Chapter 23

TWENTY-THREE

‘I'm glad your eyebrows have healed,' I tell Frank as I stand next to him on the Tube. It's Christmas Eve and this carriage is filled to the brim with festive revelry, a buzz of anticipation about what tomorrow may bring – a mixture of children bundled tightly in winter hats and scarves, last-minute shoppers, tourists in Christmas jumpers studying the Tube map in wild confusion. We all heave forward as the train grinds to a halt. Since we left their place, Frank has been mildly hysterical, still scarred from seeing me topless and unable to engage in conversation or look me in the eye.

‘I used Sudocrem,' he tells me. ‘Like you told me to. Norah also said it'd be good.'

I smile to see his face light up at the mention of her name.

‘She did, did she?' I force him to look at me, widening my eyes in front of his face.

He pulls a face at me. ‘Don't make things awkward.'

‘Just be normal with me, please,' I plead. ‘So much has happened in the space of a few days, my brain may bloody explode. I can't have things be weird with us. Remember, I pretended to be your girlfriend. '

He seems sympathetic for a moment. ‘You did. Thank you again for that. Everyone was very charmed by you at the wedding, even my mum.' I smile quietly. I thawed the ice queen; that was an achievement in itself but I wonder if she's talked about our rooftop conversation with him. ‘Well, catch me up then. Did you have fun with Jasper?'

‘I did.' I get out my phone to show him some pictures.

‘Are those…dogs?' he asks.

‘Foxes. The middle one who looks a bit sleepy is you. That ratbag is Jasper, he's the one who bit me,' I tell him, holding up my plastered thumb. I scroll through to a selfie I took with Miles and Jasper at the Christmas cocktail party.

‘Fancy. I know him, that's Miles…' Frank tells me and we both look at each other for a moment.

‘You've met Miles?'

‘Yeah, Jasper's housemate. He's really good at Call of Duty – you definitely want him on your team.'

I smile, not divulging any more information as he paws over pictures of Moormount and multiple pictures of posh things I saw there like stag heads, big stone fireplaces and his dad's collection of vintage letter openers.

‘I'm glad you had a nice few days,' he tells me.

‘I did. I also met his mum, she's invited us all out there. Maybe we could do a weekend away? Team retreat?' The words catch in my throat to say them out loud, knowing what may become of our team in the new year but I still stick with denial that that's happening at all. ‘Maybe you could bring Norah?' I suggest, nudging him in the ribs as my arms dangle from the carriage rails. ‘Your turn, now. Tell me what happened after the wedding.'

I see his shoulders relax to recall the events, a glow beam across his face. ‘Well, we're chatting. We chatted at the wedding. It was nice. We share a lot of history so we spoke about that. We talked about maths.' I try to stifle my giggles mainly because that's adorable he's found a person to chat about his numbers with. ‘Do you know that in MIT, she was legendary for how she transformed arithmetic algebraic geometry over p-adic fields. She can also solve a Rubik's Cube in ten seconds,' he tells me proudly.

‘That is indeed a feat,' I tell him as the Tube rolls to a stop and a large number of people exit the train. Frank stays close to me so we don't get caught in the number of last-minute shoppers headed in the same direction, linking his arm through mine.

‘And she graduated in the top two per cent of her class,' he tells me adoringly. ‘She got scouted by NASA.' I nod to keep up, charmed by his enthusiasm. ‘But she didn't think that was her thing, she's a bit more low-key. So she's come back to London and she thinks she might do a doctorate.'

We board the escalators to the surface, me turning to face him and take in the details of this friendship, burgeoning and renewed but taking in all the people around me, people all on a similar panic-buying mission. I'm not entirely sure why I've volunteered for this complete assault on the senses. Obviously, my good nature and constant concern for Frank led me here to help him shop for a gift for Norah but, in some ways, this break away from Leo was also possibly needed. Since the kiss in the station, everything has felt intense, beyond my control. I've felt such attraction to him I can hardly see straight. He's met Gemma and her family, he's now held my breasts in his hand, and we will soon spend the next few days together with his family. So maybe a pause is a good idea, and I can pick Frank's brains about everything that's happening behind the scenes of us getting together.

There is no quiet pause as we make our way into the mighty Westfield though, stepping through into the main thoroughfare of the mall, every floor gold and sparkling, candy canes hanging from the ceilings and the sound of some Salvation Army brass band playing carols echoing through the many floors of this place. Weaving through the floors are shoppers, mostly male and wide-eyed, who've all obviously left things until the last minute. There are queues outside the Pandora shop, men squinting to read bottles in Sephora and a desperate few holding up lingerie in Ann Summers trying to ensure they've purchased the right size. I keep myself attached to Frank, desperately trying to traverse the hordes of people. His head twitches as he walks past Ann Summers and he nearly trips over a lady with a pram.

‘Don't worry, I think lingerie's a big step,' I laugh, pulling him past. Christ, I don't think I could walk in there with Frank, he'd faint. ‘There's a Tesla shop. Maybe just go for the very big gesture…' I tell him, trying to regain his focus. He giggles and we stand there at the window of the place watching the screens and peering inside. I like how you can buy so many things under one very shiny roof – from a phone case to a pretzel to an electric car.

‘Did you know that Leo interviewed at Tesla at the same time he interviewed for us?' Frank informs me casually. I side-eye him, pretending to be taken with a short film playing in front of me. Since we left his place, we've not really spoken about what he's seen and what he knows about myself and Leo.

‘And Leo chose to come and work for us in our basement?' I joke.

‘The way I saw it, I think he had a crush on you at the interview, which at least should let you know that you're more attractive than Elon Musk,' Frank tells me. I laugh heartily at that, nudging him in the side. ‘So you and Leo…'

‘I can't believe you and Jasper never let on. I'm disappointed in both of you.'

‘Leo told us he'd kill us. I took that threat literally,' Frank informs me as we edge away from that window, ambling through the shopping centre. ‘I mean, I always thought you'd make a good couple though. You match in lots of ways.'

‘How so?' I ask.

‘You take your tea the same way? You both like ergonomic keyboards and London pubs in the summer…' he continues as we walk past a man carrying three bags laden with toiletry gift sets.

‘Frank, you've described a lot of people there,' I jest.

‘I'm just glad that you worked it out after that kiss.'

‘The one at the station?' I ask him. His face goes blank and I make him stop next to an animatronic singing penguin. ‘Frank…'

His face scrunches up as he knows that he's alluded to something else, something I might not know about and he's really very bad at lying. ‘That night after we went to the Mexican.'

‘Our Christmas party?' I ask him curiously.

‘If you can call it that. Well, you were really drunk. Like you told us you loved us all many times and we may have lied over what happened when you came back to ours…'

I sit Frank down on a bench, the penguin near us still dancing, his eyes flashing like lasers to some jingly jangly Christmas tune. I am curious if a little terrified. ‘Frank…' I say, widening my eyes at him.

‘I didn't help carry you in the house. You literally fell out of the taxi on to the road which is why you bruised yourself but after that Leo carried you in and up the stairs. I followed with your handbag. I have very weak arms, Maggie – you know this.'

I do know. He takes a trolley with him everywhere in our building in case he needs to transport a hard drive. ‘And then…?'

‘Well, he put you down on the bed and you took your bra off to throw at me,' he says, shuddering at the memory. ‘But then you pulled him in and kissed him. I was there so it was slightly weird.' As he recalls events, he pushes the glasses up the bridge of his nose, blushing. ‘I think it wigged Leo out a bit. It was like everything he'd ever wanted but it would have been wrong to let it go any further. Anyway, you passed out after that. He was worried about you choking on your vomit so he slept on the floor and then I had to sort Jasper out who was incapacitated in our hallway. It was an eventful evening all round.'

‘I kissed him?' I say slowly.

‘It was less of a kiss…It reminded me of the way a sea lion attacks fish,' he tells me and I hit him across the arm. ‘You seemed to have no recollection of it and Leo didn't want to shame you with the information, I guess, or make things awkward.'

I sit there quietly realising what that all means. Perhaps my subconscious was calling out to him, maybe there was something there that was attracted to him, but which I kept under the surface.

‘Wait, you both told me I farted,' I remind him.

‘Oh, that bit was true. I was stood downwind of you on the stairs, so that bit is very true.'

I bend over, my head in my hands, half-laughing, half-mortified. I remember him sitting there at the foot of his bed the following morning, not even letting on. But even then I knew that something had changed between us. That maybe we'd both thought there was a line and for the first time, curiosity saw us walk up to it. We sit there on that bench, crowds of people walking past us. ‘Oh, Frank…I don't know what's happening. It's Leo…From work…' I moan, exasperated by how quickly this has all moved in the space of days.

‘I am familiar with Leo,' he replies, confused. ‘Are you not that into him then?'

‘I am. But almost too much. I just…I don't feel like myself at the moment. The Maggie I am is…' I spurt out searching for words .

‘Professional, nice to a fault, obsessive about her Post-it notes?' Frank tries to add.

‘Ordered. All these feelings with Leo make me feel…'

‘Disordered?' Frank says, trying to help. I laugh at him. ‘But isn't that what liking someone feels like? Not that I'd know but I always imagined that it would feel like someone upending your life, shaking it about – like being in a snow globe,' he tells me innocently.

I smile to see Frank lecturing me about love and feelings. ‘I think I am also worried about the what ifs, the potential for things to go wrong. He's also a good friend that I would hate to lose. What if it didn't work out? I'd lose you and Jasper too,' I tell him.

‘We'd be like your kids caught in the crossfire – you'd have to split custody of us, every other weekend and alternate holidays…' he jokes and I narrow my eyes at him. Mainly because of the other implications of losing any of them really. ‘Or maybe have some faith that you're two good people and you are meant to be.'

Some emotion prickles away at me to hear Frank talk so warmly, so positively about love and its possibilities, and I start to realise what may have changed my friend. I smile at him and pull him to his feet so we can continue our trawl through this wondrously manic festive cave of gifts.

‘So, Norah…' I say brightly as I link my arm into his. His eyes sparkle at the mention of her name. ‘Let's walk through the possibilities here. You're seeing her tonight?'

‘Yeah, my mum is cooking and she's coming over.'

‘Your mum is cooking? Can I come?'

He flinches. ‘That might be weird…'

‘I'm joking. That was my stomach taking over,' I laugh. ‘And you two went to maths camp?'

‘Yes, you're not going to joke about that again, are you?'

I shake my head .

I walk past a few shops, gazing in at Christmas displays swathed in lights and holly when I suddenly look up at a shop in the centre of the walkway, smiling. ‘Does she like a bath?'

‘I'm really not sure. Are you thinking like a bath bomb? I could ask her…?' he says, getting his phone out.

‘Yeah, don't do that,' I tell him, leading him around the displays of where we're standing. Duck World. Just racks and shelves of lots of novelty rubber ducks.

Frank stands there and looks around bemused. ‘Isn't this too…'

‘Fun?' I say, picking up one that looks like a snowman, dancing him around Frank's face. ‘Buy something that will make her laugh, that she can keep and think of when she looks at you.'

‘When she's in the bath? Isn't that a bit forward? But what if she doesn't take baths?' he asks me, looking at a punk duck with a mohawk.

‘Then she can put it on a shelf? Essentially, this is very you. You have a lot of those figurines on your desk and I think you're fun.'

Frank stands there awkwardly. Even with his swish new haircut and new eyebrows, there is still work to be done in making him believe all these things about himself. I browse the racks until I stop and let out a joyful little whoop. It's a marvellous feeling to know when you've found the perfect present for the perfect moment. I hold up the duck to Frank who smiles to see it. It's Rubik Cubed patterned. It's perfect. Until I see Frank holding up a duck too. It's a duck in a crown, holding a red heart.

‘And who is that for?' I ask him.

‘Well, if I'm taking a chance on finding love then I don't want to be the only one. Get this for Leo?' he says.

I can't quite take my nerdy mate seriously. ‘Why the crown? '

‘It looks regal. It's like you're saying he's the king of your heart.'

‘Frank…'

‘What?'

‘That's really bloody soppy. Get that one behind you, the one that looks like a Storm Trooper…that's much more like it…'

And we both laugh because it's true.