9. 8 - First Dates

8 - First Dates

“I haven’t been on a date in years. What the hell do women like these days?” I asked Spike.

“You’re asking me? I’ve been tied down with Tash for a few years and before that I was running through the single and willing pussy in the club without a fucking care to wining and dining anyone.”

“You’re no fuckin’ help.”

“You should ask Trouble or Hollywood. Maybe Snake could help you?”

“Maybe I’ll just think of something on my own rather than broadcasting to the whole clubhouse how fucking pathetic I am.”

“That’s the spirit,” Spike laughed as he slapped me on the back.

My phone dinged with an incoming text.

Reesa: What should I wear tonight?

I glanced up at Spike with wide eyes. “What the hell am I supposed to say to this?” He glanced down at my phone and laughed again.

“You really are a clueless motherfucker. You taking her somewhere fancy?” I scrunched my nose up like I smelled something awful. “Yeah, didn’t think so. You taking her on the bike?”

“Not sure if I should do that just yet.”

“Right. Well, whether you decide to do that or not, you should probably tell her to dress casually and be prepared for anything, since you don’t have a clue as to where you’re taking her just yet.”

“Yeah.”

Walker: Dress casual and be prepared for anything.

Reesa: So, you don’t have a plan and we’re winging this date thing?

Walker: If I said yes to that would you back out?

Reesa: No, I’d be relieved. I haven’t dated since high school and knowing you don’t have a plan kind of takes the pressure off.

Walker: You’re perfect.

Reesa: Thanks, I’ll take an ad out and let everyone know.??See you tonight!

“Well, whatever you said must have worked because I haven’t seen a smile on your face in ages, but that grin that you’re wearing could light up the whole town all month, man.”

I turned to Spike and shrugged as I showed him the texts. Fuck, it felt like I was back in high school with my first crush.

“Happy for you, brother. She seems like a cool chick.”

“She is.”

“You ready for a single mom, though?”

I studied my friend for a few moments. He didn’t mean anything by it. “I don’t mind her kids, but I guess we’ll see.” We each sat quietly for a minute. “What the hell are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be at home with your woman and kids?”

“Nah, they went on some excursion or other.”

“You doin’ alright? You seem down as fuck lately.”

Spike shrugged. “Tash has…” He blew out a breath of frustration, took a sip of his beer, and then swallowed thickly before returning his eyes to meet mine. “We haven’t been connecting lately. It’s like we’re always missing one another even when we’re in the same room.”

“Missing one another?”

“Yeah, like she’s not the woman I fell for anymore and maybe I’m not the man she thought she was getting either.”

“Is it because of how challenging little man can be?”

Spike shook his head. “Nah, that kid is a handful but we both love him and the shit he gets up to.”

“Griff?” I asked hesitantly because I didn’t want to have to lay a brother out.

“She’s cool with Griff. We got married because we had a kid on the way, man. It wasn’t for love. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tash, but we were never in love.” Spike shook his head and looked like the world was about to eat him alive. “I think she’s been in love with someone else for years. She refuses to talk about it, but she’s unhappy as fuck and there’s no room for me to be happy when it feels like she’s phoning everything in and wishing she was somewhere else.”

“Damn man, I didn’t realize you had all that going on at home.”

“Don’t talk about it because everyone’s so fucking connected between her club and ours.” He glanced around to be sure no one was listening in. “Anyway, her issues are because of this other dude. We were talking about divorce before Griff showed up and then it all got put on hold because we didn’t want him to think he was the reason for it. Tash is cool with Griff. She loves the kid. If anything, I’m the one on the fence with him and not in a bad way, so pull those fists back.” He glanced down to see that I had balled them up ready to brawl for the kid. “You bonded with my kid, and I still feel at a loss with him. Every time I try to approach him to talk about all the shit that happened with his mom, it gets awkward as fuck and we both end up bowing out and headed our separate ways.”

I laughed. “That’s your problem.”

“What?”

“Trying to start from a past neither of you can change. He doesn’t need your apologies for not being there before. The kid ain’t stupid. He knows his mom didn’t tell you about him.”

“Shit, I didn’t even remember who his mother was, and I think that pissed him off more than anything.”

“You need to start like everything is fresh and new. Ask how school was, which girl caught his eye, what he likes to do for fuckin’ fun. Converse with him like he’s a man and not some little boy you never got to know.”

“Shit,” Spike huffed. “That’s the damn problem, isn’t it? I keep looking for a kid who needs me to hold his hand and what I really have in front of me is a son on the verge of being a man.” He shook his head. “I keep getting stuck on all the years I lost. Every time I look at Diesel, and he does some boyishly stupid shit, I wonder if Griff was ever like that and it pisses me off all over again that it's all lost to me. Polly didn’t even give me the option to be in their lives.”

“Well, if you want to make it really awkward, you could always have the sex talk with him. Demonstrate how to put a condom on a banana or some shit. Pretty sure the kid is still a virgin, so he might actually need to know some shit before he gets himself in trouble.”

“Fuck, maybe I’ll stay awkward until you have the talk with him, Daddy Walker.”

“Don’t ever fuckin’ call me that again,” I grunted, then shivered. “Dude, now all I can do is picture you in pigtails trying to seduce some giant bear of a guy.”

Spike threw his head back and laughed so hard he snorted. “You have a sick mind.”

“You’re the one who called me Daddy Walker in that voice. What the fuck were you thinking, asshole?”

“How about we drop it, and you figure out where you’re taking your new woman for your first date.”

“Your new woman?” I turned to see Tanya, who still managed to turn up around the clubhouse despite not being attached to anyone. “I thought you weren’t into dating anymore after Poppy left you?”

“Not really your business.”

“We were supposed to end up together, so yeah, it is my business.”

I turned on the barstool and stood in front of the woman who had been the bane of my damn existence for years. “Let’s get something straight right now,” I raised my voice so every other nosy motherfucker in the room could carry what I had to say far and fucking wide.

“I don’t give two shits what kind of crush you think you had on me when I first came to Sierra High. The only woman I saw back then was Poppy. You didn’t even register for me, despite your pathetic attempts to steal me from a woman who was supposed to be your best friend back then. That makes you a disloyal cunt to start with. Then, you pulled that shit, making it look like we fucked the night you brought me home because I was too drunk to get there on my own. I never fucked you. You sure did your best to make it look like I did though.”

She rolled her eyes. “Everyone knew you were cheating on your wife already anyway. It was Poppy who needed to be clued in.”

“Yeah, because for some fucking reason you thought I’d jump straight from my ex-wife to your bed.” I laughed. “Never. That would never happen. I fucked every bitch who came in and out of this club except you. You would think that would clue your ass in on a few things, but no. You’re still hanging around here trying to pick up scraps these assholes toss you while waiting on me to ‘come around’ to your way of thinking. Never gonna happen.” I glanced around the common area and noticed Quickshot sitting in the back. He was paying close attention to the scene too.

“I don’t know who keeps bringing her around, but she ain’t wanted here,” I called out to my VP.

He stood and moved out of the shadows so that Tanya could see who addressed her. “You heard my brother. You ain’t wanted here. Get your ass gone and don’t let me see you at the clubhouse again.”

“What do you mean? I’ve been coming around for years. You can’t just stop me.”

“I’m the fucking VP of this club, woman. I can stop you. This is my club. You ain’t patched. You damn sure aren’t anyone’s old lady, kin, or even a club whore. So, what the fuck are you even doing here?”

“I’ve been involved with the club since Chief and Walker prospected here. How can you say all that time means nothing?”

“It means you’ve been wasting your time pining after someone who don’t want you. You might have been welcome back when you were Poppy’s friend, but that’s about it. After that, I don’t know who brought you around. I do know a club brother just questioned why you’re here because you are harassing the man. So, now I have to question who keeps letting you in here.” Quickshot glanced around. “This ain’t a party night. It’s not a family day. It’s the middle of the fucking day on Friday, so what the fuck are you doing here and who let you in?”

“That’s my bad,” One of our prospects spoke up. “She’s always here, so I thought she was one of the club girls.”

“What?” Tanya hissed at him.

The kid shrugged. “Seen you with a few different brothers. You get passed around, and you’re here all the time, if it quacks like a duck…”

“Get gone, Tanya. You are not wanted here.” I turned my back on her after that, but I could still see the reflection of everyone behind me in the mirror.

“Prospect, escort her out and make sure the others know she is not welcome back. Take a picture of her and circulate that shit with the other prospects to be sure everyone knows exactly who we’re talking about. Make sure all the members, their women, and the club girls and hang arounds get that memo too. I don’t want to see that bitch back in this clubhouse for any reason.” Quickshot turned and walked back to his spot in the corner.

“Is his woman with yours?” I asked quietly. Spike shook his head.

“Let’s take a walk,” Spike insisted. We both took off outside and headed up the mountain behind the clubhouse.

“What the fuck is going on? Seems most of the men who have a woman in that club are miserable right now.”

“Yeah, Steel’s fine. He’s blissed out with JoJo like they’re still on their honeymoon. Fucking fourteen years together, you’d think he’d be tired of her by now. Nope. They rebuild bikes together, raise their kids, and go home to fuck like the happily married couple they are.”

“You don’t sound the least bit jealous,” I taunted.

“Damn right I am. That’s the life I wanted. Everything has been strained with Tash and me. From the pregnancy she didn’t really want to go through with, to the marriage she reluctantly agreed to, and the kid who takes up so much of our time. Then my surprise teenage son got added to the mix and thwarted my wife’s attempt to divorce me. It has been one thing after another.”

“I never would have known Tash didn’t want to have Diesel.”

“Nah. She was pretty adamant about it in the beginning. I had to beg her to change her mind. She’s a great mom, though. Won’t take that from her, but she went into everything very reluctantly. She could have taken over as Prez of their MC if it wasn’t for the time demands our kid puts on her.”

“Take over as Prez?” My attention snapped back to him instead of paying attention to my surroundings.

“Listen, you didn’t hear this shit from me, but the women’s club is restless right now. They’re… Well, they’re talking about overthrowing leadership and everything. Quickshot is at the clubhouse because he’s torn between his woman and his life-long best friend he has in Jamie. Plus, anything that happens to Jamie comes down the other side because you know Sweet will have his woman’s back. Quick is trapped because I’m fairly certain they’re wanting to replace Angel Girl with Keys as their Prez.”

“Well, fuck. No wonder I’ve been that bitch’s favorite whipping boy.”

“Not for nothing, but the other day when we were there when you came out of that little meeting, Tash went in to lay it all out for them. Sweet needed to know what the fuck was really going on because his woman isn’t keeping it real with him.”

“What the hell is going on with her? She used to be mostly level-headed.”

“Yeah, she’s having a hard time with some bullshit. I don’t know the details and don’t want to. Obviously, she isn’t doing great at keeping things compartmentalized.”

“Sounds like a problem I’ve been having with our own Prez.”

“I have it on good authority that he has now seen the error of his ways. He was taking everything that Jamie said at face value because she’s been reliable until recently.”

I scoffed at that. “Never known that bitch to be reliable.”

“Hey now. She built up some amazing, successful businesses alongside the other women. She is the heart of that club and the businesses that support the community and help us out from time-to-time. I know you have beef with her, but she’s going through some shit right now. You’ve been there, when you weren’t the best version of yourself and you don’t like that people still judge you based on that, right?”

“If I hadn’t been her target for the past couple years, that might mean something.” I shrugged my shoulders at Spike. “I don’t feel like I owe her the benefit of the doubt when she poisoned the waters for me and kept them poisoned with my club all this time.”

“Fair point.”

“I told the others that if this shit kept up I would leave the club.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Absolutely.”

“Hope it doesn’t happen, but I understand if it does. Just know that you will always be welcome in our home, whether you wear the kutte or not. If you don’t wear it, I can tell you now, there is no chance in hell my boy would join.” He grinned at me. “Bet he didn’t know when he was sent to find his father that he would end up with two.”

“Man, I’m not trying to step on your toes.”

“Know that brother. I’m grateful all the same for the way you stepped in and took up the slack while we’ve been figuring out the new dynamics and trying to get to know one another. Means a lot to me that you took my family on as your own when you didn’t have to.” Spike looked thoughtful for a minute and then shocked the absolute shit out of me when he turned and spoke again.

“Of all the brothers here in this club, you’re the one I want to stick around and wear that kutte. You do us proud. You’ve been walking the walk and talking the talk for years. There are others who are deemed more important, and I wouldn’t miss them if they were to take off tomorrow without a backward glance. Shouldn’t feel that way about club family, but I do.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, and instead stayed silent as his words sunk in. He had been one of my biggest advocates when it came to vote me back into my patch. Steel had been the other. That brother even put me to work for him and taught me some new skills that probably helped save my damn life. When a day of being treated like absolute shit by men who had been my brothers for years had me worn so thin that I didn’t think I’d get through another day of it, I’d hit the garage with Steel, and we’d bang out brand new fabricated parts and bring custom rides to life. Spike stepped in and showed me the fine-tuning side, where I could turn all of it into a work of art on the backend, so that it wasn’t simply functional but beautiful to look at too.

“I know how you see yourself. Know how you feel about what you deserve.” I glanced over at Spike who apparently wasn’t done speaking his mind. “You paid your dues for shit they say you did. You learned lessons from your experiences, and you are not the same fucking man you were before. That man might not have deserved a second chance with the club or a new woman, but this man – the one who is standing beside me on this fucking mountain – he deserves all that and more.”

I chuckled.

“What the fuck? I’m giving you a heart-to-fucking-heart and you’re laughing at me?”

“It ain’t that. Just funny because someone else told me something very similar recently.” Spike tipped his head to the side, obviously trying to figure out which part. “The part about not being the same man I was then.”

“Sounds like good advice. You should take it.” Spike winked at me and then turned to head back to the clubhouse again. His lengthy sigh made me worry for him. I knew he was going through some shit, but it seemed heavier than he had let on previously, especially now that I knew he and Tash had been heading toward an inevitable end from damn near the beginning of their relationship.

“I better get back home. Got some shit to do from my woman’s “Get this done” list.”

“Honey-do list?”

“Nah, that would be too polite. Hers is a get shit done or else list. Trust me, I don’t like to disappoint my woman. Things are way better at home when she isn’t bitching about the things I didn’t get done, considering she doesn’t really want to be there to begin with.”

“Maybe it’s time to start letting go of things, brother.”

He nodded his head at me. “Later, Walker. Do yourself a favor and let loose tonight. Have fun. Live in the moment a little with that lady of yours. I think you both need it.”

He wasn’t wrong. It had been ages since I’d done anything that even felt remotely fun or satisfying. Maybe it was okay to want something for myself again. After hearing about how things were going for Spike and Tash, it made me want so much more for myself. Hell, I wanted him to want more for himself too, but I had to live it before I could convince him it was okay to do the same thing and go after his own happiness. Life was too fucking short to be stuck in a shitty existence. That was a new revelation for me, but one I was determined to see through to the end.