23

23

KADE

FLASHBACK

“Are my boobs getting even bigger?”

I lift my eyes from my sketch of the dogs to stare at her, dropping my gaze to her tits as she stands in the middle of my room. “I’m scared to answer. Is this a trick question?”

She tosses her bunny slipper at me. “I’m serious. My bra is tight, and I look so bloated.” Stacey stands to the side, pulls up her top and holds her hands to the swelling of her stomach. “Is this normal with the diet I’m on?”

In all fairness, I understand why she’s concerned. She’s really swollen. I set aside my drawing pad and pencils and sit at the foot of the bed, pulling her towards me by the waist, and she lets me rest my palm on her. It’s hard, and it makes my brows furrow. “Is it sore?”

She shakes her head. “My boobs are though.”

I chew my lip. “When was your last period?”

“I don’t get periods with the pill I take. The last time I bled was months ago.”

We both stare at each other, and I give her a tight smile. “It’s possible you could be pregnant.”

She pales, and all the blood drains from her face. “Oh God,” she says, covering her face and stepping back, her top falling over the small swelling of her stomach. “No.”

I stand and pull her to me. I give her a chaste kiss on the lips and rest my forehead on hers. “We don’t know anything yet. Breathe. Go back to bed and I’ll buy a test, okay?”

She swallows, looking terrified as she nods. “Okay.”

I tuck her in and kiss her forehead, whistling for the dogs to cuddle into her while I get dressed and drive into town. It’s late, so any pharmacy nearby will be closed. I go to the nearest supermarket and have a headache five minutes in.

Once I buy one of each brand, I hurry home. She’s awake and pacing the room when I walk in, and I sit in the bathroom with her while she pees on three of them.

They’re upside down while she chews on the sleeve of the hoodie she’s wearing – mine as usual. “What will we do if they’re positive?”

“Wait and see what they say.”

She stays silent for another minute then cuddles into me. “You don’t understand how bad this would be for me, Kade. I… I can’t be pregnant.”

I move hair from her face. “I know, Freckles.” Dancing and fitness are her life. She’s at the studio or the gym every single day, and when she isn’t, she’s choreographing or listening to music that she could dance to. “I know.”

My nerves kick in when she lifts her head and reaches for the first one – then freezes. “I’m scared to look.”

She flips one and gasps as the plastic falls to the ground. I don’t even have a chance to see it.

She snatches the other two and turns them. Both have two lines. Two lines that indicate pregnancy. I lean down and grab the digital one she dropped, and it says, Pregnant.

We’re silent as we stare at all three, a lone tear sliding down Stacey’s cheek.

The air in the room vanishes as the light in her eyes shimmers into nothing. “I’m… I’m pregnant.” Her lip trembles. “Kade…”

I snake my arms around her, and she shudders in my hold, breaking down as she lets her tears overwhelm her. I stay strong for her, holding her through each gasp for air as she hyperventilates. The tests clank on the floor, the dogs scratch the door to get in and we both sink to the ground.

Stacey buries her head in my chest then looks up at me with bloodshot eyes. “Please don’t leave me. Please. I’m begging you, Kade. I can’t do this without you.”

I kiss her temple, her forehead, her nose and lips and cheeks as I say, “You don’t need to beg me, Freckles. There isn’t a chance in fucking hell I’ll ever leave you.”

Stacey wipes her eyes and sits up, leaning her back to the bathtub opposite me. “You promise?”

“I promise, Stacey. Nothing will ever make me leave you. I understand we’re young and we had no plans for kids anytime soon, but plans can change. I’m with you, okay? Whatever you want to do.”

“Whatever I want to do…” She chews her lip and looks down at the swelling she thought was bloating. “You would be okay if we kept it?”

I furrow my brows. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I mean, I want to. God, I want so much to keep the baby. But we’re nineteen. I have… We don’t… I… I thought you had all these milestones you wanted to achieve before you were thirty.”

I lean forward and hold her cheek, swiping my thumb against the tears under her eye. “There would be nothing better in this world than having a family with you, Freckles. Ignore our age. Ignore everything else and go with your gut. What do you want to do?” Then I shake my head at myself. “No, sorry, you don’t need to decide yet. It’s a big decision. Let’s go to bed.”

She smiles, and a laugh breaks out, a nervous one, as she kisses me. “I want to keep the baby. I want to have a baby with you, Kade Mitchell.”

I feel my heart rate picking up, warmth spreading through my chest. “You do?”

“There’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

I’m already imagining all the journeys we’ll have as I take her to bed. We both fall asleep with our hands cradling her stomach, and for the first time in a long time, I’m excited for my future. For our future.

The next day, we call the doctors and hand in a urine sample. The day before Luciella is to arrive home and find out about us, we go for an ultrasound.

We nervously hold hands while the midwife watches the screen. I don’t breathe or blink as I see the flutter of our child’s heartbeat. Her fingers tighten around mine, but my gaze is stuck on the screen.

“Everything is looking perfect. As you can see, your little bouncing baby has a strong heartbeat. Currently eleven weeks and five days.”

Stacey covers her mouth with a whimper. “Look, Kade. Our baby.”

“Our baby,” I repeat, squeezing her hand. “Stacey’s already three months along?”

The lady nods. “Yes, she certainly is. With a perfectly healthy and very active baby. The due date is…” She looks down at something then smiles. “Oh, how wonderful. Christmas Eve. We can discuss further details during the antenatal appointments.”

“We’re having a baby,” I say, turning to Stacey. “I get to have a family with you.”

It’s this moment that I see my entire future rearranging. In the best way possible. Yeah, I’m fucking terrified. But at the same time, I can’t wait.

A mini-Stacey or a mini-me running around with Milo and Hopper following behind. The high-pitched giggle. The dark hair flowing around them while we kiss them goodnight.

My mum’s face when she holds her first grandchild, my dad standing beside her. Ewan on the other side with a proud smile. Luciella crying while spoiling them with gifts and kisses and cuddles.

Fuck. I’m going to be a dad. Me. Kade Mitchell.

The lady hands us a picture for us to take home. I look down at Stacey, both of us with watering eyes, and I kiss the woman I get to watch turn into a mother. Into the mother of my child.

“I love you, Freckles,” I tell her.

She sniffs. “I love you too. So, so much.”

Jason meets me at his house once I drop Stacey off at the studio. I told him it was important and couldn’t wait. But now, as I sit on his sofa and my leg bounces with a mix of excitement and anxiousness, I don’t know how to say the words.

He might think I’m too young, that I’m an idiot for wanting to keep the kid. Maybe he’ll say I’m selfish because I might pass my father’s issues to my child, or that I’m barely stable myself.

But I am. The dosage of my meds has been lowered, and I don’t have as many bad thoughts anymore. I draw a lot – Stacey has a collection of my designs for tattoos. All I think about is her and the future we have, of the son or daughter she’ll give me in a matter of months. This time next year, I’ll be a dad.

I still can’t believe it – we’ve known the news for over two weeks now.

Jason hands me a beer as he sits on the sofa opposite, his work clothes still on. “What’s up?”

Just get it over with. “It’s Stacey,” I say, chewing my lip. “She’s—”

“Did you guys break up? That sucks. You were good for each other, and I actually liked the girl. Did you fuck it up? Do I need to beat your ass?”

I sink into the sofa, my arm slung over the back as I glare at him. “You done?”

He smiles as he gulps his beer. “Depends.” He settles the bottle on the coffee table between us. “Did you fuck up?”

“We’re fine,” I snap, annoyed with him. “She’s pregnant.”

Jason is silent as he looks at me, his head tilted. “Really? Is it yours?”

“Careful,” I warn. “She’s my fucking girlfriend. Who else would the father be?”

He bursts out laughing, and I calculate how fast I can knock him out as he gets to his feet. “I’m messing with you, little bro. This is fucking fantastic.” Then he stops. “Wait. It’s fantastic, right?”

I tip my head back. His happiness irks me for no reason. He’s always the cheery one, always trying to get me to be the same. “Right.”

He opens his arms wide, waiting for an embrace. I raise a brow, and he huffs. “Give me a hug or I’ll force one upon you.”

“You sound like Base.” He’s overly affectionate and wants to hug every fucking chance he gets. I roll my eyes, but a smile breaks out as we pat each other’s back and I quickly step away. “So, uh, yeah. Looks like I’m going to be a dad.”

“How far along is she?”

“Just over fourteen weeks.”

The corner of his lips pulls up, and he bobs his head. “So you’re happy about it?”

“Yeah. It was a bit of a shock when we found out, but yeah, we’re happy.”

I’ve become obsessive and overprotective with Stacey ever since we saw those positive tests. She calls me overbearing when I hold her hand going downstairs, and tuts at me when I make a fuss of her dancing for too long.

I don’t want to be controlling – I never want to be like that, but I worry. It’s in my blood to be a worrier and an overthinker and to be a possessive dickhead – to message her to make sure she’s drunk enough water or eaten lunch, even going as far as ordering her favourite food to her house when I’m not with her to make sure she eats.

Mum thinks I need to relax. Dad thinks it’s completely acceptable to have anxiety over everything Stacey does and laughs about how my child will have two guard dogs by her side.

Milo and Hopper are good dogs. I’ve trained them well, socialised them as much as possible in public and training centres around Scotland. Me and Base took them up the mountains the other weekend, where we camped and swam in the loch – I’ll keep doing things with them, keep them involved even when my kid is here.

Jason sits back on the sofa and crosses his ankle at his knee. “I thought Giana and I were going to be the first parents of the three of us, but you beat me to it.”

Giana wants to get married to my big brother first. It seems me and Stacey will be doing it in reverse. She’ll already be the mother to my child; all that’s left is for her to be my wife.

Fuck. Imagine that? Stacey Mitchell. It has a ring to it, kinda? Wait, would she even want the same name as my dad?

Maybe I’ll take her name. Kade Rhodes.

No.

“Luciella doesn’t know about us yet,” I say with a sigh. “Stacey says she wants to wait until we know the sex. She thinks knowing it’s a boy or a girl will soften whatever blow she’ll send her way.”

Jason shakes his head. “Keeping secrets never unravels well, kid. It’ll definitely blow up. She’s gonna be more pissed that you both kept it from her than the fact you’re with her best friend. I reckon she’ll see how much you love each other and are good for each other and actually be happy for the pair of you.”

Is it bad I don’t give a shit what my sister thinks? If she’s against the idea of me dating Stacey, she can fuck off.

I sigh again. “Maybe. But I’m just going at Stacey’s pace. When she’s ready, I will be too.”

“Where’s my little brother? You sound whipped. I never thought I’d see the day you even had a girlfriend, never mind being wrapped around her finger.”

I chuckle and get to my feet. “Fuck you.”

“Does Aria know?”

I nod. “My dad was kind of mad at me for being careless but said he’d do what he can to help from afar. Ewan offered to set up the nursery and build all the furniture.” Fidgeting, I rip the label from the bottle. “I declined though.” After finishing my beer, I walk into the open-planned kitchen and toss it in the glass bin. “We want to do everything. I’ll build her a house and work my ass off to be the best for them both.”

Jason follows me to the front door. “Are you nervous?”

“I’d be a crazy bastard if I wasn’t nervous.”

He grins. “Do you even know how to wipe your own ass, never mind change a baby?”

I flip him off and walk to my car, raising my hand as I get in and turn on the engine. Stacey will be finished soon – but first, I want to go grab some snacks from the supermarket and get the dogs new bones.

When I get there, I stand in the baby section with the metal basket, staring at pinks and blues and creams, the odd red and green, and decide to buy a little princess dress for a newborn. Stacey is adamant that we’re having a girl – has a strong notion that we will – and as much as I don’t care about the sex, the thought of seeing Stacey’s eyes and my hair surrounding a silver tiara makes me grin and stuff the outfit into the basket.

By the time night comes, and I bring Stacey to my room, she sees all the snacks and the princess outfit in the middle of the bed. I expect her to smile or clap that excited way she always does, but instead, she cries into my chest.

It’s only when I lie her down and strip her of her clothes that I notice the bruising on the back of her neck. When I feel murderous, she tells me to calm down, that she hurt it when she was trying to do the neck hold on the aerial hoop.

She promises not to do it again.

The night after, when I sneak into her bedroom through the window, I stop in the middle of the room and watch her silently weep into her pillow. She startles when I climb in, begs me to leave before Nora or her dad comes in and promises to message me in the morning.

It takes a lot for me to go, but I kiss her, make sure we’re okay, that she’s okay, and spend the night in my own bed alone, texting her for hours until I fall asleep.

Two weeks later, we find out that we’re having a girl. Stacey cries in happiness the entire drive home while gripping my hand in her lap.

I’m going to be a girl-dad. A mini-Stacey by my side – my little princess.

When we get to the manor, we tell everyone the news – bar Luciella, since Stacey wants to wait until her best friend is home from uni to drop such a huge bomb. So, really, not everyone. Only Jason, my dad, my mum and Ewan.

I can’t even tell my friends yet, but when I do, I reckon Base will fight Dez for godfather duties. Or the title of Best Uncle.

My head is on the small bump that seems to be growing at a snail’s pace. I can’t wait for her to get bigger, to feel the kicks against my palms and cheek.

Stacey is the opposite. As much as she wants to feel the kicks, she’s dreading it. After reading far too many forums for first time mothers online, she thinks she’ll be the size of a house. She also thinks I’ll become bored – that I’ll want someone with slim hips and perky tits.

It seems she has no idea how much I’m obsessed with her. Not just with her looks, but her heart, her fucking soul.

I love her. I love Stacey, and nothing will ever change that. She could cut off my dick and refuse to have sex with me for the rest of our lives and I’d still bend over backwards for the girl.

Kind of whipped, but I don’t care.

“Do you think she can hear me?” I ask, resting my head on Stacey’s abdomen as she brushes her fingers through my hair. “She might want to listen to something a little more soothing than your singing voice. Poor girl.”

She giggles, shaking me. “You love my singing.”

I absolutely do not.

“Regardless, hi.” I wrap my arms around the back of her thighs as we lie in bed. “I’m going to be your daddy; do you know how lucky you are? I’m pretty messed up in the head, but I’ll go for more therapy before you arrive, I promise. And I’m going to spoil the life out of you, then we’ll gang up on Mummy with Nerf guns.”

Stacey laughs. “That’s kind of cute.”

I smile. “I have two dads, Mummy has one, so you get to have three grandfathers. One is a little loopy, but we’ll bear with him.”

“Hey! That’s not very nice.” She taps the side of my head then runs her fingers through my hair again, watching me – listening.

“I want to be enough for you, my little princess,” I say, choking up for some reason. “I’ll never get drunk around you, and I’ll stay off the cigarettes. I’ll even stop smoking joints when you get here. I’m going to make sure I’m the best version of myself, so I can be a good daddy for you.”

Stacey sniffs, her eyes wet as she keeps listening.

“We live in a huge house, but I’ll build us our own, okay? You’ll have a tree house with a swing, and I’ll teach you how to drive.” I lower my voice. “Please be better than Mummy – she’s terrible.”

“I’ve got so much better,” she says, beaming down at me. “Admit it – I’m a better driver than you.”

“You’re better than Base, and that’s all I’m giving you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m trying to speak to our daughter.”

She rolls her eyes with a grin as “Spanish Sahara” by Foals plays in the background. It seems to be the song that’s soothing her right now.

“Fine. I’m going to listen in though. And no swear words.”

“Fine.” I shift to get comfortable. “Where was I? Right. You’re going to have the best family. I have a big brother called Jason, and his girlfriend will probably try to steal you every weekend. But I won’t let her – she can be a bit scary. Oh, and I’m a twin, so I’m kind of glad you’re a one-man army, cause fuck having two of you running around.”

“Kade!”

I laugh and continue. “My twin’s name is Luciella, but Mummy will probably get you to call her Aunt Lu. And there’s Tylar, who is absolutely no relation to you, but you’ll probably call her aunt as well. Please don’t.”

Stacey laughs, then I contemplate splitting up with her as she starts listing off the names she loves. My eyes widen with each one.

“I am not fucking calling my daughter Vixen. And Georgina? Really? She’s not ninety.”

Stacey huffs and crosses her arms. “Both are better than your suggestion.”

“What’s wrong with Angelica?”

“It just makes me think of the little girl in Rugrats.”

I scrunch my nose and pull the underwear down her legs, kissing from her thigh to her knee. “I suppose.”

She bites her lip as I spread her thighs wide. “What about Daisy?” she suggests.

I slide down the bed and part her with my thumbs. “You’re trying to fucking annoy me now, Freckles. That’s a dog’s name.” Then I silence her by slipping my tongue into her cunt.

I devour her, sucking on her clit as I shove her knees to her chest, opening her up to be ravaged by my mouth. I ease two fingers deep. Her back arches, hands in my hair, tugging and urging me to suck harder, to finger-fuck her faster.

She unravels beneath me, soaking my face, and I lick her arousal from my lips as I crawl up her body and settle between her legs. My cock presses against her dripping pussy, so wet and needy.

“Wait. Do you want to go on top? I don’t want to hurt you or the baby.”

She pulls me to her and wraps her legs around my waist. “You won’t. And you didn’t do any harm over the last few weeks, so please stop worrying, Kade.”

“I just don’t want to fuck things up.”

We both gasp against each other’s mouths as I push into her. “You couldn’t even if you tried,” she tells me. “Because you love me.”

“And you love me,” I counter, pushing a few inches deeper.

She nods, biting her lip as I sink to the hilt and put her leg on my shoulder. “More than anything,” she says. “Please don’t hold back.”

I keep my eyes on hers as I pull out to the tip and thrust back in, rattling the headboard.

I haven’t fucked her hard since we found out she was pregnant. Every time we’ve slept together, I’ve gone as slow and as gentle as possible.

I thrust a little faster, feeling her inner walls clench around me, welcoming my cock with each push and pull. She digs her nails into my back and rips the skin, making me go harder.

“Who do you belong to?” I whisper against her lips.

“You,” she barely replies through her whimpers as I hammer into her, plunging deep so my balls smack her ass.

“Try again,” I say, gritting my teeth as she lifts her hand to her face and covers her own mouth. Ewan is in, and even though he’s miles away, she thinks people can hear us from a different wing of the manor. “Who do you belong to, Freckles?”

“Kade.” She moans against her palm, low and inaudible, before I grab it away and pin it to the mattress beneath us. She meets each thrust as she pulses around my cock, breathing out more words. Her free hand grasps at my nape. “I belong to Kade Mitchell.”

I press my mouth to hers and say, “That’s my good girl.”

Once our orgasms settle, I run us a bath, and Stacey hugs me from behind as the water fills the tub. “I’m going to tell my dad and Nora.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll take the ultrasound picture with me when I leave. I think they’ll be okay with me being pregnant. It’s just…” She trails off, and I turn around to look at her. “I’m scared.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Her eyes widen. “Oh God, no.”

I frown at her tone and how against the idea she is. If we’re going to announce we’re together and having a kid, why can’t I go with her? I know I have my hands full with her side of the family and that I need to prove myself, but surely me supporting her is a start?

She rests her head on my chest – my automatic reaction is to hug her to me and kiss her head.

She speaks after a few minutes. “Just… let me speak to them, and then we can have dinner with them or something. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Okay,” I say, leaning over without letting her go and turning off the tap. “One step at a time, Freckles.”

She smiles. “One step at a time.”

I’m feeling uneasy. Stacey doesn’t answer my calls for an entire day. My messages are going unread, and she isn’t at the studio.

I knock on her front door in the dead of the night, but no one answers.

Standing back from the door, I stare up at her room window. It’s closed, which it never is. The lights are all off – except for a room at the top left. I have no idea whose room that is, but they might know where she is.

Being the dick that I am, I refuse to wait around until she gets back to me. I search for a stone and toss it at the window.

The curtains ruffle, and a head peeks out, but it’s too dark to see. It’s a guy, and he quickly closes his curtains and turns off the light. Must be her stepbrother Kyle. I make a mental note to punch him in the face when I eventually meet him for snubbing me.

I look down at my phone – still no response to any of my messages. I type another while I walk back to my car, a pain in my chest as my heart rate fails to slow down.

Me: Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if I did. I’ll fix it.

Me: Come on, Freckles. You’re freaking me out here.

Hours later, as I sit in the pool house with an unlit joint, I type another while waiting on my dad calling me back. He’s as worried as I am – but begs me not to mention anything to my mum yet, since she’s still on her way back from dealing with the death of her youngest patient.

I type and retype and finally settle on an immature message.

Me: If you don’t respond, I’ll take it that you’re ignoring me, and I’ll ask Luciella or Tylar where you are, and it fucks your plan to tell them the truth when you’re ready.

She doesn’t answer me all night, and although I want to smoke the joint, I hold back. I go to the home gym for a workout, but I can’t focus – I lose my patience and open my chat with Luciella at three in the morning.

Me: Look, you’re going to be so fucking pissed at me, but right now, I need you to tell me where Stacey is. I haven’t heard from her all day and night, and she’s—

I stop texting as the door to the pool house swings open and look up to see Stacey standing there with shaky legs, a burst lip and what looks like a black eye.

I drop my phone and get to my feet. “What the fuck happened to you?”

She holds her hands to her chest as tears fall from her eyes. “Kade,” she bursts out. “Oh God. Kade.”

I rush to her, and she loses her balance – grabbing her bruised face, her eyes red from how much she’s been crying. Her cheek is swollen, blood dried on her chin from the cut on her lip.

“Fuck,” I breathe, searching her. She’s wearing a dress that shows off more bruises on her leg. “What the fuck happened? Did someone do this to you? Is our girl okay?”

Murderous fucking rage overcomes me at the thought of someone hurting my girls. No one fucks with what’s mine. I’m all but calm as she shakes her head and gasps into more tears.

“I fell,” she says. “I fell down the studio stairs.”

I blink down at her. “Really?”

“I wasn’t paying attention and slipped.”

They’re steep and go on for fucking miles. No wonder she’s such a mess.

“I should have been paying attention,” she says, trembling and holding a hand to her small bump. “I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry. She might be hurt.”

I try to calm my breathing as I hold Stacey to me. She hyperventilates, weeping into my shoulder. “I don’t know…” She hiccoughs, trying to speak while she sobs. “If she’s okay.”

My eyes sting, burning as I wipe them on my shoulder. “I’m taking you to hospital.”

Stacey doesn’t fight me as I order one of the drivers to take us straight there, calling my dad on the way and messaging Mum. I hold her to me, refusing to let go as I tug my hoodie over her head and interlace our fingers.

We’re seen rapidly, and the doctor asks me to leave while she speaks with Stacey. I refuse, obviously, and sit in the corner while a nurse comes in to help tend to Stacey’s wounds.

We’re transferred to the maternity unit, where they give Stacey an emergency ultrasound. We both sigh in relief when we see our baby girl on the screen, distorted within the scan, but the fluttering heartbeat makes me close my eyes and tighten my hold on Stacey’s hand.

“She’s okay,” Stacey sobs, her chin trembling. “Are you sure?”

“We suggest being more careful, Miss Rhodes. Everything seems fine, but that doesn’t mean something can’t happen. Bodily trauma during pregnancy can have a lot of effects. We’ll book you in for another appointment next week. But come straight back if you get any pains or bleeding.”

She nods repeatedly and wipes her tears.

The lady asks me to leave for two minutes because they have important questions for Stacey that would be better if I’m not present, and since she gives me a pleading look, I agree and wait outside.

When she comes out of the room, I kiss her and take her home. Mum is back before us and tells me to put Stacey to bed and ensure she’s comfortable. She makes up sandwiches and fills hot-water bottles, bringing them up to us.

I spend the next three hours with my head on her bump again, telling my daughter how lucky we are, that she’ll be painting my nails and making me drink invisible tea with her teddy bears. I’ll draw her – I’ll teach her how to draw.

She’ll travel with me and her mother, and when the time comes and we want another kid, she’ll be the best big sister.

Stacey falls asleep first, and I stroke my thumb against her cheek, kissing the bruises on her face. She has bruises on her ribs. Really bad ones. She promised me before she fell asleep that she’d be careful on the stairs and gave in when I said I’d be building a handrail on both sides.

We also agreed that, in the morning, we’ll video-call with Luciella and tell her everything. Stacey wants us to run away – to get away from this life – and doting boyfriend that I am, I said yes.

As soon as our daughter’s born, we’ll start a new life.

With her back to my chest, I fall asleep with my hand on her small, barely there bump, thankful that our pride and joy is perfectly healthy. I kiss her shoulder, telling her repeatedly that she’s okay, that I love her.

Stacey’s scream wakes me with a start the next morning. It’s a strangled string of screams that will haunt me for the rest of my days. She pushes the duvet off us, and my heart drops when I see my worst nightmare.

My hand trembles as I completely yank away the duvet while Stacey grabs my arm, screaming even louder and burying her head into the crook of my neck.

I don’t breathe. I don’t say a word, even as Mum and Ewan burst through my bedroom door.

I see the princess dress vanishing, the drawer full of outfits set alight, the high-pitched giggles, the dream of having a miniature version of the woman I love in our own house burned to the ground.

The sheets are completely saturated with blood, a haunting sign that we’ve lost our daughter.