Chapter 23

chapter twenty-three

Grant

The house I grew up in is only about thirty minutes outside of New Orleans, in a tiny town called Belle Chasse that sits right along the West Bank of the Mississippi River.

When I told Addie I was taking her home, she didn't realize that I meant the place where I grew up. And that she'd be meeting my mama for the first time. It's pretty ironic that my wife hasn't met my mom, but then again, we did everything ass-backwards, beginning with a marriage that started as fake but now feels more real than anything I've ever experienced.

After everything that happened this morning, I wanted to put a whole goddamn city between Addie and the asshole who I'm fairly sure I'll end up killing with my bare hands. I've never thought myself as a violent person, but when I think about Dixon and all of the fucked-up shit he's put her through, I see red.

The call that I got this morning… changed my fucking brain chemistry. Hearing her panicked voice sobbing through the phone so hard that she could hardly speak was something that I'll never forget. I'll hear it in my nightmares with the same feeling of fear that slithered down my spine and took me hostage.

I've never been so fucking scared in my entire life. I had no idea what I was walking into. I didn't know if she was hurt or if she had been threatened, and the entire ride was the worst form of torture.

The moment I saw her in a shaking, huddled heap outside the bakery, I nearly lost it, holding on to her so tightly that she probably couldn't breathe. It still wasn't enough to calm my pounding heart or lessen the feeling of dread weighing down my gut.

It was at that moment that I realized there's nothing on this planet I wouldn't do to protect Addie. No line I wouldn't cross, no fucking law I wouldn't break, no sacrifice I wouldn't make if that's what it took to keep her safe.

Because I love her.

And the thought of anything happening to her, or worse, losing her, is something I can't even fathom.

I won't.

From the very first conversation, I knew there was something about her that I would never be able to forget. She saw me more clearly than anyone in my life ever had, and I think I loved her even then. I'm pretty sure I never stopped.

I was a fool to think that I could pretend. It was never pretending for me, and today made that crystal fucking clear.

"Hey," her soft voice calls from the passenger seat, pulling me from my thoughts and out of my head.

My fingers tighten on the wheel until my knuckles are white, and I exhale the breath I had been holding for so long my lungs burn.

"Are you okay?"

I drag my gaze from the road for a second to look over at her. Her normally bright eyes are dull, and her face is etched with worry and exhaustion, and it does nothing for the storm brewing inside of me.

I fucking hate that she's hurt and that there's nothing I can do to take it away.

She should never have to bear the weight of something like this. She's too good. Too pure.

"I'm okay," I breathe, even though the last thing I feel right now is okay. I lie, for her. Because I'm not going to be another thing she has to worry about.

Which is why I'm going to keep that I realized I'm in love with her to myself for now. She has so much shit happening in her life, and I refuse to be another complication. I promised all this would go at her pace.

And there's always the chance that she doesn't feel the way that I do. I've never been in love before, so this is all new to me.

"Are you okay?"

I glance from the road to her and see her nod, sinking further into the seat.

"I'm okay. I'm just tired. Not just physically but emotionally. Mentally. I feel like I could sleep for a week." She laughs half-heartedly. "And also nervous because now I have to meet your mother, and I look like a zombie."

"You do not look like a zombie. You look beautiful, as always." When I quickly flick my gaze to her, her pouty lips curve into a shy smile. A smile that hits me directly in the chest, and for a second, I want to pull over and pull her into my lap and just fucking hold her. And not let her go. "Don't worry about meeting Mama. You'll love her. I'm actually worried she's going to love you more than me, and I'm a mama's boy. I need the love."

Her giggle floats airily around the cab of my truck, and I revel in it. After the morning we've had, I think hearing her laugh is exactly the medicine I need.

"I'm just worried because… well, you got married and…" She trails off.

"She knows everything, so you don't have to worry about anything. Trust me, she's the best person you'll ever meet. I promise it'll be great, and when we get there, you can go straight to bed if you want. It's been a long-as-fuck day. You need rest."

Addie hums in agreement but sits quietly, fidgeting with the string of the hoodie I gave her to wear. As much as I love seeing her in all of her cute, quirky outfits with her signature Mary Janes, I love seeing her in my clothes even more.

It makes the caveman part of me that I never knew existed until her rear its head.

Since I spent most of the ride to Belle Chasse lost in my thoughts, trying to work through everything, we're only a few minutes away. We ride in a comfortable silence until I pull into the driveway in front of a small, cream-colored Victorian that has been my childhood home since I was born. Despite the fact that it's been a while since I visited home and it's generally my job, Mama's got the flower beds looking great.

"Oh, Grant, this is the most precious house I've ever seen. The porch swing!" Addie murmurs excitedly as her eyes roam over the house. "Oh gosh, the windchimes. My mom loved them so much. It was her favorite thing to do. Sit on the back porch when a storm was coming, listening to her chimes going crazy."

My heart flips in my chest at the wistful, sad look in her eyes. Fuck. Reaching out, I take her hand in mine and lace our fingers together. "We should get some at the apartment porch. Next time it storms, we'll go out there and listen."

She looks like she may actually cry, and I open my mouth to apologize when she suddenly untangles our fingers and then flings herself across the console into my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face in it.

I slide my arms around her back and press my lips against the crown of her head. Neither of us speaks; we simply stay here, just like this, breathing together, holding on because it means more than words could.

After what happened this morning, I think we both needed this. I sure as fuck needed reassurance that she's okay. I needed to just hold her.

"You're the best husband in the entire world, Grant Bergeron," she mumbles against my neck.

I took those vows with the intention of honoring them. For better or worse.

"Okay, so this one is from the time I entered him into a beauty pageant when he was… four? I think? And he won King. Look how adorable the little crown was with his little ringlets. He was so handsome in his little tuxedo. The best part was he didn't take it off for two weeks after it was over. I had to toss it in the trash when he fell asleep one night."

Addie's brows furrow, her lips turning into the cutest fucking smile I've ever seen as she peers over the baby book at me.

My wife and mother are currently bonding over the most embarrassing baby photos from my childhood… and they just keep getting worse.

Mama giggles, covering her mouth as they flip another page together.

Truthfully, I don't even care that she's seeing my naked baby ass in a galvanized bucket bathtub in the front yard. Because if it makes her smile like this , she can look at them forever if she wants.

I'd do just about anything to keep that smile on her face.

Fuck, she looks happy .

She and my mom hit it off from the second they met, not that I was expecting anything less, and after dinner, they immediately pulled out the baby books. I expected Addie to want to head straight to bed after our exhausting day, but she insisted on staying up to visit with Mama.

So… here we are.

"Gosh, he was the most precious boy. Gave me a run for my money sometimes, but he was always the sweetest, sensitive kid," she says, brushing her finger over the picture before lifting her gaze to me. "Anyway, just a mama getting all sappy over her baby boy who's all grown up. Even though he'll always be my baby, no matter how old or tall he gets."

I laugh. "Mama, I've been a foot taller than you since I was twelve."

"Twelve? That explains you being seven feet taller than me," Addie interjects, unable to hide the shock from her tone.

My shoulder dips as I lift the beer to my lips and take a pull. "Nah, you're just fun-sized, baby."

Addie's cheeks flame, and Mom's brows arch, a silent question of what have I missed … but I'll save that conversation for later. I could use her advice anyway… now that I know without a doubt that there's no turning back when it comes to Addie.

"It's pretty late. You wanna head to bed?" I ask my wife.

She nods, clearing her throat before turning to my mom. "Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Bergeron. For letting me stay at your lovely home this weekend and for being so kind."

"Oh, honey." Mama reaches out, placing her hand over Addie's. "You are always welcome. With or without my son. Actually, I'd love to get lunch one day soon, just us. If you'd be up for that?"

She blinks. "Yes, of course."

I drain the rest of my beer and try not to fixate on how much I love seeing Addie with the other most important person in my life. Bonding. How seeing her fit so comfortably in my life reinforces that I want more . For a second, it's easy to envision a future just like this.

I watch as the two of them say good night, exchanging a quick hug and whispered words before Addie turns to where I'm still sitting on the love seat.

"I'll be there in a bit if you wanna shower first?"

She nods, sparing me a small smile before heading down the hallway, leaving Mama and me alone. A few seconds later, the sound of the bedroom door shuts quietly.

" Grant Alexander Bergeron ."

I exhale, shifting my gaze to Mama, who's leaning back against the couch, her arms crossed in front of her and shaking her head knowingly.

"You love that girl." Her voice is a mixture of certainty and awe.

My eyes shift to the hallway, then back to her, before I nod. There's no point in denying it. She'd see right through me if I did, anyway.

"Yeah. I do."

"I know you do. There's some things that a mother just knows, and your baby boy being in love is one of those things. Do you wanna talk about why you've got that worried look on your face?" Her eyes are as soft as her voice.

Sitting up, I place my forearms on my knees as I drag a hand down my face and up through my hair. "This morning was hard, and I just can't stop thinking about it. It made me realize that… I can't let her go, Mama. I don't want to. Regardless of how things started between us, I love her, and I don't ever want to be without her again."

It's the first time I've said it out loud, and I wish it was her that I was saying to. But I'm not sure she's ready to hear it yet.

"Does she know that?"

I shake my head as my fingers slide roughly through my hair, tugging at the root in frustration. "No."

Mom sighs, standing from the couch and coming to sit beside me on the love seat. She gently places her hand on my knee, dragging my attention to her. "Oh, baby, why?"

"I'm going to tell her. But Mama, look at what she's dealing with right now. Look at everything that's happening in her life. I don't want to add a complication. I think she might love me too, but I don't know for sure, and what if she doesn't? Our relationship is supposed to be just an arrangement, and maybe that's all she really wants it to be."

"Or… maybe she feels exactly the way that you do. And maybe she always has. You can't keep it from her because you're afraid of what her reaction might be, Grant. Trust her to take care of your heart just the way you will always take care of hers."

Sitting back against the couch, I exhale as I nod. She's right. I am going to tell her. I just… have to find the right time. And now doesn't feel like the right time.

"Thanks, Mama."

She squeezes my knee gently before putting her arm around my neck and pulling my hulking frame against her. "I told you that no matter what happens, you will always be my baby boy. I will always be here for you, Grant, no matter what season of life you're in. I know it can be scary to put your heart out there, but I see the way that she looks at you. It's the same way that you look at her. Trust her. Let her decide what she's ready for. Trust her to not only take care of your heart but also to make her own decisions."

That's the scariest part… I already do.