Chapter 15

Running always calmed me. Even wondering how far behind me Bash was, couldn't distract from the feeling of sheer freedom of racing into the forest beyond the field. The soft grass traded places with the wild of rocks and sticks, but I barely felt them through the thick padding of my paws. The forest was home to me as much as the pack, and I eagerly breathed in the scent of pine, reminding myself that out here, I was a wolf. Not a party girl, not even Syl, but an animal eager to fade into its natural habitat and become one with the environment.

My fur on the back of my neck prickled, and I knew he was behind me. I didn't see him. Didn't catch his scent, but I felt his presence, and it filled me with wild excitement. Fueled by elation, I yipped and darted to the right. The thrill of being chased and hunted driving me all the harder. If he wanted to catch me, I'd make him work for it.

Dropping my nose to the ground, I picked up another wolf's scent. Male. I found myself going the other way. Fuck me, but I didn't want another male to smell me and chase me, not when I knew Bash was in pursuit. As much as I was eager to prove to him he wasn't special, my body rebelled at the thought of taking another man when Bash was so close.

And he was close. I could almost taste the hot sex. Hear the heaving of our bodies.

Splashing through a stream, I was momentarily tangled in the brush before bursting through. Well, that would slow me down, but with lust pumping through my veins with every beat of my foolish heart, I didn't mind.

I wanted to be caught, and I feigned a limp, stepping out of the stream to carefully navigate the bank on the other side. Oh no, I'm so helpless with my hurt leg.

I whined, hoping the sound would help him find me.

He was there. I looked up to find him in front of me. A beautiful brown wolf with silver patches on his side. The tufts of hair around his face were tinged grey on the ends as well, highlighted with it. Like he was part one, part another, and I stared at him in awe.

Seeing Bash as a wolf for the first time was otherworldly, and yet completely expected, like I'd seen the stranger wolf before me a hundred times before. Only I hadn't. He dropped his head and growled. The sound reverberated through me, creating a delicious mix of fear and arousal that made me shuffle in place. Unsure whether I wanted to run or move closer to him.

Instead, I stayed rooted to the spot, only my eyes able to move as he took the decision from me. Softly padding closer. Stalking me. A delightful shiver raced up my spine as he came close enough that his hot, sticky breath whispered across my face.

He growled again—the sound low. Vicious. Feral. The closeness of him scrambling my senses, and the sheer hold he had over me was too much. I dropped my head before him, rolling over to expose my belly and place myself in his power to do with as he pleased. He gave a satisfied huff, sniffing my stomach, his teeth near my most vulnerable part.

But I felt safe. Certain. Bash would never hurt me. Never.

He'd die for me.

What the fuck? The thought had come out of nowhere, and with it a surge of affection that had me lifting my head to nuzzle into the thick fur of his neck. He nuzzled me back. The sensation of him pressing deep into the fur of my neck almost too much, but then he pulled away. The beautiful brown wolf before me looked startled and took a step back.

There was a mad panic in his eyes as he backed further away, and I lifted my head to stare at him in shock.

What had happened? There was no answer, no explanation from him, as he turned from me and headed off into the woods, leaving me laying with my belly exposed on the forest floor. Needy for him, wanting him, and sure I had been on the verge of some great revelation, here in the wild with his wolf.

But now he was gone, and I was alone. Always alone.

I'd been a fool to think otherwise.

No, no, no. Not now.

I hacked.

A wolf coughing. Pathetic. But I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. There was no air. My lungs tightened with each step, and I was grateful Syl hadn't made me chase her very far into the woods.

I'd left her, and a surge of guilt swelled up within me, even as I all but crawled across the lawn, searching for my pants. Spots danced in my vision by the time I reached the clothing. My airways were squeezing tight, and I shifted back to my human form with a regretful sigh, searching through the pairs of pants at about the place where I'd stood in line. I'd meant to bring the puffer just in case this happened, but when Syl had shot off into the woods, something had taken hold of me, and I hadn't thought to circle back around to bring it with me. I'd been consumed by the chase, by the promise of what waited for me when I caught her, feeling powerful and not able to comprehend I might need medical help.

Well, fuck past me, I guess, because the spots were getting bigger, and I was whooping. I'd avoided an attack like this for years. Never overdoing it. Always keeping my puffer on hand. Even when I'd been breaking my body down to build muscle, I'd had my puffer nearby for any flare-ups. My condition had become an annoyance, nothing truly dangerous.

But then I'd run, compelled to chase Syl through the woods like something bigger than myself was possessing me and driving me towards the beautiful silver wolf skirting along the edges of my vision. The tip of her tail taunting me. The wind blowing the scent of her arousal directly into my flaring nostrils.

Shit.

The sight of my fingers turning blue had me scrambling with the pocket of the jeans I'd finally identified.

I located the puffer, falling to my back and putting it into my mouth in the same movement. I sucked in the medicine, letting it ease some of the burn in my lungs. Some but not all. I was still gasping like the pathetic, defective creature I was.

It was all I could do to stare up at the passing clouds, breathe and take additional puffs of medicine when I felt able until the breaths came easier. The vice across my chest eased, allowing me to take in life-giving air. I wondered what Syl had done after I'd left, if she'd looked for me or if she'd found another wolf. The thought was painful, and I turned my head as though turning physically away could change whatever Syl would do. But I couldn't get past how she'd responded to me, the trust she'd shown baring her belly, and the joy I'd felt when she'd nuzzled into my neck like she didn't find me pathetic or defective.

Like I was a thing worth loving.

Fear clenched my heart as I raced around the woods, searching for Bash. What had caused him to panic? He'd seemed as intent on me as I was on him, but the way he'd looked at me—like he couldn't stand to be near me. I couldn't understand it. His wolfish growl still sang in my bones with the rightness of it, and I couldn't stomach trying to find another male to proposition.

The Party Girl wasn't in the mood to fuck, and it pissed me off, as did Bash's continued absence. I skirted the other wolf scents, trying to find him and failing. I had no idea where he'd gone, but I knew what happened out on these runs when you jacked up a group of breeders on the sheer adrenaline of shifting and racing.

He'd found someone else. Whatever he'd panicked about. Whatever had made him decide not to choose me and to leave—he was probably being comforted by some horny she-wolf right now.

Melanie had been right beside him, and the few side glances I'd stolen while we were in line had revealed her to be fixated on him—much to the chagrin of the stocky blonde on her left. She'd wanted Bash, and maybe that regret I'd noticed had been a panic when he'd realized his mistake in choosing to chase me. What had he seen that had made him run from me? Tears pricked at my eyes.

Maybe it had been the way I'd stormed out of his room, practically in tears at being slighted? I'd let my emotions get the best of me. I'd forgotten we were all here for a bit of fun—a lot of fun, actually. But why did it hurt so fucking much where he was concerned? If all I could ever be to him was a bit of fun, I'd take it.

My desperate, needy soul would soak up every bit of fun he gave me, feasting on it like a dying man discovering some gruel in his cupboard. Resigned to it, but so fucking grateful to have something in his belly.

I shifted, my body settling into its human form so I could sit on the forest floor and hug my knees into my chest. Tears slid their way down my cheeks, and I bit into my fist to stifle a sob, cognizant of the many wolves prowling these woods and not wanting anyone to find me just yet.

This wasn't how I had expected this to go. Yet here I was.

Abandoned.

Cast aside.

Not worthy.

Someone as big and strong as Bash entering Pack Breeders 103C had surely attracted a lot of interest from the other breeding women. He had alpha written all over him, and the way he'd shoved the other breeders out of the way to get to me in the shower had proved it.

I'd just been to blind to see how desirable he would be to others—that he wouldn't want to sleep with just one woman during his time as a breeder. Wrapped up in the idea of him being obsessed with only me, I'd let myself believe I was the one with the power between us. Now I knew how wrong that was. I knew I'd crawl to him on my knees if he would only kiss me again, and let me back in.

A kiss. Was that what I was fantasizing about? Not Bash's light touch coaxing my body into a fiery passion I couldn't—and didn't want to—escape from. Instead, I wanted to be held and kissed, comforted like a child.

Fucking Bash. I swiped angrily at a tear threatening to drip off my nose. I hated what he was doing to me, and that he'd left me in this pathetic state. This creature sitting on the forest floor, surrounded by decaying leaves and broken sticks, wasn't me. She was a weak thing who hadn't had to fight, and I refused to acknowledge her.

Clearing my throat, I stood up, brushing a few leaves from the backs of my thighs. Heart sore and limbs stiff, I made my way back to the building, intending to go straight to my room and work on some of my designs. That always helped to settle my mind, to remind me I was Syl, and not just a party girl.

I wasn't anyone's anything. Not Bash's little puppy, or my mother's rage outlet. I wasn't anyone's anything.

I belonged to myself, and I needed to take care of my shit.