Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

" G ood morning."

Gerard's eyes flew open, and he quickly turned around to see who had spoken. He blinked a few times as his eyes met Seraphina's. Then it all came rushing back to him. The fight they'd had, how he'd finally claimed her, and then falling asleep in each other's arms.

He smiled. "Good morning," he said.

She gave a long-contented sigh, looking around her room. "It's gone past midnight," she said playfully, "do you think we'd be able to get something to eat from the kitchens?"

"Are we not masters of this abode?" He grinned at her.

"Let's go and find out." She slipped out of bed completely naked, and he stared.

The candlelight turned her skin to gold. Her small breasts bounced perkily as she moved around searching for a robe. The twin cheeks of her buttocks swayed becomingly, and his hand itched to touch. He could feel himself rising, causing a tent in the sheets.

"Perhaps we could go a little later?" he said hoarsely.

She turned to face him, eyebrows raised and then saw the reason for his statement.

She giggled shyly. "I suppose we could," she said.

He beckoned to her, "Come here."

She quickly obliged.

It wasn't until two hours later that they were able to creep down to the kitchens. Gerard was gratified to see that there was an array of food in covered containers, kept warm by the heat of the banked fires.

A serving girl was curled up in the corner fast asleep in her uniform.

"Oh, poor thing," Seraphina said sympathetically before creeping towards her and shaking her awake.

The girl startled and screamed, looking up at his wife with scared eyes.

"It's all right," Seraphina said soothingly, "it's only me. You may go to bed."

The girl's eyes slid towards the food and then at the Gerard.

"Don't worry about it," Seraphina said, "we can serve ourselves."

The girl nodded doubtfully then struggled to her feet, taking Seraphina's helping hand reluctantly.

"Have a good night," Seraphina said, waving her off.

The serving girl walked out of the kitchen, sending dubious glances back at them every now and then.

Gerard reached for the tray containing cold meats and transferred a few onto his plate. He plucked up a few buttons spreading them liberally with butter and jam before adding them onto the plate. He added some fried tomatoes and cheese to his plate and then put it aside and picked up another one.

"What will you have?" he asked Seraphina.

"Mmm, I'll take the same as you," she said looking a bit shy.

He quirked an eyebrow at her, wondering what she had to feel coy about. Then he noticed that her eye was on his exposed chest since he had not bothered to fasten his shirt. He smirked, as he reached out to fill her plate, and then carried them both to the kitchen table.

"I wager it is warmer here than the dining hall," he said, indicating the banked fires.

Seraphina nodded and came to sit beside him. He noticed that her cheeks were still flushed even more than could be accounted for by the effect of the candlelight on her skin.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her in a low voice as he took a bite of his bun.

She shook her head. "Nothing really."

He gave her a disbelieving look.

She shrugged. "It's just that… it's all very… intimate. I'm not used to it."

She looked at him from beneath her lashes before hastening to add. "I like it though. It's just different than I imagined."

"Did you imagine it a lot?"

She gave a very put-upon sigh. "Every day," she said, shaking her head. "Our separation was not my idea."

He waved the idea away. "All right, all right. I am sorry for the… unfortunate manner in which our marriage began."

Seraphina merely nodded and they ate in silence for a while. He noticed that her brow was furrowed and had to ask, "What are you thinking about?"

She flicked him a shy glance. "I should like to know why."

"Why what?"

"Why you married me and then disappeared the next day."

She was bound to ask , he thought.

He took a deep breath and then took a large bite of his cold meat.

"When my father died," he began, "he left me with one edict: to never neglect my duties. It was an edict that weighed on me, because much as my father had been a soldier, it was not a calling I felt drawn to. I was a little lost, perhaps. A boy on the brink of manhood, but with no defined direction."

He paused, his father's expectations and his own youthful inadequacies weighing down his lungs.

"My uncle tried to help me," he continued, "I know he has been rude to you, and I apologize for that, but he was nothing but kind and supportive to me as I struggled to find my way."

Her eyes softened.

"When exactly did your father die?"

"I was just a lad of seventeen. There was not much to his estate. Just a house and a little land. I lived there alone, trying to find a way to keep up with its upkeep. I can tell you it was not easy, and it felt as if I was letting him down."

Seraphina shook her head, "You did the best you could."

He snorted derisively. "You would be wrong. My dear friends and I spent our time betting on horses and doing… other things, which I would not bring up in front of a lady. Dorian, Leo, and I were like three wayward souls, each encouraging the other's folly. But both my friends were heirs to dukedoms, while I… was just the soldier's son with not much to my name—and what little I had was slipping through my fingers. I had nightmares where my father…"

He clenched his jaw, the image of his father's dignified eyes upon him, and the look in them.

"Gerard?" Seraphina called to him gently, bringing him back to the present moment.

He shook his head taking a bite of food, her eyes on him were like a brand, searing his skin. He was surprised that he felt able to open to her in such a manner. The words just seemed to flow out of him without his permission.

"Never mind that," he said, deciding to change the subject, "Uncle Erasmus was a great help. He lent me money when I needed it. He knew how to speak with creditors so they would wait for their dues. He was vastly helpful in showing me how to diversify my yield. He told me once," Gerard grinned in remembrance, "if you're going to drink so much whiskey, you should learn how to make it."

Gerard gave her a glance, "I'm not certain if he was joking or serious, but it gave me an idea. I dedicated a few acres of my land to the growing of wheat. I went to Scotland to learn how whiskey was brewed. My friends travelled with me. And, well, I must confess that we did a lot more than just learn how to brew."

"What has this got to do with the way you married me?" Seraphina asked.

"I am getting there. When I came back to England, an unbelievable tragedy had happened. Locusts had destroyed my wheat, and I had nothing to show for a year's work. I knew my father would be terribly disappointed in me. I had run off to Scotland, leaving my property in the hands of servants who could not be expected to care about it as much as I did."

He stared into the fire for a while remembering. Seraphina said nothing, but she reached out and squeezed his hand.

"Dorian and Leo tried to help me, but I knew that this was my mess, and I had to find a way to clean it up. Meanwhile the debtors were at my door, clamoring to be let in. I went to Erasmus, hat in hand, and asked for a loan, which he generously gave me. Even as I took it, I knew that I could not continue to rely on him to bail me out. I had to find a way to pay him back while making my own way in the world. Then my other uncle, the Duke of Irondale, died."

He poured some wine into two goblets, before taking a sip of his drink.

"He was my father's oldest brother, a man who had always been distant and unknowable. He did not even attend my father's funeral." He shook his head as he remembered.

"You were not close then?" Seraphina asked softly.

"We were not close at all. When I received a notification from his solicitors to attend the reading of his will, I thought he might have left me some sort of family heirloom. I did not know much about him, but I did recall a rumor that he had sired a child while he was in the Indies. I had thought that child would be the new duke."

"Only to find out that it was you," Seraphina said.

Gerard nodded, chuckling as he shook his head. "It was a shock. The late duke had a request to make of his heir. The new duke must marry, to guarantee continuation of the line." He flicked a glance at her. "I was not ready to disappoint another antecedent. I vowed that this time, I would do everything correctly."

"Hence the quick marriage?" she cut in.

He sighed. "I came to attend the season, determined to find the perfect wife. But when I met you at that ball, I immediately thought that you were a good option. You were so shy and retiring, I told myself I was doing you a favor. The night before the wedding, I had a drink with my friends. We were roughhousing, laughing, and joking as we usually do, and Dorian asked me something that stayed with me. They were aware of my reasoning in choosing you as my bride."

He took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. "Dorian asked me how I expected someone so shy to take on the duties of a duchess. I had no answer for him." He sipped his wine, "Then, Leo said, ‘perhaps she will grow into it.' And I nodded in effusive agreement because I wanted it to be so."

"Why didn't you ask me ?" Seraphina said.

He shrugged. "I didn't know you. It is not a conversation one can have out of the blue without explanation. I did not want you to know what a failure I was. What if you did not want to marry me afterwards?"

Seraphina opened her mouth probably to deny his words but then she closed it again and shook her head.

"All right," she conceded, "you were anxious about my performance as a duchess, but you still married me. Why?"

He blinked a few times, realizing that he had never really thought about that question. "The ceremony was set, dowry had been agreed to. It seemed the thing to do."

Her lips twisted in evident annoyance, and she turned away shaking her head. "So, we got married. When did you decide that it would be best to leave me and return to Irondale?"

"I… Well, the logical part of me understood that you needed time; but I could not stay in London. I needed to oversee the duchy. If I left you in the city, you would not have to take up your duties as a duchess until you were ready."

"And the other part?" she asked.

"What?"

"You said the logical part of you. What about the other part?"

Gerard inhaled slowly.

"The other part, well… You were—you are an intoxicating woman. And with how shy you were… I thought my rather particular desires would overwhelm you. Along with the duties of a duchess," he explained.

She looked straight at him with her sparkling, blue eyes and he noticed a tiny shadow of disappointment in them, but it faded away swiftly.

"I see," she simply said, "I wish you had shared that with me though."

He nodded. "I have conceded that I made mistakes."

She acknowledged his concession with an inclination of her head, and they finished their meal in silence.

Then, he turned to her. "Would you like to go back to bed or are you through with sleeping?"

She bit her lip, "I would like to return to bed, yes. But not alone."

Gerard smirked, "Well, that can certainly be arranged."

And with that, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to her chambers.