8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Some people process big events in their lives by writing, talking to a close friend, or hitting the gym. I pray and surf (or pray for surf) which makes it so I don’t have to think. My brain powers down and my senses turn on as I evaluate hazards, find the best spot to take off, and then remain balanced as I glide across the surface of the water.

It’s less about thinking and more about doing, but in the doing, my racing thoughts and unsettled energy have places to go.

At dawn, I pick my way down to the shore, survey the waves, and wax up. It’s a medium-height day with smooth lines and a light breeze. Steeling myself, I don’t bother with a wetsuit even though the Pacific is still relatively chilly.

The thoughts that kept me up half the night about how I’d survive losing Dee Dee again go silent when I plunge into the water. It’s just the ocean and me as I paddle out.

Before long, dolphins jump in the distance. The sun appears form the east. After the surprise encounter with Dee Dee and then spending time catching up, I feel slightly less shaken up.

I don’t mean that in a bad way, more like I’d reconciled the idea that we wouldn’t be together. That chapter of my life was closed. While I hadn’t quite moved on, I’d learned to cope.

But what does her return to Palisade Shores mean? I remind myself not to expect anything. It’s safer that way. But the biggest wave of the set that rolls toward me is not at all safe if I stay in the impact zone. With a few swift paddles, I position myself and catch it before I go over the falls. Gliding toward the shore, once again, my mind goes still and I settle into the pocket, trusting that whatever is going to happen will work out as I ride this wave and the ones in life.

When I reach the beach, Dee Dee walks toward me and waves.

Seeing her now, instead of going into lifeguard rescue mode, my breath catches and the salty air suddenly tastes sweet like honey. Memories dance toward me. I tell them to chill, so I don’t get my hopes up. Her wide smile in greeting does the opposite.

“Good morning!” she calls.

“Good morning,” I repeat though it sounds more like Hello, beautiful . I have water in my ears so I can’t be sure what I said.

She wears a knit tank top and a pastel skirt that ruffles in the breeze. Her sunburn fades and her freckles pop. I notice that she’s not wearing the giant diamond engagement ring. The little scar on her knee when she fell off her bike as a child is smaller now. Her brightly painted toenails pop against the sand. I realize I’m staring.

She leans in. “The gal who usually does my pedicure was sick, and the one who replaced her went with neon. My mother would be mortified. Yesterday, I thought Cecily was going to chop off my toes.” She wiggles them. “I have to admit that I love the color. It’s so fun.”

Yet, I’m afraid to see her footprints in the sand wash away.

“Something on your mind?” she asks.

Giving my head a little shake, beads of water spray in her direction and she yelps.

“Sorry about that.”

Dee Dee turns a circle around me, buoyant and happy at this early hour. “ No worries as you surfers say. Don’t you think the sound of crashing waves and seagulls is the soundtrack to summer?”

“Endless summer.”

She taps the air. “Hey, I remember we watched that once. It was your favorite movie.”

“Still is.” And I wish things were the way they used to be easier, less complicated. Because that’s how I want them to be.

Dee Dee tucks her head slightly. I can’t tell if her expression is of surprise or distrust. Both?

We start walking toward the gate that leads up to the villa on the bluff when she stops short as if sensing that I’m being careful to keep my distance...just like I did last time. I’m afraid of having to say goodbye again.

She lengthens her spine. “If nothing is on your mind, which I find hard to believe given that sourpuss—odd after surfing when you used to always emerge from the water wearing a Big Kahuna smile—I’ll tell you what’s on mine. All my life I’ve been treated a certain way. A porcelain duchess doll. Except with you. I feel normal. Can we try for normal?”

Maybe that’s the bridge between being frozen with fear of losing her and what I really want. As the waves crash behind me, I resolve to try it, to be brave. “Are smoothies in the morning normal?”

“Not in Concordia, but when in SoCal...”

My boardshorts are quick-dry so we change course and walk up the beach where a volleyball game is going fast and furious, past the pier where pelicans stand sentry, and along the boardwalk adjacent to what the locals call El Camino . Tourists know it as the Promenade, a fancy way of identifying Main Street with its shops, restaurants, boutiques, and galleries.

At the end is an old, empty building that supposedly used to be a shoe factory. I’d love to see it become a surf shop, which is shockingly the one thing missing from Palisade Shores. Then again, it’s not like the locals here want to attract more people which might crowd the waves.

Dee Dee strolls, likely noticing what’s the same: the bakery, J&J’s Seafood Joint, Paulie’s pizza on the corner, the bridal boutique, and Rincon—where they make the best tacos and empanadas—and what’s different: a bookstore, a few clothing and home goods shops, and a pottery place among many others both old and new. In the distance, the Mission bells ring.

“It’s so much like I remember,” Dee Dee says, gray eyes sparkling. “For so long, I didn’t let myself think about how much I love it here.”

“It’s a special place.” The perfect balance between traditional and modern shops coming in that respect our small beach town ways and don’t try to reinvent things.

When we get to Pinky’s Squeeze Smoothie, Juice, and Coffee Bar, it’s a hive of activity with customers getting breakfast, meeting with friends, families fueling up for beach playdates, and people working on their laptops.

It’s worth noting the Pinky Special, which is choosing any beverage on the menu and adding a scoop of ice cream, even coffee—yes, ice cream in their java. I stick to smoothies.

While we wait in line, Dee Dee deliberates. “The Mint to Be sounds good. So does the Berry Sunrise. Hmm. It’s so hard to pick. I know, today I’ll try the Mermaid Elixir. Tomorrow, it’ll be whatever you order.”

I laugh. “That would be my usual, the Coco Nutty Mocha smoothie.”

Dee Dee is as bright as I remember, full of wonder and life and a certain kind of carefree that’s rare in people even though yesterday, she seemed reserved. Now, she’s talking about tomorrow, which might mean more time together. I struggle to tamp down the hope surging inside.

When we get to the front of the line, Shelly singsongs, “Morning, Mr. Golden Sands.” She scribbles my name on a cup and then asks for Dee Dee’s order.

“I’ll take the Mermaid Elixir.”

“Your name, please,” Shelly asks.

She freezes. “Um, Diaaahhhhh.”

Brow creasing in confusion, I say, “Dee Dee.”

Shelly’s eyes bulge. “You’re Dee Dee?”

She looks around nervously, her smile thin. “Yep, that’s me. Just royalty on the run, trying to go incognito.”

Shelly laughs. “I’m Shelly. Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

With no thanks to my brother.

The line is long so there isn’t time to chat with Shelly like during the slower weekday mornings. While we wait for our smoothies, customers fill the small and busy space, pressing Dee Dee and me closely together.

She seems to shrink and focuses intently on the floor, occasionally sneaking a glance at Shelly.

This time, I ask her, “Is everything alright?”

She glances sharply toward the exit. “Yeah, totally.”

Arching an eyebrow, I ask, “Why don’t I believe you?”

She exhales and her shoulders drop. “I’m afraid of being recognized. Terrified actually.”

“I’ve got your back.” I nudge her playfully.

She doesn’t smile.

“If we have to make a run for it, I’ll create a diversion.” I’m only half joking.

She doesn’t laugh.

Sensing there’s more, I ask, “Is that all?”

“It’s just that you’re the only person on earth who calls me Dee Dee.”

The corner of my lip lifts in a half smile. “Really?”

Her nod is small and then she adds, “Also, how did the woman behind the counter know about me?”

Before I can explain, a guy hollers her name. She stiffens. But mine follows. “It’s just Shawn with our orders.”

Having made it off the main street without any trouble, we head back toward Sand Dollar Strand. Sipping our smoothies, conversation comes slowly.

Distinctly less at ease than when we were on the beach earlier, Dee Dee asks, “What would you think if I stayed for the weekend?”

“It’s your grandmother’s house, er, your house, so you can do as you please. But if you’re asking what I think, it’s cool. That would technically make you the girl next door.” And by cool I mean the most epic thing I’ve heard in a long time, but again, my hope plays hide and seek.

She wears a tight smile. “But is it okay if I stay? Would your girlfriend mind?”

“What girlfriend? Wait. You don’t think Shelly is my—?” I bark a laugh. “No, she’s my brother’s fiancée. Well, when he finally gets the guts to ask. He already picked out the perfect ring.”

“You have a brother?”

“Two brothers. There’s Reef, Dune, and me, Sunny. They’re both older and had forgotten about high school when you moved here. Figures Dune would marry someone named Shelly.”

“Your parents must’ve loved the beach with your names.”

“They loved something, and it wasn’t us. I suppose Dad was alright. He lives up north. Old Man and the Sea style. Our mother took off. Lives at a commune in the desert or something.” I fight the lie that I believed for so long about how it’s easier not to hold on to people, especially with Dee Dee standing right here, within arm’s reach.

“What about your fiancé?” I ask.

“The thought of marrying Antony makes me gag.”

“That bad?”

“So much worse.” She glances at her ringless hand.

“Do you love each other?”

“What? No. We’d have to like each other first. Our non-relationship could best be described as barely tolerable. It’s a purely political, er, royal arrangement. It’s my mother’s doing which goes against my sensibilities for what’s best for Concordia. Even though we’d been engaged for over six months, Antony has at least two mistresses I know of.” I listen for sadness in her voice. Instead, there’s resolve and determination.

I frown, not sure how to help what sounds like an awful situation. “You could call it off. Doing part-time work for weddings, I’ve heard some brides or grooms hire an outside party to object during the whole ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace’ moment.”

Dee Dee swallows a sip of her smoothie. “There’s no need. I called it off last night. While I love my country, as I said, the marriage was my mother’s contrivance, merely a political alliance. There’s doing one’s duty and then there’s doing what’s right. I struggled with that because I’m a pleaser, but for once in my life, I was brave.”

Could I be brave too?

We stop by the overgrown bluff with a peek-a-boo view of the ocean and beach where we were earlier. The wind picked up, blowing out the waves that were near perfect early this morning.

Dee Dee wrinkles her nose. “Also, Antony has a musky smell.”

“I thought women liked musk.”

“It’s a gamey, mildew-like odor. More like a muskrat,” she emphasizes the last part then tugs me close. “Don’t you understand? You don’t have to keep your distance. I called it off.”

Doubt winds its way around me like a choking vine. “But you’re a duchess. I’m not worthy of someone as amazing as you.”

She drops her hand. “How do you know I’m amazing?”

“Everyone does.”

“Including Shelly?” Dee Dee laughs. “Anyway, that’s a broad statement. People in my circle wouldn’t agree that fleeing my cousin’s wedding was very amazing.”

“I’m not in your circle.”

Dee Dee’s smile is warm, reaching her eyes. “And that’s what I like about you.”

Her words are like a punch in the gut. “And that’s why we could never be.”

“Don’t you see? Antony doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even like me. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement for him, his family, and mine. Not me. My grandmother was right about having me come here for my senior year. I left with a bit of that independent, freedom-loving American spirit.”

I try to coax my own out of hiding as the ocean waves crash in the distance, the sun glows above, and the birds chirp without a care in the world. It’s not so bad here, but it could be worse if she leaves and I never see her again. I realize I’m holding my breath.

Dee Dee looks up at me, locking her gaze on mine and refusing to let go. “I love you, Sunny. Always have.”

This time I don’t waver. Don’t let the loud doubts have a say in what’s about to happen because if I’m in, I’m all in. First, I have to be sure.

“Really?” My breath stalls. I‘m unable to inhale or exhale.

“Truly.”

Like a wave surging toward me, I proverbially paddle, pop up, and plan on riding this thing home. There won’t be any wipeouts or walkouts. Not this time. I take her hands in mine, lacing our fingers together and drawing her close. “I’ve always loved you. Never got over you.”

“What if we try again?”

“You’d give me a second chance after how I ignored you, pretending we didn’t mean anything to each other because I didn’t want to face a goodbye and fled to Baja?”

She lifts onto her toes and presses her palm to my cheek, her soft skin against my rough stubble. “I will because you are worth it, Sunny.”

My fingers graze her arm as my hand lands on the nape of her neck. My pulse hammers as I read the answer to my question in the sincerity of Dee Dee’s eyes.

Our heads dip together and our mouths meet in the softest brush of a kiss like a lapping wave coming to shore. She wraps her arms around my waist, palms flat against my back, and curls into me. Our lips conform to each other and confirm that this is what we want.

I remind myself to breathe as a surge of longing crashes over me. I surface, briefly experiencing the extent of how truly amazing this woman is, then the kiss deepens and goes in a familiar yet all-new direction.

Whereas what I remember of Dee Dee’s mouth on mine was the sweetest, fast-forward past all the life we’ve both lived between the last time and now, and it’s sweet and salty—the best of both. A fulfillment of wants and needs. Flirtation and love.

This kiss is a place where the sea and sand meet. Where the past and present find harmony. Where being young and dumb is forgotten and we’re both gazing at the horizon with hope.

Hope that we can continue this kiss now, tomorrow, endlessly so long as we shall live.

Drawing back slightly, I pour the love in my heart into her eyes. I admire her beauty, her adorable nose, and the magical gift of her lips. Brushing my thumb across the lower one, I say, “I hardly dared to dream that we’d someday do this again.”

Dee Dee glows with a smile. In response, she presses her mouth to mine again and I turn to liquid.