Chapter One

Chapter OneSix years earlierAll I had to do was stroll over there and say hi. That was all. Easy.Except it wasn’t.Not a lot made me nervous. Not even performing on stage—that was a joy and a rush and a dream come true. But as I cast a subtle glance at another artist who’d be performing at today’s festival, my stomach got all jittery.As a rule, I didn’t get starstruck. I’d only been in the music business six months, but I could chat as easily with a celebrity as I could with a friend. Fame simply didn’t faze me. Until this very moment … as my inspiration stood ten or so feet away watching as equipment was strategically placed backstage.Rock legend Kaiser Wolfe had been my idol since I was twelve years old. I could still remember the first time I saw him perform on TV—owning the stage, oozing charisma, and commanding the attention of the audience. There was something entrancing about him when he performed. More, his voice captured you. It was gritty, raw, and raspy; purred and growled and rang with power.And so my crush was born.It was more of an obsession back then, to be truthful. It was cringeworthy, yeah, but as a teen I’d fantasized many times about how we’d one day meet. I’d imagined endless scenarios during which, after a single conversation, he’d fall for me right there on the spot.That he was fourteen years my senior hadn’t been a factor for me back then, and I hadn’t considered for a moment that it would be a factor for him. Nope. I’d been convinced that we’d at some point take a walk down the aisle together.Yep, definitely cringeworthy.In my head, we’d gone on many dates, had the occasional argument, and even ‘broken up’ several times—mostly when I’d heard he was dating someone. Dumb as it was, I’d felt betrayed each time. I’d even tried convincing myself that the dating rumors were false.It was surely messed up to be possessive of someone you’d never met, but the emotion had been there. I would have tacked posters of him all over my bedroom walls if my overly strict father would have allowed such things. I’d instead kept them in a drawer and even regularly kissed one goodnight.More, I’d written letters to him that I’d never sent. They hadn’t been love letters. No, I’d merely wanted him to know that his music had touched my life.I’d played his albums over and over; had memorized every song. Those albums were my comfort blanket whenever things went to shit; they’d been at my metaphorical side during the times that I sat in my bedroom internally screaming my rage at my father.Seven years later, my crush still existed. Sort of. I no longer illogically believed that we’d marry or anything, but I couldn’t shake off my attraction to him—it was still as strong as ever.In my defense, Kaiser Wolfe was droolworthy. Actually, that was an understatement. Tall and broad-shouldered with penetrating eyes, short ash-blond disheveled hair, and a layer of stubble that added to his edgy vibe, he was unabashedly sexy.It was hard to believe that he was right there. Hard to believe that I, Inaya Rose Rafferty, would perform at the same venue as him.More, I actually had the chance to meet him.My inner pre-teen was overwhelmed by excitement and slipping into crisis mode. Wishing that she’d calm the hell down, I lifted my chin, determined to push past my nerves. After long seconds during which I gave my inner pre-teen a stern talking to, I finally made my feet move and slowly headed toward him.I didn’t expect for us to fall into conversation. Or even for him to grant me so much as a half-smile. I’d probably get a grunt, at best. Because everyone knew that Kaiser was a rude motherfucker.The world liked that about him, though. Liked that he was real and unafraid to be himself. Liked that he hadn’t gotten caught up in the hype that had built around him. Even the fact that he was so confident it bordered on arrogant didn’t bother people.Many artists struggled with going solo after their band separated. Not Kaiser. In fact, he’d so far been more successful as a solo artist.And I was now almost close enough to talk to him.Butterflies took flight in my churning stomach, and I had to battle the urge to nervously scrape my fingers through my hair.I wouldn’t try chatting his ear off. I’d keep it short and sweet—introduce myself, tell him to break a leg, and thank him for the many songs he’d written that had touched my life.His head turned my way, and eyes as gray and cold as an Alaskan winter fixed on me. I almost stumbled under the weight of his gaze. A gaze that gave me a slow, head-to-toe inspection. It would have been so easy for a person’s composure to crumple under his intense scrutiny, but I was made of sterner stuff.Halting a mere foot away, I offered him a casual smile. He didn’t return it. He just watched me with zero interest. All right.“Hi,” I greeted simply, proud that my voice came out strong and steady. “My name’s Inaya Ro—”“I know who you are.”I blinked, unable to be flattered by that comment, since his tone rang with utter boredom. Refusing to be fazed, I went on, “I just wanted to a say a quick hello. I don’t need to tell you to kill it out there—I’m pretty sure you will.”I was about to add that I loved his music and all that jazz, but he let out an irked grunt and said, “Well, there are other people you can talk to, so …”I felt my eyelid twitch. Coming from anyone else, the dismissal wouldn’t have bothered me much. But coming from my long-time crush who I suspected that my system would always feel an irrational possessiveness toward, courtesy of my juvenile fantasies … yeah, it stung. And so I didn’t manage to bite back a snarky response. “Wow. Aren’t you just a ray of asshole-ness.”His head jerked slightly in what appeared to be surprise.“It’s fine,” I said with a flap of my hand. “Dicks are people, too.”He flicked up a brow. “Sensitive, are you? If that’s the case, you won’t survive this industry. A person has to have thick skin to weather its storms. What are you, eighteen?” he asked in a somewhat dismissive tone.“Nineteen.” And I had thicker skin than most, as it happened.“Just a baby.”I folded my arms. “What’s really your problem with me? I highly doubt it’s my age.”“I’ve got no problem with you, I’m just giving it to you straight. Most people like you don’t achieve longevity.”I narrowed my eyes. “People like me?”“People who don’t have years of hard graft under their belt. People who didn’t spend years doing gigs in shitty bars. People who haven’t experienced the highs and lows that come with the journey to success. You got where you are by winning a TV talent contest.”“So, what, you see that as cheating or something?”“What I’m saying is that you didn’t pay your dues, and so you’ll struggle to get a real foothold in this industry. It’s a harsh place. It will chew you up and spit you out. That’s if you don’t wane in popularity once the next contest winner releases a single. That’s usually how it goes. So enjoy this while it lasts. Which will be a year, at most. Then you’ll fade into obscurity like so many winners and find yourself back where you came from.”Ouch. It was tempting to rip him a new one. And I would have done it if I’d thought that he meant to be cruel just because. But I could sense that he wasn’t aiming to cut me. No, he was—in his rude, tactless way—calling the situation exactly how he saw it. In his genuine opinion, I’d set myself up for failure, and he figured that I was better off knowing it.To be fair, things often did end that way for talent contest winners. He wasn’t telling me anything that I didn’t already know. Still, his words hurt. His complete lack of faith in my ability to be successful in the long-term hurt. How could it not, given that he’d been my idol for so long?It was said that it wasn’t good to meet your hero. There was something to that. Because in just one short conversation, he’d upturned my world.My inner pre-teen’s silly but harmless romantic fantasies instantly shriveled, as did my dumb hopes of one day collaborating with him on a song. Maybe he meant well in his way, but he hadn’t needed to be so harsh. Kaiser Wolfe would always be someone I admired and respected as an artist, but that was as far as it would go.Refusing to let him see just how deeply his words had sliced me, I gave him a bright smile. “Right. Well it’s been delightful meeting you. A true honor. But there’s a few other people I want to say a quick hello to, so I’m gonna head off.”His brow pinched slightly, suspicion flickering in his eyes. He clearly wasn’t buying that I was unaffected by what could be loosely called advice.Holding my head up high, I walked past him. After taking a few steps, I stopped and looked over my shoulder, finding him still watching me. “There’ll come a time when you realize that you were wrong about me. Maybe it’ll be in a few years. Maybe it’ll be in a few decades. Because I will still be around then, and I will have carved a true place for myself in the rock music business. And you’ll always remember how you idiotically told me that I’d crash and burn and fade into nothing. Won’t that be fun for you?”