Chapter Twelve

W aking up with Ellie in his arms, her soft breath on his skin, made Wes’ heart nearly explode. All of the grief and rage he’d experienced over her “death,” as intense as it had been, couldn’t compare to the extraordinary love flowing through him at that moment. She made everything good and bright, and she cast all of his doubts and fears into the shadows.

Ellie was his reason—to live, to laugh, to love.

He lightly squeezed her shoulder. “Time to get up, Ellie-Bean. We have a flight to catch.”

She sighed softly in her sleep then her eyes fluttered open. Her irises looked more green than usual, and when they focused on him, he saw the exact moment when she remembered where she was and how they’d bonded the night before.

Pushing up off his chest, she gave him a shy smile, brushing her hair off her face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to smother you.”

Wes grinned, happier than he’d been in so long. “You can smother me any time you want.”

“Good to know.” She ran her hand over his pecs and along his upper arms. “You’ve stayed in such good shape. I’m a little jealous.”

Her touch made his blood sizzle and tamping it down wasn’t easy. He was in bed with the love of his life, and he wanted her more than anything, but he knew sex was off the table right now. They had a plane to catch. But, damn, what he wouldn’t give to drag her back into his arms and spend the rest of the week in bed with her, exploring each other’s hearts and bodies like they used to do.

“I need to stay strong or I’ll have trouble getting around. The arthritis is already setting in, though. Some days, especially when it rains, my hips ache so much I feel eighty years old.” His gaze dropped, admiring the curves barely concealed beneath her thin pajamas. “You’ve kept in amazing shape, too. Perky as ever.”

“Hardly.” She laughed. “I suppose not having children helped things from getting too saggy, though.”

Shit. Wes tensed when she mentioned children, wondering if she suddenly had regrets. Although she’d always said she was fine with it, what if she wasn’t? What if he wasn’t enough for her? The thought continued to nag at him because it didn’t matter what she’d said in the past—especially if she didn’t even remember.

“You’re perfect, Ellie,” he murmured, trailing his hand along her hip and squeezing. “Even if we would’ve had ten kids, you’d still be perfect in every way.”

“Saggy boobs and all?”

“I could never not love your boobs.”

“Charmer. You sure know how to make a girl melt.”

“That’s my job as your husband. Keep you in a constant state of…melting.”

They both laughed.

“Any idea how long we can stay in Michigan?”

“Brand said probably only a day or two. But we can go back after the op.”

“Are we going to hit all the old haunts?” she asked.

“We’re going to try.”

With a nod, Ellie slid out of bed. “It won’t take me long to get ready.”

As Wes watched her pad out of the bedroom, heading for the guest bathroom, he sent up another thank you. By this time, he had thanked every god, saint, angel and the universe a million times.

Thank you.

A million and one times.

He had his Ellie back, and no one would ever take her away from him again.

◆◆◆

Ellie had high hopes that returning home, seeing her family and being back where she’d made so many memories would trigger a massive tidal wave of flashbacks.

But that didn’t happen.

Her parents, Sam and Laura, were lovely people. They bawled their eyes out when they saw her. Same with her sister, Tori, who couldn’t stop hugging her. The most touching thing, though, was the way her family greeted Wes, as though he’d returned from the dead, too. Although, she supposed he had in a way. It felt good seeing how much they loved and approved of him. It also cemented her trust in him and confirmed he was exactly who he’d said. Not that she didn’t believe him, but the reassurance was huge.

So many hugs, kisses and squeals were exchanged. They all gathered together in the family room, full of questions that Ellie didn’t have answers to. Wes jumped in to help her whenever he could, but Ellie could feel her frustration growing.

Why can’t I remember?

She had a wonderful family and the best husband any woman could ask for, but her mind refused to open up. It stayed tightly closed like an oyster shell, and she so desperately needed it to crack open so she could find that pearl of wisdom. The one that would allow her to remember her former life and these people who loved her so much.

After hours of talking and a barbecue outside on the deck overlooking the pool, Ellie was fighting back tears. She was so disheartened and defeat washed over her. What was wrong with her?

Wes must’ve noticed her spiraling, and his calm but strong voice broke through the wall she was unknowingly erecting around herself. “Will you excuse us?” Wes pushed his chair back, took Ellie’s hand and guided her away. “Are you okay?”

He was leading her across the perfectly-cut, green yard and toward the woods. The house and land were beautiful, located in the country, but not the place where she’d grown up. Maybe that’s why she felt like she was trying to force the memories. Because there simply weren’t any—none that were rooted directly back to her childhood, anyway, since her parents said they’d moved there after she left for college.

She shook her head, trying to blink back the tears and failing miserably. Although she should be happy, basking in the love and support of the family who thought they’d lost her forever, she was about to have a meltdown. The pressure to remember was too much. She couldn’t ignore the expectations—hers and those around her—and how not meeting them, not being able to give everyone what they wanted, seemed like a failure, a betrayal. It felt like she was in a vise, being crushed.

Gasping for air, she laid a hand on her chest, and began to cry. “I’m s-sorry,” she sobbed.

Wes pulled her into his arms and rubbed a hand up and down her back. “Let it all out,” he encouraged her. “I’ve got you. I will always have you, Ellie.”

God, what had she done to deserve this man? She could feel his love infusing her, giving her the strength she so desperately needed at that moment. Wrapping her arms around him, she held on hard and cried against his t-shirt, soaking it with her tears of frustration. Once she was all cried out, she pulled back with a sniffle.

“Better?” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

She swiped a hand under her nose, nodding. “I’m sorry. Your shirt’s all wet.”

“A little tears and snot never hurt anyone.”

A snort-laugh burst from her throat. “You’re so good to me. The fact that I can’t remember you…us…kills me. I want to, Wes, so badly. I’d give anything to have our precious memories back.”

“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Give it time. If they don’t come back, we’ll make new memories, Ellie. Stop putting such demanding expectations on yourself and your brain. You went through a traumatic experience. Healing takes time.”

His deep voice was so soft, so full of understanding. Everything about him soothed her soul.

Reaching up, she cupped his face and looked into his brown eyes. “How are you so perfect? How did I get so damn lucky?”

“I’m not perfect. Far from it,” he murmured, hands settling on her hips. “You aren’t, either. But, together, yeah, I think we’re pretty goddamn perfect.”

Ellie pushed up onto her toes and kissed him hard. He knew exactly what to say and how to settle her down when she felt like her world was spinning madly out of control. One of his hands moved up, sliding over the back of her head, his long fingers threading through her hair. He tugged, angling her head back, and deepened the kiss. And, at that moment, Ellie knew they would get through this together.

◆◆◆

Once Ellie felt better, Wes decided to take her out on a drive. Her family had been understandably excited and ecstatic to see her, but it had been too much for her. Brand had sent a quick text with a doctor’s name that he’d gotten from a military buddy, and they decided to make an appointment when they got home. Hopefully, the doctor could help. In the meantime, they climbed into their rental car and headed back to the place where they’d met so long ago.

Ann Arbor was a little over a half an hour away and nostalgia filled Wes as he drove to the University of Michigan campus. After parking, they got out and he reached for her hand. He figured it was a good, non-threatening place to visit. Every memory he had of the year they spent there together was magical, and he knew the same used to be true for her. And, although buried, he hoped she would maybe feel some of the good vibes as he walked her around, sharing stories and pointing out various places that held meaning.

“Where did we have our first date?” she asked as they wandered the campus.

“The dumpy pizza place is long gone,” Wes told her, “but I can take you by where it used to be.”

“And where we parked and fooled around?” She waggled her brows.

He grinned. “Yeah, we can do that.”

“Maybe we can recreate that first date,” she suggested, a playful look in her eyes.

Wes stifled a groan. “Don’t tempt me.”

She threw her head back and laughed, and the melodic sound filled every crack in his heart. After he’d returned from missions when he was a SEAL, Ellie had always known how to heal the dark parts of him. Now it was his turn to help her heal.

Wes drove them past the old pizza joint which was now a bar. But he was surprised to see the ice cream parlor was still on the corner. “Care for a scoop of mint chocolate chip?”

“Is that the same place…” Her voice trailed off in awe and Wes nodded.

“Sure is.”

“We have to go!”

Her enthusiasm made him smile and he pulled up along the curb to park. Once they were inside, Wes watched Ellie’s reactions carefully. Her eyes grew bigger and she looked around, as though expecting something to trigger her recollections from that first date. He hated seeing her disappointed when it didn’t happen. Any time Ellie was discouraged, his heart ached.

“C’mon, let’s get you a scoop of your favorite.” He tugged her toward the counter and they ordered the same thing they had so very long ago. Once they had their cones, they wandered back outside. She was being too quiet and he hated the pressure she was putting on herself. “Let’s sit over there.”

They sat down on a bench and ate their ice cream in companionable silence. Wes wished like hell the dam would break for her, but he knew there was a chance that it might never happen.

“Brand talked to his friend and told him about your situation. The doctor he referred us to has experience dealing with patients who have amnesia.”

“Do you think he’ll be able to help? Maybe he could hypnotize me or something. At this point, I’ll do anything.”

She caught a drip of ice cream on her tongue and Wes felt his body respond like it always did when Ellie did something sexy. Even unintentionally. He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if they had sex. Would that be the kind of jolt she needed to restore her memory? Could it work? He’d thought it was too soon, but now he wasn’t so sure. Especially after last night. If she was ready and willing…

“I’m ready to go back,” she said quietly, interrupting his thoughts. They’d both finished their cones and the mood wasn’t nearly as happy as it had been when they’d first set out on their road trip. Nothing had sparked her memory and he could sense her disappointment.

“Okay.” He pushed himself up off the bench, racking his brain for a way to help her.

Once they were back in the rental car, Ellie flipped the radio on and began surfing through the channels. “I can’t even remember what kind of music I like,” she grumbled, settling on a soft classic rock station.

Ting, ting, ting, ting.

The moment the Billy Joel song started, Wes’ heart sped up and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. The lyrics echoed from the speakers, haunting and true, and he surreptitiously watched Ellie. His heart sped up when he saw the way her fingers began to tap, how her head tilted as she listened. Halfway through the song, she began to hum along with it.

She knew the melody. He sucked in a swift breath and looked over at her. Her eyes were closed and suddenly the lyrics poured from her mouth. After she sang several lines, her eyes popped open and the most gorgeous smile Wes had ever seen spread across her face. Despite having an awful voice, Wes sang the final line of the song with her.

Holy shit.

Ellie squealed, grabbing his arm in excitement as he pulled over, parking the car down a secluded dirt road under the trees. “I remembered the song! It just all came back to me in a rush. That melody…I was hearing it for months and had no idea why.”

“It’s our song,” he said, studying her closely.

“I know,” she whispered.

“Do you remember anything else?”

She let out a soft sigh. “No, but I think that was a good sign, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do. A really good sign.”

They stared at each other, unable to look away, and Wes felt the energy shift. It grew heavier, hotter, pulling them together and holding. Sticking like static electricity. Ellie’s attention lowered and focused on his left hand.

“Why didn’t you ever take it off?” she asked softly, staring at his wedding band. “After you thought I was gone?”

“Because it represents our love,” he said simply. Something he couldn’t live without.

Curiosity shone in her eyes. “What if you would’ve met another woman? Didn’t you ever think about getting re-married?”

“No.” How could he even begin to explain the depth of his love to her? “You were my perfect match and nobody else could’ve filled that void. You own my heart, Ellie. You always have.”

No point in denying it, he thought. Even if she hadn’t come back into his life, Wes would’ve kept the ring on his finger until the day he died.

“Ohh,” she breathed.

“I’ve been faithful to you since I was eighteen, Elizabeth Murphy. Nothing—not even death—would change that. You’re it for me, Ellie. The only woman I’ll ever love, want, need. Just you.”

She nodded, a thoughtful look on her pretty face as she contemplated everything he shared. Nothing like cutting his heart open and exposing it. But, she needed to know.

“Any other questions I can answer to convince you you’re all I need?”

“Wanna get in the back seat with me?” she asked, blue-green eyes twinkling.