Chapter 9

The Startling Truth

Holly was miserable, terrified that her life would become one misery after another. Her carriage had been attacked on the journey from Gallagher Castle to MacPherson Castle, on her wedding day, and now she felt attacked by her husband. There was one thing she was supposed to do as the Laird’s wife, and that was to give him an heir, but she had not even been able to do that.

She felt miserable and useless.

Nay, dinnae just lie there feelin’ sorry for yerself! Ye arenae a wimp!

Holly pushed herself out of bed and vowed to do something about her situation, even if there was no clear path forward. She was a fish out of water, and there had been a recent drought.

She stood for a moment in her room as if a maid might come to dress her, before she remembered her new life. She felt a little silly about her previous life, where someone chose an outfit and helped her put it on.

“I am more than capable of dressin’ meself, thank ye very much,” Holly said as she chose a dress for the day.

The simple act of dressing for the day by herself gave her a little more confidence, but when her thoughts drifted back to the previous evening with the Laird, that confidence was drained away. She couldn’t discern what replaced it. Shame? Embarrassment? Misery? Horror?

She knew what she had to do. She needed to find Ragnall and apologize to him. It did not matter whether she wanted to sleep with him or not—she had to put on a brave face and pretend it was what she wanted most in the world. Once that happened, she would lie with him and give him an heir.

Her mind went back to the previous night, but she did not feel shame this time. She thought again of the raging monster that had strained against her husband’s nightshirt. She might be scared to look him in the eye again after what had happened the previous night, but she wanted to look at his bare body.

Holly knew it would hurt when they lay together, but something pushed her toward it still.

When she was dressed, she left her room and went off in search of the Laird. She did not think he would be in his bedroom, but she went there first—the scene of the crime. The door was ajar, but no one was inside.

Holly then went down to the large hall where she had seen Eric poring over the maps the previous evening. To her surprise, she found him in the same position, as if he had stayed up all night looking at the large sheets of worn, stained paper.

When she looked into the room, he glared back at her, not saying a word. She felt her heart beat quicker as she looked at the stern man, and she quickly scurried away from the room. His dislike for her was obvious.

Holly was a dozen paces away when something made her stop, as if an invisible hand had pulled at the collar of her dress. She stood looking down at her feet, taking a deep breath to calm her furious heart. She would find the Laird, but she needed to know something first.

It would not change her duty, but it would give her clarity.

She turned and slowly walked back to the hall. She did not only stop at the door and look inside, but she stepped into the large room this time.

Eric looked up from the table, his expression unchanging. “What?” he almost barked.

“Do ye ken where the Laird is?” Holly asked.

“Aye, he is off on business.”

Eric might dislike her, but he had no reason to lie to her.

She nodded to his answer, but it was not the question she had come to ask. She got it out before her silence became too uncomfortable.

“Did Ragnall kill an entire clan?” she asked quietly.

“Aye, Clan Sutherland.” Eric nodded. “All but Fraser. What about it?”

“How… how can someone kill an entire clan?” she stammered out.

“Quite easily, with the right motivation,” Eric replied. “I’m busy. I dinnae have time for yer questions. There is somewhere I need to be.”

He looked down at the maps again, silently indicating he was not to be disturbed any further.

Holly walked out of the room, her heartbeat not slowing in the slightest. She went back upstairs to a different part of the castle, but the Laird was not in his study. She found a window in one of the hallways and looked down at the castle grounds, but there was no one below. As she wandered around the castle more, she realized just how few servants there were.

Is that because he doesnae hire enough people or because they dinnae want to work here?

Holly retreated to the only safe space she had in the castle beside her room: the kitchens.

When she entered, Mirren was instructing a young cook on what herbs and spices to add to the soup.

Mirren looked up at Holly quickly. “Go on then,” she said, gesturing toward the large lump of fresh dough on the countertop.

Holly thought for a moment that the head cook was joking, but a second nod of Mirren’s head told her that she needed to get to work, even though she was the Lady of the castle.

The dough was for bread, that much Holly knew. By the size of the lump, it would make half a dozen loaves. Holly rolled up her sleeves and went to work. She had no experience in kneading bread, but she had seen Mirren doing it and tried her best to copy the woman.

It’s nae so bad.

That thought left her mind a minute later. Her forearms began to burn as she repeated the kneading motion, and she felt a new respect for Mirren, who made it look so easy. Still, Holly was not one to back down from a fight, especially when that fight was with plump dough, and she continued to fold and pound the elastic dough as her forearms began to hurt.

“Och, give it here,” Mirren instructed when she was done with the young cook. She threw the dough around as if it were a feather-filled pillow.

Holly laughed at the ease with which the cook worked, and for a brief moment, her worries were forgotten. But when they came flooding back, they did so with a vengeance.

“Ye dinnae ken where the Laird is, do ye?” she asked.

“Nae, I havenae seen him,” Mirren replied, kneading the thick dough. “Ye look as if ye have somethin’ on yer mind.”

“I do,” Holly admitted, feeling free to be open with her new friend and only ally in the castle. “I need to apologize to the Laird. I think I treated him poorly, when I shouldnae have, and I need to convince him that I didnae intend it. Perhaps we both got a little confused, but I ken it was me fault. I want him to ken that I… well, I dinnae ken what I want him to ken, or even what I want to say to him. Och, it is one big mess.”

“I ken just the thing to help ye,” Mirren announced.

“Ye do?” Holly asked. “Ye dinnae even ken what I want to apologize for.”

“That doesnae matter,” Mirren claimed. “Ye are just wed, and ye need some time alone. If ye want to clear the air, there is nothin’ better than some fresh air. I ken just the place to go.”

“Where?” Holly asked.

“The Strathcairn River. It’s just past the edge of the castle grounds, and it is the most beautiful river ye will ever see. Ye can walk up both banks, and there is a bridge about a mile in either direction so that ye can loop around. The oak and willow trees grow thick, and flowers cover the banks in spring and summer. There are plenty of fish in the river and otters on occasion. Deer come to eat the berries on the bushes. I love to go there at least once a week. Then, there is a small clearing on the far bank, right in the middle of a grove of silver birch trees, where the grass is always the greenest.” Mirren stopped kneading for a moment. “Aye, it is a beautiful place and perfect for a picnic.”

“A picnic?” Holly echoed. “A walk, maybe, but I dinnae ken if the Laird will want a picnic.”

“Ye might be surprised by what the Laird wants,” Mirren argued. “Anyways, it’s as romantic a place as they come. That’s what ye are lookin’ for, is it nae?”

The river sounded perfect, and a romantic picnic with her husband sounded like a splendid way to spend an afternoon, but not when the Laird was her husband. Their relationship was anything but romantic. Holly didn’t need to spend quality time with him—she only needed to apologize to him.

She could not imagine taking a romantic stroll with Ragnall when there was no love shared between them.

“Dinnae worry,” Mirren said. “It’s nae unusual for a man and a woman to wed first and find love later.”

“I dinnae ken if I will ever find love,” Holly admitted. As soon as she said it, she wished she had not. Mirren was her friend, but she was loyal to the Laird. “I’m sorry, I shouldnae have said that in front of ye.”

“Ye can say whatever ye wish in front of me. I am nae here to make any trouble for anyone. Tell me ye wish ill-will toward the Laird, and I will inform him. Worry about yer marriage, and I’ll let ye sort it out.”

Holly reached out and took the dough from Mirren. She folded it quickly and kneaded it firmly, needing to work out her emotions. Taking out her frustrations on the dough helped, and from the way Mirren looked at her, she was doing a good job of it.

“I dinnae ken if I can love him, to tell ye the truth. He killed an entire clan.”

Holly stopped kneading for a moment as she considered the reality of the situation. How could she love such a man, and what might he do in the future?

Mirren studied her. “Aye, Clan Sutherland.”

Holly sighed as if it had become written in stone now. She did not think Eric would lie to her, but he had no reason to tell her the truth.

“How can someone do such a thing?” she mused.

“Ye dinnae ken what happened, do ye?” Mirren asked.

“What do ye mean?”

“Aye, he killed all of Clan Sutherland but Fraser. But do ye ken why?” Mirren asked.

“Is there a good reason for killin’ so many people? Nay wonder Fraser wants to hurt him. I dinnae want to be caught up in this mess. I didnae ken what I was gettin’ into when I married the Laird.”

“But ye are in it now,” Mirren said angrily.

“I dinnae mean to cause any offense,” Holly claimed.

“Yet ye have,” Mirren replied.

Holly wondered how she could have ruined her entire relationship with Mirren in such a short period of time.

“Ye must forgive me for anythin’ I have done,” she said.

Mirren pulled back the dough and pounded it a few times with her fists. “I will because ye are new here, but once I tell ye what I am about to tell ye, ye willnae make the same mistake again.”

Holly remained quiet in case she said the wrong thing once more.

“Clan Sutherland was responsible for the death of the Laird’s entire family and the scars on his face. I fear the emotional scars are far deeper and more horrid than the ones on his skin. Clan Sutherland all but wiped out Clan MacPherson and seized the castle. Fraser was the one who killed Ragnall’s sister and almost killed Ragnall himself. So, if ye think this is some bloodlust fueled by nothin’, then ye are sorely mistaken. Ragnall deserves his revenge, and he will get it.”

Holly had clapped both hands over her mouth, but she was too stunned to weep for the Laird after what she had heard. She looked Mirren in the eye, the two women regarding each other for a moment.

“I kenned nothin’ of that, ye have to believe me,” Holly claimed.

“I do believe ye,” Mirren assured her. “Now ye ken why I am so fiercely protective of the man. I’ve kenned him since he was a boy, and I will stay with him until I cannae work anymore.”

“It’s horrible,” Holly mumbled. “How can someone live through such a thing and keep going?”

“Now ye ken why he is the way he is.”

“I need to make things right,” Holly stated. It was bad enough that she had rejected him, but to have this on top of that was too much. “I’m sorry, Mirren. I truly am.”

Mirren began kneading the dough again, but she didn’t pound it as hard this time. “I apologize, too. I didnae mean to be so stern with ye, but I lost me temper.”

“I thought the worst of him. I dinnae ken what I think of him now,” Holly admitted.

“Ye need to get to ken him better, but he is a guarded man. He doesnae let many in,” Mirren admitted. She stopped kneading and smiled.

Holly was relieved to see her friend happy again.

“I might have something that will help ye,” Mirren added. “Ragnall is a man in many ways, but he remains a boy in one. He has a wicked sweet tooth.”

“Oh,” Holly said, smiling.

“I ken a good place in the village where ye could buy some sweets,” Mirren told her.

“I have a better idea,” Holly quipped. “I might nae be an expert at baking bread, but I did learn a pie recipe from me Maither. Although, I was never very good at making the pastry for it.”

“Dinnae worry about that,” Mirren said. “A pie is a great idea. I’ll make the pastry, and ye can worry about the rest.”

Holly rounded the countertop and kissed Mirren on the cheek.

Mirren let out a loud guffaw.

“Ye are the best, Mirren. I’ll go out and pick some berries and be back as quickly as I can.”

Holly ran out of the kitchens, her confidence bolstered again. She would bake the Laird a pie and win him over.