3. 2 - Nonexistent

2 - Nonexistent

The taillights of the old Jeep CJ-5 pulled out of the clubhouse compound and turned toward Young Harris, the tiny town just east of Sierra High. I stared into the space as the lights moved out of sight, wondering how in the hell I’d just spent an entire night with a woman who didn’t either hate me on sight or want what my patch could get them.

“Someone finally catch your attention?”

I turned to see Quickshot standing there staring off into the distance where the taillights were no longer visible.

“We were just making conversation.”

The club’s Vice President chuckled. “Yeah, caught that, and again noticed you were stuck like glue to one another for the duration of the night. So, you interested?”

“Why does it matter?” As much as I loved my club and my brothers, I was also just as wary of them. For men who claimed to put the brotherhood first, they had been quick to yank my kutte from me and make me earn it back when I last checked in on Poppy.

Quickshot kicked at a loose pebble on the asphalt lot. “That one works for my woman.”

“Know that.”

“You know that she bartends at their club?” I nodded in answer. “Know that she sometimes dances there too, when she needs extra scratch?”

“Not my business to know, or yours to tell for that matter,” I scolded him.

“Calm down, brother. If it didn’t come up, that isn’t because it’s a secret of hers. She probably figured you already knew, or it simply didn’t feel important. She has two kids to take care of.”

“Know that too,” I muttered.

“She know about Poppy?”

I snapped my head around. “What the fuck is this about?”

Quickshot threw his hands in the air. “Whoa now. I’m just making conversation or trying to. You haven’t exactly been very chummy with anyone the past couple years, man. Thought after seeing you speaking with Reesa that you were ready to be social again.”

“Is that what’s been happening here?” I pointed to the clubhouse behind us. “Y’all have been giving me room to feel social again?” There was no way to contain the dark laugh that escaped as my back came off the wall and I stood to my full height. “It’s not me remaining punished and ostracized because Poppy still won’t have shit-all to do with your women, despite the fact that she’s close to Leanne-fucking-Evermore?”

“How would you know about that?”

“You tend to hear a lot when no one speaks directly to you.” It was another dig at the way I was still treated in the club, especially by members with old ladies in the S.H.E. MC. That was a laugh in itself. Their club was named after my ex-wife’s best friend in West Virginia. Sierra High Evermore.

My VP sighed and stepped off to the side. I tracked his movements as he took a load off on one of the picnic tables. “Come on, man. Let’s chat a bit. We obviously have some air to clear and that’s on me for not doing it sooner.”

There was a part of me that wanted to tell him and everyone else in the club to go fuck themselves. The other half of me had grown up in the club and didn’t know who the hell I was without them. If I thought any of the other chapters would take me, it would have been worth it to put in a transfer for a fresh start.

I took a seat on the table beside him with my feet propped on the bench. We sat there in the thick night air as sounds of the continuing party inside the clubhouse trickled back out to us. Eventually, Quickshot sighed again. I didn’t think that boded well, since he was normally the fun-loving goofball of the club.

“I owe you an apology.”

That shocked me. I turned my full attention on the man at my side then and watched as he nodded knowingly.

“Yeah, I guess you’re justified in being caught off guard by that. Thing is – you served out your penance. Lost your fuckin’ patch. Wasn’t lost on most of us that you weren’t trying to cause trouble and genuinely wanted to look in on Poppy to make sure she was okay. We all got that man. She has her brother and a new man to do that now. You stepping back in made it look like something else, especially after that bullshit you pulled of trying to claim her baby was yours.”

My face heated with embarrassment over that reminder. When we were going through our divorce, I did everything I could think of to delay it in the hopes that I could convince my wife not to leave me. Part of that ‘everything’ was lying to the powers that be about her pregnancy being the result of us making that baby when it wasn’t even possible for me to have done so. Not only was the timing off, but I’d been shooting damn-near blank loads for years.

“Chief and Smoke wanted your patch. Hell, they wanted you in the ground, so you couldn’t cause Poppy any further grief.”

I nodded, well aware of what they wanted. If the roles were reversed, I’d have demanded the same damn thing.

“You spent a year and a half earning your patch back. You put in the time, took everyone’s shit, and most importantly, you’ve stayed the fuck out of West Virginia. It ain’t fair to keep punishing you for shit that is well and truly in the past.”

“At least you admit that’s what has been going on.”

“Yeah, not too manly to admit when I’m wrong. Far as I’m concerned, it’s all water under the bridge. Not saying you’ll be welcome for private barbecues at my house, since my old lady is still pretty pissed.”

I shook my head. “Poppy not speaking to those girls has fuck all to do with me. It’s about their decisions to remain quiet, to not check in on her, to leave her out hanging in the wind because she wasn’t part of their fucking club. Being a fellow old lady of an Aces High member didn’t rank in their books.”

“I know it. I’ve said as much to Keys. She knows it too. As unfair as it is, you are the reminder of what she considers one of her biggest failings. That said, I don’t harbor the same bullshit guilt my woman feels. What is between a man and his woman is their shit to deal with. I don’t want to be involved any more than I have to be. I would like for you to start treating the club like your family again. Let us be there for you.”

“Never said you couldn’t be,” I argued glumly.

“Yeah, not with that mouth of yours, but your actions speak just as loudly as everyone else’s inactions. You’re still on the outside looking in and wondering if you even fit anymore. You fit man. You’re club. Always have been. Those stumbling blocks need to be put away so we can all get back on track with one another. It doesn’t do anyone any good to have club members who feel like outsiders, especially when they’re sitting in the middle of the clubhouse feeling like that.”

It was almost uncanny how much he understood what I’d been feeling for far too long. “Why now?”

“Told you already. You chatting up Reesa made me see Walker again. Not the deeds of your past, but the man you used to be before everything else. The one who helped us build this chapter from the ground up. The one who has been keeping himself in limbo, afraid to screw it all up again. You have to put that fear away, brother. Wondering when the other shoe is gonna drop is no way to live. Doubting your worth to everyone around you isn’t a good look either.”

I only gave him a nod in acknowledgment because the words were lost in a swirl of confusing thoughts. Quickshot stood and patted me on the shoulder before he headed back to the clubhouse.

“For what it’s worth, Keys didn’t think it was a bad thing that you were chatting up Reesa. She thinks the two of you might just be good for one another.” He turned toward the door again, but hesitated. “Just don’t fuck it up and make her rethink shit. Fuck knows I don’t need that kind of naggin’ about other people’s problems when I go home at night.”

Part of me wanted to tell my VP that I didn’t give two shits about the problems he might face at home. Fuck Keys and all the other bitches of S.H.E. MC. They needed to take responsibility for their own inactions. Poppy wasn’t even mad that they didn’t tell her about me cheating on her. She felt betrayed by them because they never once even checked in to make sure she was doing okay after everyone knew that she found out. That wasn’t on me.

Me being a cheating, insecure prick because I couldn’t give my woman the one thing she wanted so desperately was my only problem. That was all shit from the past anyway. It had been years since my divorce went through and because of everyone else’s bullshit, it still felt like it was hanging over my head.

I glanced back up into the darkness where those taillights disappeared long ago and wondered if it would be worth pursuing the interest that flared between Reesa and me. For all I knew, she wasn’t really interested and just used me to kill time while waiting on her friend.

There was no use speculating, since I didn’t think we’d see one another again. I wouldn’t go out of my way to start shit with a woman, especially one closely associated with the S.H.E. MC females.