Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

" I thought we might go out on the lake together," Phillip voiced out at breakfast. "I have taken the day off from business. Have you seen the whole of the property yet?"

"I have seen a little on my morning rides." Eleanor took a bite of the pastries Annie had prepared for breakfast and closed her eyes with a sigh. Annie made the best breakfasts.

Phillip was smiling when she opened her eyes again. He seemed amused by how greatly she was enjoying her meal. "Have you seen the lake already, then?"

Eleanor shook her head, blushing and staring down at her plate. "I have not. Where is it?"

"It is situated at the back of the estate a ways away. It's very private and very beautiful in the height of summer. You likely missed it if you did not ride far out." He took a bite of his own breakfast, still watching her with amusement. "You seem to enjoy the scones a great deal. If you like them so well, tell Annie to make them a regular feature for breakfast."

Her cheeks warmed further. "I would hardly want to put her out. Besides, if I eat these constantly, I shall lose my figure, and I would like to continue fitting into my wardrobe, Your Grace."

Phillip grinned. "I would buy you a new one if you wish. Besides, you are such a tiny woman that I cannot imagine eating these every day would do you much harm."

Eleanor chewed on the inside of her cheek and contemplated the scone to take her attention off him and his teasing. "Do you mean to imply that I am too thin, Your Grace?"

"Not at all. You are perfect as you are. But if you were to gain a little weight, I would not be upset, particularly since I quite enjoy watching you relish these when Annie makes them. It is endearing."

"Endearing?" She had a distinct impression that ‘endearing' was not the word he meant to say.

Phillip's grin broadened. "Endearing."

It was not the word he meant to say at all.

"You are teasing me, Phillip."

His deep, rich laugh filled the room. "I am. It is difficult to resist when you turn that pretty shade of pink."

Eleanor bit her lip. "I see."

"I do not mean any harm by it. If it upsets you, I will stop at once." His smile softened. "I mean only to tease you a little, and I rather thought you enjoyed it since you bantered back."

"It does not upset me," she murmured.

"Good. It would be a tragedy if I could no longer see that blush on your cheeks after all."

She laughed and sipped at her juice. "For you, perhaps."

Phillip gave her a sly smile and then turned his attention to his plate. He polished off the rest of his food quickly and set to read the morning paper while Eleanor finished hers.

When she'd finished, he set the paper aside and rose. "Shall we go now? We can take lunch with us. I have already asked Annie to prepare something."

"So certain I would say yes, were you? What if I had said no?"

He laughed. "Now you are teasing me, Eleanor. If you had said no, we could have picnicked in the back garden instead."

She remembered how their last attempt at a picnic in the back garden had gone and grimaced. "The last time we tried to do that, it went very poorly."

Phillip drew her to him and rested his forehead against hers with a soft sigh. "Then that only means we need to make another attempt at it to erase the poor memory the last attempt left."

Eleanor pressed her palms against his chest with a sad smile. "I am sorry for how I reacted then, Phillip."

"I know you are, my love. I do not hold it against you, though. You were going through a great deal, and you had no reason to trust me. After what you had overheard, I can hardly blame you for the misunderstanding." He lifted his head.

"I was horrid about it, though. I never gave you a chance to explain." She tipped her head up to look into his eyes. "Will you tell me now what I missed after I fled the garden on our wedding day?"

He kissed her forehead gently. "If you wish. Come, we will sit in the parlor by the fireplace while Annie prepares our lunch."

Eleanor let him lead her down the hallway to the parlor and tuck her into a seat near the hearth. Despite the summer weather, it was still chilly in the mornings, and she appreciated the fire in the hearth.

Phillip sat beside her with a heavy sigh. "I was upset with your father, to be honest."

Eleanor remembered the moment she'd eavesdropped on their conversation. Phillip had sounded a little unhappy and perhaps a touch bitter. She'd assumed it was because he didn't want her.

Was there some other reason?

"Why?"

"Because I did not want you to be treated as part of a transaction. Frankly, I was furious with your father for making the lack of a courtship a part of the bargain, Eleanor. I wanted you for you, not the money, though I admit that I desperately needed the funds to make our future certain, since I did not wish to make you the bride of a pauper. If not for that, I would have been content to tell your father to withhold your dowry if it meant I could court you properly. He refused to offer me any real explanation for why I could not, telling me only that you would refuse me if I made my intentions known."

Her gaze lifted to his, and she shifted in her seat with a grimace. "I would have refused you. My father never would have married me off if he had approached me honestly or through the usual channels. I still cannot understand why he was so desperate to marry me off, to begin with. I never imagined he disliked me so much that he wished to be rid of me at any cost." Tears filled her eyes. "I thought he adored me."

Phillip's work-roughened hand took hers. He squeezed comfortingly. "He does, Eleanor. I know he does."

Eleanor sniffled and tried to brush away the tears with her free hand. It was silly to cry over this. It was done and over with, and tears would not solve anything. "I am sorry. This is silly of me, crying over my father when he has proven he does not care about me."

"It is not silly." Phillip's voice took on a sterner note than before, and he pulled her to her feet, drawing her closer to sit on his knee. "Never say that it is silly for you to feel sorrowful when someone has done something to hurt you. I may believe he had a good reason for doing what he did, but I know it hurts, and I know you do not understand it. It seems like a betrayal to you, and it is not silly to feel hurt by that."

Eleanor buried her face in the crook of his neck as his words sank in and set her tears free.

He held her close, running a hand up and down her back until she had calmed and lay limp against him. "Do you feel better?"

She nodded and sat up. "But I am a mess now. I will have to clean up before we go out."

He tucked an errant strand behind her ear and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe her face. "Nonsense. We are not going out in public. You are beautiful just as you are."

She sniffled and laughed a little. "I am not beautiful when red-eyed and teary."

Phillip smiled. "You are always beautiful to me, Eleanor. It has nothing to do with your physical appearance, although you are very beautiful in that way too. It has everything to do with you and who you are on the inside. That is far more important to me than whether your hair is perfectly coiffed or whether your face is always young and fresh."

"I suppose I am glad that one person thinks so."

He leaned in and kissed her chastely. "And so I always shall. Now come, we should go change if we are to go out. You will want a more comfortable gown for the boat, and I do not intend to wear my morning suit out on the water."

Eleanor grinned. "I suppose that would not be terribly suited to the excursion."

Phillip lifted her off his knee with a smile. "Indeed not. Twenty minutes, and we shall meet at the entrance hall. I shall fetch the picnic basket from Annie when I am finished changing, and I will wait for you there."

She nodded and rushed to do as he asked, her heart feeling lighter than it had in months. When Phillip had spoken to her that final time before the wedding, maybe he had been right to tell her that things might turn out better than she would imagine. Of all the men she could have ended up marrying, Phillip seemed the least likely to destroy her in an attempt to turn her into the perfect submissive wife who would behave more like a church mouse than a woman. For that, at least, she was grateful. The beginnings of good change in their relationship gave her hope that perhaps married life would not be so miserable as she'd imagined after all.

The day was sunny and warm, perfect for a trip out on the lake. Phillip loaded the picnic basket on the back of his Hessian Warmblood and then turned to find his wife feeding the animal a carrot. He shook his head. Eleanor spoiled Griffin horribly, and the giant white horse loved her for it. "Eleanor, come. Griffin will grow fat if you continue to give him treats."

Eleanor joined him at the horse's side dutifully, tucking away the rest of the carrot in her pocket. Griffin turned his head to lip at her skirts but gave up when the carrot did not materialize. He stood still and placid while Phillip lifted Eleanor into the saddle.

"I am not riding my mare?"

"Not today." He made certain she was comfortably settled in the side seat in front of his own spot atop Griffin before he mounted and settled in behind her. "I wanted to ride with you like this."

That lovely deep shade of pink that always adorned her pale cheeks whenever he hinted at any bit of intimacy spread across her face. She ducked her head, hiding beneath the brim of her white bonnet.

"Now then, none of that." He lifted her chin and kissed her cheek. "There is no cause to hide in embarrassment. We are man and wife, Eleanor. If I want to ride with you like this, there is no cause to feel embarrassed. Besides, we are the only ones here besides the servants. Once we leave the yard, there will be no one else to see anything we do. I do not want you to hide from me or my affection, particularly not in private."

Eleanor chewed on her lower lip, and it was all he could do not to pull it from between her teeth and kiss her senseless. The woman really had no idea what she did to him. "Look at me," he commanded gently.

She did. Her gaze was wary and uncertain, and he hated seeing that look in her eyes. He wished she would look at him with nothing but trust and love.

"If it bothers you so much, I will have the groom fetch you your own mount, but I really wanted us to ride like this so that it will be easier to talk."

She gave him a tiny nod. "Very well. What did you wish to talk about?"

Phillip urged Griffin into a gentle walk, taking them round the back of the stables and heading out towards the lake. "There are many things I would like to know about you, but I had no particular design for today's conversation."

Eleanor fiddled with her reticule. "Well…"

"Do you have something you would like to discuss?" the Duke prompted.

"What plans have you made for the ballroom and aviary? Are we renovating them?"

"That is what you wish to discuss?" He smiled. "There is nothing else you wish to know when you could ask anything at all?"

"Would you answer every question I have?"

"If I could do so, then yes. As for the renovations, I plan to redo some of the drapes and décor in the ballroom. As for the aviary, I plan to redo it entirely. Would you like to help me with it when I am ready to begin the planning?"

"I doubt I would be of much assistance."

"Surely you did some of this sort of planning for your father's estate, dearest." Phillip kissed her cheek. "I am certain you would be most helpful in redecorating and choosing design aspects."

The blush crept over Eleanor's neck and chest now. "You give me far too much credit! I rarely had to do any of that sort of work."

"Nevertheless, the offer is there, if you wish to accept." He pulled away. "Surely there is something else you would like to know, though?"

Eleanor was silent for a long moment, then she murmured, "Was it ever lonely for you growing up? You were an only child, were you not?"

Phillip considered her question for a brief moment and then sighed. "It did become lonely. I always felt the pressure to live up to others' expectations and achieve as much as I could because I was an only child. I had only a few friends, and my parents were always busy. Too busy for me as a child. When I grew older, my father's main concern became raising me to be his heir. In the end, I disappointed him."

"You cannot have disappointed him, Phillip." She shifted and cupped his cheek in her hand with a smile. "You took on the estate in the end, and you are doing a wonderful job with it, all things considered."

"I am glad you believe so."

Eleanor leaned into him with a sigh.

Phillip pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. "What is it you are thinking of now?"

"Did you mean the things you said to me when we spoke at my father's house?"

He fell silent, thinking of all they had said to one another. "I meant every word."

"Even your assurances that the right man would never clip my wings?"

"Even that."

"Can such a man exist?"

"You mean to ask is it possible you have found such a man in me."

Eleanor shifted to look up at him. "If you prefer…"

Phillip stroked her cheek with his thumb, a sad smile curling the corners of his mouth. "Part of what drew me to you was your fire and your spunk, Eleanor. I meant my assurance that the right man would never clip your wings, and I intend to be that right man if you will let me."

She leaned into him again, resting her cheek on his shoulder. "I want to believe you."

"Why do you not, then?"

"I have never known a man like that."

"You know one now," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her waist. "You will see that in time."

They rode the rest of the way to the lake in silence, she leaning against him and he holding her close. When they reached the lake, Phillip jumped off Griffin and helped her down before tethering the horse in the shade of the oaks where there was plenty of grass. Then, he pulled the picnic basket off the horse's back and took her hand, leading her to the lake. "Come! Do you see how clear it is today?"

Eleanor smiled broadly. "It sparkles like the diamonds on my necklace."

"Indeed it does."

He guided her to the small wharf that led to the rowboat and checked that the boat was still in good order. Upon seeing that it was, he helped her in and then handed her the picnic basket before carefully stepping in and settling in at the oars. She watched the shoreline slowly disappear in contemplative silence as he rowed them to the center of the lake. He gave her the space to think for the time being. He'd revealed a good bit of his intentions towards her, and for a woman who had resisted the idea of marriage her whole life, it must be overwhelming.

They bobbed in the middle of the lake, the sunlight beating down on them and glancing off the waves that the wind was kicking up. The breeze ruffled Eleanor's hair beneath her bonnet, tossing the curls that had freed themselves during the ride against the edge of the cloth hat. She looked at Phillip at last, and the expression on her face was a curious mix of longing, fear and awe. "Phillip, can it really be that this will all work itself out better than I had imagined, as you said?"

"We cannot know that until the end of our story." He adjusted their position with the oars to keep them in the center of the lake. "What is it you really want to say, Eleanor? You look a little frightened now."

"Is it… is it wrong that I want this to work? That I want you?" Her words spilled out in a rush. "I feel as though it is, but I do not want it to be."

"This cannot be wrong, Eleanor." Phillip leaned forwards, leaving the oars in their holders to take her face between his hands and kiss her. "Not when we are wed and it brings us so much joy."

Eleanor leaned closer, the boat swaying slightly as she kneeled between his thighs at the bottom of the boat. He took what she was offering but no more, letting her set the pace. He'd meant it when he'd told her that their first time together wouldn't be on a boat, but he wasn't going to argue about kissing her. She steadied herself with a firm grip on his thighs, kissing him back with as much fervor as he was kissing her.

Finally, he drew away and trailed his fingers gently along her jaw to her ear, where he tucked back a stray strand of hair. "I hope you will believe someday that I am that same man you whiled away so many pleasant hours with at your father's house. Will you try, at least?"

She blushed and returned to her seat with a shy smile. "I suppose I might manage that." Her gaze fixed firmly on the water, and she trailed her fingertips over the surface as the two of them lapsed back into silence.

After a few seconds, Phillip broke it. "Tell me something about yourself. Something that no one else knows."

Eleanor glanced up and then back down at the sun-dappled water. "I loved fairytales as a young girl. I still do."

"Your father knows that!" Phillip laughed. "I do not think you quite grasp the meaning of something no one else knows, my love."

She smiled sadly. "My father knows that I loved fairytales and that I still do, but he does not know I loved them because I wished I could find my very own knight-in-shining-armor or fairytale prince. Instead, it seemed all I ever found were frogs. I tried so very hard to find a spark that would draw me to any of the men around me, but I only found myself increasingly discouraged. I never thought I would find my prince, so I gave up and vowed never to marry if marriage meant settling for a man who would want to keep me down so that he could feel he was the hero from the fairytales I loved."

Phillip sat in silence, her words sinking in. They painted a true but sad portrait of the lives of the women who were not the biddable type in their society, and he felt a pang of sadness at how it must have hurt her to keep finding nothing but disappointment. He would have given up too.

"Perhaps you only found frogs because you were waiting for the right man. Your knight, not just any old knight."

"Maybe," she murmured. "Maybe you will be that knight after all. Anyway, it is too early to tell."