurred.

“God, William, she’s young enough to be our daughter. What else could it be about? Surely, you don’t expect me to believe you actually felt something for her,” I snapped, a bitter laugh escaping my throat.

“What if I did?” William threw back.

“Then you’re more pathetic than I realized,” I replied. “She likes the power of sleeping with the boss. She likes the money you no doubt shower her with. She likes what you represent, but she doesn’t like you. As if someone like her would ever fall for someone like you.”

William shook his head, at a loss for words for a moment. I looked at him critically. He was a good-looking man, there was no doubt about that. His piercing blue eyes were the color of the sky on a sunny day and they sparkled when he smiled. He had a neat black beard and black hair that was just starting to get flecks of gray in it at his temples. He was handsome, but to a nineteen-year-old, he would be someone you described as “not bad looking for his age.” Except apparently, to Candy, but William didn’t need to know that she did indeed want more than his money and his power. He had used Candy to hurt me because his ego had been bruised, and I had no qualms about doing the exact thing back to him.

“So what? Now you’re pissed off because I don’t have feelings for Candy?” William said. “I don’t understand you at all, Carl.”

“I’m pissed off because you cheated on me and made me a laughingstock at your company. What part of that is so damned hard for you to understand?” I shouted.

He stood up and went to the cabinet again. He picked up the bottle of scotch, and seeing it was empty, he opened the cabinet and pulled out another one. He filled his glass almost to the brim and I did the same.

When his glass was full, he turned to look at me. He swayed slightly on his feet and his eyes seemed not quite able to focus themselves. He was definitely past the point of drunk now and judging by the way my head felt a little fuzzy, I wasn’t far behind him myself.

“You made me do it, Carlotta. You pushed me away, made me feel small. And you stopped trying. I mean, look at you,” William slurred, indicating my paint-splattered overalls. “When we first got married, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. And now look at you. You look like a fucking tramp.”

That did it. I felt something inside me snap, and I slapped William hard across the face. His head shot to the side as the clapping sound echoed around the room. He moved his head back to the center, bringing up a hand and touching it to the burning red handprint on his cheek. My palm was stinging from the slap.

I took a step backward, shrinking away from him, waiting for his fist to fly toward me .

“I–I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” I stuttered, feeling fear deep in my stomach.

William just stared at me and shook his head.

“No. You shouldn’t have. But I’m not going to hit you, Carlotta. I’m not your damned father.”

He stalked back to his chair, and I sat down on the couch, not looking at William for a moment. He was right. He wasn’t my father. He cheated on me, belittled me at times, but he had never raised a hand to me. Not once. Not like my father who would punch me or hit me with the buckle end of his thick leather belt if I said so much as a word out of turn.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking away our sorrows, our problems. I knew they would still be there tomorrow, still unsolved, eating away at me, at William, at our marriage. But for now, I was past caring. I just wanted to feel numb for a while, to not feel the hurting deep down inside myself.

I finished my drink and went for another one on unsteady legs. I stumbled slightly as I reached the cabinet and put out a hand to steady myself. William came over to stand beside me, and for a brief second, he put his hand gently over mine and I dared to let myself believe we would be okay. That we would get past all of this mess and be able to start over again.

He pulled his hand away, and with it, my hope. He poured us both another drink, and I went back to the couch, scotch sloshing over the side of my glass. I watched William weave his way back to his seat, and when he looked at me, his eyes were glazed. His eyelids looked heavy, and I knew anything I said would be a waste of my breath. He was on the verge of passing out, and he wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning.

“Where do we go from here, Carlotta?” William said finally.

“I have no idea,” I replied. “Honestly, I don’t, but get that restraining order first thing tomorrow. That’s the first step.”

He nodded his head.

“I will. And tonight, we just drink and forget,” he said.

I raised my glass.

“Cheers to that,” I said in a voice devoid of any emotion.