Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

I n the three hours he had been at the club, Gerard had had more than a little to drink.

The bottle of rum he had ordered was halfway over. He thought about summoning his friend Dorian to help him finish the rest, but he did not want to discuss what had happened quite yet.

So, it was with some dismay that he overheard a conversation between two of the clubs most prolific gossips.

"Perhaps they are arranging something to do with the wedding," Lord Kent said.

"Would she not do that with her sister? Why would she go to the Ruebridge house? And all alone. Should she not have been with her sister?" Lord Ashland replied, sounding quite titillated.

"She's a married woman, therefore she's entitled to traverse the city on her own," Lord Kent replied in a quelling manner.

"Yes, but how many do so without so much as a lady's maid to attend them? There was something very strange about it you have to admit that," Lord Ashland insisted.

"Yes, well, you know how strange her marriage is. I heard tell her husband took off for the country the day after the wedding. One could not blame her if she found comfort elsewhere."

"Mmmphm."

Gerard gripped his glass so hard he heard it crack. Pushing it aside, he grabbed the bottle, got to his feet and left the common area. He could drink just as well in his rooms.

He tried to decide on a course of action, what he might say to Seraphina when he got home, but his mind insisted on replaying the conversation he had just heard.

Once he finished the bottle, he decided to go home and wait on her. Caught red-handed, there was no way she could continue to deny what she had done.

All Gerard wanted was for her to be honest with him. If she could be honest, perhaps they could salvage something from this mess they had both made.

He could understand if she was still angry at him for his prior behavior. For leaving her in London the day after the wedding and letting her fend for herself for a year.

He just didn't understand why she insisted on lying . That was what really stuck in his craw.

He just wanted the truth.

"Who did write that letter?" Ruebridge asked and Seraphina found herself freezing in thought. That was the pertinent question, wasn't it?

"If I were you, I'd ask myself who stands to benefit from strife between you? Who wants you apart?"

Seraphina snorted ruefully. "So many. If not his uncle…"

She shook her head and sighed.

"Yes but, would he write such a letter? I doubt it. This seems like something a woman would do. Frankly my dear, a man would have found a more direct way to deal with this. I believe I have been obvious with my affections have I not? I've tried to seduce you directly, because I thrive on the reactions I get from you. The thought of conquering you…"

Seraphina took a step back, lifting a quelling hand. "There is no chance of that, Ruebridge. No conquering shall be done here."

He grinned. "I had deduced as much. It was very much about the challenge for me but…I have been able to see how very much you esteem your husband and I have no desire to get between that."

She nodded. "Good."

"So, you have to ask yourself, who might observe that esteem and have the opposite reaction? Might want to destroy it?"

Her brow immediately furrowed. "That is indeed the question."

She walked out of his house, deciding to take the scenic route home and think. That the person had put the letter in her underwear draw certainly implied a woman, who might be comfortable putting it in such a place.

But why would they think Gerard would look there? Unless the letter was meant for me to find?

She got caught up on how much the person had relied on fate. Anyone could have found the letter, including Leticia.

Unless they did not have much time to plan better.

She tried to narrow it down to people that might have access. Not many people came and went to their household and even fewer of those were women. Tessa, Rosalind and…

Peggy.

It was as if a light went off in her mind and she remembered Peggy returning to the musicale from the powder room, looking shifty.

Certainly Peggy asked a lot of questions about Gerard. She was overly interested in him and his doings.

She might be upset by our closeness.

The more she thought about it, the more she just knew.

Peggy had left the letter.

Seraphina came home with Ruebridge's words ringing in her mind.

She opened the door to her house and stopped short in surprise. Gerard was standing in the corridor, swaying slightly from side to side as if he did not quite have his balance.

He blinked at her blearily. "And how is your lover? Did you have a good time together?"

Seraphina opened her mouth trying to think of something she could say. "Gerard—" she began.

"Were you laughing at me? Telling each other how much I wanted to believe your lies?"

"Gerard, please let me explain—" She stepped closer, her voice pleading.

"Explain?" he interrupted, a sharp edge to his tone. "Do not! I don't want to hear your excuses."

Seraphina's breath hitched at the coldness in his eyes. "You don't understand. Peggy, she?—"

"Peggy?" Gerard scoffed, "I do not give a damn about Peggy. You betrayed me."

His words were a slap to her heart. She could feel the sting of his distrust cutting deeper than any scolding ever had.

"You think I would do this? That I would betray you so easily?" Her voice cracked, hurt bubbling to the surface. "How could you believe that?"

Gerard's hands clenched at his sides, unwilling to listen. "You have made a fool out of me."

Seraphina stared at him, the weight of his words crushing her. The man she had trusted, the man to whom she had given herself fully, was standing in front of her so consumed by his own anger that he refused to see the truth.

Her voice softened, the hurt clear in her eyes. "The fact that you think so little of me…" She shook her head, unable to finish. "You have no idea who I am at all ."

Without waiting for a response, Seraphina turned on her heel and stormed out, her heart pounding.

The betrayal she felt wasn't from his accusations alone, but from the lack of trust he had shown her.

She didn't stop until she reached the carriage, slamming the door behind her, as the sting of his doubt settled deep inside her.

"To Pennington House!" she shouted to the driver.

Tears blocked her view of the streets but that was fine by her. There was nothing out there she particularly wanted to see. She made sure to wipe her eyes thoroughly by the time they drew up at the front door of her father's house.

She stumbled out of the carriage and went to knock on the door. Much to her surprise, the door was open.

She stepped into the dark cold house frowning. "Is anybody here?"

There was no answer, so she closed the door behind her, immediately plunging herself into dimness.

The only light came from the two tall, narrow windows beside the front door.

The corridor was dark with all the sconces unlit, and all the doors closed. She made her way to the stairs, walking slowly to Tessa's room.

Surely her sister had to be home.

She knocked tentatively at the door to her sister's chambers.

"Come in?" Tessa sounded surprised and tentative.

Slowly Seraphina opened the door and peered inside. "Good evening," she said softly, "where is everybody?"

Tessa flew off the bed and threw herself into Seraphina's arms. "You're here," she said with relief.

Seraphina held her tight, a frown on her forehead, "What's going on? Why is the house so quiet and dark?"

Tessa let go of her with a huff. "I told you most of the servants were dismissed. We only have one maid now and the cook."

"I see," Seraphina said slowly. "I didn't realize how bad it was. So you're saying the housekeeper is gone?"

Tessa nodded.

"So, who has been buying the food?"

"Well, the cook has agreed to do it for the time being, most vendors will not sell to us unless we pay them immediately. If it were not for the money you gave to us, I don't know how we would have managed."

"And Father? Is he doing nothing?"

"He hides in his rooms and drinks," Tessa sighed, "We must do something, Seraphina. And soon. Father is not well. I'm worried about him."

"I'm worried about you ."

Tessa smiled shaking her head. "I shall be fine." Then she frowned, "What are you doing here?"

Seraphina's face fell as she remembered exactly why she had come home. "I thought I would come and stay with you for a few days."

"Why?" Tessa stared intently at her.

"If you don't mind, I don't wish to discuss it at the moment. It's still too painful to think about."

Tessa reached out and rubbed her arms. "Of course. You don't have to tell me. Are you hungry? We can go down to the kitchens and see what there is to eat."

Seraphina huffed bitterly. "No, I'm not hungry. But I'll accompany you if you are."

"No, I'm not. Come and sit with me on the bed and let me show you my latest drawing. It is of the dress I hope to wear on my wedding day—should Benji propose of course."

Seraphina took hold of her arm, tugging it so that Tessa would turn around and look her in the eye. "He will propose. I know it. He loves you."

She felt a lump in her throat as she said the words. She didn't expect to ever hear them directed towards her. Not as long as she was still married to Gerard. She hadn't realized before how much she longed for that—to be loved without condition. To be seen and known and acknowledged. To be enough.

To be believed.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, fluttering her eyelashes to dispel the moisture from her eyes. She was at least grateful for the dimness of the room so that Tessa could not see her clearly.

The thought occurred to her that Gerard might no longer be interested in paying for Tessa's wedding.

No problem. I have my dowry at least. I can use that.

As they sat in the ever-darkening room Seraphina came to the realization that she would have to find them a source of income.

Tessa informed her that there were hardly any candles left and most of those were made of tallow, neither was there oil for the lamps.

"We do have rush lights however," Tessa said, "and wood for the fire. I'm not very good at lighting it though," she said with a sigh. "Most nights I don't bother. It is easier to retire early."

Seraphina nodded. "Well then, that is what we shall do this evening. Tomorrow is soon enough to see about everything."

She undressed, Tessa helping her with her laces, and then lending her a shift to sleep in. They slept back-to-back in Tessa's bed, both glad of the company. The only sounds they heard were the occasional clip clop of horses in the street, or a vendor shouting their wares as they walked past the house.

Seraphina realized how used she had become to household activity even late into the evening. She felt as if she was lying in a cold, empty tomb. She couldn't fathom how Tessa had managed to stay here on her own.

She closed her eyes, desperate for the oblivion of sleep, so she would not notice how her heart was breaking.