Chapter 11

11

A idan had to walk away. He didn't trust himself if he continued to stand there, watching Tillie dance. Every time the dance steps had them facing each other, he felt the heat of her body. When they pressed their hands together as part of the dance, he swore he felt a zing travel through his body.

He'd been affected by her since the first time he'd seen her, but now, it was different. Now, Tillie was his wife, and he had the Church's blessing to take her to his bed. Just the thought had his blood heating to near boiling point. A hard slap on his shoulder jerked Aidan out of his lustful thoughts.

"Congratulations!" Barrett cheered with a wide grin. He cocked his head to the side and gave a mock expression of confusion. "Now, where ye be goin' when we're all celebrating yer nuptials?"

Aidan scowled. Barrett knew exactly what Aidan was up to, but his friend liked to tease him. He was just glad Barrett hadn't yelled some atrocious comment that Tillie might have heard. And why that bothered him so much, he didn't know.

"If ye dinnae ken by now what happens after a man and woman are wed, I'm nay goin' to be explainin'."

Barrett threw his head back and let loose a booming laugh. "Och, now, I'm sure I could teach ye a thin' or two."

"Nothin' I'd care to share with my wee wife," Aidan snapped back which only caused Barrett to laugh louder.

Aidan shook his head and walked away. His gaze sought out Tillie, but he didn't see her. She must have already left for their chamber. Suddenly, his mouth went dry at the thought of his bride waiting for him in his bed. He quickened his steps, only to be stopped again, this time by Athol, the council elder.

Athol cupped his hand over Aidan's shoulder in a fatherly way of showing respect, care, and support. Since Aidan was so tall and Athol had started to slump in his advanced years, the older man had to reach up quite a distance to accomplish the feat.

"Ye have done a good thing' today, Laird Aiden. Yer marriage will unite yer clan and having the Kilmartins as family… well, just their sheer numbers is a boon for us."

Aidan nodded. He didn't want to be rude to the elder, but he desperately wanted to get to his chamber and waiting wife. "Thank ye, Elder Athol."

But the elder wasn't finished. He cocked his head to the side, his gray hair that he'd clubbed back behind his head falling over one shoulder. "'Tis also yer duty to produce an heir to continue yer line."

Och, but that is what I'm tryin' to do! If I wasnae stopped every other step I took, I'd be in my chamber right now, seeing to the business of creatin' an heir!

"I ken my duties." Aidan was just able to keep from snapping at the older man.

"Verra well," Athol said and dropped his hand from Aidan's shoulder. He gave an approving nod. "Then I will make my way over to another tankard of ale and let ye see to yer… duties."

The way he said it made Aidan feel like a young lad, bedding a lass for the first time. Aidan cringed and shook his head to get rid of such a thought then glanced around the celebration again. Still no sign of Tillie.

Was she as eager as he was to consummate the marriage?

Aidan sorely hoped so. He managed to walk several feet this time before being stopped, this time by Hector. He didn't withhold his growl of impatience when his friend approached. Hector didn't seem to mind, or take the hint, and grinned widely at him.

"How are ye holdin' up?" Hector asked. "I saw old man Athol talkin' to ye. I ken only imagine what words of wisdom he had fer ye."

"Nothin' I dinnae already ken," Aidan answered. His gaze darted to the castle and more specifically, to the towers where his chamber was located.

Hector followed his gaze, but for once, he didn't tease him about being impatient to bed his wife. "Athol can really dampen a man's mood," he said, sympathy lacing his words. "Just a few words from him can make a man's sword droop or his —"

"I ken yer meanin'," Aidan interjected. "Same can be said fer ye and all yer blabberin'."

Hector's bushy red eyebrows rose high on his forehead. He threw a hand over his chest in mock affront and then scowled. "Ye wound me, Laird," he said, trying to affect a hurt expression that failed miserably because of the humorous gleam in his blue eyes.

"If ye dinnae get out of my way, I'll be givin' ye a wound fer sure."

Hector held up his hands in surrender and stepped aside. "Testy lad, aren't ye now," he muttered as Aidan stomped past him.

If one more person tries to stop me, I'm goin' to cut their tongue out with my sword!

Aidan was tense as he made his way across the grounds, and he remained so even as he entered the castle. He made a brief stop in the kitchen to gather some refreshments which he placed on a tray. He doubted anyone would forestall him now, as his destination — and intentions — were obvious. Now, though, he was tense for another reason. How was his bride going to react?

As much as he hoped Tillie was going to be waiting anxiously for him, Aidan knew the likelihood of that was not too high. She was a virgin and had expressed her thoughts about not wanting children. Maidens were usually nervous on their wedding nights, but add in her desire to remain childless, and Aidan didn't know what to expect.

His steps slowed as he climbed the stairs to his chamber. Bedding Anne had not been a pleasant ordeal. She'd cried pretty much the entire time. Not because he had hurt her but because she had been embarrassed and thought the whole act mortifying.

It had taken nearly the entire night to see the deed done because every time she started to cry, Aidan had stopped. Anne kept telling him she wanted to consummate the marriage because she wanted children, but she just didn't like the way of getting a bairn.

Lord, he hoped Tillie would not be like that. A slow, hopeful smile lifted the corners of his mouth. She had responded quite passionately to his kiss. Any woman who responded so well would surely enjoy the bedding.

Feeling a little better, Aidan picked up his pace and reached his chamber a few minutes later. He paused only briefly before opening the door, holding the tray of meats, cheeses, and other foods balanced in one hand.

His gaze searched for and immediately found Tillie. She stood by the window, her back to him. Aiden frowned slightly. She was still wearing her wedding dress, and her hair was still swept up in the earlier hairstyle. While it gave him a delicious view of her long neck and creamy white skin, it irritated him that she had not prepared for bed.

Unless mayhap she wants me to remove her clothing?

Heat pooled low in his body, and he smiled. "Good Eve, Wife."

She must not have heard him enter because she spun around, and her hand fluttered to her chest. Those almond-shaped green eyes of hers rounded, and her mouth dropped open in a little o-shape.

"Me Laird," she gasped then shook her head. "I mean, Aidan. I dinnae hear ye come in."

"I see that," Aidan said with a soft chuckle.

Tillie's eyes narrowed slightly, as if she didn't know what to make of his humor. Aidan guessed he should expect that since he doubted he'd even laughed in her presence until now.

"I ken why yer here," she snapped.

Aidan had started to walk toward her but stopped at the… hostility in her voice. His eyes narrowed as he studied her. She didn't look the frightened virgin; she looked furious and indignant.

"'Tis our wedding night," Aidan said, making sure to keep his voice smooth so as to not upset her even more.

"Aye," she practically growled. "Ye have come to claim yer husbandly rights."

Aidan cocked an eyebrow in surprise. "As my wife, ye —"

"I ken," she snapped, waving a hand in the air in irritation. A strand of silky brown hair fell in front of her left eye, and she impatiently blew it away. "'Tis my duty. I am well aware of that, Me Laird ." That last word was said with almost a sneer.

Aidan frowned and took a step toward her. To Tillie's credit, she didn't step back, even though her eyes widened slightly.

"'Tis not what I was goin' to say," he said in a dangerous calm voice. "I was sayin', as my wife, ye have claim to that right as well. The marriage bed is to be enjoyed by both of us."

Tillie shook her head throughout his explanation. "Nay, ye only want to get me with a bairn, even knowin' how I feel about that."

Aidan stopped walking. Now, he understood the reason for her discomfort. A little gleam of something that reminded him of panic shone in her green eyes. A tiny corner of his cold heart seemed to thaw. She was genuinely terrified of conceiving.

This was not some attempt to keep him out of her bed or maidenly fears getting the best of her. Tillie was truly afraid of having children. Until this moment, Aidan had not realized just how much this affected her.

Walking over to the table that sat between two plush chairs in front of the hearth, Aiden set the tray of food down on its scared, wooden surface. Tillie's eyes widened as she took note of the tray, as if she hadn't noticed him holding it before.

"We dinnae have to discuss bairns tonight," he said softly. "We've got plenty of time to discuss a family."

Tillie's eyes snapped back to his face, and he was startled to see tears filling her eyes. A sense of helplessness and dread threaded through his veins. He hadn't even got her undressed yet, and she was already crying. Aidan started to wonder if all women cried on their wedding nights. The thought was distressing.

"Here now," he said and closed the distance between them. Before Tillie could react, he wrapped his large arms around her and pulled her trembling body into his embrace.

She remained stiff for a few seconds but then relaxed against him. Her body started to shake, and huge racking sobs followed.

"Shh," he said, burying his head into her hair so that he could whisper next to her ear. "There's no need to weep."

"I-m… I'm sorry," she said haltingly. "I dinnae mean to attack ye as soon as ye came inside the chamber."

He stood there and rocked her gently in his arms. His earlier passion had been cooled by her ire when he'd first went into his bed chamber. It cooled even more as he held her while she cried against his chest. Her tears were wet and hot as they soaked his shirt.

"'Tis alright, Tillie."

He felt her head move from side to side against his chest. "Nay. I was actin' a shrew. 'Tis just that… well, I've been so nervous, and I guess…"

She let her words trail off, but Aidan knew what she meant. She'd let her concerns and emotions get the best of her, and now, she felt a bit ashamed. He smiled softly against the top of her head, breathing in the fresh lavender smell clinging to her hair. That she could admit her failings and feelings about them bode well for their marriage.

The longer they stood there with her in his arms, the more Aidan's body started to react to her nearness. Without even realizing was he was doing, one of his hands had slipped down to the dip in her back, just above her hips, and was caressing her through her dress with slow circles. With each rotation of his hand, Aidan gently pressed her a tiny bit closer to his body.

His other hand was not idle. It had been deftly removing the pins from her hair until the shiny brown sheen of tresses were freed from their binding and spilled over his hand. As Aidan nuzzled the top of her head, his hand wove through the soft strands of her hair.

Tillie hiccupped and Aidan jerked his attention back to the situation. His body demanded he seduce his wife, but his brain said now was not the time. She was vulnerable. She was also trusting him, allowing him to hold and comfort her. If he took her now, she might resent him, even though it was his right as her husband.

Aidan mentally shook his head. His body ached and throbbed with desire, but he did not want to spook her. When he took her to his bed, he didn't want his wife to have puffy eyes from crying. He wanted to see that passion he'd glimpsed before.

He clenched his jaw so tightly a muscle started to pulse there, but Aidan forced himself to unwrap his arms from her and take a step back. She looked up at him with confusion, her eyes still damp from tears, but Aidan was barely holding onto his control as it was. Without a word, he turned and left the chamber before he gave in to his body's urgent demands.