69. Top Ten List

Cracking the Case of the Missing O—A Guide for the Great Boyfriend

By Just A Girl

I used to fake it.

Orgasms, that is. I was a gold medalist in curling my toes, grabbing the sheets, and shouting yes, yes, yes.

Anything to make the man I was with feel like he'd gotten the job done.

Anything to hide the truth—I couldn't get there with someone else.

I thought there was something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough. Maybe I wasn't relaxing. Maybe I wasn't good enough.

Then, I met a guy who listened to me. Like, really listened. Who could tell that I wasn't quite there. That I wasn't truly in the moment. And he challenged me, then asked me to show him what felt good.

I was reluctant at first. Saying yes to his offer to teach him made me vulnerable. But I did it anyway.

And I learned what makes a great boyfriend in and out of the bedroom.

1. A great boyfriend listens and shares. He shares his heart with you. His hurt. His vulnerability. He listens, too, when you share yours.

2. A great boyfriend plans a great date. But it's not just the date that he wants. He asks what you like. Whether it's mini golf, playing pool, going shopping, climbing a mountain, walking on the beach, or hanging out on the couch, he wants to know and then deliver it. Sometimes he brings a gift on the date, like a board game. Or maybe a special accessory. Every now and then, he'll bring a friend.

3. A great boyfriend will help you with your career. Sometimes that means listening when you've had a bad day. Sometimes it means holding your phone to shoot a video. Sometimes it means walking you to work.

4. A great boyfriend will take care of you when you're sick. Maybe you have the flu, a cold, or unexpected motion sickness. He'll carry you home from the Tilt-A-Whirl, he'll pick up meds, he'll make you tea. He'll tuck you in. He'll cover you with a blanket and bring you your dog.

5. He'll walk your dog in the morning.

6. He'll save your cat when your ex tries to steal it.

7. A great boyfriend laughs with you. Often when you're wearing face masks together in a hot tub. Because…why not?

8. A great boyfriend makes a vow. Then, he keeps it.

9. And if he does all those things, he'll do other things too. He'll want to blow your mind in bed. He'll want to overwhelm you with pleasure. He'll want to adore, cherish, and worship you. But he won't assume he can do it. He'll ask you to teach him. To show him what feels good, what doesn't feel good. He'll ask if he has permission to tie you up, if you like to be kissed here, if you don't like to be kissed there, if you want more, less, harder, again.

10. Romance isn't just about what a great boyfriend does for you. You'll want to give to a great boyfriend as well. To plan a night, a special outing, or take him someplace he hasn't been before. You'll want to show him that romance isn't only something that a man needs to do for a woman. Romance is something a woman can do for her man.

Or, as the case may be, her men. Because the top ten things I learned from a great boyfriend?

Guess what? I learned them from three men. At the same time. Sometimes a girl needs more than one guy to crack the case of the missing O.

And I don't fake a damn thing in my heart, body, or mind with my three boyfriends.