27. 27

27

S ean watched with a mixture of frustration and rage as Jack’s play got progressively worse after Sean’s meeting. He went a month without even scoring a point. He was slow off the centre bounce, and back to a space cadet when he was in front of goals. Sean could snap him out of it if he was on the field—hurl abuse at him until Jack got his shit together as if in defiance of Sean’s insults but, it’d always seemed to Sean, more because he was actually listening to him.

Now though Sean had to wait until they got home and unlike before, Jack wasn’t tensing up waiting for it, he was just moping around, cuddling Lola more, looking at Sean like he was trying to memorise him.

“Nothin’s set in stone yet,” Sean said to him one night. He was itching to fuck, but with Jack’s current mood that wasn’t going to happen.

“No, I know,” Jack said and got up off the floor from where he’d been wrestling with Lola for her rope. He smiled, but it didn’t touch his eyes. “But you’ve already made your decision, so,” he shrugged and went to go down the hall.

He was acting as if Sean had already left and it pissed him off. And this was without Sean telling him about the email he’d gotten from management. A legal document the size of a phonebook, Warren had told him it was basically a new contract absolving the club and the league of further liability if he continued to play and an email urging him to seriously consider medically retiring. His agent had explained he’d still receive the next two years on his contract—they’d buy him out if they had to—but warned if he decided to play, it could be a hostile work environment.

“It’d be great if you could just get your memories back,” he’d joked, “then the whole thing would go away.”

Sean rolled his eyes. “No shit.” As if he had any control over it.

He didn’t tell Jack any of this—he didn’t need further maudlin behaviour invading the house. But he did tell Jayden, who was both pleased at the idea of Sean coming home and working with him, and gutted for him because he knew exactly what this felt like.

He got up and made his way to Jack’s bedroom.

Jack was sitting up against his headboard, one knee up, his other leg stretched out long, his socked foot flexing and straightening. The lamp was on, casting his eyes in shadows, making his cheekbones more pronounced. He didn’t even bother to flick his eyes up from his phone, but twitched like he knew Sean was there.

Sean didn’t know what to say. Anger had been his go-to with Jack for years, but that hadn’t felt right for months. Consoling him was foreign territory too, and he knew Jack would probably take some sick, twisted pleasure in having his game berated at the moment and Sean didn’t want to play that game right now.

So, instead he said, “Birthday tomorrow,” and leaned against the doorframe. August 3rd. Sean had asked Annie the last time she was over; he’d felt embarrassed to be asking, but she’d brushed that off with a warm smile and told him like it was nothing.

Jack did glance up then, surprised.

“What?” Sean asked, smiling smugly. “Did ya think I’d forget?”

Jack looked like he didn’t know whether to smile or frown. “Well, yeah,” he replied after a moment.

Sean snorted. “To tell ya the truth, I knew it was on one of the coldest days, but got Annie to remind me of the date.”

Jack nodded, picked at the material of his pants on his bent knee. “Nothin’ special about this one.”

“Stop bein’ such a fuckin’ sad sack,” Sean pushed out of the doorframe and came over to him, took a seat at the end of the bed. “I already got ya a present, organised a dinner. So ya better fuckin’ smile and act like ya havin’ a good time, alright?”

Jack smiled down at his hand. “You didn’t have to do that. Besides…”

Sean grabbed his ankle, shook it. “Besides what?”

Jack exhaled, but still wouldn’t look at him. “Besides, you can’t give me what I want, so.”

Sean tightened his grip. If Jack wanted Sean to get his memories back, then no, he couldn’t give him that. But if Jack wanted to get laid, Sean was willing and open. He didn’t see himself getting laid much once he was back home. The thought of fucking anyone other than Jack filled him with dread anyway.

“Depends what you want,” he said and rubbed his thumb up the arch of Jack’s foot.

Jack looked up at him through the fall of his hair. And shit, he was a good-looking dude. Maudlin mood or not, his blue eyes were piercing, perfectly wide set on his face above his proportioned nose, full lips adorned by his scruff.

“You know what I want,” he replied quietly, but it was defiant too.

Sean sighed. “I reckon that ship has sailed.”

Jack sat back, eyebrows flying up. “You retired?”

“What?” Sean jerked back as well.

“Did you already sign something?” Jack pressed, getting angry.

“No,” Sean replied, frowning. He knew what he was going to do, but he wasn’t going to do it without telling Jack before he did it.

Jack sagged back.

“What do ya want?” Sean asked.

“I want you to stay,” Jack said like it was obvious.

Sean resumed rubbing Jack’s foot. He knew that. But he couldn’t just stay here and be Jack’s roommate if he wasn’t playing. He had to get on with his life.

“I thought you wanted me to get my memories back,” Sean murmured after a while.

Jack shook his head. “Course I wanted that, but you said it’s not gonna happen. What I really want is,” he pushed his foot into Sean’s hand, “to be something you’d stay for.”

Sean gripped his foot. He crawled up Jack’s body instead of speaking, braced his hands on either side of Jack’s torso, their faces an inch apart as Sean paused.

“I reckon,” he said quietly, “you’re always gonna be something I’d come back for.”

Jack closed his eyes and breathed out shakily. “I want more than that.”

“Greedy,” Sean whispered and leaned down to kiss him. Jack’s lips parted immediately and Sean tangled his tongue with his, kissed him deeply until Jack was pressed back on the pillow, Sean’s whole body blanketing him.

Sean crept out of bed early the next morning, lifted Jack’s arm off him and slid out like a ninja so he wouldn’t wake up. He grabbed his clothes and snuck out, dressing in the quiet of the hallway as Lola danced around his legs.

“In a sec,” he whispered to her and got busy in the kitchen.

Jack was awake when Sean came back in, staring at the ceiling, unmoving.

Sean frowned but did his best to sound enthused as he said, “Happy birthday.”

Jack looked over and started to smile as he sat up. Sean handed him the present, professionally gift-wrapped, a mug of coffee and a plate of fruit. He felt self-conscious, like it was too much, but Jack was grinning now, so he figured he could deal with it.

“You didn’t have to,” Jack said as he turned the rectangular gift over in his hands.

“Ain’t no way you get me somethin’ and I don’t return the favour,” he retorted and went out again to get his own coffee.

Jack was staring down at the framed picture when Sean came back in. It was a good photo, something that’d go nice with all the other ones Jack had framed around his house, some spaces here and there waiting for more, this one of him and Jack and Jack’s sisters and the brothers at lunch in the backyard. Jack’s niece had taken it and sent Sean a copy when he asked.

“Noticed ya got a few gaps,” Sean said and sat on the bed.

Jack was still staring down at the picture, but he winced when Sean said that.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, smiled up at Sean, a mask over those feelings. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“Dunno about perfect,” Sean sipped his coffee and stretched back, hooking his ankle over Jack’s, “but ya haven’t got any of me yet.”

Jack didn’t say anything, just stared mournfully down at the photo. Sean had hoped he’d fucked the maudlin out of him the night before. Apparently not.

He bumped his bicep. “Hey,” he said as gently as he could, but it sounded annoyed. “C’mon, it’s ya birthday. Can’t be sad on ya birthday.”

“I can do whatever I want,” Jack replied, but he was smiling over at Sean now, a shy look from under the fall of the sleep and sex-mussed hair in his eyes.

Sean grinned at him. “C’mon, come for a run with me and Lola.”

Jack brightened and Sean wondered if he’d always wanted to come along. If he used to. But Jack had said Sean always took her. It hadn’t sounded like a lie or even a half truth.

Jack went to get up and Sean cackled. “Finish ya coffee and fruit first, geez.”

“Right, course,” Jack replied and settled back against the headboard.

“Do ya always just do what I say?” Sean teased.

Jack paused with the cup to his lips. “Umm.”

Sean raised his eyebrows, looked away and focused on his own coffee. So, that was a yes.