1. Prologue

Prologue

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Prez practically spat his disapproval at me with every word.

"I just needed to see."

"What the fuck could you possibly need to see? Do you know Smoke asked for permission to take you out? They want your fuckin' ink, man! Chief was right there with his fucking brother-in-law demanding your patch and your head!"

The stabbing pain at hearing about Chief's brother-in-law felt as real as if Sweet had just plunged a knife into my chest himself. There was a time when that would have meant me. I'd fucked it all up with his sister so badly that the man didn't just want me out of the club, he wanted me dead. Couldn't say that I blamed him. Poppy never deserved any of the bullshit I put her through.

The fuck of it all was that they were never supposed to know I was there. If it hadn't been for that monster of a fucking dog, Poppy would have been none the wiser about me checking up on her. It hadn't been the first time. It was just the first time I got caught.

"Swear on the patch, Sweet, my only intention was to see that she was happy." He let me stew on those words as the image of my ex-wife flooded my mind. She was beyond fucking happy. That word seemed like it wasn't enough to describe the way she glowed in her new life. The woman I stupidly tossed aside, because I was too much of a fuckin' chump to deal with my own shortcomings, had flourished away from me.

She was a stepmom to Smoke's nephew that they took in and a mother to their own baby they had together. Motherhood made her shine. She didn't care if it was her biological child or not. I'd seen enough to tell me that it wouldn't have mattered to her how I filled our home with children. The fact that I hadn't even tried, and then took my frustrations with my body, and our situation, out on the club whores had ended us. That stabbing pain in my chest hadn't eased any because I damn well knew exactly what I'd lost. Once I managed to pull my head out of my ass, it had been far too late.

"She fucking glowed," I explained as I rubbed my hand over the center of my chest where it still ached. "Don't think I remember her ever looking so damn satisfied and at peace. Poppy banished all her ghosts and found a beautiful life." The knot in my chest didn't so much stop aching as it eased. "Kills that I wasn't man enough to give her that, but damn happy for her that she has it now. I wasn't there to ruin her joy, just to make sure she was all good."

"That," Sweet growled as he jabbed his finger at me. "That is the only reason you're not getting your fucking ink stripped." I turned my head up so I could meet my president's eyes.

"You're not kicking me out?"

"What I'm about to do might be worse," he insisted.

My gut clenched tightly but I knew the risks when I rode out to West Virginia to check in on my ex-wife, despite the fact that she was now remarried to a club brother from the Cedar Falls Chapter.

"Give me your kutte!" Sweet demanded.

"I thought…" There was no chance to finish that statement. Quickshot and Spike stepped forward, pulled me out of my seat, and stripped my kutte from my body.

Fuck! It felt like they removed one of my fucking limbs.

Sweet threw a prospect rag at my feet. "Pick it up!" He yelled. "You know better than to disrespect club property."

Fuck! There was no denying what was about to happen. I had a choice. Start over at the bottom after thirteen years or move the fuck on from the only family I had left. I was almost 32 years old and hadn't been a prospect since I was 19.

"You want to be a part of this club?" Sweet asked. I nodded my head as I donned the prospect rag. "You will prospect again for a period of no less than one year.” The two men at my back stiffened at that proclamation, but didn’t bother to move away from me or interrupt our president as he spoke. “Earn our respect in that time because unless you get a unanimous vote at the end of the year to reinstate you – you're done."

"Does Ghost know you're giving me this chance?" I asked. Normally, it wouldn't matter, but Ghost was the National President of the Aces High MC, so his word trumped whatever Sweet might want. The man wasn't known to pull rank, but considering Poppy's new old man and her brother were members of his chapter in Cedar Falls, he might just decide to override Sweet's authority.

"I ain't giving you shit! You have an opportunity to turn your fuck ups around. Make the most of it. Now, get the fuck out of my sight."

Fuck!

I stood and glanced around at the men who had been my club brothers for more than a decade. None of them would meet my eyes. I'd well and truly fucked up. Again.

Poppy was living her dream and happy, though. I could get through anything as long as I knew my bullshit mistakes hadn't ruined her.