66. Chapter Sixty-Six

Chapter Sixty-Six

Gio

O ne last big win. That's all I need. I stand out in front of the casino, waiting for my gut instinct to kick in and send me inside. Enzo doesn't like to think about money, but we're running low, and I don't want us to have to struggle. We need a fresh burst of cash to get through the restaurant renovations.

So, I stand around and I wait.

But the instinct I feel when something is right isn't there.

It doesn't rush over me like usual, and it isn't taking it's time to get here.

It's not coming, because I'm not right about this.

One last big win isn't the answer to our problem.

It's not something we need.

I just feel like it is because I can't stand the thought of letting my pack down.

But I know they wouldn't want me to be here. They wouldn't think this was the answer.

I walk away slowly, feeling a little dazed.

My instincts never lie.

I believed I was doing the right thing whenever I gambled, because it was for the right reasons.

But this is an obsession, a distraction, a poisonous habit.

I let myself believe I was doing what I had to do.

Because I had to do it that first time.

There was no other choice.

It was sink or swim.

Try or die.

Instinct kicked in.

I had to get that money.

My mother was dead, and I needed enough to pay for her burial and to keep myself alive until I was old enough to make rent money working a real job.

That's what started my addiction.

Other things kept it going.

The rush of winning.

The thrill of the risk.

It was no longer about survival, and it hasn't been for a long damn time.

I can't do it anymore. I can't lie to myself, and I can't pretend it's for the sake of my pack.

We have savings. We have other resources. We can do things the right way.

I dial Enzo's number, because I don't know what else I can do.

He picks up in two rings. "Gio?"

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I can't trust myself, Enzo. I need you to be lead Alpha."

He's quiet, enough that I wonder if the call cut off.

Then, he speaks. "Come home, and we'll talk about it."

"I'm serious. This isn't a debate."

"I know. Come home, Gio. I need to know you're okay."

"I don't want to get in the way."

I know Beth is there, and Jack is spending time with her.

The way I feel right now, I don't want either of them to see me.

"Come to the back door in the alley. We can talk in the pantry, and I'll keep our guest busy so you can slip into the apartment after. I don't want you out there while you're feeling lost. You need to come home. Straight away."

His tone gets stern at the end. He's not kidding around.

He never cracks a joke. Maybe he doesn't know how.

I might be forgetting how, too.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

I'm not sure I even want Enzo to see me.

He's been my best friend for eight years, sure, and we've been pack brothers for at least six of those years, but this is the worst I've felt since I found my mother dead. The dread of that moment, knowing she was gone and what it would mean for me …

It's still buried inside me.

My body can feel it now.

My gut twists up, and I go ice-cold.

I need to get that money. It can't wait. It's better to have it, even if we don't end up needing it.

Instinct or not, I have to do this.

"I said come home, Giovanni Esposito." The command rings through the line, crisp and clear.

He hangs up after he issues it, and I start to walk the second after I slip my phone back into my pocket. It takes a second to realize what just happened.

He used his Alpha command voice on me, forcing me to do what he asked.

The relief that burns through me is intense.

I'm not in control of my own body and it feels good to let go.

I follow Enzo's order, putting one foot in front of the other until I'm standing in the alley behind the restaurant, and he's coming out of the open back door to get me.