54. Leah

CHAPTER 54

LEAH

No one tells you how hard it is to pull yourself out of the darkness that grief throws you into. One moment you're living life, in love and on your way to a new place with the person who makes you happiest, the next you're feeling your world crumble around you, and then—without warning—you're staring at a blank TV screen, wondering what the rest of your life will be like if you don't get up.

I miss my dad; I'll never stop missing him because he was the best man I'd ever known. Learning that he left his truck to me—no doubt because that's where some of our best memories were made—caused me to break down all over again. That thought was exactly what led me to the image of Sawyer—the other best man I've ever known—and I knew if I didn't go to him, I would lose him forever too.

Before I knew it, I was in the truck driving to his house. Completely unshowered, in the same state I'd remained in for several days, because I simply couldn't do anything else until I knew whether or not he still loved me. After the way I'd blamed him for my absence the last few months of my father's life and for my not being here when he passed, the cruelty of those remarks would warrant his never wanting to speak to me again.

Luckily, the things my grief allowed me to believe were the farthest thing from true. Sawyer didn't stop loving me or wish not to speak to me anymore because of what I had said to him. He simply stayed away because that's what I had asked of him. Because if there's anything I've learned about him in the last few months, it's that he would do anything to make me happy.

"Your hair smells so good." He presses his nose to the top of my head and inhales deeply.

"You picked a really good shampoo. I could never afford that brand. Why do you think I shower here more than my own place?" I look up at him and smile and he watches me—like I'm the most precious thing in the world to him.

I'm in one of his black T-shirts and a pair of underwear I'd left here and he's in nothing but a pair of boxers while we lay in bed together.

"Hey Dove. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to, but…do they know what happened? With your dad?" My heart sinks at the thought but I'm sure he's been curious—I know I would be. I have no idea what my mom has told people, if anything at all.

"He uh, he had a stroke—not the one we knew about, he had one before that—and it was what they've decided to call a mini stroke , so they didn't think they had anything to worry about. But then he had the second one and…" I trail off and he doesn't press any further.

"I am so sorry, baby." I glance up and his brows are raised, then he looks at me and his features soften.

"Thanks," I say softly, letting the warmth of his skin comfort me as I will my heart to pull back together.

"Are you hungry?" He caresses my cheek with his thumb, changing the subject as if he knows that's exactly what I need.

"For the first time in weeks, yes actually," I answer honestly.

"Italian, Mexican or Pizza?" he asks, and I feel like I could eat my favorite dish from each place right now.

"Yes," I giggle, trying to think of a real answer to give him, but he has other plans.

"All of them it is." He winks at me as he picks his phone up and places our order, and I bury my face deeper into him. The cedarwood scent from his body wash fills my senses and I feel my eyes growing heavier with every passing minute.

Just as I think I may fall asleep; I'm shocked back to full attention.

"Move in with me, Dove." I sit up in the bed and look down at him—taking in the gorgeous smile on his face and the content look in his eyes. I'm confused at first by my lack of push back, but no one has ever felt more like home to me than him. Which is why coming here today has made me feel better than anything else has even come close to in the past few weeks.

"Okay."

"What? That's it? No arguments?" He looks at me surprised.

"Did you want me to argue with you?" I raise a brow at him, and he laughs.

"Not at all." He pulls me into a kiss, and I instantly melt into his touch. "When can we move your stuff in?"

"Tomorrow? If we're not moving furniture, it should all fit in the back of your truck." I shrug.

"You're being very agreeable about this," he teases.

"That's because I want this too. Nowhere has ever felt more like home to me, Sawyer." His expression grows more serious.

"You mean it?"

"With my whole heart." He pulls me back down and tucks me beneath his arm, kissing my temple, cheek and jawline multiple times in a row until I'm in a fit of laughter.

"So…he left you the truck?"

I smile to myself. "Yeah, he did."

"It suits you." This man has an indescribable way of making my heart feel completely full.

"I think so too."

"Hey Dove."

"Yeah?" I lift my head to look up at him, surprised to find a nervous look on his face. He hasn't looked like this since we went to Sunday dinner at my parent's house.

"When you're feeling up to it I would really like to take you back to Minnesota. There's still somewhere I really wanted to take you, but I don't want to rush you. Just—let me know when you're ready."

"Okay." I'm not sure how it'll feel being back in the place where I found out about my dad dying, but I know he would have a fit if I stopped living life and going on adventures just because I was sad. That was the whole point of the truck rides, afterall, to remind me to keep going and that heartbreak didn't have to be the end of the road.

Who knew my dad was such a deep man?

Me

Hi.

Tay

Hiiii bby. happy tears emoji

Shane

Hey there sunshine. hand heart emoji

Ruby

I thought that was you Shane? But hello to you too missy. heart emoji

Lauren

BABY! YOU'RE BACK!!!! crying emoji heart emoji

Me

I have a change of address for you guys.

Tay

If it's not in the state of Tennessee, you WILL be able to hear me scream from wherever you are.

Me

*Current Location*

Tay

Oh, thank god. crying emoji

Shane

Where is that?

Tay

Moose's house.

Lauren

Yayyy! happy tears emoji

Ruby

Damnnnn. Look at that place. I know where we're having girls night from now on.

Me

Did you just Zillow his house?

Ruby

Duh.

Lauren

I've taught you well.

Shane

Why have we never been there before?

Tay

Well, I have. Almost caught a show after the invasion of Fort Knox too. hiding emoji

Shane

WHAT!?!?!?

Lauren

You KNEW and you didn't TELL US??!?!

Ruby

Wait, what kind of show? wide eyes emoji because…

Tay

If you say that's my brother I stg.

Ruby

That's your brother.

Ruby

Oops. Sorry. grimace emoji

Lauren

LMAO. ROFL emoji

Shane

Okay but can we fr do girls night there next?

Me

I missed you guys. heart emoji

Shane

heart emoji

Tay

We missed you more.

Ruby

Agreed. heart emoji

Lauren

heart emojis

Me

One more thing. We're headed to the airport so I'll catch up with you when I get back.

Tay

What?!

Shane

Where are you going!?

Lauren

You're playing with my anxiety too much.

Ruby

Have a safe flight! blowing kiss emoji

"Hey Dove, we're landing," Sawyer whispers, as I feel the plane descending. It's crazy how his presence alone helps me to sleep better. No one sleeps well on planes, but I just got some of the deepest sleep I've had in the last two weeks, simply because he's here.

"I can't believe we did this." I lean over and giggle like we're a couple of kids cutting school and could be caught any moment. I'm not used to spontaneous adventures like this—but I sure could get used to them.

"What is life if not one great big adventure?" Sawyer smirks over at me and my heart flutters.

The whole time we're deboarding the plane, getting a rental car, and driving to wherever we're headed, Sawyer is mostly quiet. He will turn and give me a smile or bring our joined hands to his lips to kiss the top of mine, but something just feels… off .

"Here we are." When he puts the car in park, I pull my eyes from him and look out the windshield. My mouth hangs open when I see where we are.

"Oh my god." Sawyer climbs out of the car, coming around to open my door before offering his hand to help me out as well.

We walk hand in hand until we're at the very top of Split Rock Lighthouse. Due to the fact that Sawyer gave the security guard a nod and it was returned with a smile and them stepping to the side to allow us to pass, I assume it's okay for us to be here after closing.

"Sawyer, this place is amazing." I marvel as we look out over the water. He wraps his arms around me from behind, warming me from the cool lake's breeze.

"I found this place during my sophomore year of college, and the first thought I had was, Leah would absolutely love it here . It felt like it belonged on a book cover or something. I don't know." He shrugs. "Anyways, I would visit here frequently and imagine a day when I'd get to bring you here. I also imagined we'd visit my favorite local coffee shop first and I could impress you with my expert ordering skills and get you a coffee that would make you fall in love with me." My body shakes with laughter at his confidence.

"But this visit is going to be a little different than all the ones I planned back in the day." I rest my head on his shoulder, looking up at the night sky where the full moon is shining so brightly it's like the earth's own nightlight.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" His hands slide out from around me and the warmth from his body pressed against mine is gone. When I turn around, he's down on one knee with a little velvet box in his hands.

"Because I'm going to ask you to marry me instead." Then he pops the box open and I have to fight back the urge to scream.

Oh my God I'm turning into Taylor.

"Sawyer—"

"Dove, let me stumble through this really quick then you can say whatever you need to say. Because if I don't do this now, I might throw up." I choke out a laugh through my tears and nod for him to continue.

"Leah, I have loved you from the day that I met you. Not in the same way I love you now, of course, but I loved the way you carried yourself. You were quiet but sure of yourself, you were smart beyond belief and loyal to your friends and you lit up a room with your smile without having to utter a single word. As we grew up, you became one of my very best friends and I would have chosen you over anyone else if ever given the ultimatum. Because even before I realized it, you and I were meant to be. Then you brought me hot pink tape for my hockey stick one night and winked at me, and like a switch being flipped, I realized I would do anything to have you do it again. I fell in love with you through the years and I thank my lucky stars you've fallen for me too." I can't see through my tears anymore but that doesn't stop him.

"If the last few weeks taught me anything it's that I don't want to spend another day without you, for the rest of my life. So, will you do me the honor of being my wife and promise to never stop coming back to me? No matter what life throws at us?"

"Yes! Sawyer, Only, always, and forever. YES!" I rush the words out and he slides the ring I can't even see onto my finger before picking me up and spinning me around with his lips on mine—where they belong.

"There's something else." I let out another strained laugh.

"What else could there possibly be? You've already asked me to move in and marry you in the last 24 hours." He takes a deep breath and pulls an envelope from his inside jacket pocket. I look down and see my name scrawled on the front, but it's not Sawyer's handwriting—it's my dad's.

"I haven't read it, but he sent me one too and told me when to give it to you. Which I thought was strange until you told me he had a stroke prior to the one that took him… Um, I'm just gonna let you open it now." My brows knit together but I refrain from asking any questions because I doubt he has the answers for them anyways. I rip the envelope open and pull out the letter, his handwriting alone making my throat feel tight with emotion.

Hey Sweetpea,

If you're reading this letter then it's safe to assume two things.

That boy has some sense and finally put a ring on your finger.

That I'm not there to celebrate with you in the flesh.

I'm sorry for that second one, babygirl. Just know that even if I'm not there, I'm never really gone. I'm up in heaven celebrating that my little girl found her way into the arms of the one man I've ever been confident could take proper care of her. (Besides your old man, of course.) The night you brought Sawyer home, I took him on one of our rides (I'm sorry I had to leave you home for that one) but I needed to make sure he knew how lucky he was to be in your life. You are the single greatest accomplishment in my life. You are smart and beautiful and kind and wise beyond your years, and I will always be proud to be your dad. I'm not sure if he'll tell you this or not, but Sawyer told me his intentions to marry you, and I gave him my blessing right away. You are so deserving of a life full of love and happiness, and to be with someone who helps your light shine even brighter than it ever has before. I just know you lit up the whole universe with your smile when he asked you to be his wife. Don't you worry, I'm sure I saw it.

I wish you a lifetime full of adventure, laughs that make your stomach ache, and new memories that you can hold onto for an eternity. And since I'm gone, I want you to think of me any time you see the moon, because you were always my sun baby girl—the absolute light of my life.

I love you LeighAnn Gates. (Future Mrs. Clark I suppose) You will always be my Sweetpea.

Love, Dad.

"Thanks, Dad," I whisper to the moon. Feeling a little more of my heart mend as I hold his letter close to my heart.

"You okay, Dove?" Sawyer asks, pulling me closer to his chest. I nod my head and sniff back my tears.

"Yeah. I'm gonna be."

"Can I give you one last thing?" He asks hesitantly. I'm not sure if my heart can possibly take any more at the moment, but the look on his face tells me it's important so I nod in agreement, and he reaches into his jacket pocket again.

Those things must be bottomless.

Then he opens another small box with the most beautiful necklace sitting inside.

"Sawyer, you just gave me the most magnificent engagement ring I've ever laid eyes on. You did not have to do this," I tell him, feeling spoiled in a way I can't quite fathom.

"This isn't just any necklace. It's uh…" He frowns then clears his throat. "Did you know they make custom jewelry from cremation ashes?" My eyes jump up to his from looking at what I thought was a pearl/diamond stone of some sort.

"You didn't." My voice is strained as tears come rushing back to the surface again.

"I asked your mom if she would be okay with it, and she was more than happy to allow me to have this made for you. I actually got one made for her as well…"

"Sawyer, this is the most thoughtful thing—" My emotions get the best of me and I'm unable to finish my sentence. He takes the necklace from the box and puts it on me, allowing me time to process the moment.

"Thank you, Sawyer."

"I just thought he should be here for this."

I don't know what I ever did to deserve this kind of love.