Chapter 2

Fuck, I was sore. The last man who had taken me—long after my heat had ended—hadn't been gentle about it, and my aching body had protested. I'd barely managed to get through it with him, feigning enjoyment. But then, every deposit counted.

It had to. Because this needed to work. Drinking another bottle of water, I eyed the freshen up room with distaste. I hated this place. Everything about it reeked of the control the pack had over my life. Oh, sure, I had a choice. I could choose not to be a Breeder, but if I did, if I threw this role back in their faces and confessed a child was the last thing I wanted, they'd send me there.

The poisoned fields.

A shudder skittered across my skin. A life of hard labour away from the comforts of home. This was my last cycle to try to achieve a pregnancy, and if I failed, they'd deem me with no further purpose to the pack except trying to salvage the dead earth for future generations.

I had a choice, but it was no choice at all.

I would breed or die.

With a sigh, I drained the last of my bottle and snatched another from the table beside my chair. My body was ruined, every bit of energy taken by the heat and its lust-filled mania. I needed to eat and sleep before I could even think about propositioning any of the guys in the house, but the urgency to conceive made me wish I could go again, that I'd been able to take one more man in the breeding room—two more. Any of them might be the one who would end my suffering and make me a pack mother.

I chewed down a protein bar from a basket on the table, wincing at the chalky taste. These things sucked, but at least they'd give me some energy back. Forcing myself to eat another one, I cautiously stood up, pleased when my legs were sturdy beneath me.

Time to head back to Pack Breeders 103C and see what everyone was up to.

The walk to our front door was a familiar one, and I didn't even need to look down for the arrows. With a yawn, I pulled open the door, not at all surprised to see everyone drinking and partying.

"Hey, Syl!" Carter raised a bottle to me, and I smiled in greeting.

"Think you have a baby brewing yet, babe?" His grin was friendly enough, but I still wanted to punch him in his stupidly handsome face. Maybe rip out a few hairs.

"Oh yeah, definitely." I grinned at him, giving a chuckle like he'd made a fabulous joke instead of driving a needle right into my heart. There was no use in making enemies here. I was The Party Girl. Always up for whatever with whoever, and I had to be if I ever wanted to get out of this place.

That dream. Now that put a smile on my face, made the grin I wore as I squeezed between a couple of guys drinking beers all the more true. I'd get pregnant, go have the babies—or baby—pass them off to the aunties, and never come back again.

I wanted nothing more than to go to my room, to sleep until my body recovered from how depleted I felt, but The Party Girl didn't do that. No, The Party Girl took every opportunity to socialize, to engage with others, hoping to increase her chances of a pregnancy.

So, I sat down on the soft couch next to Carter. He gestured towards the kitchen and gave me an eyebrow waggle. A smile was the only reply I could manage in my drained state, but he understood and went to get me a beer. He returned with it a moment later, slinging an arm across my shoulder. If I had someone here I was regularly with, it was Carter. A bulky guy with an athlete's stamina, he never told me no. Plus, he was pretty to look at, with chestnut brown hair hanging nearly into his green eyes.

He could have anyone here, but I made sure he wanted me most. The paddles he liked to use put the other girls off, but not me. It didn't turn me on, but I was used to pain and could suffer through it better than most. I still remembered telling the aunties about the way my mother would test my skin and hit me across the back when she thought no one was looking. She'd never explained herself, but there had been a malevolence in her eyes when she'd done it. Why she'd singled me out amongst my siblings, I'd never know, but maybe she'd been preparing me for Carter.

The aunties had laughed when I'd told them. Sure, they'd checked me over, but I'd healed too quickly for any of my mother's abuses to leave a mark. She'd made sure of it.

Smiling, I took the offered beer from Carter and twisted off the lid like my hands hadn't been cramping from grabbing those railings just an hour ago. They were stiff. I needed sleep, but I'd manage one beer before slipping away.

One beer to prove nothing fazed me.

One beer to prove I was strong.

But I couldn't stop myself from drinking it faster than normal, nearly choking on the bubbles, and laughing cheerily when Carter told me about a bottle cap flipping game they'd been playing.

Finishing the beer, I set it down on the coffee table. Carter leaned in, the arm around my shoulders tightening. He kissed my cheek, his hand snaking forward to fondle my breast like he owned it.

With a sharp inhale, I gripped his hand. My breasts were incredibly tender from the heat cycle, but Carter didn't care. I saw a familiar glimmer of lust in his eyes as he gauged my reaction.

Fuck.

"I have to use the ladies' room, baby." Carefully, I slipped out of his arms, watching with satisfaction when I saw his drunken grin.

"Yeah, you go for it." Relieved, I made my way down the long hallway and into my room. I knew Carter would give up and go find someone else to fuck tonight.

Which meant I could rest for a bit. I took off the tight clothes I'd packed to wear back to the dorms and riffled through the drawers until I found a simple, white cotton nightgown. My favourite. Nobody knew I wore this—I kept it hidden at the back of the drawer. Certainly, when I had company, I had more alluring nightwear, but for tonight, I would be comfortable and lose myself to the sleep my body desperately needed.

As I tucked myself into bed, I knew I wouldn't dream. The exhaustion took hold, and I welcomed it, slipping into the darkness and glad to have my bed to myself.

What did those chosen for the breeding program have that I didn't? My records mocked me as I skimmed them over for the fourth time. I had the height, the potential, but with a severe case of asthma that may or may not be genetic, the words "unsuitable for the breeding program" had been written in the administrator's notes. I'd found them when I'd become a watcher and sneaked a peek at my file.

How neatly he'd printed those words, as though they didn't affect him. He'd signed away my ability to contribute to the next generation with a painful amount of ease. Defectives, they called us. Oh sure, we were all serving the pack and were equal under the alpha. No one was supposed to use the term, but they still did.

I looked down at myself. I was as tall as any of them at six feet, but scrawny with hip bones jutting out more than they should. Once I'd been assigned my pack role as a watcher, there had been little point in keeping myself in shape, in bothering to take care of my body. Not when it, and I, was unsuitable.

But now I had a reason, and I pulled out the paper of my crying girl, Sylvia. Carefully unfolding it and putting it on the table. The file room stank of mildew, and I sniffed, hoping it wouldn't irritate my lungs and bring on an attack. My medicine was within reach, but fuck if I had time to deal with it right now.

A couple of Syl's breeding males had been part of a successful pregnancy with another breeding female, which meant she'd be getting some new ones this cycle. Thank fuck. It provided the perfect opportunity for me to slip in unnoticed. All I needed was someone I could pass as.

I pulled file after file, searching through face after face in the breeding program until I found one that was passable, one who looked enough like me, one who was set to be called during Sylvia's next cycle.

Height, six foot one. Close enough, but the weight—this guy was a solid two hundred pounds with zero body fat, and I was one-eighty with my bulkiest clothes on. With a sigh, I looked over at the picture of Sylvia.

Why are you crying, baby?

Fuck, I wanted to know, to be a part of her world where I could touch her and talk to her. Everything I was doing was to that end. So, I scribbled down the details of the man I was planning to impersonate, taking a moment to double check no one else from his squad or surrounding squads would be present. Nope, he would be a lone wolf in Pack Breeders 103C, and now, so was I.

Reverently, I folded my drawing of Sylvia and put it in my pocket, along with my scribbled notes, and replaced the file in the cabinet. I wasn't ready to change things yet.

There was work to do.

"Yeah, baby, yeah." Carter came, and I felt like I was going to puke. My ass still stung from where he'd used the rod. My body still sore and my energy spent from the heat. But every single drop counted, so I stayed laying down on his bed, smiling up at him like he was the fucking sun rising.

"You going on the run today?" Carter smirked, his eyes roving my body like he owned it.

I really shouldn't. What I should do was take a few days off to make sure I recovered my energy, but I was close enough to my fertile period that I didn't dare waste an opportunity.

"Yeah, of course." I showed him my teeth, tonguing the gap beside my incisor. "I fucking love the runs."

"Of course you do. Well, I'm going to go grab some food. Later, Syl." He tugged up his sporty black sweats and walked out without a backwards glance, like he hadn't been inside of me less than a minute ago.

I gave myself some time to relax, pissed I'd been forced to use Carter again, but with only a few queasy hungover guys to choose from, he'd been the only sure thing.

At least he'd brought his own bedding, a comfortable red duvet that felt like I was lying on pillows. It was the only thing I liked about him, and I appreciated the softness on the sensitive skin of my abused ass.

Eyes on the prize, Syl.This would be the cycle. I knew it because it had to be. There was no other alternative. I just had to do this for a few more weeks, and I'd never have to look at another man again.

With a bit of difficulty, courtesy of my achy muscles, I pulled myself up and exited Carter's room, closing it carefully behind me. Somebody pinched my ass, and I jumped with a squeal.

"Where you going, baby?" Sam eyed me hungrily, his dark eyes lingering on the curve of my breasts peeking out through the top of my shirt. He was another sure thing. Smoothly, I closed the distance between us until our faces were inches apart.

"Wherever you are, sexy."

Sam's thin lips curled up in a smirk, and his heavy brows knitted.

"I was thinking I might like a run if you want to step outside."

Two runs in one day, I knew I couldn't do. "How about a shower?"

"How about we do what I say, or I won't fuck you?" Shit, now he was annoyed, his lips twisting. I hated how the guys knew I was desperate after three months of being here. Was it that painfully obvious?

I smoothed my shirt down over my taut abdomen.

Incensed, Sam slammed me against the wall, his palm landing beside my face, effectively caging me in. I didn't flinch, just gave him my best sultry smile. "You like to tell me what to do?"

"We'll go to my room. You're mine for today." I relaxed beneath his grip, letting him know I would submit to him, that there was no need for a display of strength.

"No problem."