5. Zyrus

5

ZYRUS

I didn't know where to go. Pippa had arrived at Astrid's quarters a few moments ago and unceremoniously kicked me out, stating she and Astrid were due for some "girl time." Astrid had shot me a look I had trouble reading, but she hadn't asked me to stay. So, I left.

And now I was sitting quietly on a bench in the hallway, unsure of my next move.

I should feel the bond by now. The recognition had been all consuming eleven years ago. All that had existed for me was Astrid. And now she looked like just any other woman.

What if I was wrong? What if she wasn't my mate? Certainly, she looked like the woman I'd met on Honora Station all those years ago, but it was a big galaxy. She might merely be a stranger wearing my mate's face.

No, that wasn't right. Astrid was no stranger to me, even if I couldn't feel the bond between us. And to say she was just like any other woman belied the situation.

There were no other women.

Not to me.

I didn't see anyone like that, knowing I should want them, knowing my body belonged to them, knowing they owned my soul if I still had it.

No one but Astrid. Not since the moment I'd seen her eleven years ago.

I'd been a typical warrior before that—cocky, headstrong, and eager for all the attention that came with the position. After I recognized her as my mate, though, I hadn't wanted anyone but her.

So why didn't I feel the recognition? We'd been near each other for over a week now. I'd spent nearly every waking hour with her. It should have been there. Instead, all I had to show for it was pain when we touched and a bloody nose.

I needed advice. If there was one person on the station who could shed light on this situation, it was Drex. He'd proven the impossible possible when he found his mate in Pippa. Even I had been skeptical. Yes, I'd known my mate was out there, but I'd recognized her before I sacrificed my soul. It had never occurred to me that someone might find their denya when all was lost.

Still, I hesitated. In the Legion, any deviation from expected conduct could mean the end of a soulless warrior. Each of the men on this station had received a death sentence already, and we were the lucky ones, each smuggled out by someone who recognized the injustice in our situation. Old habits died hard. I hadn't spoken a word of Astrid to anyone after the procedure, and still looking for her had earned me my death sentence.

Speaking to Drex seemed like a risk, even if he was the last person on the ship likely to do me harm. And if anyone would understand, it would be him.

I stood and went to his and Pippa's door, hesitating for only another moment before I knocked.

He answered. "Pippa said she was visiting Astrid. Did she kick you out?" His lips tugged into a small smile, something that was still strange to see on his face.

"Yes." With Astrid, I was becoming comfortable with elaborating, but it was something the soulless rarely did.

"Would you like to sit in here while they talk?" He gestured to the couch.

"That's not why I came." Though, perhaps it was a good idea. It could disturb people to see me sitting outside Astrid's door like some kind of guard dog. I entered the apartment and took a seat.

Drex sat in the chair beside the couch and waited. He may have regained his emotions, but he could be as silent and patient as the soulless when necessary.

I didn't know how to start. A decade ago, I had kept my mouth shut about meeting Astrid in some pique of hurt pride, my ego wounded in the way that only a twenty-three-year-old man's ego can be. I'd been hurt and angry, and a little ashamed. I'd had my denya in my grasp, and she'd disappeared in a puff of smoke. Not to mention, I'd never heard of a Detyen finding a human denya, not back then. It had all seemed a bit like a dream.

Speaking the truth now when I couldn't feel it seemed like a lie.

"Is something troubling you?" Drex finally asked. I must have been quiet for some time.

"Your bond with Pippa, how did that happen? When did you recognize her?" I hadn't paid much attention at the time. Though Drex had asked me to lend my skills with computer systems, I hadn't been involved in his personal life.

His eyebrows shot up and he gave me a closer look. "That's an interesting question. Do you think?—"

"Astrid is my mate." We could sit here all day dancing around the subject, so perhaps it was best to put everything in the open. "We briefly met while I was on leave eleven years ago. I recognized her then. She disappeared before we could seal the bond between us, or even have a discussion about it. I spent the rest of my time in the Legion looking for her, and I never found her because she was stranded on a planet and cut off from all communication. I know who she is to me, but I don't … feel it." The last two words were barely more than a whisper. I was soulless. I'd been outcast from the Legion for acting out.

Admitting that I expected to feel something was asking for death.

But I wasn't in the Legion anymore. And Drex was the last person on this station who would kill me.

He was silent for several moments, hands steepled together as he considered what I'd told him. "That is …"

"Don't say impossible."

"I wasn't going to. I hardly could, given my own situation. There is no path for this. I can only tell you what happened to me. Ryklin may have more to say on the matter. We have not compared notes." He blew out a breath. "What is your emotional state so far? Have you felt anything out of the ordinary?"

I couldn't answer it, and this time it had nothing to do with old Legion prohibitions. What was the difference between feeling and wanting to feel? From wanting and wanting to want?

"It hurts when I touch her." I could give him the facts. "I almost kissed her the other day, and my nose started to bleed. When she has a nightmare, I run into the room like there's an enemy I can fight. I hesitated before leaving her alone with Pippa. Is that what you're asking?" My own actions laid bare sounded like nothing.

"I felt that pain," said Drex. "The first time I kissed Pippa, I passed out. I've wondered if that was caused by something in my brain coming back to life, some sort of pathway being created by the bond. This will be the last thing you wish to hear, but I think you need to be patient, to let this run its course. When you've healed enough to truly bond with her, you'll know."

"You truly think we need to heal? That whatever was done to us could be undone by the denya bond?"

"I'm living proof. So is Ryklin. I'm sorry I can't give you more answers."

"If I'm healing, do you think that could undo whatever circumvented the Denya Price? Could I drop dead if I don't claim Astrid?" The Denya Price was the thing that haunted every Detyen. If we reached thirty without finding our mates, we died. Or those of us in the Legion could choose to become soulless.

"I don't know. But you can't force whatever is happening. Stay close to Astrid. Let your instincts guide you."

"I'm soulless, I don't have instincts."

He huffed out a laugh. "We both know that's a lie."

There wasn't much more to say after that. Pippa was supposed to return to her quarters once she was done with Astrid, but more than an hour went by, and she didn't come back. I could have used the time to do anything else except stew in my confusion, but I remained in Drex's quarters, thinking.

Thinking too much would drive me mad.

I left, those instincts that no soulless was supposed to have driving me down the hall just as Pippa and Astrid slipped out of Astrid's room and started heading in the opposite direction. Neither had said anything about leaving the room, and someone was still after Astrid.

But I didn't call after them. Pippa knew this ship better than just about anyone, and she'd survived the horrors it could throw at her. Astrid was relatively safe with her.

That didn't mean I let them go alone. But I hung back, nearly out of sight, and let them wander. As the hallways around us grew more crowded, I suspected they were heading towards one of the entertainment hubs.

We'd walked for several minutes when I realized someone was following them. The stranger was half a hallway in front of me, wearing a maintenance uniform and carrying a broom. But they walked around three different pieces of refuse that had been haphazardly kicked aside, and when Astrid and Pippa paused to read an announcement board on the wall, the alleged maintenance person paused with them and began to sweep.

Surveillance. And not too subtle.

When Pippa and Astrid walked on, so too did their follower. And when they paused again, so did the alleged maintenance tech.

I was a trained former member of the Detyen Legion. I could follow a target without being obvious. But whoever this was, they were sloppy and unprofessional.

I didn't want someone tracking my mate's every move. It was my responsibility to keep her safe, but I hesitated. This follower was only watching, not attacking. And we needed information about whoever wanted to harm Astrid.

This was my chance.

I got a little closer and waited for my moment.

Then the maintenance tech abandoned their broom and ducked into a restroom. Astrid and Pippa weren't paying any attention; they hadn't noticed their stalker.

Stalkers, technically.

It was a single occupancy restroom, so I couldn't barge in and ask my questions. Instead, I waited just in sight of the door. And a few minutes later, a woman walked out wearing a station security uniform and carrying a bag over her shoulder.

She walked by the way she came, not sparing a glance at Astrid or Pippa, and opened a door labeled RESTRICTED before I could make a move to stop her.

Why was someone in station security watching my mate?