Chapter 12

Twelve

S he’d been thinking of marrying someone he recommended? That was a big change from her reaction when he’d first mentioned marriage. Had she decided such an arrangement would give her security? Well, he couldn’t recommend anyone more thoroughly than himself. Plus, they knew each other to be good people.

“Think about it. We know each other. I’m sure you trust me at least a little. Maybe you can even learn to like me. I like you.”

She opened her mouth to protest, perhaps to point out that he’d spoken unkind words about her in the past.

He didn’t give her a chance to speak. “Whatever foolish thing I said about you when you first came, I repent of it. I know you are a good, kind, well-spoken woman.”

She stared. Opened her mouth, closed it again, and suddenly found her tongue. “Well-spoken, am I?”

“Yup. And kind and good. Don’t forget that.”

“I’m not about to. But, Carson, what if you find someone else and fall in love with them? What happens to our partnership? ”

He caught her hands. “Have you ever known me to go back on my word or heard of it?” Even if they hadn’t been around each other much, she must have heard positive things from his family.

“No, but?—”

“I never have, and I never will. I know you find it difficult to trust, but can’t you trust me for this?”

“It’s hard.” Her throat worked as if the word trust was impossible even to say.

“So you’ve said. I share the sentiment to a degree. Especially when it comes to a situation that involves Bertie. And marriage certainly will do that. But you already accept my brother.” He paused, letting his statement sink in. “Don’t you want a home? A place of your own? Don’t you want to be part of building a future together?” He squeezed her hands. “You and I. Doesn’t that excite you? It does me. I can see us working together. If not literally side by side, then at least pulling toward the same goal.”

“What would that goal be?” Her hands trembled, and an undercurrent of uncertainty quivered within his grip.

“A home. A new life.” Why didn’t the idea appeal to her as much as it did him?

She searched his gaze. He let her see his fine intentions. His desire for good—no, the best—for both of them.

“Marry you?” The words squeaked from her.

“Yes. Marry me.”

She rubbed her lips together, brought her gaze back to his, and then nodded. “I accept.”

He could have wished for more excitement in her response, but it was only a partnership after all. How best could they seal the deal? With a faint smile, he pulled her into his arms. That seemed appropriate considering the step they had agreed to take .

At first, she was stiff. But of course, this was unfamiliar to her. And then she sighed and relaxed against his chest.

He rested his chin atop her head. She fit just right, surely indicating a good thing for their partnership. A chuckle rumbled in his chest at his odd assessment of her height.

Of course, the sound made her step back, fold her arms across her middle, and give him a quizzical look.

The chuckle rumbled again, tickling his insides. He explained his silly thoughts to her. When she laughed, his amusement swelled up his throat.

Her smile disappeared, replaced by a serious expression.

“What’s wrong?” Had his reaction to their agreement offended her?

“What are we going to say to Ma and the others?” The tips of her fingers clutched at her sleeve.

He sobered too. “I hadn’t thought of it. But why not the truth?”

She gasped. “That we’ve agreed to a marriage of convenience?”

“I prefer to think of it as a marriage partnership.”

She waved away his defense. “Either way, isn’t she going to be upset if we tell her?” Angela’s throat worked. “I’m sure she’d like to see her son married for love.”

“And I have decided it’s safer to marry for practical reasons.” It made sense to him. Wasn’t that enough?

But Angela rocked her head back and forth, obviously not satisfied. “I don’t want to disappoint her.”

“Why do we have to give any explanation? Can’t we simply inform them we are planning to get married once we reach the fort? Unless you’d prefer to wait until I have a house built on the homestead I’ve picked out? I’d planned to—” He lifted his palms to the air. “We could live on the place for the winter. But not in the proper house I have planned.” He removed his hat, rubbed his hand over his hair, and put his hat back in place. “My plans have gone up in smoke. I thought to winter in town with Ma, Bertie, and the girls and then build a house big enough for all of us. But—” He shrugged.

“My plans have also gone up in smoke.”

“We are going to help each other. Partners.”

“I like that idea.” Her gaze went to the side. “Why don’t we say we haven’t decided when we’ll marry and leave it at that?”

“That sounds good. It gives us time to discuss what we want.” It would be pleasant to have someone to share his thoughts and plans with.

The wheels chattered over the ground as they rumbled onward. She leaned over her knees, appearing lost in thought. He sat back and studied her.

A bird rushed heavenward from the nearby trees, and she straightened. “Tell me about the place you have picked out.”

“It’s near enough to Robert’s quarter that we can visit. Perhaps even work together. You might like that. Having Ruby for a neighbor.”

Her smile lit her eyes. “I would.”

“The land I’ve chosen is down the hill from Robert’s. He prefers the mountains. A stream flows through it coming from above Robert’s place.” Even though he hadn’t filed on the land, he considered it his and expected Robert by now had filed on the quarter he’d picked out. “The water runs over rocks, making a cheerful sound. Trees grow along the bank. Mostly willow and aspen, but there is a stand of spruce as well. The sloping hills are treeless except for groves in the hollows.”

“You already love the place.” Her lips curled gently. “I can’t wait to see it.”

He must have described the land well for she spoke as if she longed to be part of it. “You’ll help me create a home.” Already it felt like they were partners in this undertaking, and he cupped his hand over hers .

Her smile lingered even as she glanced down at their joined hands. “Where do you plan to build the house?”

“Well, now. There are several options. I think it best if we decide together, Partner.”

That brought a chuckle from her and drove her smile deep into her cheeks. “And what sort of farmer are you going to be, Partner?”

He sat up and pushed out his chest. “Why the best, of course.”

And just as he’d hoped, she burst out laughing. Her eyes flashed. Was it more than humor? Was she seeing him as someone she wanted to share her life and work with? Contentment warmed his insides. “I’ll grow feed and wheat for ourselves. We’ll have chickens and a milk cow. Both Robert and I plan to run cows and horses on the open range to the north and west.”

“It sounds like we’ll live like kings.”

“That we will.”

Her smile faded. She looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Will Robert and Ruby be our only neighbors? What will be the nearest town?”

“The country is settling up, so we’ll soon have neighbors. Right now, there is a bachelor five miles away. Strange fellow but friendly. I was told a couple with almost grown sons has filed on a piece of land closer to the railway. Fort Taylor is our nearest town. We won’t go often as it will be a long ride in a wagon.”

She nodded, but the light he’d seen earlier didn’t return.

“Are you concerned that we will be far from a town? I suppose we could choose a different site.” Though this had been his first choice. But they were, after all, partners. He swallowed hard. She deserved to have some say in where they lived.

“No. No. I like what you’ve told me.”

The words were right but lacking in enthusiasm .

“Are you having second thoughts?”

She sat up tall, her chin jutting out. “Not at all. I like the idea more with each passing mile.” And she smiled at him.

There. It was back. The eager light in her eyes. Thankfully.

Somehow, the afternoon had passed, and Joe directed them to the nearby trees.

Before Carson hurried away to help, Angela grabbed his hand. “When are we going to tell everyone? And who is going to do the talking?”

“I’ll tell them before we eat. They’ll be pleased, I’m sure.”

She blinked several times.

Why did she look so frightened?

Angela’s nerves twitched up and down her arms and stirred restlessness in her stomach. Talking to Carson about a marriage of convenience was fine and dandy. Facing his mother and sisters and pretending it was something else—something even faintly like what they had—was a different matter. Not that she couldn’t pretend if she had to.

Carson helped her with the oxen. As soon as they were watered and grazing, he caught her hand and pulled her to his side. “I am not asking you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Tell me now if you want to change your mind.”

She filled her trembling lungs and held the air until steadiness returned. “I have not changed my mind.” Her chest deflated. “I’m only concerned that they might—” She wobbled her head.

“What?”

“Expect us to act like they do.” An almost inaudible whisper confessed her concern.

“As in—” And then he understood. “Ah. Would you feel comfortable if I kissed you in front of them?”

She tried and failed to keep from sucking in a gasp of air.

“Don’t answer. I can tell you find the idea objectionable.”

Must he sound so regretful? “It’s not that at all.”

“What is it?”

Her twisting fingers held her attention and spared her from meeting his demanding look. “I don’t know. One minute you’re my adopted brother. The next you ask me to marry you. You have to agree it’s a little confusing.” She brought her gaze to him. “At least for me.”

As they studied each other, a parade of uncertainties and confusions tromped through her brain. The way he cocked his head made her think he had similar thoughts.

He tossed his hat to the grass, pulled her close, and lowered his head until their breath became one. Their gazes disappeared in the other’s eyes, and her heart galloped erratically.

“Angela, I am going to kiss you and make you forget I ever played the role of a brother or anything else. If you have objections, you need to say so.”

Not a sound came to her tongue. Not a thought to her head.

“Fine.” He caught her lips with his. They were cool, firm, and—everything apart from his touch ceased to exist.

He lifted his head. “How was that?” His words flowed over her like silk. Soft, inviting.

She couldn’t look at him.

But he caught her chin and tipped her face up. “Angie, how was that?”

“I—I—” Her feelings were likely bleeding from her eyes—surprise foremost but so many other things. She had never been kissed and had no idea one kiss could carry so much…much…

Was there even a name for what she felt ?

He chuckled, the sound low in his throat. “Perhaps it’s best if I don’t kiss you in front of the others.”

“I think that is a good idea.” Would he notice the sound barely squeaked from her throat?

“Supper will soon be ready.”

“I should be helping.” But when she made to hurry away, he caught her hand and stopped her.

“Let’s meander in a little later.” He drew her into the trees. “If we go there now, Ma will look at you and wonder why you look like that.”

She didn’t need to turn toward him to know he smiled. “Like what?” The flickering leaf by her arm held her attention. Or more correctly, it gave her something to look at rather than meet his gaze.

“Like you’ve been kissed.”

Hot words exploded from her mouth. “I do not.” Did he think her easy? A woman to be trifled with? All the warnings her father had drilled into her flooded her thoughts. About being cautious around men and boys, about keeping her distance, about never letting them take advantage…so many things she seemed to have almost forgotten.

“If you say so.” He laughed, the sound gentle and sweet.

She plucked the leaf from its stem and flung it at him. “Oh, you.”

He flicked it aside. “What did I do?”

“Don’t play innocent with me.” In one movement, she stripped off a handful of leaves and tossed them at him. Two landed on his hat. One on his shoulder. He brushed the others away.

“If that’s the game you want to play.” Quick as lightning, he grabbed a bunch of leaves and threw them her way.

Several swirled to her hair. Others drifted down her neck, and one rested on her lips. With a puff, she freed it and brushed at her hair as he stood grinning.

The absurdity of their behavior hit her, and she burst into laughter. Great heaving gulps of merriment.

Carson stared. He blinked. A grin spread across his face, and he hooted.

She lifted a hand, wanting to explain, but she couldn’t stop. It wasn’t that funny. And yet it was. Here they were, two responsible adults, acting like children.

He quieted, a grin crinkling into his tanned cheeks, and she silenced too.

In the distance, someone called, “Supper.”

“Time to go.” He caught her hand, and they made their way to the camp.

Before they stepped into view, she tugged him to a stop. “You’re going to say something?”

“As soon as we get there. Unless you have an objection.”

“Nope. Can’t say as I do.” In fact, it might be nice to join forces with him so they could enjoy fun times together. And maybe a kiss or two…to see if it felt the same next time.

He led her forward, and laughter and kissing were forgotten as every eye turned toward them.

“I wondered where you’d gone.” Ma straightened to look intently at them.

“Ma.” Carson pulled Angela forward. “Angela and I have agreed to marry.”

At Ma’s widening eyes, Angela’s mouth dried like dust. Ma knew the truth about her. She had every reason to object.

But a smile replaced the surprise, and she clapped her hands. “This is wonderful.” She hugged them both.

Then well-wishers—everyone from Gabe to Ruby—surrounded them. Bertie hugged each of them until Angela feared for her ribs.

“Let’s eat,” Ma said after everyone had congratulated them.

Angela sat close to Carson as they gathered around the fire, finding courage in the way he accepted the well-wishes and answered questions as best he could.

“We haven’t made plans yet.” He smiled at Angela. “We’ve got plenty of time for that.”

Her answering smile was tense. She must speak to Ma. Make sure she would accept her as a daughter-in-law.

Not until after the meal was cleaned up and the others went to their various chores did she find an opportunity.

“Ma, can we talk?”

“Of course. You know that.”

“In private?”

“Of course.” They walked down the trail created by the wagons and oxen. As soon as they were out of earshot, she spoke. “Ma, you know what I was. My past. Do you think I’m unsuitable to marry your son?”

Ma walked on slowly, perhaps considering her answer. “Have you told Carson?”

“No.” One little word carried a cartload of misery. “Must I?”

They stopped moving. Angela felt Ma’s study of her, even though she kept her gaze on the ground at her feet.

Finally, Ma sighed. “I know about secrets.”

What secrets could Ma possibly have? But Angela didn’t dare ask.

“I think if you trust him, you will tell him.”

But— Did she trust him?

She couldn’t say for sure.

“If you love him, you will trust him.”

She couldn’t tell this dear woman that love was not part of the agreement.

Ma touched Angela’s arm. “Secrets lose their power when shared with someone you love and trust.”

All Angela could do was rock her head back and forth as if to agree. Why couldn’t her past be left behind? Why did anyone else need to know about it?

“You will find the right way in the right time.” Ma patted her arm.

Later, as they returned to the camp Angela made up her mind. It wasn’t necessary for Carson to know everything in order for them to be partners. After all, his own pa had advised her to leave it behind. And she couldn’t think of better advice. Maybe the right time for her was never. And the right way, not at all.

When Gabe brought out his guitar, she joined wholeheartedly in singing the hymns of God’s love and forgiveness. That forgiveness was all she needed. Though did she mean for the past or for the secret she meant to keep in the future? Not that it mattered. There was no reason Carson should ever know the truth. If he did, it would put their agreement at risk. More and more, she liked the idea of a partnership with him.