Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

" N o, please!" Sonya's scream could be heard through St. Catherine's cold, damp halls, lurching Juliet from her thoughts.

She dropped the ladle into the pot of soup she had been stirring, quickly leaving the kitchen and heading to a room further down the echoing hall to where Sonya had been sleeping. As soon as Juliet walked in, she could see the young girl thrash about in her sleep, her face screwed in the grasp of her vivid nightmare, her breathing coming in panicked pants.

Juliet rushed to her side, her heart aching at the thin, fragile body on the bed.

"Shh, it's all right, Sonya," she murmured, gently shaking the girl awake. "It is just a dream. Wake up, sunshine."

Sonya's feverish eyes blinked open, and she looked around wildly before focusing on Juliet. Wordlessly, the child shook her head and buried herself in Juliet's arms.

"It was only a nightmare," Juliet soothed, brushing a damp strand of hair from Sonya's forehead. "You are safe now."

Sonya's breaths were weak and shaky, and her petite body trembled as she mumbled.

"Mother Superior…she was there..."

"I know my darling, but she can't hurt you anymore," Juliet told her firmly although the memories of the late Mother Superior's cruelty still haunted her as well.

She glanced in the direction of the kitchen. "Stay here, I will get you something to eat."

Juliet hurried back to the kitchen, the chilly air biting her skin as she ladled out a portion of the soup.

"It's a wonder any of us survived the winter here," she hissed with a shiver as she stirred what was left of the thin soup in the pot.

There was barely enough to go around, but it would have to do. At the very least, the sick ones should be fed first, and the others could sort out other means of sustenance.

The kitchen at St. Catherine's was cold and damp. Its stone walls were old with dark patches caused by the water stains that had gathered over the years. The structure itself was weak, offering little protection against the biting wind outside.

What a cruel place this world is," a nun had sighed when Juliet had met with her to ask how they intended to acquire resources. "We barely have enough food to last us the next few days. Provisions are hard to come by, and what little we did have has been exhausted in the wake of the scandal that sullied the nunnery. No one is willing to help us, Juliet. They fear that associating themselves with this place might stain their reputations, so we have been left to perish."

The woman's words were not anything Juliet had not heard before, nor did they speak of a reality that she was unaware of. Nonetheless, it devastated her just how truly deserted and alone they were.

Juliet carefully ladled out portions of the soup into small bowls. She then took one of the bowls, added a tincture, and walked over to the shivering Sonya in bed. The girl's feverish eyes fluttered open again, and Juliet smiled kindly.

"Here, try to eat a little," she urged gently, holding the bowl closer. "It's medicinal."

Sonya pursed her lips, too weak to respond.

"You must try," Juliet persuaded, carefully holding the bowl to her dried lips. "It will help you regain your strength."

The young girl sipped the soup slowly. Juliet nodded encouragingly, whispering soothing words to motivate her. Sonya eventually pushed away the bowl after taking a few more sips, whimpering as if her dreams were still haunted by the late Mother Superior's cruelty.

Juliet's heart ached at the sight, but she forced herself to remain strong for the girl's sake.

"You did well. Now, take this." Juliet reached for an old cup filled with clean water. Sonya took a slow sip and handed it back.

She muttered her thanks and tried to lie back down.

"Hold on, let me prop your pillow. You will feel more comfortable if your head is raised," Juliet offered as she helped the young girl adjust her posture on the bed.

The door opened, and Mary entered.

Like Juliet, Mary was an Oblate and had stayed in the abbey longer than most.

She took one look at Sonya and Juliet and hurried over to help. Together, they managed to ease Sonya back into a fitful sleep.

Mary sighed as she settled beside the bed. "It has been so hard since everything came to light. When will it all end?"

Juliet nodded, her eyes still on the girl. "I doubt there will be an end to this. What Mother Superior did was abominable. The torment she put us through…" She turned to Sonya. "It is unforgivable."

"But we survived." Mary turned to look at the girl and then at the cluttered room that housed ten other girls.

The poor state of the space was enough to make anyone unhealthy.

"Like Penelope and Ciara, we should all leave this place," Mary added.

It was the sensible thing to do. But go where? While things had turned out to be far more favorable for both of the Oblates that Mary had mentioned—Penelope was now the Duchess of Huntington, and Ciara had become the Duchess of Silverbrook—it was unlikely that Juliet and Mary would find themselves in the arms of a handsome lord, let alone a duke, like the other girls.

"Where would we go?" Juliet asked.

"Your father is quite wealthy from what I've heard," Mary pointed out.

"He abandoned me here for a reason." Juliet tried to make light of the situation, but she couldn't conceal the hurt in her tone.

She turned to Mary, wondering what spun this conversation. "Why have you brought him up all of a sudden? What are you hiding from me?"

Mary's face contorted into an expression of dismay, and she sighed, shaking her head slightly.

"I never could hide anything from you. There is no painless way to say this, but I wanted to tell you in any event." Mary grabbed Juliet's hands. "I shall soon be leaving, Juliet. I've been offered a position as a governess in a good household. It is a chance for a better life that I'd never believed I would get."

Juliet's heart sank.

At the end of the day, it always boiled down to the same thing.

Everyone always left her.

Shaking her head to ward off the foul thought, she smiled. "That's wonderful news, Mary. You deserve it although I can certainly say things will be difficult without you here."

Mary's eyes filled with concern. "I know, and I'm asking why you continue to insist upon staying. Surely, you must have some plans. Someone you can turn to that will rescue you from this hell. You cannot remain here for the rest of your life."

Juliet's smile faltered, and she looked down at her hands. "I don't know. I have no one."

"Can you come with me? I could find you a good suitor or perhaps a loving home you could work in," she suggested.

Juliet knew she meant well, but leaving behind the nunnery with all of these sick girls was unthinkable. Who would cater to them? Who would forage for food and ensure they ate, no matter how little? Who would wipe their sweat-slicked brows and tell them that their nightmares held no power over them?

"You know I cannot. Look at this place. Many of the girls are ill. Sonya is so thin and frail; I am fraught with worry about her."

"Stop it," Mary scolded without any heat. "You cannot keep thinking of everyone else and forget about yourself. For once, be selfish."

The Oblate looked so serious that Juliet found it humorous. Her lips curled in a smile. "You don't mean that."

"I do." Mary insisted. "Do you honestly think they won't be okay without you?"

Juliet looked away. Would they?

"Mary…"

A nun hurried in, and the ladies stopped talking.

"Juliet, you need to pack your things." Her tone was more urgent than Mary's had been just a moment ago. "Your father has sent a carriage for you. You are to return to London at once."

Juliet's heart pounded in her chest.

"My father? London?" she repeated as if she didn't understand what the words meant.

She had only seen her father once since the day he had sent her to St. Catherine's more than a decade earlier. Memories of that day floated to the surface from the recesses of her mind where she'd tucked them safely away.

He had visited her briefly on one occasion and had barely held her stare as he asked vague questions about her well-being. He had then left and never looked back.

Mary shook Juliet, who seemed lost in a trance.

"Now, I feel that this is what we should call a divine intervention."

"Juliet, please don't go!" Sonya's voice cracked as she clung to Juliet's hand.

Tears streamed down her face, mingling with the sweat of her fever. "Please stay a little longer."

Juliet's heart broke at the sight. She knelt beside Sonya's bed, her own eyes misty. "I wish I could, Sonya, but I have been called back to London. I have tried to delay it, but I must now be on my way."

Sonya shivered, and her petite frame appeared so weak that Juliet had to look away.

"What will happen to us? We will be lost without you. What if things get worse?"

Juliet gently wiped away Sonya's tears with her handkerchief. "Mary will look after you. She has promised to ensure that you are all cared for. I will be back as soon as I am able."

Sonya's grip tightened. "But you are all we have. Without you here, we…"

"Will be all right," Juliet interrupted softly. "Mother Superior is gone and I'm temporarily leaving you in good hands. You shall get through this. Just take your medicine and rest."

"And the food? Our supply of sustenance is nearly empty. We barely have enough to live on for the week," complained a nun who had slipped in.

Juliet turned to Mary. A silent communication passed through them. "Do not worry, Mary will sort that as well."

"But she is also scheduled to depart shortly," the nun pointed out.

"Enough you all," Mary hushed the girls. "Her father might be on his death bed, and you do not wish for her to see him before he takes his final breath? Do not be selfish."

The nun nodded and withdrew from the room.

Juliet sighed as she gave the Oblate a gloomy look. "You did not have to be so mean."

The nun who'd left suddenly re-entered the room, and her large eyes instantly fell on Juliet.

"Do not fault the messenger," she told Mary before turning to Juliet. "Your coachman grows impatient. It is time for you to go."

Juliet grabbed her small bag with a heavy heart. She turned back to Sonya, taking her hand one last time. "I promise, Sonya, I will return as soon as possible. Write to me, and let me know if you need anything."

Sonya nodded weakly though her eyes were filled with doubt. "I will try, but please be careful out there."

Juliet's throat tightened. The young girl had touched upon a raw spot in Juliet's heart. After eleven years of living within the walls of St. Catherine, she was finally stepping out. She had no idea what awaited her outside of its walls.

Glancing at Mary, she asked, "Can you ensure the girls have enough food and supplies before you leave?"

Mary chuckled. "I will take care of everything. Don't worry about us."

Juliet gave her a grateful smile then turned to Sonya once more. "I must go now. Remember to take diligent care of yourself."

Sonya's eyes followed Juliet as she walked to the door. The other nuns gathered in the hallway and whispered amongst themselves.

Juliet took a deep breath, steeling herself for the journey that lay ahead. She gave them all a quick, heartfelt goodbye then stepped out into the cold, damp air.

Mary caught up with Juliet outside the nunnery.

She pulled Juliet aside, her brow arched in concern. "Do I sense that you are intentionally delaying this journey?"

Juliet could only manage a slight smile, and her voice was laced with sadness as she replied.

"I am still unsure why my father wants me home so urgently. I fear that something might truly be wrong with him."

As she spoke, Juliet wished that he hadn't reappeared so suddenly and disrupted her life once again.

Mary embraced Juliet. "Whatever it is, I wish you good luck. Safe travels, Juliet. And remember, you have friends here. We will be thinking about you and praying for you."

Juliet felt slightly guilty for complaining about her departure. Anyone else would have been thrilled to leave that rotting place, haunted with countless memories and miseries that she would never forget in her lifetime, try as she might.

Not her. This was the only home she knew.

"Write to me, and I'll do the same," she promised, patting Mary's back.

With one last look at the nunnery, she hurried towards the carriage. Her mind was still on Sonya's pleading eyes as she moved.

The cold, damp air only deepened her melancholic mood.

The carriage door opened.

As she fumbled with her gloves, a tall, pretty woman approached. The lady grasped Juliet's bag from her and placed it in the back. "Good evening, Juliet. My name is Leila, and I will escort you back to London. We shall depart right away."

Juliet nodded. "Thank you, Leila. I just hope I am doing the right thing. How long is it to London again?"

Leila gave her a reassuring smile. "You will be home in a week."

Home? Did such a place exist for Juliet in a world she had not set foot in for over a decade? By embarking on this journey, would she finally gain some semblance of peace and clarity in the fractured relationship she had with her father, or would this just be another disappointing, cruel thing she had come to know in her life?

As the carriage began to roll away from the nunnery, Juliet forced herself to keep her eyes forward and mumbled quietly to herself to remain strong.

"I suppose there is only one way to find out."