Chapter 16

Not for the first time Hollis was thankful that her and her husband led relatively separate lives. She didn't need to come up with some kind of cover story for when she'd met with her lawyer twice in the last three weeks. She just left the house the very same way she would if she was meeting a client or a vendor or one of her design team.

She'd come right from her afternoon meeting with her lawyer and stepped into the cozy Italian restaurant, the aroma of garlic and rosemary filling her senses. She spotted her best friend, Jennifer, already seated at a corner booth and made her way over.

Jennifer smiled when she saw her and slid out of the booth, wrapping her arms around her in a long hug. Her strawberry blond hair fell just above her shoulders. "Is it done?"

"Yeah," Hollis said as she pulled away, still not quite believing it herself. "Thank you for recommending that firm," she said as they sat down across from one another. "Everything is somehow so efficient, yet they make you feel like this is the only case they're working on? I don't know how they do it, but they certainly made the whole process easier."

"Well, my divorce was easy in the sense that we both wanted it, and there was nothing to fight about. We both met new people and couldn't wait to end what had become more of a friendship than a marriage. What's Dave been like?"

"I haven't told him yet," Hollis said as a waiter approached their table, and they ordered a bottle of wine to share. "That's tonight's job," she said when they were alone again.

"Oh shit. Well, you know you can call me, whenever. I mean it. I'm sure he'll be surprised. Hell, I was surprised when you called. I had no idea you were so unhappy."

Hollis's heart skipped a beat. This was the moment where she had to say it. It wasn't right keeping her best friend in the dark like this, and even for herself, she felt like she needed to say it out loud. "I wrote down ‘irreconcilable differences.' But it's more than me not being happy."

Their waiter returned with their bottle of wine at the worst possible moment, and Hollis motioned for Jennifer to do the taste test. Hollis reached for the glass of water, gulping it, her hand shaking slightly as she put the glass down.

Jennifer nodded her approval after she'd had a sip, and the waiter poured out two glasses before taking their meal order. Hollis hadn't even looked at the menu, but she got her favorite dish here, lobster ravioli.

"So, what was it?" Jennifer asked a few moments later.

Hollis's throat was tight, and she didn't know why this was such a big deal. She'd known Jennifer for close to twenty-years, but the words still struggled to come out. "I've known for a while now that um..." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "That I wasn't happy, and that I never could be. I'm gay, Jen. I wish I'd known when I was in college, that just because I loved being around Dave didn't mean that I loved him. And now, somehow, I'm forty-four, and I've let so much time go by."

"Hey," Jen said softly. "Thank you for telling me. And first of all, I'm shocked. I had no idea, but I'm so proud of you. I can't even imagine how hard this all must have been."

Hollis sighed as she reached for her wine glass and took a drink. A wave of relief washed over her. "It's funny. The realization part wasn't actually that hard. It was so gradual. Looking back, I don't know how I didn't see it sooner. The crushes I had on professors in college. The times that I probably flirted with potential clients without even realizing it. And the fact that I avoided sleeping Dave for all of our marriage is probably the most obvious sign."

Something changed in Jen's expression.

"What?" Hollis asked.

"No. I'm just wondering if Dave will be as blindsided as you think he might be. I mean, if you haven't been sleeping together for what... A few years?"

"Try ten."

"Do you think he's having an affair?"

Hollis sucked in a breath. "No." But the second she'd said it, she knew she had no reason to believe it was true. They hardly saw each other, especially these last few years. "Maybe," Hollis said quietly before taking another sip of wine. "I've always been grateful for our independence. I've gone to conventions, taken on clients halfway across the country. And if he's not at work, he's also going to conventions, doing speaking gigs, and if he's got any free time? He's golfing."

Jen's eyes narrowed. "Or so he says. And I'm not trying to be cynical or make you rethink the grounds of your divorce, but you know guys are like. I would bet my house that there's no way he's been celibate."

"If that's true, and I think it very well could be, I'm not hurt so much as I'm disappointed in myself. I could've been here, having this dinner with you so many years ago, celebrating my impending divorce."

"Don't worry about that. You can't go back. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. This is your night. We're supposed to be celebrating." Jen picked up her glass. "To fresh starts. You deserve it, Hollis."

Hollis bit the inside of her cheek as she lifted her glass. Kate's words echoed in her ear. ‘I think we should both be drinking to fresh starts.' It had been almost a month since that weekend, and she didn't think a single day had gone by where she hadn't thought of Kate, wondering what she was doing, wanting to text her.

Hollis swallowed. "To fresh starts," she said softly, clinking her glass against Jen's.