3. Sawyer

CHAPTER 3

SAWYER

I've always been known as the guy who goes after what he wants. Whether it was a date with the head cheerleader my sophomore year of high school, or the top spot on the hockey team, when I wanted it, there was nothing that could stand in my way of going for it. That persistence is what landed me the title of team captain in both high school and college, and the reason I was one of the top draft picks when I graduated college.

Serves me right that the one time I held back and didn't go after what I wanted, I lost one of the most important people in my life.

It didn't take long for me to realize I made a risky decision when I cut all contact with Leah, but I'm just now realizing how badly I fucked things up with her. She's nowhere near the same girl she was ten years ago, just like I'm not the same guy I was.

But Leah always has been and always will be my girl , and I'm done acting like she's not.

If I could go back in time and tell my sister to keep her opinions to herself and take my shot with Leah, I would. I barely made it two months without talking to her, but still, I tried. By the time Christmas rolled around, I was ready to throw in the towel and tell her everything, but when I got home that year, she didn't even look my way. Taylor and the girls have religiously spent December 23rd together since middle school, and being in the same house as her that year when she basically pretended I didn't exist, was torture.

Once they all went off to college, holidays didn't quite look the same, and I lost my last sensible reason to be around her. When I finally tried reaching out again, she made it very clear she wasn't interested. I couldn't even blame her; I handled things like an absolute asshole. I tried reaching out several more times throughout the years, but every text has gone unanswered and any time we are around each other—be it a wedding or a birthday gathering—she's just polite enough to get through the evening.

I was determined that Taylor's birthday party a couple of years ago would be my chance to apologize. But not even five minutes into being at that damn karaoke bar, I saw her with somebody else, and it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and was standing across the room. How do you open up to someone about your past mistakes and ask for forgiveness while they're on a date with someone else?

Simple answer. You don't.

Though I did do my best to ensure she wouldn't be taken for long.

I slid the ticket to my game into her bag before she snuck out of the party the other night and I'm still holding out hope that she'll find it and show up.

Getting traded to the Nashville Badgers and being back home feels good. Even if Taylor is the only family I still have here since my parents moved to Colorado. Nashville always has been and always will be home to me.

I'm thirty-one years old, have been playing hockey for most of my life, and this season may very well be the last one before I hang up my skates. I'm undoubtedly in the best shape of my life, but there are moments lately when I stop and reflect, and my heart just isn't in it anymore. When I think about what I'll do next, I always come up empty. I've lived and breathed hockey since I was old enough to hold a stick, thinking about being done officially is…haunting.

So, if there's a possibility this is going to be my last season, I'm going to make it the best one yet. When we get out on the ice to start warming up before the game, I find myself more distracted than usual. My eyes keep shooting over to the section Leah should be in. I see Taylor and the rest of her friends file in right before the puck drops, and Leah is nowhere in sight.

She really isn't coming.

"You waiting on somebody special, Clark?" Dom grabs my attention as we get in position for the puck drop.

"Nah, man. Not tonight." He gives me a knowing look but doesn't pry.

My focus is shit for most of the game, but we still come out with the win—which is a silver lining I suppose.

"Hey Clark, good game tonight. You coming to celebrate with us?" Devon—the goalie for the Badgers for the last five years— asks as I throw my bag over my shoulder.

"Thanks man, I think I'll pass tonight."

"Bet." He holds his fist out and I bump it with mine. As soon as I make it back out from the locker room, I see Taylor and her entire group of friends hanging out waiting for me.

"There he is!" Taylor slaps my arm as she beams up at me. "You did great tonight."

"Bullshit. I was so off my game it was embarrassing," I scoff, running a hand through my hair.

"Bullshit is a bad word." A small voice emerges from within the huddle of people behind Taylor.

"Hendrix Landry, if it's a bad word then why are you repeating it?" I peek around to see Ruby with her face in her palm while Tank looks like he can barely contain his laughter.

"Sorry about that." My eyes widen with my apology. Tank waves a hand, dismissing me. "I'm glad you guys were able to make it tonight. Sorry you caught me on an off night." I force out a laugh, looking around the arena one more time.

She's not here, dickhead. Let it go.

"You wanna go eat? Or are you too cool to hang out with your little sister and her friends?" Taylor rolls her eyes dramatically.

"When have I ever been too cool to hang out with you and your friends?" I scoff, not missing the ache in my chest from the absence of a certain friend. "Sounds great. I'm starving."

"How long have you played hockey?" Hendrix acts like we've been best friends for the entirety of his life, dipping a French fry into his ketchup as he strikes up a conversation with me. We ended up at Spur's diner, knowing they would likely have the room to seat all nine of us without an atrocious wait time.

"Since I could walk, probably." He nods as I take a bite out of my burger.

Holy shit, I've missed this place.

"I started playing soccer when I was like, three." He leans forward to take a sip from his milkshake.

"Right on. What position do you play?"

"I play everywhere, but I like being the goalie." The spark in his eye when he talks about soccer reminds me a lot of myself at his age. Lighting up any time I got to talk about hockey.

"Are you any good?"

"Oh yeah, the best ," he says confidently.

Man, I love this kid already.

"He says ever so humbly." Ruby's head appears on the other side of Hendrix, interjecting as she rustles his hair.

"So, Moose. How's the new place?" I turn to face Taylor who is putting her burger away like a true savage.

"You seriously have to stop calling me that," I grumble, making Taylor roll her eyes. "It's nice though. I'll have to have you guys over sometime once there aren't boxes in every corner of the place."

"If you need any help Tucker can help you." She hikes a thumb behind her at Tucker who laughs at the sight of her.

Jesus, she's acting like this is her last meal.

"Sure man. I'd be happy to help. But I don't do pillow fights."

"Yeah, that's our thing, sorry man." I bark out a laugh when I see Max raising his brows playfully at Tucker.

"Oh, my," Shane giggles, widening her eyes at Taylor.

Looking around the table everyone seems so happy—so content with their lives and surrounded by the people they love the most— and all I can think about is how much I wish Leah was at this table with us.

So, I do something I haven't done in years.

Me

Wish you were here tonight, Dove.

I watch as the text goes through, keeping my eyes glued to the screen as I see it change from delivered to read. I hold my breath, waiting to see those three little dots appear, but they never do. Next thing I know her " do not disturb" notification pops up on the bottom of the screen.

Ouch.

I tilt my head back, letting out a frustrated breath as I lock my phone and slide it back into my pocket.

"What's the matter?" Taylor tilts her head when she looks at me.

"Nothing. Do you know why Leah couldn't make it tonight?" I try my best not to sound too invested in the answer, when in reality I'm desperate to know.

"Oh, I think she's at a margarita tasting with her co-worker." She glances over at Lauren for confirmation and Lauren simply nods her head in agreement.

I sit back a little more relaxed knowing she wasn't just blowing me off. Not that it wouldn't be some well-deserved karma.

"So, are you going to this haunted trail thing too?" Tank asks, taking a drink from his water glass.

"What?" I shoot a confused glance at Taylor.

"Of course he is! I was going to tell you, I swear. We all talked about it and we're going back to the haunted trail this year. I mean, it's perfect since you're back home now and we get to officially add Ruby and the guy's as honorary haunted trail members." She grins, looking around the table and before I can stop it, my mind travels back to that one night.

Her nails in my skin.

My name on her lips.

Her scent surrounding me.

"I'll be there."