Chapter Six

Chapter SixLying flat on the ground, I held my camera steady as I aimed it straight above my head to get a squirrel’s eye view of the cluster of trees around me. It was early in the morning, so the lighting was just right—more golden than bright. It was one of my favorite times to photograph landscapes and wildlife.I took picture after picture, occasionally tinkering with the lens. There was little sound here in the forested area of the park. Only the rustles of leaves, the calls of birds, and the slight creak of branches. But I occasionally heard the distant barking of a dog or delighted squeal of a child coming from the grassier parts of the park.I wouldn’t be able to stay for much longer, since I had a thousand things to do before getting ready for yet another night at the Vault.Four weeks had gone by since I agreed to an arrangement with Cole. Back then, I hadn’t even allowed myself to wonder if it would last this long, let alone expected it to.Not that club members typically shied away from long-term arrangements. On the contrary, they tended to prefer them. But there were those who avoided them to ensure that neither party developed expectations. And Cole was so dead-set against expectations that it would have made sense for him to have moved on before now.He hadn’t, though. Which I couldn’t feel joyous about, because it seemed inevitable that he’d pull back sometime soon. But I didn’t let that dominate my thoughts. I allowed myself to enjoy what we now had. It was impossible not to enjoy it.With Ryland, there’d always been a little push and pull. We’d never really found a balance, never really settled. I’d only really stuck it out regardless because I didn’t like to give up on things or people—something I’d come to realize that, when taken too far, could be a flaw.With Cole, it was just effortless to relax into our arrangement. He was an easy person to be around. So grounded. So steady. Chill, yet always hypervigilant … making a girl feel both comfortable and safe. A heady combination.I’d never admit it aloud to him, but there were times I found myself missing him. We only ever saw each other on weekends. We met up at the Vault every Saturday, just as we would tonight. We also often met up there on Fridays when possible. But those ‘meetings’ collectively only took up, what, six hours of my week? It wasn’t much.We regularly ate at the lounge before heading off to play, which I liked. Though we often did a lot of talking and laughing, we rarely touched on anything too personal—careful not to ask the sort of questions that were generally reserved for couples.I’d failed at that a time or two, to be truthful. But he hadn’t called me on it, he’d merely redirected the conversation. That was something he also did if the subject of his family came up, so it would seem that he’d apparently told me all he was willing to tell me about them.That was okay. There were things I didn’t speak of either. Such as that I might make changes to certain elements of my career.It wasn’t something intensely personal, no, but I generally didn’t confide much in others. Not easily, anyway. I most often chewed on things in the privacy of my own mind. And I didn’t feel that he’d welcome any attempt from me to share any personal struggles.In sum, we weren’t confidants. I couldn’t really describe us as friends either. We were friendly and got along extremely well, but there was this barrier that was never crossed. It meant that what we had lacked the essential components of friendships.And so, though I sometimes had the urge to text him about this or that, I never did. I’d strictly forbidden myself from contacting him about anything that wasn’t Vault-related. Particularly since he himself never called or texted me unless it was to discuss meeting up at the club.It probably said very sad things about my past relationships that I could say I knew Cole better than most of my exes. I might not know his innermost secrets, but I knew the core of him. I knew he was a man who would never be derailed by adversity or hardship. A man who would never allow concerns or fears to limit him. A man who believed in taking control of his own destiny and would cut any toxic influences out of his life in an instant in order to fully pursue that destiny.A man who also ticked every box I had.I couldn’t lie to myself, there were times when I lamented that nothing more would come of our arrangement. It was just my luck that I’d found a bloke who saw me, who fit me well, who understood the struggles of growing up in the public eye, who had the same strong work ethic, who didn’t wish to play up to the media or use my connections to get ahead … yet he had no interest in building anything with me.Cursing myself for stupidly getting a little too comfortable with someone I couldn’t permanently keep, I paused in taking photos to adjust the exposure compensation slightly, wanting to ensure the images had plenty of detail in the shadow and highlight areas.On the bright side of things, the online fuss surrounding the bullshit article had died down, likely since there was no fresh news to feed its claims. Plus, there were now more far interesting things in the world for people to focus on, including a recent political scandal that had diverted pretty much everyone’s attention.I’d initially worried that Ryland would do something stupid to rekindle the public’s interest in our sex lives. But either Briar’s threat had done the trick or he’d simply thrown in the towel, because no more articles had cropped up.He also hadn’t again approached me, though there were times at the Vault when I’d thought he might. He slanted me the occasional sad glance, looking on the verge of heading over and blurting something out. But he kept his distance. He also kept glaring at Cole, though he’d quickly look away before Cole could catch him at it.Considering Ryland was still in one piece, I could trust that my mum had convinced my father and brothers not to beat the crap out of him. I’d spoken to her on the phone a few times over the past month. According to her, Richie was no longer Ryland’s agent, though she didn’t know which of them had severed the contract. She wasn’t much bothered so long as Ryland was firmly out of the picture.Plus, she was more interested in casually questioning me about Cole anyway. Three weeks ago, I’d stupidly mentioned him in a throwaway comment. She’d pouncedon it lightning fast—as was her way.My attempts to brush off her questions had failed, so I’d told her I was ‘loosely dating’ him. She had only hummed in response. Which basically meant that she was reserving judgment until she’d torn into his background. It was a classic move of hers when men entered my life.Pushing myself up off the hard ground, I dusted the dirt from my arse with my hand and then arched my back. Crack. Lovely.Having changed the lens on my camera, I took some close-up shots of the trees, bringing the lines and swirls of the bark into stark detail.It wasn’t until I checked the time on my phone a short time later that I realized I’d been at the park for an extra thirty minutes than I’d planned. Ugh. Time seemed to fly by while I worked. I often got so caught up in what I was doing that I didn’t feel the hours tick by.I packed up my stuff, slipped on my backpack, and then made my way to the meandering path that would lead to the parking lot. A plane flew overhead, reminding me that I hadn’t yet booked a flight home. I’d never stayed at Redwater this long before. But each time I thought about returning to London—about leaving behind Redwater, my friends, and yes even Cole—my stomach did a nauseating tumble.Ever since the conversation I’d had with my mum shortly after the article was published, I’d found myself wondering what it would be like to quite simply just … stay. I wanted a base. A dog. Even a boyfriend at some point. But I could only really imagine settling permanently in Redwater.It would be a shame to live so far away from my family, but they traveled a lot anyway. They even occasionally came here for business. There seemed no sense in my remaining in London to be near them when they had busy lives that required them to hop on planes often.Hearing the rhythmic slap of a jogger’s footsteps, I idly looked to my far right. And then I almost tripped over my own feet.Cole.He was running along another of the many paths, his earphones in, all sweaty and far too edible.He hadn’t noticed me. He probably wouldn’t, since he wasn’t heading in my direction. I turned toward him, intending to somehow get his attention, but then I stilled. He wouldn’t want this. Wouldn’t like it.Or would he?No, no, he wouldn’t. He didn’t want our personal lives to intersect. He’d made it clear when he suggested—okay, firmly laid out—the terms of our arrangement that he wanted us to keep things simple.Much as it bit at my pride, I had to consider that he might not want to be seen with me in the outside world anyway. This was a very public place. It would only take a few photos of us talking to be posted online for everyone to speculate that we were dating, and then people would no doubt be like ‘I wonder if Cole indulges her fetishes’ and stuff like that.It was best to hang back. Not that I believed he’d snub me or act all aloof if I crossed to him now. Cole wasn’t that bloke. But he might feel uncomfortable. I’d see that, feel the sting of it, and it would sit between us from then on.So I didn’t call out to him. Didn’t approach him. I resolutely turned back to the path and made a beeline for the parking lot, refusing to acknowledge the dangerous regret that sat in the pit of my gut.Regret that all we had was an arrangement.Regret that it would never be more.Regret that I was so far removed from his everyday life that I couldn’t even say hello to him in the park without crossing a bloody line.Once in my car—and yeah, I shut my door a little harder than necessary and all but jammed on my seatbelt—I drove off, intent on scratching the first errand off my to-do list.I let myself get lost in the mundane. Headed here and there. Picked up this or that. Only once all my errands were done did I return to my apartment. There, I went to the small bedroom my parents had converted into an office for me since I came here so often. I jumped straight onto my laptop, uploaded my photos, and got to work.A knock at the front door later on made me blink. I checked the time. I’d been working for over two hours but it only felt like thirty minutes or so.Opening my door, I found Briar waiting with a smile. “Hey,” she began, walking inside, “I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.”I rolled my eyes, not fooled. “You mean you want to choose my clothes for tonight.”“Do I ever lead you wrong?”Well, no. “I’m going to make a cup of tea and munch on something,” I told her, heading for the kitchen. I hadn’t realized how peckish I was until I snapped out of my ‘work’ zone. “You want anything?”“I’m good. I’ve had way too much caffeine today.”“Go raid my closet at your leisure, then.”She didn’t need to be told twice. She disappeared with a pleased nod, softly humming to herself.Mere minutes later, I settled at the island with a cup of tea and small plate of biscuits—or cookies, as my US friends referred to them. They also branded me an animal for liking to dip them in my hot drinks, but whatever.As I dunked half of one biscuit into my tea, my phone chimed. I glanced down at the now-lit up screen to see that I had a message from Cole. And I completely ignored the little fluttering sensation in my belly.Chewing the now-soggy half of the biscuit, I lifted my phone and opened up the text message. It read: You got a problem with me picking you up from your building tonight instead of just meeting you at the club?I blinked down at the screen, so taken aback by the content that I had to read it twice to be sure I hadn’t misinterpreted it. He’d never once made such a request before. Or anything remotely similar.We arrived at the club separately, and we left it separately. Every time. Without fail. So this, well, I really didn’t know what to make of it.Having no reason to refuse, I responded: No, no problem. I added my address.He replied: Good answer, see you in a few hours.I set down my phone and dipped what was left of my biscuit into my tea, telling myself not to make a big deal out of this development. Because it wasn’t actually a development. It was merely a slight alteration to our usual plan. Changes weren’t necessarily developments.The sound of high-heels clacking along the floor preceded the arrival of Briar. Breezing into the kitchen, she nibbled on her lip. “Hey, do you have any shoes that … Why are you scowling?”“I’m not.”“You totally are.”Was I? I made an effort to relax my facial muscles.Wearing her ‘fess up’ expression, Briar folded her arms. “What’s wrong?”“Nothing.”“Oh yeah? Then why were you pulling that face?”I snatched a biscuit from my plate. “I wasn’t pulling any face.”“How you lie.” She sat on the stool opposite mine. “Tell me what’s wrong.”“Nothing is wrong. Honestly. I was just … thinking.”“About what?”I dunked my biscuit into my drink, almost smiling at how Briar’s upper lip curled in distaste. The woman didn’t know what she was missing. This shit would change her life if she gave it a chance.“About what?” she repeated.I ate the soggy half of my biscuit. “Cole texted me. He doesn’t want us to meet at the Vault tonight. Well, I mean, he wants to see me. But he doesn’t want us to do our usual thing and arrive separately. He wants to pick me up from here and take me there himself.” Oh God, I was babbling. I hated it when I babbled. “He’s never done that before. No, don’t grin. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” I tossed the last half of my biscuit into my mouth without first dunking it. Crap.“I disagree,” she objected, her eyes lit with excitement. “This is his first step in letting your lives outside the Vault mesh. It’s a baby step for sure. Maybe even half a baby step. But still a step.”“Not necessarily.”“Don’t be so cynical.”“If he wasn’t so focused on his career and he hadn’t been crystal clear that he’s not interested in anything serious, I’d be having the same thoughts as you. But he has repeatedly talked of how little time he has for relationships. Which is why I find it seriously annoying that I’m in a mental place where I could see myself ending our arrangement so we could build something real. I know it’s stupid of me to go wanting what I can’t have—”“You don’t know that you can’t have it. Unless you told him how you feel and he said that he’s not on the same page as you?”“Of course I haven’t told him. He only wants a simple arrangement—no dates or demands or commitment.” I wasn’t going to be like the women from his past who initially accepted that they wouldn’t be his priority but then later whined about it and demanded more than he could give.“He might have changed his mind. People do that.”“If that was the case, he would have said something.”“Why? You changed your mind about wanting to keep things casual, and you haven’t said anything to him about it.”Well. Yes. Okay. That was true. “Even so, I’m not going to make assumptions based on him merely requesting to pick me up from my building. It isn’t exactly something that screams ‘I’m ready for a relationship.’ It doesn’t really scream anything.”“All right, you make a good point there.” Briar rested her folded arms on the surface of the island. “I can understand why you’d rather be practical. But if it’s all the same to you, I’m going to hope that I’m right and he’s in the same boat as you. I want good things for you. I believe he’d be good for you. And, to be truthful, I like the idea that if he ties you down you’ll then stay in Redwater. I like having you around. Most people get on my nerves. You don’t.”Smiling, I drummed my nails against the side of my cup. “Say nothing of this to no one, but I may actually be moving here for good.” Between more biscuits and sips of my tea, I told her about the conversation I’d had with my mum and how I’d come to believe that Redwater might be a good place for me to base myself.Briar leaned forward, her eyes bright. “Oh my God, you have to do it.”“I’m giving it serious consideration.”“It makes sense for you to move here—you love Redwater. As for you switching things up career-wise, I genuinely think it’ll be the best thing for you.When you come back here after a day out somewhere snapping shots with your camera, you look recharged. You don’t look that way when you first arrive at Redwater for downtime. You look drained. It was really only a matter of time before you decided to do something about it.”Probably. At the very least, my mum would have called for an intervention out of concern and then I would have—A phone chimed.“That’s mine.” Briar pulled out her cell and swiped her thumb over the screen. Exasperation tinged with affection flashed across her face. “Good Lord, will it never end?”I frowned. “What?”“They are unbelievable.”“They? Who’s they?”“My dads.” She sighed, her eyes dancing. “They keep sending me pictures of ‘eligible men.’”I chuckled. “What, they want you to hurry and give them grandkids or something?”“Nothing quite that dramatic. Ever since they learned I have a sort-of-thing with Grover, they’ve been determined to set me up with someone. It’s not that they have a problem with Vault arrangements—”“Wait, you tell them about that stuff?”“No, they learned of it from people they know who frequent the basement. My dads wouldn’t bat an eyelid at what goes on down there—they ain’t exactly vanilla themselves—but they don’t like that I’m in an arrangement with Grover. Ansel apparently once worked with him on a movie and they butted heads in a major way. And if Ansel doesn’t like someone, Troy won’t like them by default. So now both are saying their ‘little girl’ can do better.”“Well, you can. I don’t dislike Grover. He’s just very self-involved. He only ever talks about himself. I can almost admire how he can make just about any topic circle back to him. It makes him a somewhat boring conversationalist, but I’d be his number one fan if you weren’t as much of an afterthought for him as he is for you. You deserve someone who’s all about you. In which case, I’m hoping your dads’ intervention pays off.”“Traitor,” she tossed out, her tone mild.“Come on, surely at least one of these ‘eligible men’ appeal to you.”“Nope, none of them do.” After a moment, she jiggled her head and added, “Okay, some of them are damn pretty to look at.” She tapped the screen of her phone a few times and then turned it toward me. “Get a load of this dude. He’s all mountain man.”Studying the picture, I hummed in appreciation. “He sure has the rugged look down.”She grinned. “I’m big on ‘rugged.’”“Well, you’re already on the radar of someone gorgeously rugged. Kaleb—”“Don’t even go there.”“Why not? He likes you. You like him. Trace likes you. You like him, too. I’m not seeing the problem.”“Where’s the point in me ending an arrangement that suits me well merely so I can enjoy an hour of playing with two men for one night? It makes no sense, whatever way you look at it.” She stood. “I need to go grab something from my apartment. I’ll be back in a sec.” She stuffed her phone in her jeans pocket. “You don’t mind wearing neck ties, do you? I have a red lacy one that would suit you.”“I have red items that’ll signal I’m taken.”“All of which you’ve worn in the weeks that you’ve been meeting up with Cole. You need something new this time. The rest of your outfit has already been laid out for you, including the slinky dress you bought a few days ago.”I tipped my cup her way in a ‘cheers’ gesture. “Thanks, Mum.”“Snarky bitch.”“I come by it naturally.”“From what I’ve heard about your mother, I can believe that.”“And so you should.”