Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

All the Dragon Runners men had returned, tired, dirty, hungry, and thirsty.

All of them except one.

I fell to my knees at the news. My legs wouldn’t support me anymore.

No. No. No, no, no, no ! Not again!

My head filled with shouting denials, and I had no idea if the words actually came from my mouth or just exploded in my brain. The heart that had begun to trust again and believe in a bright future twisted around the knife that cut it in two. Everyone I’d ever dared to love had left me. My mom abandoned me the moment I turned eighteen, and I still had no idea where she lived now. I didn’t even know if she was alive or dead. I lost Rebel to the call of the white powder. Any feelings he had toward me or our child were overshadowed by his drug addiction.

Then there was Camo. My savior and support at a time in my life when I had nothing. The man who truly loved me, forgave my sins, and promised me a life I could only dream of having had died by a random bullet in someone else’s war. He’d bled out in the snow with my name on his lips.

Now Weatherman. My Bryce. In the beginning, I had tried to hate him. I tried so hard to keep him out of my life. I’d tried countless hours not to think about him or care about him or dream of any kind of future with him, but he got under my skin anyway. Lodged deeper than anyone ever had.

Rebel broke me.

Camo shattered me.

Weatherman killed me.

Somewhere distant, I heard a voice say, “Breathe, Opal.”

Tambre. Calm, serene Tambre, always an anchor in the storms.

She got down on the floor and pulled me into her strong arms. I listened to her and inhaled. Betsey’s floral perfume entered my lungs. She was on my other side, humming and holding me.

Gradually, I became aware of the many women, including some from the salon, in the Lair surrounding me, giving me shoulders of support in a sisterhood I’d never realized was possible. How many times over the centuries had this happened? Wives, mothers, sisters, all waiting for their loved ones’ return? Praying for their safety. Rejoicing when they came home or mourning when they didn’t. Firefighters, policemen, soldiers, all of them husbands, sons, brothers, standing between their families and danger at the risk of their own lives.

I don’t know how long I sat there, Tambre on one side, Betsey on the other, Psalm and Lori circling. Katrina brought me a full-sugar Coke from the fridge and softly encouraged me to drink it.

“She’s in shock,” she whispered. “Let her process for a little while.”

I heard Brick’s gruff voice. “Fuck. Let me through.”

The sea of women parted, and Brick grunted as he squatted down next to me. “Opal, sweetheart, look at me.”

I shook my head but stayed silent. If I acknowledged him or opened my mouth, I’d scream.

He let me keep my eyes to myself, but he kept talking to me. “We don’t know nothin’ for sure yet. They’re still out checkin’. The reception up there is real bad, and the mess with the storm and the fire fucked up GPS, but that’s all. Just because we lost contact don’t mean they ain’t still alive. We jus’ gotta wait for someone to go find ’em.”

“Weatherman’s mama is upstairs sleepin’ with Pearl in the guest room. Let’s leave her be for a little while longer.” Betsey’s rough tone had a hitch to it.

I think Tambre asked me a question, but my ears were filled with noise. My belly cramped, and I wanted to heave and pass out at the same time. Brick was right that we didn’t know anything about what the real situation was on the mountain, but I couldn’t help the direction my thoughts took. Visions of Bryce’s twisted, scorched body flashed in my mind.

I remembered as a child, a house burned down in my neighborhood. I wasn’t supposed to be home, but my mother wasn’t tough on making me go to school. I caught a glimpse of the fat woman who lived there as they zipped her up in a big black bag. Black and red, oozing dark blood in places, her hair gone and her limbs distorted into a shape that no human body could ever obtain on its own. The harsh odor of her charred flesh mingled with the ash and wood. Sick, sweet, chemical, like no other smell. One I never wanted to experience again.

No, no, no! Not Bryce! Please, God, if you’re there, not him!

“Don’t faint, Opal. Keep breathing with me,” Tambre coached. All I could do was cling to her and let waves of pain carry me forward.

“Finish what you got to do here, boys, and get everyone settled. Ain’t no one gonna be sleepin’ tonight, but best we stay in one place while we wait for news. Someone go over to her place and get what she and the baby need for a while. They’re gonna stay here where we can take care of ’em.”

I was lifted and cradled against a strong barrel chest that smelled of oil and leather. Brick strained a little as he carried me to the couch and gave a big sigh once he sat me down. I twisted my fingers in his cut and didn’t let go.

“It’s gonna be okay, darlin’,” his gravelly voice murmured in my ear. “I’m gonna take care of this shit and you at the same time. You feel like cryin’, go on and do it. You need to yell, might be we’ll go outside to do that so’s the people sleepin’ can stay that way. Only thing I’m askin’ you not to do is be by yourself, ’cause I need you where I can keep an eye on you. The Runners have been leanin’ on each other ever since we started. Whatever burdens us down, we share it. Long way of sayin’ you can lean on me and Betsey. That’s what we do.”

I’d never had a father. I had one now.

When did I become a member of this tribe? Never had I experienced being a part of this family. I thought I might have had that once with Camo and the Dutchmen MC, but this was so much different from my former life. Flaws, sins of the past, addictions—all of it was washed away by the cold Nantahala River water, and what I had now was a forgiveness and love that had no limits or conditions.

The epiphany of the moment liberated something in me.

I was not alone, and I wouldn’t be that way ever again.

A large crash of thunder punctuated my thoughts, followed by a torrent of hail and rain. Winter Storm Margie had arrived.

As the night wore on, I sat in the main room, half-drunk from no sleep. Betsey stayed with me, bringing me water and soft drinks. Table and Lori stayed, their kids sleeping in their room and them camping out on the sofa next to me. Mute and Kat went home. Stud and Eva came by with their girls for a little while. Psalm waited for Blue to get off work before she took her stepchildren back to their house.

The hours plodded on with lead feet. I saw the night sky fade into morning. It glowed a dull orange and would stay that way until the smoke cleared. The acrid taste of ash coated everything.

Brick was a rock. He was hurting, too, but he stepped up as the leader of this group and held it together. His strides echoed through the cavernous room as he paced and waited for the radio in his hand to speak. When it crackled, he answered and listened to whoever was on the other side before relaying the latest news to the group. Natalie was still sleeping upstairs, blissfully unaware that her son was missing somewhere in the smoldering mountains.

“They think most of the flare-ups are done, but there’s still some hot spots. Margie came just in time, but she ain’t done yet. The burned-up vegetation might make some of the creeks overflow, so there might be some flash flooding in a few places. Parts of the town lost power.”

He walked over and squatted in front of me, and I met his eyes with my puffy, swollen ones. “They got a search and rescue team that’s goin’ in as soon as they say it’s safe. We got a bunch of boys missing, but we’re gonna find ’em—all of ’em—and we’re gonna bring them home.”

Fresh tears gathered behind my eyes. Would they find Bryce, or would they find his body? I’d grieved so many times already; did I have to do it again?

The morning blended into afternoon. People came by and hung out as we waited for news. Some of the firefighters came in from the ridges, covered in soot and smoke. Betsey got them into showers and had her giant Crock-Pots of soups and stews bubbling away to feed them before they crashed in the camping cabins. Donna was there, too, having brought a case of rolls and baguettes from the Ingles bakery where she now worked. For once, she wasn’t flirty or pushy with the men, just helped serve with a gentle smile.

Pearl woke up and brought her smiles and giggles to brighten the gloom. She played with several of the other kids in a big group scattered on the floor. Every once in a while, she toddled over to me to sit on my lap and cuddle. Natalie sat beside me, holding vigil. The expression on her face when she found out Bryce was missing was something I hoped I never saw again.

We spent another night the same way. I ate and drank what was put in front of me, but only because I couldn’t shut down completely. I didn’t cry any more, too numb to even think. My anxiety attacks hadn’t made an appearance, as I was beyond them. The place I’d found was a big empty void of all emotions, and the people around me were scared that I wouldn’t return.

“She ain’t cried enough yet. Got it all bottled up.”

“Might burst anytime. Make sure someone stays with her to catch it.”

“Think she’ll find her way back?”

Truthfully, I didn’t want to. At least not yet. Pearl needed her mother, and I would pick up my life to be one for her, but there was a piece of me that was just gone, and I had no energy to look for it.

Mute stomped his way around the place like an agitated bull. The search and rescue people weren’t allowing the civilian volunteers to help just yet because of potential flare-ups. Parts of the forest could reignite, but the hope was that Margie had dumped enough rain to keep that from happening. She was still coming down and washing the smoke from the sky, cleaning the air and the earth.

The morning of the third day, Natalie was asleep upstairs only because Betsey forced her to rest. I expected she would be making me do that soon. Maybe I’d let her.

Pearl crawled onto my lap and slapped at my face. “Mama tick?”

I roused for the first time. “No, baby, I’m not sick. Just tired.”

“Go ’teep?”

Tears came, and my nose started to run. “That’s a good idea. I think I’ll go take a nap.”

“Bish book.”

I bit my lip as a fresh wave of pain hit my heart, and I couldn’t breathe. My girl’s favorite book was Dr. Seuss’s One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish that Bryce often read to her. Would she miss him as much as I did?

I lifted myself off the couch that I’d barely left in three days. My back and legs cramped, but I stood up and shook some life back into my limbs. Camo would never expect me to sit on my ass this long, and Bryce wouldn’t either.

The radio in Brick’s hand crackled. He’d slept some, but he’d never left me alone, keeping watch over me as I’d held my vigil for Bryce.

“We found him,” the garbled voice announced. The tone was hard to distinguish. Was it a happy note or a grim one?

My heart dropped out of my body, and the room spun. I heard Pearl’s “Mama?” inquiry, but the white noise filling my ears covered everything else.

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it.

Someone’s hands caught me. Mute or Table or Dodge, I couldn’t tell. The organs in my chest fought hard against everything.

My heart beat uncontrollably.

My lungs stopped working.

My eyes lost their vision.

My ears refused to hear.

I was shutting down to get away from the news I was sure was about to come.

Brick moved in front of me. “Opal. Listen to me.”

No, no, no, no, no !

“He’s hurt bad, but he’s alive. They airlifted him and his partner to the big hospital in Asheville. He told the rescuers to make sure you were told so you won’t worry yourself. I’m gonna get Betsey an’ we’ll wake up Natalie an’ tell her.”

Air rushed into my starved body as I took a full breath. Then another one. And another one. My vision cleared. It was Dodge who supported me.

“You still need to sleep, darlin’. You go take you that nap for a couple hours, okay? Fauna said she wanted to cook for you, and I think now is a good time. She’ll get you fueled, and we’ll all go to Asheville after you’ve rested and showered, yeah? We got DRMC people there, too, and we’ll get them updated and on-site ASAP. He’ll have family around him until we get there.”

I sniffed, this time crying tears of relief. “I don’t think I can ever repay this.”

Dodge smiled down at me. “The bill’s been paid a long time, sweetheart.”