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STACEY

TEN MONTHS LATER

“Wow! Look how pretty you are!” I clip a frilly pink bow into Eva’s hair and straighten her bib, which says, I’m Mommy’s little princess.

I fidget her baby shoes onto her feet and wipe her small hands, chuckling when she tries to take the cloth from me. Once I get my coat on and slip on Eva’s, I check the nappy bag and make sure I have my purse and phone.

I walk over to the sitting room with Eva on my hip and grab my bank card – I left it there after making an online purchase last night while Lisa and Barry went out on a date.

Barry and Lisa own this place – it’s on the outskirts of town so it’s very private, and I live in the basement, which is probably bigger than the average UK house.

Although I’m his live-in babysitter while Lisa goes back to work as a teacher, Barry works for me now, but he’s basically running everything. My bank account, thanks to Kade, gives me the heebie-jeebies whenever I check it.

The white SUV beeps as I unlock it, the lights of the garage flicking on. I fasten Eva into her seat then fold the pram and shove it in the back of the car. I got my full licence a few months ago, after failing the test three times. I’m still not sure how I passed, but here we are.

It took a huge debate and the threat of ending their marriage for Lisa to convince Barry to let me take their daughter in my car. The audacity of that man when it comes to safety baffles me, considering he drives like a lunatic. But when I said I was taking her to see Tobias? Barry nearly had a heart attack.

Lisa told him to shut up.

Smoothly, I pull out of the garage and set the satnav on instinct, even though I’ve done this journey twice a day for nearly a year. It says I’ll arrive at my destination in twenty-seven minutes, so I play some Disney songs for Eva on the way.

She won’t ever admit it, but she loves my singing voice.

Unlike some people.

Nope, I refuse to think about him. I’ve gone ten months without so much as a word from Kade. I wipe under my eyes and grip the steering wheel. I’m not going to cry; it seems to be all I’ve done since I got off that jet nearly a year ago.

I cried when I was handed a new passport. I cried when I saw all the money in my bank statement. And I bawled my eyes out when I chucked my old phone into a river.

Barry keeps me updated on the dogs. He hacks into the manor’s cameras for me to see them with the staff, Aria cuddling Milo on the sofa while Ewan play-fights with Hopper. Getting their walks or splashing in the pool.

I’ve become a serial stalker though. I deleted all my social-media accounts as planned and made a fake account. But I only made it so I could watch what everyone was doing. The studio and all the girls are thriving and doing well. Kade’s account is dead – Lu’s is covered in stuff about deserving better and images of her schoolwork, and Tylar is always on holiday with Dez – travelling the world. They both took time away from life to live, and I’m jealous.

Base never posts anymore, which is strange. Any contact I’ve had with my friends, they’ve expressed their concerns, even though Base has said on multiple occasions he’s with his family in Moscow. Not far from where Kade has been sighted, but from what I’ve found, there’s no connection.

He used to message Lu every day, but he’s only sent her two texts in the space of ten months, letting her know he’s fine. As much as she claims she doesn’t care that he’s lost interest, I could hear the hurt in her voice when I called.

They assume Kade is still working, which in a way, he is.

A message pops up on the dashboard screen of my car.

Barry: For the last time, please inform me when you leave the house. Your stepbrother was last seen two towns over, or are you trying to put me in an early grave while you have my Eva in your possession?

I’m not completely careless. I have two cars trailing me, and the car is tracked. The facility is secure – Chris isn’t dumb enough to come for me when I’m protected this way.

Maybe it’s that I’m used to his abuse, or the fact that I’m more protected than royalty, but I’m not scared. Chris has made my life a misery. He beat me until I lost my child, violently abused me and also allowed people to rape me. What worse can he do?

They say when you’re faced with danger, your life flashes before your eyes. You see a glimpse of every happy moment, the parts of your existence that are the most important.

For me, that was watching the same movie or listening to the same song, over and over again. For me, that was experiencing all of my firsts with the boy I fell in love with; watching his face when I told him a song resonated with my feelings for him. For me, that was coming to terms with the fact we were going to be parents. Dancing. Laughing with friends. Spending time with the dogs. Making memories that will last a lifetime.

But in that haunting flash, it was all ripped away by Chris. Drugs and alcohol being forced into my body; being abused to such a degree I wished for death – I became a liar, secretive, a toxic person to be around.

I was terrified. I had been for a long, long time.

From the moment my stepbrother laid eyes on me, I knew life was going to be hard. But for that year, that wonderful, glorious year when I was in my late teens, I had something, someone, that made it worth sticking around, despite all those bad things.

I fell head over heels for Kade Mitchell. My best friend’s brother. The guy who teased me whenever I was near him, who made my nerves shatter in both good and bad ways. He made me smile when I was sad, laugh when I felt like crying and warm when I felt so cold.

He reminded me of what it felt like to be alive.

The butterflies have never vanished. They’ve been there since he called me “Freckles” for the first time and stared into my soul like he wanted to fix me. Like he could see the fractures – the shards of glass that gradually fell from my heart with each deep breath. As if the danger I was in at home was written all over my face, and Kade wanted to keep me safe from it all.

And that’s what I had for a year. When I wasn’t in that hellhole of a house, I was wrapped in his arms. I was safe.

Until I wasn’t.

He was everything I needed and more, but it’s done. It’s over. I’ve had time to come to terms with everything that’s happened to me, and I honestly don’t think I can ever forgive myself for never speaking out – Kade should’ve been told the real reason for our daughter’s death – I should have forced the information on him.

Selfish – that’s what I was.

I was grieving for the baby girl I’d lost, the life I had and the boy that was everything to me. My father died two months later, and Kade was gone.

As hard as it’s been being away from everyone, I’ve been able to breathe. Lisa cooks with me. We shop. We watch movies while Barry plays with his daughter. I like to try living a little. There’s a studio nearby that I teach at once a week, but it’s nothing like the one back home. I go to the gym when I can, work out at home and try to eat healthily.

Sometimes, I get lazy and rewatch The Greatest Showman an unhealthy number of times with a tub of ice cream and a plate of sandwiches and a tissue of captured tears. Or I’ll go out for a drive, walk around the park with bodyguards dotted around the place, and then order takeout food while Barry repeatedly tells me that I’m out of range.

He’s always losing his mind with me, and sometimes, it’s funny. Like how anxious he gets when I spend an hour with Tobias Mitchell, which I do twice a day. Much to Barry’s dismay, I never miss a visitation with the father of the boy who broke my heart.

He hates Barry – like they’re in competition for who can keep me the safest, but then again, I guess he hates everybody. I have no clue how he warmed up to me, even if there is the random day he doesn’t speak, and we just sit in comfortable silence until visitation ends. I always notice a change in him when Aria’s due to visit, though when she does, I usually stay at home to give them peace.

I’ve seen her four times, and each time, she hugs me until I break down. Then she kisses my head and tells me to keep my chin up. But also that she’s happy Tobias has someone with him when she can’t be by his side twenty-four-seven.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a moody guy, but I’ve got used to him over the months of being here nearly every single goddamn day. He eats the lunch I bring along for myself, mocks my accent and tattoos – but he still thinks I want to sit in his presence.

I mean, I do, but that’s beside the point.