Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Truth And Worship

"I don't ever want to have a divided household like I did," Solomon stated. He stared fiercely at Leah before looking toward the open window to their right. "Yet, that is what we will have. It is all fine and well that we are putting on this act, and there is a benefit to it, but we both know how it will be when we are married. We will live in the same house, but we will live apart."

Leah had not thought about it as much as the Duke had, but he was right. Why should they live together if they do not love each other? In many ways, it made the marriage more appealing. She would not have to feel the pain of not having feelings for the man she lived with.

"Will you have other women?" Leah asked.

"Will I have other women? What sort of a question is that?" the Duke asked.

"A fair one," Leah replied. "We will not live together. I will be relegated to another wing of the house, and you will be free to do as you wish. I don't have any say in what you do. You could have as many women as you like. That is how you lived before meeting me."

And I could have other men. I could, but I don't want that. I want one man who I love and who loves me. Even if we live apart, I won't have the chance to do that.

"Yes, it was how I lived before meeting you, Leah," the Duke said. "I have not given a lot of thought to how I will live after. How about we forget anything was said, and we can both go to bed—separately, of course."

"No," Leah said.

"No?"

Leah didn't like the turn the conversation had taken, but the Duke was on the verge of opening up to her, and she wanted that.

"I want to hear about your childhood," Leah said. "It is important to me. You said to yourself that if we are to fool our families into thinking we are truly spending time together, then we should get to know each other."

"I meant finding out our favorite foods or books," the Duke clarified.

"It doesn't matter what we talk about as long as we get to know each other, right? And I think it might help."

"I don't need help," the Duke snapped.

Leah shrunk back, but she didn't say anything. If she told him that he did need help, he would only shrink more into himself. She glanced at him, not challenging him, and waited.

The Duke shook his head and waved a hand in the air. "Fine. You want to hear about my childhood?"

"I do," Leah said quietly.

"It is just as I said." The Duke sighed. "I grew up in a divided household. I lived in one wing with my father, and Gilbert and Christianna lived in another with my mother. I was the heir, and I was all he cared about." The Duke shook his head again. "No, I was not all he cared about. He cared about money and power, but he was not very good at keeping them. He was very good at lying and hiding the truth, so I suppose he had some influence on me."

"I don't believe that is true," Leah whispered.

The Duke lost his train of thought for a moment and stared toward the window again before he started speaking again. When he did, his voice was more timid, as if he might be speaking directly to his father.

"He made the choice to separate me from my siblings, but I managed to keep a good relationship with them. Still, I feel guilty for taking his attention from them even though it was all his doing. That is why I must make it up to them."

Leah pushed herself forward and dropped to her knees, unashamed by what she was wearing and what might be seen. She took the Duke's hand and placed her head on his leg.

"There is nothing you can say to convince me I am wrong," the Duke told her. "Goodness knows Gilbert has spent most of the past months trying to convince me. I was oblivious to everything. My father ran up numerous debts across the country, and I never found out until he passed. Those debts fell to me, and I must get us out of them."

"It is not your responsibility," Leah said.

"But it is!" the Duke boomed. He almost shook Leah from his leg. "It is not my fault, but it is my responsibility. I am the Duke, and I will protect my family, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I will fix the problem he created."

"And what about the problems he created in you?" Leah asked.

The Duke took his hand from hers and took her head, lifting her to look him in the eye.

"You have a way to see into my soul," the Duke said. "He gave me, and only me, attention. That might sound like a good thing, but it was not. He was overbearing. I thought at the time that he was trying to mold me into his replacement, but I know now he was projecting his insecurities onto me. He took his frustration out on me for the debt he rang up, the people he wronged, and the sense of worthlessness he had for not being able to take care of his family. In a way, I am glad he took it out on me and not my siblings."

"That is horrible," Leah said, staring up at him.

"I couldn't breathe at times. I had to escape, but there was no way out. That was why I…" He shook his head and looked away from Leah.

"That is why you found releases in other ways," she finishes.

"It doesn't justify my actions. I am not proud that I am a rake and a rogue. Goodness knows it is fun much of the time: the debauchery and drinking and relief from the world. Yet, it is a reminder of him. Every time I drink too much or lay with a woman, it is a reminder that my life is not mine but my father's. He still dictates everything."

Leah placed her hands on the Duke's leg. "You don't have to. You don't have to live like that anymore."

"Don't tell me how I have to live," The Duke boomed.

He suddenly stood up, and Leah almost fell over. Leah reached out for the Duke, but he brushed her off and paced to the window.

"Don't tell me there is any justification for how I have lived my life. He dictated it, but I chose it. I could have done something else, but I trapped myself in my life, and I can't ever change that. And don't think you can change me. I am who I am, Leah."

"I don't want to change you," Leah said. She followed him to the window and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Solomon shrugged her off and turned sharply, barging past her and back to the chair. He slumped down into it and looked away.

Leah followed him back to the chair. "I only want to help you."

"How do you expect to help me when I can't help myself? When no one else can help me? What makes you so special?"

"Nothing, I?—"

"Just leave!" the Duke boomed. "You should not have come down here."

"This is my?—"

"Get out!" the Duke shouted.

Leah shook before him. She didn't say a word, afraid the entire house would be woken by his shouting. No one else needed to witness what she had seen. She wanted to go to him and embrace him, but the look he gave her told her not to. She was afraid of him for the first time since meeting him.

"Get out!" the Duke hissed.

Leah felt her eyes become wet, and she turned from him quickly. She ran for the door.

How can I leave? I must help him.

Leah turned defiantly and faced the Duke. He returned a look that told her it would be foolish to do or say anything. Still, she marched back toward him. She didn't stop until she was standing toe-to-toe with the Duke, and she looked down on him as he sat before her. His chest heaved as he breathed deeply.

"Don't say a word," he ordered. "I should never have told you that. You will forget I said it, and you will never repeat a word of it to anyone."

Leah placed her hands on her hips. "I don't care about that," she lied. "I only came to chastise you for your poor choice of reading material."

"What?" Solomon blinked furiously as he struggled to understand what had just been said.

" The History of Tom Thumb ?" Leah lambasted. "If you are to read by lamplight in the middle of the night, at least try and choose something that is not a chapbook. Let me see." Leah turned quickly before she faced his anger. "There are much better books here that I believe you will enjoy."

Leah went to the bookshelf and ran her finger down the spine of some books, looking for one to give him. She didn't hear him approach from behind, but she sensed him there. Leah spun around to come face-to-face with him.

Solomon's chest still heaved, and there was fire in his eyes. Leah knew exactly how to help him. She knew exactly what she wanted from him. She placed her hand on his chest, feeling it rise and fall, and nodded.

Solomon grabbed Leah by the waist and pressed her into the books. He pushed forward and pressed his body to hers. He felt her nipples stiffen more against his tight chest. Before she could gasp or moan, his lips were on hers.

Leah reached around with both hands and grabbed his back, digging her fingers in. She had no thoughts of anyone walking in on them. She did not care about anything other than the Duke.

His tongue darted into her mouth, and she licked at him eagerly. His hands roved her body, squeezing her curves. She dug her fingers harder into his flesh, gripping on for deal life.

Their lips moved as if fighting each other, each person demanding supremacy. Leah gave as good as she got, biting his bottom lip until he gasped.

Solomon moved his head back and glared at Leah. She smiled back at him, and his pursed lips turned into a smile. His nostrils flared, and his chest heaved against her soft mounds. Leah tilted her head, asking: what are you going to do about it?

She did not expect him to do what he did next. His hands reached down to the hem of her nightgown, and he lifted it up over her head before she could stop him. She instinctively covered herself, some of the fight leaving her body.

The Duke took her wrists. "You are beautiful. You are a goddess with a body that should be worshipped. I worship at your body, Leah."

Leah's entire body trembled, and she felt things happening within her that had never happened before. The Duke put gentle pressure on her arms, and she resisted for a moment before she gave herself over to him. She let him lift her arms above her head, and when he let go of her wrists, she kept them there.

The Duke took a small step back and looked her up and down. He licked his lips and looked at Leah with pure lust.

"I don't want to?—"

"Shh," the Duke said, placing his finger on her lips. "I will not ravish you tonight. I only want to admire your body. Do you want me to?"

Leah nodded silently.

The Duke took his finger from her lips and placed both hands on her waist. He ran his fingers up her stomach to her chest and over her plump mounds to her neck and cheeks. He moved down again, caressing every inch of her. His fingers jumped from her navel to her thighs, coming agonizingly close to her opening. She could feel the wetness he invoked.

Then, down her legs to her feet and back up again. The path he traced with his hands was soon followed by his lips. He kissed every inch of her, moving around her sacred garden, teasing her enough to send a shiver rippling through her body. He worshipped her body with his lips, ending on her lips again with a gentle kiss.

The Duke let out a long, shallow breath, and another tremor rippled through Leah's body.

"How do you feel?" the Duke asked.

Leah became aware again that she was completely unclothed before the Duke, and she did not care. "I feel wonderful. I have never felt like that before. Thank you, Solomon."

"No, I must thank you. You have eased my mind. You are spectacular, Leah."

Leah's knees wobbled as her legs turned to jelly. The Duke bent down to pick up her nightgown, and he held her back into it. He leaned in and kissed her again.

"I hope you sleep," he said. "I know I will."