10. Valentin

TEN

Valentin

T here's blood smeared on the floor of the gym. Someone has tried to clean it, but it's just made it a bigger mess. Vlad stands in front of us with his face in hard lines.

I don't know who I expect to see when I walk in, but it isn't a strung out Carly. She looks high as fuck and keeps wiping at her nose from how much coke she's on.She did that shit around my kid? I'm clearly a dumb fuck but even I know that's fucked up.

Leno follows behind her, his beady eyes are hidden with a baseball cap. Intrigue gets the better of me at the car seat in his hand and I tilt my head like I can see inside. Tali does the same and then he looks around, searching for the missing Carvalho. Vlad kicks the duffel behind him as he pulls out a folder and a pen, handing it to Carly directly.

"Sign, or are you too high to remember your name?"

She's on more than coke. I've seen her high, she'd tap off me when we were out, but I never thought she was this bad.This is why Dani left, my sweet little artist couldn't watch her sister destroy herself. That has to be it, it can't be my fault when I never wanted to hurt her .

She takes them from my brother and her hand is racked with tremors as she holds the sheet against her palm and signs. The sound of the pen gliding over the paper is amplified as Leno stands back, smug. He looks at the bag behind Vlad's foot and places the car seat on the floor. I don't know what's growing inside of me, it's more than anger. I've been filled with rage for as long as I can remember, but this is deeper, wilder and I'm going to kill him as soon as my brother takes the baby.

Carly hands the paperwork back and she doesn't even look at the baby. Her eyes are struggling to stay open, and she doesn't stop sniffing. Her hoodie doesn't let me see if there are any track marks. There's a difference from snorting a few lines at a party and injecting shit in your veins. Tali watches her and he stands taller as Leno looks at me and my brothers. I'm not the youngest but they're both stood at my side, in age order, protecting me. His face is annoying as fuck, matching his voice as he takes his phone out of his pocket with a threat.

"You should have your mama and papa here for a real reunion."

Vlad is nearly vibrating with rage, and I stop his threat as I smile widely, staring right at the motherfucker as I dare him.

"Do it." Leno lifts the baseball cap an inch, uncovering his eyes, as they light up with humor. It drops when I add, "Then I'll find the cunt you crawled out of and make sure the factory is shut down."

His anger warms me, and I laugh knowing he can't do shit. Vlad won't allow anyone to lay a finger on us and thanks to that dickhead "papa" he mentioned I'm more than capable of dealing with shit myself.

Leno pushes the baby closer without turning the car seat around, so I don't even know what it looks like.

The duffel bag slides across the floor towards them from the force of Vlad's foot and he looks at them both with a twisted smile on his face.

"If I find out she was using while she was pregnant, this little agreement won't mean anything. Kruti pedali, poka ne dali." 1

They don't say anything, and he just lets them leave with the warning.

I need to know where Dani is, and my feet move automatically as Vlad picks up the baby. It doesn't matter how strung out they are, rats always know to run, and I grab Carly's arm as the gym door slams into my shoulder. She's dulled, unable to push me off as my fingers tighten around her bicep, and I beg, "Where is she?"

How fucking high does she need to be ?

Shaking her when she doesn't respond, I repeat, "Where is Dani? Your sister."

Her smile is slow and sinister, matching her voice. "I needed her inheritance. She won't talk to me now. Or anyone from her old life. Happy little Daniela has got a new life."

No. My Dani wouldn't care about money. She wouldn't run away from me because of that. I'd give her everything, we have enough to give her the same life, a better life.

My insides are getting torn to shreds and I let her go. She doesn't mention the baby as she gets in Leno's car, and he keeps his mouth shut too. I stand there, hearing the muted thuds of doors closing and steps behind me. I don't move, if I stay right here there's a chance Dani will materialize in front of me. Even though their car gets further away, there's still a chance.

I'm watching them leave, waiting for her to turn around and give me any information when the gym doors open behind me. Tali nudges me and gestures toward the car as he says, "Come on, it's late and the baby will get cold."

I don't move, Dani could come. She'd demand to be in her nephews life, and she's even crazy enough to try to apologize for her sister.I don't know how he's my kid when I never fucked Carly, but he's part of my Dani.

Vlad barks my name, and my feet move due to self-preservation. Dima gives me a tightlipped smile through the rear view mirror as I climb into the car, and I go back to staring at the headrest. I don't know what the fuck to do with a baby. I'm not a father even if the car seat is digging into my thigh. How the fuck has my life gone to shit so fast? It all happened when Dani left, before then I had everything I wanted. I had my girl – she kissed my cheek, and she was laid on top of me.Now, there's hard plastic pressing against my hip and a small murmur coming from the little body inside of it. Tali manages to keep the baby happy as he holds his hand out, talking to it.

"I think it's past your bedtime." Joy fuses to his words as he looks up and I'm still frozen. "He's holding my finger."

Vlad turns to look at them and I'm struggling to breathe. His voice is low not wanting to disturb them as my face heats from his assessment .

"All babies do it, just don't let him put it in his mouth. You've been in the gym."

Fuck, there's not enough air. I'm going to suffocate. Why are we driving so slow?! The baby. Shit, where is it going to sleep? Oh fuck, I'm fucking up already and I blink looking at my older brother, hoping he takes responsibility for everything like he usually does. He's controlling, he won't make me do this shit alone and he knows I'm a dumb fuck. He nods once and turns to sit in his seat correctly as our house comes into view.

I don't wait for the others and get out of the car as soon as we've driven through the gates. No one is following me as I push the front door open and take the stairs two at a time until I'm on my floor. Everything is the same and wrong at the same time. It's not the place for a baby, my shit is lying everywhere in my room. One of the doors to the empty rooms beside mine is open and filled with reality. Each step is weighted as I slowly gravitate towards the room. Baby shit is everywhere. There's a changing table, a crib, fucking clothes. Standing in the middle of the room with my arms limply at my sides, I stare at everything and nothing.It doesn't sink into my brain despite it being literally laid out in front of me.

This is the closest to tears I've come to since we were kids and I'd have to fight Tali. Oh fuck. Len and Anika are going to find out and interfere in my life. They'll try to control the kid's life, make him into a bastard and fight before he can walk.

My heart is beating too fast. I can't fucking breathe. Holding my knees, I try to draw air into my lungs but it's making it harder. How the fuck have my lungs forgotten how to work?

A warm hand lands on my back, stroking against my lungs and pulling in air. Turning my head, Vlad stands beside me and calmly says, "Don't think about anything, I'll deal with it."

My bottom lip wobbles as I nod with my eyes burning. I'm a kid again, he's found me trying to hide and telling me it's okay.He continues stroking a path up and down my back reminding my lungs how to work as he stands there. He just stands there and strokes my back waiting until I can breathe with his inked fingers wrapped around the plastic handle of a baby seat .

As soon as I take a deep shaky breath and straighten, he moves his hand to set the baby down. I can see him as Vlad drops to his haunches and removes the umbrella part of the car seat back. He's a cute baby, his face is all scrunched up and he's tiny. He looks even smaller when Vlad picks him up and his body is floppy. Dima moves around his husband and takes the car seat away. There's a box in the corner of the room with a new one to replace it but the baby is too small, the world is huge and it will squash it. Dima gestures to the items in the room and lowers his voice. "Consider it your birthday present."

He's done it. I shouldn't be surprised but some of the tension leaves my chest knowing that they're both going to be dads again to help me.

Vlad is holding the baby against his chest and it's not floppy anymore. But I stare at it because it's freaky as fuck, like a realistic doll. There's no noise so I can convince myself that it's just that. Lowering his voice, he nods towards the armchair, all his earlier anger gone.

"Sit down, I'll show you how to hold him."

I don't want to make a noise and wake the baby so I move slowly as though that will do anything. He waits until I've lowered into the seat to stand beside me, and I'm forced to be an adult.

"Cross your arms so your forearms are flat, hands facing up."

I nod and look up trying to copy how he's holding the baby but he's holding it one arm as he positions my arms where they need to be.

He sounds like a teacher making it even weirder.

"Keep his head supported, with your hand or your arm."

I thought I had at least another twenty years before I even thought about having kids, yet my brother gently places the baby in my arms and there's a weird feeling in my chest. It's a more intense version of what I felt with Dani next to me. This need to protect the person and give them everything they need even if I don't know what it is.

Vlad's voice gets even weirder and sounds like there's emotion in it as he strokes my hair back. "Don't take it for granted." I look up and he blinks turning back into a prick. "And stop throwing tantrums, you're a father now."

Rolling my eyes, I shoot him my middle finger without moving my arms. Tali comes in holding two bags of his snacks like a toddler. I mentally apologize to my son for the dysfunctional family he's been born into it, and it mixes with gratitude when they don't leave me.The words are strange in my mind. A son. I have a son.

The gratitude increases tenfold when he cries. It's high pitched and loud. Vlad is already making up a bottle and he tests the temperature against his wrist. Passing it to me when he's finished with his checks, I just stare. I have no clue what I'm doing. Do I just shove it in its mouth and hope for the best? Or do I open the lid thing and pour little sips?Seeing that I'm lost, he takes them both from me and manages to make it look easy as he stops the crying.

"He's like you when you were a baby, let's hope he's not as grumpy."

Tali murmurs his agreement – I'm not fucking grumpy. He sits his fat ass down without pausing his eating and leans against the wall asking around mouthfuls. "What's his name?"

Two sets of eyes land on me waiting for an answer.I've only just found out it exists, so how the fuck do I know.

"Valentin?" I offer my own name uselessly.

Both of them shake their head and Tali decides to be a clown.

"So VJ? Why don't you just shorten it even more and call him a pussy straight away?"

Vlad comes to my defense as Dima joins our weird welcome to the family party with Katya sleepily clinging to his side. They don't live here anymore so they usually go home once he's done his guard duty, but she wakes up fully when she sees the baby, my kid.

She looks up at Vlad and asks, "Is it yours?"

To anyone else he's still being harsh, but I know my brother, and this is his version of being nice as he scoffs, "Whose floor are we on Katya?"

She looks at me, her jaw drops, and I know she's going to give me shit once our replacement parents aren't around. She's nice enough to wait and steals Dima's keys from his pocket before she kisses his cheek and turns to leave.

"You can stay with your husband and get to know your grandchild. I'll meet my nephew in the morning when I'm rested."

Dima asks me the same question Tali did. "What's his name?"

Tali answers with a suggestion. "Viktor?"

Repeating it in my head, I nod. He could have said banana and I'd probably agree right now. Is this how everyone feels? You just get handed a kid and then nothing makes sense. There's tests for literally everything on the fucking planet but they let humans just walk around with mini humans and don't do any checks. Carly was fucked, there's no way she knew any more than I do. At least I'm sober and have both of my parents with me, they'll know how to wipe his ass and feed him.

Dima strokes the top of the baby's head and lifts the small hat to uncover his hair. That's all I can see, there's so much of it and Vlad stares at me. I know my brother, the person feeding a tiny human and speaking softly is someone else though.

"He's like you, you had a mop when you were born. It nearly went into your eyes, but it would stick up everywhere."

I nod, again. It's all I'm capable of.

The room fills with the sound of it drinking. I need to stop calling it an it. Him. No, I agreed with Tali's name, and I say it out loud, "Viktor, that's his name."

Finishing with the feed, Vlad hands the baby back to me with more instructions. "Hold him on your shoulder and rub circles on his back."

I've not taken in a single fucking word because my son is staring up at me. His eyes are huge and Tali shuffles forward. He says his full name and Viktor's lips lift at one side in a little smirk.

"Viktor Valentinovich Vartanov."

He's cute as fuck and I'm terrified of him. There's milky spit on the corner his lips right on the peak of that smirk.

"If he ever gets arrested he'll have time to run when they say his full name," Tali murmurs. "Oh, and you just named your kid after me. Don't worry Vitya, you'll be like your uncle because your dad is a dumb fuck."

Ignoring his commentary, I stare at the tiny human while Vlad gets him to shut the fuck up.

"Vitali, stop." He steps closer to me and continues being my teacher. "Keep his head supported, he can't do it himself, and lay him on your shoulder."

I follow the repeated instructions and look up waiting for what to do next. "Now make circles on his back with the heel of your palm, do it slowly and gently or it will hurt him."

I try to burp the baby and I'm pretty sure I'm having a mental breakdown. Dima doesn't say anything as he moves around the room organizing everything and getting Tali to help him, so he doesn't talk shit again .

Something wet touches my shoulder and I slowly turn my head to see what it is. Great, I'm fucking it up already and making my own kid sick. Mary fucking Poppins covered in tattoos and sins hands me a muslin with his reassurance.

"It's normal, don't worry."

He kept me and Tali alive, so I'll take his help.The sick doesn't even look normal and I'm sure there's something wrong with him. It's like a crash course in life as Vlad takes the baby, and those huge cloudy eyes are freaking me out even more. They're not a specific color and worry fills me.

"Are his eyes okay?" I ask.

Taking my dirty t-shirt off, I wait for an answer and Tali tilts his head to see what I'm focused on. Vlad doesn't even look and calmly says, "He's only nine weeks old, the color will come out in a couple of months."

Laying the baby on the changing mat, he hardens his stare and instructs me to move. "Come here, you need to change his diaper."

I'd prefer not to wipe someone's ass but there's no arguing and it's my kid. I'd rather smell the sick than the smell that's unleashed as he undoes the tabs of his diaper. I have to throw my arm over my nose and mouth to block the stench, and it muffles my worry.

"He needs a doctor, that's not normal."

Tali actually pauses eating and tilts his head back as he sits under the window at the furthest point in the room. Dima grimaces but I'm going to throw up. Vlad doesn't even react and grabs my arm, pulling it away from my face and forcing me to get closer to the stench.

"You've been to the warehouse, but this is bothering you?!"

I don't speak because the smell is going to pollute the air in my lungs. I tilt my head back as he instructs me on how to wipe someone's ass. He's getting close to beating the shit out of me when he sees how I'm holding the cotton pad with the tips of my fingers.

"If this is how you wipe your own ass it's no wonder you have skid marks."

The insult forces my mouth to open, and I spit out, "I don't have skid marks. I don't want to get shit on my hand, don't you have gloves?"

He hardens his eyes and tone. "Do it properly or I'll make you sit in your own shit so you know how uncomfortable it will be for him. "

I lose all my unease and focus on what he tells me to do. Not because of the threat, I don't want my kid to be in pain. The stupid fucking diaper tabs rip when I try to unstick them once I've cleaned him. I have hold of his, Viktor's, my son's, small little feet between my fingers as I grab another diaper. He has long legs, tiny feet that I stare at, and warm liquid hits my chest.

Tali's laugh is choked as he folds in half wheezing, "Oh fuck, that was the best thing ever."

There's piss on me. Actual fucking piss and I hope Tali chokes on whatever he's eating. Vlad tries, and fails, to hide his laugh.

"You need to be quicker, or he'll keep pissing on you."

His warning is a little fucking late.I just hold the diaper like a shield and look at the small face sleeping comfortably. He's pissing on me in his sleep, and Vlad swaps places with me.

He makes it all look too easy. It must be something that comes with age because there's no way this shit is natural instinct. If it is then I don't have the gene. He has the diaper on and wipes his legs down before expertly doing up the annoying ass buttons down his legs. The baby is tiny, and I can't stop staring at him as I'm sent away.

"Go shower, I'll watch him through the night."

Me and this kid are doing great, so far he's spit up and pissed on me. There's only a few more bodily fluids for him to work through until he's ticked them all off his list.I don't argue and slowly step back. The intense protectiveness doesn't allow me to leave the room until Dima presses his finger against my forehead, so he doesn't touch any of the piss on me.

"Shower, now. You can't hold him until you're clean."

Going to my room, I jump in the shower not waiting for it to heat up. If Dani was here she'd know what to do, she'd sing him lullabies and shit. Rock him and probably be laughing with Tali seeing that I'm totally fucking lost. Carly's words repeat in my head, she's got a new life because the bitch stole the one she had. My brain works overtime stretching and warping reality to fit what I want.

Dani disappeared eight months ago. Carly didn't look pregnant. She was still doing the same shit. She could be covering for her. I try to remember the house party and recall if Dani was there as the icy water heats. Hope skews facts – she could have been. I was fucked and Tali came later. If my fuck up is not remembering fucking Dani I'll deal with it, I'll fix it. The slim to near nonexistent chance that the baby is mine and Dani's has me smiling.

But she'd be here .

My girl wouldn't have disappeared. She wouldn't have left before I woke up and not mentioned anything. But I have a reputation of being a dick so obviously my sweet Dani would think I'm a piece of fucking shit and assume I didn't give a fuck.

No, she'd tell me.

She knew she was mine, that I'm hers, so she would fucking tell me about our kid. I sink under the spray and bring my knees up as I press my back into the cold tiles.

1 ? Pedal before you're pushed.