Chapter 28

28

T illie thought she must still be dreaming, lost in that nonsense place where'd she been for several hours thanks to the herbs Grace had put into her tea. A bairn? She couldn't believe it. Fear settled in her stomach, adding to the pain already there. She'd told Aidan many times that she had not wanted to have children, but here she was with child.

Oddly enough, the thought didn't upset her as much as she'd thought. In fact, the fear she felt wasn't because she was pregnant but because she might lose the child. A child she never thought she wanted but now so desperately wanted to save.

"Ye must do somethin'," she cried to the healer. "Please. Save our bairn!"

Both the healer and Aidan winced at the desperate note in her voice. She cast her anxious gaze at Aidan and saw the deep concern etched into his handsome face too, but there was something else there. Fury brightened his blue eyes as did uncertainty.

"There must be some kind of tonic or mixture?" Aidan posed the question to the healer although he kept his gaze trained on Tillie.

"I fear not," the healer responded sadly. "'Tis a miracle yer wife survived, and I ken that had to do with the fact that she dinnae drink all the tea. All we can do is wait and see."

Tears slid down Tillie's face, and she tried to raise a hand to wipe them away, but she was too weak. Suddenly, Aidan's big, strong hand was there, and his callused fingers did the job for her, carefully brushing the wetness away from her eyes.

"We will figure this out," he whispered. "For now, try to get some rest."

Tillie didn't have to be told twice. She was almost asleep before Aidan had finished talking.

Tillie woke the next morning with the sun streaming in through the window and Aidan's voice raised in anger. She blinked, trying to bring her eyes into focus, and when she did, she wished she hadn't.

"Ye are lucky ye are a woman," Aidan shouted, and it didn't take long for Tillie to see he was holding Grace by her dress collar while he yelled at the woman. "If ye were a man, ye woudna be breathin' right now."

"Aidan," Tillie called out, but her voice was barely more than a croak, hardly loud enough for her to hear.

"Ye dinnae deserve to be happy while me Anne is dead," Grace snapped back, but her tone had a slight shake to it, evidence that she was a bit more terrified than she wanted to let on.

Aidan growled and pushed away from her. Grace stood plastered to the wall. There was nowhere she could go anyway since there were guards on either side of her.

"If anythin' happens to my wife…" He let the threat linger, and Tillie shook from the menace in his voice.

"Aidan." This time Tillie's voice was a bit stronger and carried across the chamber. He spun around, relief warring with anger in his gaze as he rushed to her side.

"Get her out of me sight," he barked at the guards without taking his eyes off Tillie. Then, to her, he said in a much softer tone, "How are ye feelin'?"

She offered a weak smile. "Better," she said honestly. "Just tired and weak."

The relief that washed over his face was immediate. "The bairn?" she asked softly, and his expression clouded. Fear rushed through her body. He was going to tell her the child was lost, she just knew it.

"We still dinnae ken," he answered softly. "But what 'tis important right now is takin' care of ye. Are ye hungry? Would ye like me to fetch ye somethin' to eat or drink?"

"Somethin' cool to drink would be nice," she answered. "I'm not sure if my stomach can handle any food right now."

He nodded and went to the side table to pour her a tankard of water. She watched him move and marveled at how his hand shook as he carried the water over to her. He always seemed so strong and unshakable, but right now, he looked scared and unsure.

"What are ye goin' to do with Grace?" she asked after taking a sip of water. The coolness did wonders for her sore throat, and she sighed at the relief it brought.

"Exile her," he answered with a growl. His beautiful mouth was screwed up in a tight frown. "She will live out her days destitute and alone. 'Tis the least she deserves. If she were a man —"

"Aye, I heard what ye told her," Tillie gently interrupted. "But mayhap we dinnae have to be so extreme." He raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth, but she rushed ahead before he could say anything. "If we exile her, then that means no clan member will give her food or shelter. She willnae last a sentnight on her own like that."

"'Tis as she deserves," he argued. "If she wasnae Anne's sister…"

"But she is. And that makes her family." Tillie took a deep breath and briefly closed her eyes. "There's somethin' I want to tell ye. I wanted to tell ye as soon as ye returned from the McDouguals, but as ye ken, I wasnae able."

His brows drew together with concern. "Ye can tell me anythin'."

She smiled. "I ken ye will like this news." She paused and struggled to sit up. Aidan was there in an instant, gently lifting her under her arms until she was settled and comfortable.

Tillie pointed to the trunk at the foot of the bed. "Anne's journal is in there," she said softly.

Aidan startled and stared open-mouthed at her. He didn't even look at the trunk. In fact, it seemed as if he was afraid to look at it, as if a dragon perched there or some other danger.

"I found it in her chamber while I was cleaning it," she continued to explain. "I think ye should read it. Ye will feel much differently about the way her life ended."

Anne did not kill herself. It had been an accident. Aidan still couldn't believe it, even after he read the last page several times. All this time he'd blamed himself for making her so miserable she'd thought she'd had no choice but to end her life, yet that was not what had happened.

A huge weight seemed to float off his chest, and Aidan felt like he took his first deep breath in a couple years. He still felt bad that she had died so tragically at such a young age, and he wished he'd been there to save her, but he was not to blame.

Earlier, he'd sent word to have Grace brought to the garden, and he made his way there now with Anne's journal tucked into the waist of his kilt. Grace was leaving today, so he had dressed formally to send her off. He'd taken Tillie's suggestion and wasn't going to kill her even though he wanted to with every breath in his body. The woman had nearly murdered his wife and it was his nature to remove that threat. But he also loved his wife and would honor her wishes – to a point.

Grace was waiting for him when Aidan arrived. Dressed in her usual brown gown, she stood with her shoulders hunched and her head bowed. She looked up when she heard him approach and stiffened.

"I have decided not to kill ye," Aidan said as soon as he reached her. Her slender shoulders drooped slightly with relief. "Ye have me lady wife to thank for that kindness," he added sternly.

Grace's eyes widened in surprise. "After I…"

Aidan nodded. "She has a good heart. She gave ye the forgiveness ye could never give her, even though she did naught to ye to deserve what ye did."

Grace had the decency to bow her head in shame, but she didn't respond, not that he really expected her to.

"What ye did …" Aidan broke off and shook his head, trying to rein in his anger. "I will never forgive ye, Grace. Tillie was an innocent in all this, and ye almost killed her. Ye almost killed our bairn!"

Grace's mouth dropped open in shock. "S-she was with child?"

Aidan nodded grimly. "Aye, and still is by the grace of God. The healer thinks that she should be able to carry the baby to birth since it has been three days since… since she was sick, and the babe was not lost."

"I'm so sorry, Aidan. I would never… I would never hurt an innocent bairn."

"Just an innocent woman?" he countered through gritted teeth.

She flinched and bowed her head. Aidan took several breaths to get his emotions under control. If Tillie had died, today would have gone a lot differently. But she lived, he reminded himself.

"I ken ye are hurting over the loss of Anne," Aidan said after a few minutes. "And that ye blame me. I blamed meself, and so I dinnae try to stop ye for laying the fault at me feet. However, Tillie found Anne's journal which tells a different story of what happened to her."

He watched the myriads of emotions cross Grace's face. There was doubt, hope, fear, and sadness all fighting for control.

"Which, had ye not poisoned her, Tillie had planned to show ye durin' yer tea gatherin' since she had only just found the journal."

Grace's bottom lip trembled, which, other than anger, was the most emotion Aidan had ever seen the woman show.

He retrieved the small leather-bound journal and handed it to Grace. "I think Anne would want ye to have this, and I want ye to take yer time readin' it, but for now, just read the last page."

Grace stared at the book as if it were a beastie ready to bite her. Her slender fingers trembled as she finally opened the book. They lightly skimmed over Anne's writing for a minute then she swallowed and went to the last page.

Aidan stood there and watched as she read Anne's last journal entry. He saw the moment she realized what he had. Her sister had been happy and had wanted to work on her marriage. She had not killed herself.

Grace broke down into heart wrenching sobs, but Aidan did not try to comfort her. After everything she'd done, he had no desire to offer any comfort to his former sister-in-law.

"The roses are startin' to bloom," he said instead, raising his voice a little so she could hear him over her tears. He nodded toward the bushes where small red buds were folded together tightly. A simple headstone sat near them, marking the area as Anne's grave. "I will always tend to the roses," he promised, "but I will live and be happy too. In Anne's memory. I suggest ye do the same."

"Ye will have plenty of time to think about what ye have done and what Anne would have thought. I'm exilin' ye to the nunnery where ye will spend the remainder of yer days."

"Nay, Aidan," Grace cried out. "Dinnae banish me … not to a nunnery! Please, I beg ye."

Without another word, he turned and headed back to the castle. He wanted to see Tillie. He wanted to hold her and forget about all the ugliness. Most of all, he needed to reassure himself that she still lived.

Aidan found Tillie in their bedchamber, straightening and rearranging her sketching supplies. She turned to him.

"Grace is on her way. I ken she will have a lot to think about," he told her then took her in his arms and held her tight. "I was never more terrified in me life than when I thought ye were goin' to die."

Aidan pulled back far enough so that he could look her in the eyes. "I love ye, Tillie," he said softly, with meaning.

She looked like she doubted him, and he felt a sinking feeling in his belly. "Ye dinnae believe me?"

"I am not sure," she answered honestly.

"I would give me life for ye. I dinnae want to remain on this Earth another day if it means livin' without ye. How is that not love?"

She studied him for a long moment and then whispered hopefully, "Truly?"

He nodded. "Aye. I love ye with all me heart."

The smile she gave him was brilliant. "I love ye, too, Aidan."